The Fish and the Not Fish

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The Fish and the Not Fish Page 7

by Peter Markus


  Dead Dog just likes to make it look like he is dead.

  But this dog is a dog that lives.

  II.

  DEAD DOG BARKS

  At night, Dead Dog barks.

  Dead Dog is a dog that barks at things in the night that Dead Dog hears but can’t see.

  We think that what Dead Dog thinks he hears at night are skunks and coons and dogs not named Dead Dog who hunt at night and like to paw through the cans out back where we put out our trash.

  But the truth of it is, there are no cans out back where we put out our trash.

  Our trash, Man digs holes in the dirt out back near the woods and down in there we put our trash and put the dirt back on top the way that Dead Dog does with his bones.

  But one night when we hear Dead Dog bark and bark and when we hear that his Dead Dog bark is not the kind of a bark that will stop, us boys, we go out to see what it is that Dead Dog thinks that he sees.

  This is what we see.

  We see a night that is so pitch black dark that we can’t see the trees that we know are out there. We can’t see the moon or the stars that we know are out there up there too. We can’t see where we set our feet when we walk like this out in this at night dark.

  Out here, in this dark, Dead Dog is just a sound whose mouth can’t, by us, be found.

  Us boys, we reach through the dark.

  Dead Dog, we hiss. Hush up.

  You know what you’re in for, we warn this dog not dead, if you wake Man up from his sleep.

  Man is the kind of man who does not think twice when he lifts up his foot to kick a dog in its face.

  Once, how could Dead Dog not think of this, Man took up a rock as big as a dog’s head and he brought it back down on the top of this dog’s head.

  When we saw this rock, when we saw this rock come back down to hit this dog on top of its dog head, the both of us boys thought that Dead Dog was sure to be dead.

  We knew it was not in us boys to get a man like Man to stop this.

  We stood back and tried not to watch.

  But how could we not see when we heard what we heard?

  We heard Dead Dog make a sound with his mouth that made it sound like Dead Dog was dead.

  We flinched and winced and made sounds with our mouths that did our best to tell Man to stop.

  When Man put down this rock, this rock, it was a dark dark red against the light dust brown of the dirt.

  But through all of this, Dead Dog was a dog that lived.

  Dead Dog lived through a rock to his dog head.

  It’s true that Dead Dog limped to where we could not see him to that space where the ground and the house make like a cave down there where snakes like to go and lay their eggs and on hot hot days they like to go down there to get out from the sun.

  Dead Dog did not come out for three straight days from where he limped to where it is a like a cave down in there where the house sits up on blocks up above the dirt of the ground.

  When on the third day Dead Dog crawled forth from out of that dark place and barked at the stars in the night’s sky to say that Dead Dog was a dog that was back for good, that no man with a rock in his hand can keep a dog like Dead Dog down for long, us boys, we gave Dead Dog our hands to smell and lick to see that we were good.

  Dead Dog’s eyes were shot with blood and the lump on his head was like a rock that had grown roots in his brain, but for the most part Dead Dog looked to us like he was glad to be back.

  And the bark that was Dead Dog’s, it did not stop.

  At night, when Dead Dog thinks he hears what he hears, he barks like he wants us to know what sound it is that his dog ears can hear that us boys do not turn our heads to.

  Out here in this night, the dark, we think, is like a thing we can grab hold of, but when we try, us boys, we look like, we think, if we could see us, like Man looks when he is drunk.

  There is nothing for us to grab hold of but the hands of each of us.

  But us boys, we do not hold hands.

  We both just stick out both of our hands to see and feel the dark.

  We are like this with our hands stuck out in this dark when we hear Dead Dog bark twice.

  When Dead Dog barks, Dead Dog’s mouth snaps back down hard like a trap used to kill mice.

  When we hear Dead Dog bark out like this, we pull back our boy hands.

  But one of our hands does not come back when we tell it to come back.

  That hand is in the grip of this dog’s mouth.

