Abby, in the middle of taking a drink of the soda she’d gotten while everyone said hi to Elena, choked and spluttered, her cheeks turning red. “No thanks, Megan. I’ve lived with you before. You’d be a shitty sister wife.”
Megan cackled in response, not disagreeing. Lance, laughing, pulled Abby in for a kiss. “I love you. You’re awesome.”
She grinned back. “Love you too.”
The game started soon after that, and they all settled down, the two couples taking the couch, Megan claiming the armchair, and Elena lounging on the floor next to the couch. Elena tried following the game, but couldn’t get into it. After asking questions once or twice and either being shushed by the guys or one of them interrupting himself to yell at the TV and forgetting to finish his answer, she stopped trying. She got up and grabbed the book she needed to get through for her poli-sci seminar, deciding to get some homework done at least, but not be completely anti-social by holing up in her room. The shouting from Matt and Lance, and even sometimes from Abby and Megan, distracted her often enough that she ended up watching them more than the game.
Since there were four people on a three-person couch, it was a little crowded, which meant that Abby was mostly in Lance’s lap. Except for when he’d shift her to the side, almost planting her on Hannah’s lap, half standing to yell at the game. For her part, Abby seemed to be just as into the game, standing when Lance would move her off his lap, her eyes glued to the screen, settling back into her place when Lance sat back down.
Catching Hannah’s eye, she and Elena shared a smirk. Hannah was clearly not as into football as the rest of them.
A chorus of, “Ooh!” and, “That deserves a penalty,” went up, drawing Elena’s eyes to the screen. Two of the players from opposing teams seemed to be getting into it, getting in each other’s faces, shoving at shoulders. A ref stepped in, trying to push them apart. Off to one side, another player lay on the field, another ref at his side, followed by trainers coming from the sidelines to check on him.
They all watched in silence as the player was taken off the field, and the ref announced a fifteen yard penalty. Elena wasn’t clear on exactly what happened, except that someone got hurt, and his teammates seemed angry about it.
“I don’t know how you do it,” Elena said softly, shaking her head.
Megan gave Elena a confused look. “Do what?”
Shit. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “Nothing. Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
Megan shifted, turning around in her chair to face Elena. “No. Say it. You don’t know how I do what exactly?”
Gesturing at the screen, Elena tried to find the words. “Watch him, out there. Knowing he could get injured, bad, at any given time. He could get his knee blown out or his shoulder torn up. Or …” She bit her lip, unsure if she could go there. “Or his head hit so hard that he’s not the same afterward.”
She made the mistake of meeting Hannah’s eyes and seeing the pitying look there. Megan just continued to stare at her without saying a word. Elena didn’t know how much anyone knew about her summer other than Hannah. She assumed Matt had some clue, since Hannah probably filled him in on some of the details. She didn’t begrudge him that knowledge. He deserved to know why his third-wheel roommate was a head case who spent all her time at home in the kitchen baking pies or hiding out in her room.
But she hated the pity she got when people found out about her summer, about her dad, about how fucked up everything had become. That was the worst. She didn’t want pity. She wanted things to be normal again.
But that was impossible.
Elena could feel everyone’s eyes on her, but she looked down at the carpet in front of her crossed legs. Matt cleared his throat in the tense silence that had descended on the room. “Well, that doesn’t happen that often. I mean, yeah, sometimes guys get hurt, and sometimes they end up needing surgery or something, but I’ve never known of a guy to get hit so hard in the head that they’re not the same after. And I’ve played for a long time.”
“But it happens.”
“What do you mean?” Matt’s voice was still soft and curious, not harsh and angry like she might’ve expected. And that encouraged her to give an answer.
She looked up, meeting his eye, keeping her focus on him and ignoring the others. “Since my dad’s accident, I’ve been reading a lot about traumatic brain injuries. Something like ninety percent of football players have been found to have brain disease. And it’s not just NFL players, either, but guys who never went past high school or college football.”
