by Kahlen Aymes
The ER was quiet when I returned, and I was resolved to get things with Jane ironed out. She was behind the nurses’ station, entering information into one of the patient’s computer files. When she saw me, she stood and rushed over, her expression lighting up. “Hi, Ryan,” she said brightly. No sign of the hysterics that I’d dealt with during our last phone call. Now that Julia opened my eyes, I could see what she saw, I had to be honest. Jane was a little over-enthusiastic to see me.
“Hey,” I tried to dismiss her, walking behind the desk and shoving my ID card into the computer to look over the cases. Still, Jane hovered near. I needed to be brought up to speed for the shift change, so I turned my attention to the computer and to Caleb.
“It’s been pretty quiet, Ryan,” Caleb said, glancing behind me at Jane. His discomfort at her attention to me was clear.
“Who’s the most critical?” I asked, still ignoring the woman behind me.
“Room three. The patient is complaining of a migraine headache, severe body pain, and lethargy.”
“Is the pain manifesting in a specific region of the body?”
“Pretty much radiating everywhere, even in her bones. I ordered the standard blood work-up, but the results aren’t back yet. I haven’t prescribed anything for pain because I wanted to try and figure out what caused it first.”
The woman must have been in misery because I could hear the moans from the other side of the ER. “I understand, but I think a small does of morphine in the IV is called for by the sound of things. Have you looked for parasites or viruses?” I typed the orders in, with the attending physician, Dr. Jameson looking on. I glanced his way. He was giving me the nod with a small smile, so I typed in the orders.
“No, that’s a good idea. There is also an elderly man in room 7. Chest film showed pneumonia. He’s being admitted.”
“Obviously, IV antibiotics are already ordered?” I asked, and Caleb nodded. There wasn’t more we could do in the ER. When he nodded, I continued. “How is he breathing?”
“Not great. His blood pressure is a little lower than we’d like. We’re sending him to ICU.”
“Ryan,” Jane interrupted.
I turned abruptly and met her eyes. “Jane, if this isn’t about the patients, we’ll talk later.”
“But I…”
“Later,” I said firmly. The last thing I needed was the attending and the rest of the staff looking on to a personal conversation when I had work to be done. “As you can see, I’m in the middle of a brief. Please go draw another vile of blood from the patient in room three, and send it to the lab. Have it tested for viruses and organisms. I’m particularly looking for Lyme disease. And administer 10 mils of morphine into her IV.”
Her eyes took on a wounded look, but she nodded and turned to do what I’d asked. “Yes, doctor.”
“You make me look bad, Ryan,” Caleb mused.
“I haven’t examined her, so it’s a guess at this point,” I admitted. “But, I remember a case I studied in med school where the patient had chronic pain all over her body and initial tests showed nothing wrong. Plus, Lyme is more prevalent in the northeastern part of the country.”
“She doesn’t have any rashes, which would be a sign of the disease.”
“She could have contracted it months ago, and it’s just now showing symptoms. She may be beyond the rash.”
We entered the room, and I proceeded to examine the patient after Jane was finished. The medication took the edge off, but the poor woman still winced continually as pain wracked her body. If it turned out that the Lyme tests were positive, I’d prescribed three days of IV antibiotics and if all went well, the patient would leave with oral hydrocodone for pain and see her primary doctor once a month. I didn’t envy her. If it is Lyme’s, it could hang on for months or more and a strong antibiotic course could create residual problems over time.
The afternoon progressed with Jane respecting the boundaries I’d set. At around six, I planned on a break and asked Jane to join me for dinner so we could talk. She was smiling happily, but I was filled with apprehension as we sat down across from each other.
“You seem to be in a better mood. Did you work things out with Daniel?” I asked, winding some leftover chicken lo-mein over my fork and shoving it into my mouth.
She shook her head. “No. He’s still leaving, but I decided that you are right, Ryan. I deserve more.”
It escaped my notice earlier, but she’d cut her hair to shoulder length and it hung loose around her face. It suited her.
“I’m glad you finally see that. Are you doing okay?”
She reached across the table for my hand, but I pulled it back, reaching for the can of soda in front of me. Jane hesitated and awkwardly picked up her fork.
“You’re sweet to ask. I wanted to talk to you about it yesterday. That’s why I called. Where were you?”
“Spending the day with Julia.” I pointed to the Ziplock bag of sweets lying on the table at my side. “We made Christmas cookies.”
“Yes, I saw the ones you brought in earlier.”
I sat back in my chair, struggling to find words that would accomplish what I needed without hurting the woman in front of me. “Jane, I have to ask a favor of you. As my friend,” I began.
Instantly, her blue eyes widened. “Anything, Ryan. You know that.”
“I’m here and I can be a sounding board if you need to talk, but when I have a day off…” My voice trailed off when Jane’s breath left in a small huff, and her demeanor became more closed off. Shit! “Julia and I are newlyweds, and we don’t see each other enough, so on the few days we do get together, I just need to focus on her.” So please don’t call. I left the unsaid words hanging.
I lifted my eyes, and Jane’s locked on. I hoped I didn’t sound like too much of an asshole. I could keep talking, but I decided to shut the hell up and wait for her response.