  When we do pull that hand back free from this dog’s mouth, it is now a hand that has no thumb.

  This we can feel.

  But it is too dark for us to see where the thumb is. All we do know is that it is not where the thumb used to be.

  We drop down on our hands and knees to see if we can find it but our hands come up with rocks and twigs and dirt.

  The one of us boys whose thumbs are both where they are meant to be says let’s look for it when it is light out.

  The one of us boys whose thumb is not where it used to be says but I can’t go to bed with no thumb.

  What, this boy says, will I suck to get me to go to sleep?

  You’ve got two thumbs, don’t you, dumb dumb? A thumb is a thumb is it not?

  So the one of us boys whose thumb is not where it used to be, that one of us goes to bed that night with just one thumb to put in his boy mouth to help him to go to sleep.

  That boy, that night, he does not sleep.

  At dawn, when the sun comes up to light the dirt and the trees and the sky, we go out to look for that thumb.

  It does not take us long to find that thumb, or what is left of it.

  This thumb is a bone in Dead Dog’s mouth.

  This thumb, it has been gnawed down to a nub of what this thumb used to be.

  Give us back that thumb, one of us boys says when we see that nub of a thumb, like a tooth it sticks out from the side of Dead Dog’s mouth.

  Dead Dog looks up at us and barks and when he does the thumb slips down the back of his dog throat.

  We watch Dead Dog’s mouth come to a close to make sure that the bone, it does not get stuck.

  Dead Dog licks his lips when he knows that the bone is down to stay.

  Who needs two thumbs when all you need is one? the boy of us who has two thumbs says to the boy who has just the one.

  Just then Boy walks up to us to see with us what’s up.

  Look at Boy.

  Boy lives in the woods.

  Boys looks like a boy who is made out of dirt.

  Boy was born with a full head of hair but with no tongue in his boy mouth.

  If Boy can live with no tongue in his mouth, don’t you think that a boy like one of us can live with just one thumb on his hand?

  To this, the both of us boys nod our boy heads.

  But the next time we see Boy, we ask Boy to hold out his hand.

  Us boys, we hold out our hands to show Boy how to hold it.

  We hold out our hands so that they are shaped like stars.

  Boy does like he is told.

  Good, Boy, we tell this boy.

  This is when one of us boys goes out back to the back of our house and then comes back with a knife.

  This might sting, we say to Boy, and then we take turns with this knife till we cut through the bone that holds Boy’s thumb to his one hand.

  Boy does not wince, or flinch with his arm, or make with his boy mouth the sound of a boy who might cry out.

  Good, Boy, we say this once more to this boy we call Boy.

  We start to take our knife to Boy’s left hand thumb when Man comes out back to take a piss.

  What are you boys up to?

  Man’s piss makes the dirt turn to mud.

  Boy does not grunt or say a word.

  Us boys, we tell Man that we are on our way to go to town.

  Man turns and tucks his self back in and turns to go back to the house.

  So, us boys, we go back to Boy’s hand.


  We cut and we cut till this thumb drops from Boy’s hand loose.

  It falls to the ground.

  In the dirt, Boy’s thumb, it blends in with the dirt.

  Come, we call to Dead Dog to come.

  Dead Dog comes.

  When Dead Dog sees what he sees in the dirt, he looks up at us boys as if to say, Is this here bone for me?

  We both of us boys nod our boy heads to say it that this bone is for you.

  Dead Dog barks a bark that says to us boys thank you.

  Then this dog drops down his dog head and starts to eat.

  III.

  DEAD DOG EATS

  Dead Dog likes to dig holes.

  Dead Dog digs holes by the side of the road.

  Us boys watch Dead Dog dig.

  There is dirt piled high by the side of this road where Dead Dog has dug his holes.

  See Dead Dog dig.

  Dead Dog digs with his two front paws.

  Dead Dog digs like he is a dog that knows there is a thing down there that is worth a dog to dig for.

  Hey, Dead Dog, we say.

  Dead Dog does not look up from his hole.