Matt chuckled, but it came out forced. No one else said anything. “So, you’re saying Lance and I have some kind of brain disease?”
She shrugged, looking away for a second. “You might. I don’t know. Did you get a lot of concussions?”
Matt and Lance exchanged a look. “A couple. Pretty much everyone does. You’d have a hard time finding a football player who hadn’t by the time they got to college. We were all defense—like Chris—so we did the tackling. It’s usually the ball handlers who get tackled, like the quarterbacks and receivers. They get more concussions because of that.”
Elena nodded. “I’m just saying. I’d have a hard time watching this,” she waved her hand toward the screen again, “knowing what I know. That’s all. I didn’t mean to bring everyone down. Sorry. Ignore me.”
Before anyone could say anything else, she got up and escaped to the kitchen, needing a minute to compose herself. Mierda. Why did she have to open her big mouth?
She grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water, gulping it down. When she lowered it, Hannah had come in, and she stood with her arms crossed and her hip propped against the counter.
Elena eyed her, but then deflated. “What? Should I leave? Hide in my room until everyone goes? Sorry. I really didn’t mean to make things awkward. It popped out of my mouth before I could stop it.”
Hannah shook her head. “I came to see if you were okay.”
Blinking, Elena glanced at her hands gripping the counter. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You know, that would be more convincing if you looked me in the eye. And said it without your voice cracking like you might cry.”
Elena scrubbed at her face with her hands, not caring that she was probably smearing her eye makeup. She’d go fix it in the bathroom before rejoining the football-watching party. If she could even bring herself to do that. “I’m not going to cry.” She dropped her hands and pasted on a smile before looking at Hannah. “See? I’m smiling. I’m fine.”
Hannah stood silent, looking her up and down before shaking her head slowly. “No, you’re not. You haven’t been fine in months. But I get it.”
Elena didn’t have a response to that. It was true, she wasn’t fine. She hadn’t been since June. But she couldn’t bring herself to admit it out loud. She could barely admit it to herself. If she kept saying she was fine, she hoped it would become true. So far it hadn’t worked, but she didn’t have any other strategies right now.
Tilting her head toward the living room, Hannah went on. “So that in there, about not being able to watch. How does that affect things with you and Daniel?”
“What do you mean?”
Hannah smirked. “Please. We’ve already talked about this. You guys are dating.”
“No. No, we’re not.” She shook her head, waving her hands in front of her, palms out. “No. We’re just friends.”
Laughing, Hannah shook her head. “Uh-huh. Like Matt and I are friends? Sure. Okay. We’ll call it friends.”
“No, it’s nothing like you and Matt. We’re not—we just—it’s not like that. We hang out. I like spending time with him. He’s a fun distraction. But that’s all.”
Hannah narrowed her eyes. “The kind of distraction who gives you orgasms?”
Elena opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She couldn’t deny that. Hannah already knew the answer. So she closed her mouth and said nothing.
“Yeah, that
’s what I thought.”
“So?” She bit back a groan at her juvenile response.
Hannah laughed, not even trying to keep it down. Matt came in, his eyebrows raised and a tentative smile on his face. He stepped close to Hannah’s side and wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing her temple. “What’s so funny?”
Hannah shook her head, calming down. “Elena’s telling me how she and Daniel are fuck buddies.”
Matt’s head swiveled to Elena. “Daniel? As in Carter? How long’s that been going on.”
“I wouldn’t—”
“Since Westport,” Hannah butted in before Elena could finish what she was going to say.
Gritting her teeth, she tried again. “No. It’s not—”
Hannah cut her off again. “Well, it started there. But they had to take a break over the summer for obvious reasons.”
Matt nodded. “Yeah. Makes sense.”
“Anyway, they picked up again after they both got back in town.” Hannah looked at Elena. “After the wedding, right? I saw you two leave together.”
Elena waited a beat, her arms crossed. “Oh, so I’m included in the conversation again?” She made a rolling gesture with her hand. “Carry on. You don’t really need my input. You seem to be doing fine on your own.”