“I understand, Ryan. I’m sorry.” She sounded contrite and I could see that she was hurt. “I didn’t mean to intrude or make Julia feel bad. When Daniel told me he was leaving, I needed a man to talk to. And I knew you’d make me feel less… worthless.”
Jane was picking at her food, and I wasn’t feeling all that hungry either, but if I didn’t eat, I’d pay later. I decided to be more typical. I rolled my eyes and offered a wry expression. “I told you, he’s a dick. Caleb is interested in you, Jane. He has a lot more to offer a woman.”
She shrugged. “I know he likes me. I’ve known for a few months.”
“He’s a good guy. You should give him a chance.”
“He’s not… I mean the way you came in and knew what was wrong with Mrs. Roseman when he had no clue? That was…” She threw up her hands. “He’s not half the doctor you are.”
“Thanks, but he’s a good doctor and a great guy. You should give him a chance.”
Jane shook her head and shifted the subject away from Caleb.
“So, I thought of it first? So what? You can’t judge Caleb by my actions. I just studied it 5 months ago.”
“I suppose. Should I call Julia and apologize?” she asked sweetly. I felt relieved that she understood my situation so readily and was willing to mend any misunderstandings.
“No, that’s okay. We’ll work it out.”
“Are you two fighting?”
“Not exactly. She was upset on Friday night, but yesterday was good.”
Jane leaned her elbows on the table and slid her chair slightly closer to the table. “What are you getting her for Christmas? She mentioned it was a lean year.”
A smile lifted the corner of my mouth. “Yeah. We’re looking at houses in Brooklyn. I wish I could buy her something amazing, but we did promise each other we wouldn’t go crazy.”
“And you and Julia are all about keeping promises,” Jane stated simply, and I felt she really understood our relationship.
“Yeah. We are.”
“So you aren’t getting her anything at all?”
I scooped up the last
of my meal and hesitated before I took the last bite. “She’s out of perfume. I was going to pick it up on my way home the other night, but traffic was insane.”
“Traffic is one thing I don’t envy about living in the city. Would it help if I pick it up for you? There’s a Macy’s in Douglaston. Would they have it?”
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“Ryan, come on. It’s no trouble.” We threw our plates in the trash, and I opened the bag of cookies, and she took one. “I’m offering.”
“Okay, yeah. If you really don’t mind.”
As we began the walk between the cafeteria and the ER, I felt a much more at ease.
“No. Just tell me what kind it is and give me the money.”
“It’s Christian Dior. Je Dur or something.” I grinned in bemusement and Jane laughed.
“J’Adore,” she corrected. “Do you want just the perfume? Sometimes at Christmas, they have gift sets.”
“The most you can get for a couple hundred dollars.”
“My cousin has some of that. It’s pretty.”
“Yeah.” I grinned. “That shit drives me crazy.”
The perfume wasn’t all I planned on giving Julia. I was also writing something to have framed for the baby’s room. I’d get home late and Julia would be sleeping, so I’d finish it and tomorrow send it off to Jenna, who’d agreed to take it to the frame shop near the Harvard Campus I’d used four years earlier. It was cutting it close and I’d have to pay extra to rush it and ship it back, but I wasn’t finished with it yet because I wanted it to be perfect. The tension between us kept me from working on it, but now I could do it justice.
Walking back to the ER with Jane and no longer hearing what she was saying, my thoughts filled with how close Julia and I would feel when she opened it. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face; surely tears would shimmer in her beautiful eyes as she raised them to mine. My heart swelled to bursting in anticipation. I was certain she’d melt into me and we’d once again be us. She was my truth; my safest place on earth.
*****
Once again, it was after midnight when I arrived home and as usual, I was beat. My back ached. After Jane and I returned from our dinner break, we had an automobile accident and five victims, three of them critical, one a three-year-old boy. He made it, but his mother did not. I’d worked on her tirelessly for twenty-five minutes when she flat-lined, but it was useless. She wasn’t wearing a seat belt, and her frontal lobe was mashed into the windshield at fifty miles per hour.
Julia stirred when I moved around the dark bedroom. “Ryan, are you here?” Her voice was soft and laced with sleep.
“Yes, baby,” I answered, reaching out to rub her back gently through the blanket. We kept it cool in the bedroom; cooler than the rest of the apartment. Julia liked the thick comforter and snuggling close to me, but I was always warm, “Don’t wake up. I’ll come to bed soon.” My fingers played in the dark strands of her hair.
She was on her stomach and turned her face toward me on her pillow. “How was your night?”
“Busy. Not great. Had a car accident victim that didn’t make it.”
“Oh… I’m sorry, honey.” Julia’s eyes glittered in the dark and her hair was all messy. She reached for me and I took her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. She was so soft and alluring, and dead tired or not, my dick stiffened and started to throb. I was sitting on the bed now and hoped Julia didn’t notice. It had been my plan to finish the note and then sleep, but my body had other ideas.
“I need to take a shower, babe.”