  Where, we say, do these dug in the ground holes go down to?

  Dead Dog digs and digs.

  Dead Dog digs down and down.

  In a while, Dead Dog is down in the down there of that hole. The top of his head is all of Dead Dog that us boys can see.

  Dead Dog does not stop.

  Dead Dog digs some more and more.

  Dead Dog digs and digs and when Dead Dog stops is when Dead Dog gets down to where there is a bone down there for Dead Dog to chew on.

  There is more than just one bone down in this hole for Dead Dog to chew on.

  There are bones and there are more bones.

  There are more bones down in this hole than Dead Dog would know what to do with.

  These bones that Dead Dog has just dug up, they are not the kind of bones that might be bones from some pig or cow that us boys might eat or might have one day ate for lunch and then when we were done with our lunch we might have thrown these bones off to the side of the road so that some dog like Dead Dog or some dog not like Dead Dog might find them, these bones, and then have some bone to chew on what bits of meat, pig, or cow, that us boys might have left on them.

  Those bones, us boys, we both think, these are the bones that could be the bones in the arm or in the leg of a boy who looks like the both of us.

  Then Dead Dog digs up a bone that we see is the head bone, a bone with black holes where eyes used to be, the bone of a boy that could be one of us.

  When Dead Dog digs up this bone with the teeth still in it, Dead Dog looks up at us boys as we look down at him down in his dug in the dirt hole.

  Us boys, we look down at this bone that used to be some boy’s head.

  Dead Dog’s tongue, Dead Dog sticks it out at the both of us.

  Dead Dog gives us boys both a look that looks like to us that what this look says to the both of us is that Dead Dog has just looked at us like he would like to eat us.

  We look back at Dead Dog and we cross our eyes down at this dog to say to Dead Dog, Dead Dog, you best take back that look.

  What Dead Dog does when we look at Dead Dog with this look is, Dead Dog starts to bark.

  Don’t you bark at us, Dog, we say.

  Hush, Dog, we both of us hiss.

  We gave you a home, we tell him.

  If Boy was here, we say, but we do not say what we know Boy would do.

  If Man was here, we say, but we do not say what we know Man would do.

  Our hands, we do know this, they are balled up to make us four fists.

  But Dead Dog, us boys, no, we do not with our fists hit.

  Us boys, we are not boys that like to hit or kick dogs.

  There are boys, we know, who are boys who do like to hit and kick dogs.

  Boy is one of those boys.

  A boy that likes to hit a dog when he is a boy grows up, we know, to be a man like Man is.

  Us boys, we do not want to grow up to be the kind of man that Man is.

  So what we do then so that we don’t have to hit Dead Dog for the look and the bark that he has looked and barked at us with is, we take hold of one of those bones from down in Dead Dog’s hole and we give it a throw and tell Dead Dog to go fetch.

  Dead Dog does like he is told.

  Dead Dog, he is a good dog.

  When Dead Dog goes to go fetch the bone that we have just thrown for him to go fetch, us boys, we jump down in this hole that Dead Dog has just dug and one of us boys takes in his hand the bone that we know is the head bone.

  The skull, Boy might call it.

  One of us boys then takes it up in his hand a bone that looks like it must be a leg bone.

  This bone that looks like it must be a leg bone, it is as long as the legs of the both of us.

  This bone that looks like it must be a leg bone, when the one of us boys takes it up in his hands, it feels like the kind of a a thing that when you hold it in your hands, this thing, it is a thing meant to hit with.

  When Dead Dog comes back with this bone that us boys have thrown him, a bone that looks like a big tooth that it sticks out from the sides of his mouth, we tell Dead Dog to sit.

  Dead Dog does what we tell him.

  Dead Dog sits.

  Dead Dog sits and Dead Dog waits for us boys to tell him what to do for us next.

  Dead Dog, we know, has hopes that us boys will throw him a bone for him to fetch it.

  This is what we do.

  We throw it, this bone, as hard as a boy like us can throw a bone like this at the sky.