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Please. Don’t be so dramatic. I don’t know why you’re being so secretive about it. He’s a good guy. I’m happy for you.”
“I’m not being secretive. It’s just not that big of a deal.”
Hannah gave her a look. “If you say so. Actually dating him wouldn’t be a bad thing, though. And didn’t you tell me he wants you to go to homecoming so he can take you to the party after?”
“Yeah.” Elena didn’t want to admit that, even though she’d already told Hannah about it. She just didn’t want to prove Hannah’s point for her. She knew she was being stubborn and childish, but at least it deflected the attention from her earlier statements and other problems.
“So it seems like he’d like for it to be more than just friends with benefits. And you told him yes, so …”
“Good,” Matt interjected. “I’ve always liked Carter.”
Hannah laughed. “Really? You didn’t seem so fond of him last spring.”
Matt pulled her tighter. “Yeah, well that was when he was trying to make a move on my woman. No one would be happy about that. But he’s never been a bad guy.” He turned his gaze on Elena. “In fact, I’m kind of surprised to hear about the whole fuck buddy situation. He doesn’t usually go for that. He never hooked up with the chicks at parties to my knowledge, and has always made known his preference to be in a relationship over just getting laid.”
Elena shifted, feeling a twinge of guilt. She hadn’t realized that. He’d asked her out a few times and hinted at wanting to turn what they had into something more, but she’d always shot him down. He’d taken it in stride, not seeming bothered by her insistence that she was too busy for a relationship beyond what they had. She’d assumed that he was a manwhore like the rest of the football team. Apparently she’d been wrong.
“Oh,” was all she could manage to say.
Matt and Hannah went back to the living room to keep watching the game. Elena sat at the table for a few minutes, mulling everything over before going to the bathroom and returning as well. No one mentioned her outburst again, though she did apologize to Megan before she left.
Megan waved her off. “It’s not a big deal. I get it. Don’t worry about it.” Then gave her a big hug before waving at Hannah and Matt and following Lance and Abby out the door.
The revelation about Daniel preferring relationships and not usually being okay with casual arrangements stuck with her, and made her want to talk to him about it. What if he wasn’t happy with the way things were? Would he end it if she kept turning him down? That thought made her stomach drop.
Would she be willing to give a little in order to keep him around for longer?
She just might have to.
CHAPTER TEN
Elena had to wait several days until Daniel got back from his latest away game before she could approach him about their relationship. And she decided to take a head-on approach to test things out. They’d gotten home Sunday, but he’d been exhausted and needed to catch up on homework, so she waited until Monday evening, even though the wait had been agonizing. The good part was that agonizing over Daniel and how things might go when she saw him provided sufficient distraction from the phone call with her mom, which reported no change in her dad, and the hint that the doctors thought he was likely as good as he would get.
In that way, Daniel was doing his job of distraction without even being there. Not that he knew that was why she spent so much time with him. Well, at least in the beginning. And she still went over there if he was home after talking to her mom, needing him to turn off her brain, make her feel something other than grief and sadness and guilt.
But that wasn’t all it was anymore, if it ever really had been. She genuinely enjoyed his company. They talked a lot, and he would vent to her when his dad called, making her feel like they had an even exchange of using sex as a distraction, even if she called upon that more often. They played Mario Kart, especially if his roommate was still around when she got there. Daniel and Coop seemed to have worked out an unspoken agreement that Coop wouldn’t linger when she showed up, though. He’d finish whatever he was doing and head out. She didn’t know and didn’t care where. She was just glad she got time alone with Daniel.