“No, you don’t.” Julia moved up onto her knees and sat on her heels. One hand held the comforter to her breasts, but her shoulders were bare. I wanted to reach out and yank it from her, exposing the beauty I knew lay beneath. I leaned in to kiss the one closest to me. Her hand wound in my hair and began to gently scratch my scalp. It felt amazing and I let my forehead drop into the curve of her neck. “I can give you a massage.”
“Mmm…” I moaned. “That sounds like heaven, but if you touch me, I’ll wanna make love.”
“I won’t be provocative, Ryan. I just want to help you relax.”
I huffed against the soft column of her neck. “You can’t help it. You provoke me without trying.”
“It’s not time right now.”
I smiled. She was keeping track, just as I was.
“I know.”
“You do?” Her lips were so close to mine and I could feel them move against my cheek. My hands began to roam over her shoulders and up around both sides of her face. That beautiful face I adored.
“Of course.”
“I didn’t think you’d remember because our schedules are so screwy.”
I chuckled softly and pulled back to look into her face. A small smile lifted one corner of her mouth, and she nuzzled her nose gently with mine.
“It’s baby-time over New Year’s.” I was probably stinky with bad breath, but I wanted to kiss her more than I wanted to breathe. “Why do I always miss you so much?”
“Because I’m so adorable… and yes, it is over New Years.”
My thumb moved across her cheek, and then my mouth followed the path.
“You know I always want to make love to you,” I whispered. “When I’m near you, and when I’m not. Every minute; it doesn’t matter.” I placed a soft kiss on her parted lips, and her chin rose for more, but I climbed from the bed, not even bothering to hide my giant erection. “But I smell like the hospital.”
“We don’t need to make love… Just let me rub you down and relax you so you can sleep.”
“We’ll see. You have to work early.”
“I don’t care. And, I don’t care what you smell like,” Julia murmured as I walked into the bathroom and began stripping off my scrubs. “Ryan?”
“Just rest, baby. I’ll be there soon,” I called.
I lingered a little in the shower, allowing the hot water to rush over my skin and pound into my muscles, hoping it would be enough time for my wife to fall back to sleep. I almost fell asleep myself, leaning against the ceramic tile of the stall but then shook my head briskly and turned my face into the water, reaching out to crank it over to cold. The shock certainly did the trick.
Minutes later, I walked back out into the living room, with one towel slung low on my hips and using another to roughly dry my hair. I threw the one aside and rummaged through Julia’s art table for a nice piece of paper and one of the ultra-fine markers she used to sign her drawings, before sitting down at the table with my thoughts. The tree lights cast a low glow through the small apartment, and it was enough to see what I was doing.
When I put the pen to paper, I was more concerned with how neatly I was writing than the words that just flew from my heart onto the page.
This Mad, Mad Love… I began. I never seemed at a loss for words to tell Julia what she meant to me, though I didn’t think any could do her justice. I crumpled first one and then another sheet until, reading it back, I was satisfied. I tucked the paper away inside her desk, hidden under several of the magazine boards from past issues, and quietly made my way back to the bedroom.
The room was dark except from the residual filtering in from the other rooms. Julia was on her back, lying diagonally on the bed, her hair strewn like a dark halo around her head. I smiled as I dropped my towel and pulled back the cover. I’d have to move her over so I could slide in beside her. I hesitated only seconds before falling to my knees beside the bed.
I wanted to give her pleasure, after the past few days, and to reinforce my devotion and unselfishness in my love for her and to totally obliterate any doubt. The delicious ache began to build at my intention, while I reached beneath the edge of the sheet. Her body heat had warmed them, and the closer my hand got to her, the warmth intensified. My hand slid up her thigh to her hip then back down to curl around the back of her knee. I pulled Julia’s lower body toward me and moaned softly.
I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want t
o hear that I needed sleep or how I should let her take care of me. I wanted to taste her, to hear her moan my name as I made her come under my tongue.
Her head moved to one side as both hands slid up her smooth thighs. My hands closed around them and I slid her closer, bringing her horizontal on the bed and perpendicular to where I was at its side, pulling her closer and draping her legs over my shoulders. I turned my head, kissing the inside of her right knee with my open mouth, slightly sucking on her skin.
Julia lifted her head slightly, but she knew what I intended to do. “Ryan.” She sighed softly, her legs stiffening as conflict crossed her beautiful features. I could almost hear the words telling me to stop and just hold her before she said them “You don’t need…”
“Hush. I do need…” I murmured as I continued a delicious path of the same wet kisses up her leg and toward my goal. She knew how much going down on her excited me, and I knew I could make her writhe and moan within a couple of minutes, or I could take my time and draw it out. I moved, slowly repeating the kisses up her other leg, and she fell back, her legs falling open in surrender. I smiled against the tender flesh of her inner thigh, intoxicated by her scent as one hand flattened on her stomach and then slid up to fold around a full breast, kneading and then teasing the nipple with my fingers. It was already puckered, but it grew beneath my touch. I let her anticipation grow, kissing the flat plane of her abdomen below her navel and letting the warmth of my breath blow over her moist, tender flesh. She tensed, the fingers of both hands burying in my hair.