  Dead Dog, we say. Go fetch it.

  Like this, Dead Dog is a dog that goes go fetch.

  Then, like this, one of us boys says for one of us to hit this, and we throw up the head bone up in the air.

  One of us boys takes the bone that is the bone that is meant, it feels like to us, like it is made for us to hit with, and he hits at this bone that is pitched up like this up in the air.

  This bone that is the head, it floats there in the sky that is a mix of blue and brown, sky and dirt, and it waits for us to hit it.

  When bone hits bone, both of these bones break the way that dirt breaks up and then it turns to dust.

  In a cloud of dust made from the dirt, Dead Dog comes back at a run back to where we are both of us.

  Stop, we say to Dead Dog.

  Drop it, we say.

  Dead Dog does what we say.

  Dead Dog stops and Dead Dog drops the bone that sticks out like a tooth from the sides of his dog mouth.

  Then this dog gives us this look.

  It is the kind of a look that says to us boys, What should I do next?

  Us boys, we do not say to this dog a word of what to do next.

  What we do do is this.

  We drop down on our hands and knees, down in the dirt, and like this, us boys, with Dead Dog in the dirt with us, we drop down with our heads and start to eat.

  IV.

  DEAD DOG RUNS

  Dead Dog likes to run.

  When Dead Dog is not a dog that likes to sleep, or a dog that likes to dig holes by the side of the road, Dead Dog runs.

  Dead Dog runs from the hands of us boys.

  He runs out to and through the back of the yard where the back of the yard turns to woods and then he runs out to and through the woods to where town used to be a town.

  These days, town is just this bend in the road where, us boys, we walk right through it.

  There are days when Dead Dog does not stop when he starts to run this run that is Dead Dog’s.

  There are days when we don’t see Dead Dog for days, he has run so far out to and through the woods and out to where the woods that he runs through takes him.

  Have you seen Dead Dog? one of us boys will ask.

  We both of us shake our boy heads.

  What day is it?

  The boy in us boys does not
know the name of the day it is.

  All we do know is this: Dead Dog will be back.

  One of these days, Dead Dog, he will be a dog who will come at a run back to us boys. He will run back to us boys from down the road that runs its way out to where town used to be, or else he will run back to us boys from where the woods is.

  That one of these days, it is the day that it is right now.

  Hey, Dead Dog, we say when we see Dead Dog come back from where this dog has gone off to.

  Dead Dog runs up to us boys and he licks at us on our face.

  Then Dead Dog sits down and he licks and licks at his butt.

  We wipe at the spot on our face where Dead Dog has just licked and licked twice.

  Dead Dog, we say.

  Get.

  Get out.

  Go.

  Run, we say.

  We raise our hands up to make them to be four fists.

  Dead Dog looks up at us boys and then he gets, he goes, he runs.

  He runs out back and back to where the dirt turns to woods.

  We don’t see his dog face back for days and days.

  When he comes back, Dead Dog goes and he lays down where the dirt kicks up with dust.

  Dead Dog, we say.

  Come, we say.

  When he hears this, Dead Dog, he comes.

  He comes with his head turned down to where what he sees is the dirt of the earth.

  Dead Dog, we see, walks with a limp in one of his front legs.

  We see that it’s Dead Dog’s right front leg that is the leg that is the one that makes Dead Dog walk like he is a dog that has walked with his paws through glass.

  There is blood, we see, on his right paw.

  Us boys, we set to fix it up right.

  We pour some of Man’s booze that we can see through out of the jug that Man likes to lift up to his lips.

  Us boys, we like to watch Man lick his lips when he lifts this up to his lips.

  It makes us think of when Dead Dog leans back and licks at his own butt.

  If Man could, too, he would, too, one of us boys likes to be the one of us who says this.

  The boy who does not say this can’t help but laugh and laugh out loud.

  When we laugh out loud like this, Dead Dog likes to bark.

  Hush up, Dead Dog, us boys hiss.

  Man looks out from our house from right to left.

 

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