When Daniel opened the door at her knock, she didn’t even wait for him to say hello or see if Coop was around. Going up on tiptoe, she reached behind his neck and pulled his mouth to hers, thrusting her tongue past his lips. He didn’t react at first, too stunned by her aggressiveness to do anything. Then he came to life, his hands gripping her hips, pulling her hard against him, bending her back, sucking on her tongue before sliding his against it, dueling with hers while he took control. He pushed her into the doorframe, trapped between the uneven wood digging into the column of her spine and his growing erection digging into her belly. But she didn’t care, didn’t want him to stop, welcomed this response to her onslaught, loved provoking the fierce beast lurking inside the nice guy cover.
The sound of a car door slamming and neighbors’ voices drifting up from the parking lot below had him pulling back, his hands reaching behind his neck to disengage hers, his chest heaving like he’d just run a full practice worth of drills.
“Hi.” His lips curved in a sexy smile, his pupils dilated.
“Hi.” Even though he’d disengaged her hands, he still had her pressed against the doorframe, and she squirmed, growing uncomfortable now that she wasn’t lost in his kiss.
He noticed and moved back, pulling her inside by the hand. Closing the door, he leaned against it and looked her up and down while running a hand over his short, coarse hair. He’d let his beard grow out a little again, like he did sometimes. He’d told her that he just set the clippers to the lowest setting and used it on his face and head when he did that. It made it easier to do it all that way, and he only had to do it every few days. Based on the beard rash on her face, it seemed like he was due to trim it again soon.
She didn’t mind, though. She liked when he’d go down on her like this, the sensitive skin on her thighs bearing the reminder of him for a day or two afterward, making her smile when she noticed it.
Rubbing his hand over his chin, he pushed off from the door, stalking toward her, backing her through the apartment into his bedroom. Once there he closed the door, which gave her a twinge of concern.
“Is Coop home?”
He shook his head and pulled his phone out. “No. But he wasn’t going to be gone long.” His thumbs moved over the screen before he put it on the top of the dresser. “I let him know you’re here, but he might need to stop by before he goes wherever.” He paused, stepping closer to her. Her breathing picked up when he trailed his fingers up her arm, over her collarbone exp
osed by the V-neck of her sweater, tracing the edge of her bare skin down to the point where her cleavage peeked out. His eyes followed his fingers, but flicked up to meet hers. “What brought this on?”
Her nipples hardened in her bra as his fingers teased the tops of her breasts. She took a deep breath, lifting her breasts so they pressed against his fingers more firmly, hoping for more—more contact, more kissing. “I missed you.”
That sexy smile was back. “Did you?” He made a low rumbling sound, like a cat purring its happiness. “I missed you too.”
She smiled. “Yeah? Wanna show me how much?”
That was all the encouragement he needed. His mouth covered hers again, and his hands slid under the hem of her sweater, skating over the bare skin underneath, reaching up and undoing the clasp of her bra, then lifting his head so he could strip both sweater and bra off together, leaving her in her jeans. Which didn’t last long. His hands fell to her waist, popping the button and unzipping the fly, pushing inside under her panties so that he gripped her bare ass, pulling her hard against him for another kiss designed to make her lose her grip on her sanity. Since she hadn’t had a firm grip on that in quite a while, it didn’t take much to get her to let it go altogether.
Pushing her back on his bed, he pulled her boots off before stripping the rest of her clothes, then dispatched with his own T-shirt and sweatpants in a blink. He crawled over her, reaching into his bedside table to get a condom out for when he needed it, and she enjoyed the sight of his firm pecs over her face, taking the chance to run her thumbs over his flat nipples, just a shade darker than the rest of his skin.
He hissed in a breath as his nipples firmed under her hands, and he looked down at her. Grabbing her hands, he pinned them over her head. “Am I going to have to restrain you?” A shiver went through her, and his face took on that analyzing look that he got when she revealed something new to him. “Hmm. I’ll have to keep that in mind. I don’t have a handy way to do that right now, and I don’t want to take the time to figure something out.” He pushed the hard length of his cock against her hip to illustrate his point. “So for now, leave these here.” He pressed her hands back into the mattress above her head and let go, running his hands down her arms, over her breasts, smiling when she squirmed as his touch tickled in her armpits and over her ribs.
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