Wrapping his hand around her wrist, he stopped her before she could pull away. He tugged. “Climb in. Stay.”
She finally looked at him, the same sad look from earlier on her face, her lips compressed again. “You need to rest.”
“I know. I’ll rest better if you’re with me.”
A dry chuckle rasped in her throat, but it wasn’t her normal laugh. “Rest isn’t what we normally do in this bed.”
He tried his charming smile again. “True. But we could make an exception.”
She shook her head, pulling her wrist out of his grip. “I can’t, Daniel. I really can’t.”
“Why not?” His thoughts came out of his mouth as soon as they entered his head. “It’s the weekend. You don’t have to get up early for class. You don’t have your car. Coop’s either drinking and playing video games, and therefore can’t drive you, or he’s getting ready to go out drinking somewhere else.”
Her eyes left his, scanning over the blankets as though looking for the answer there. This wasn’t like her. She usually told him the truth. Stalling meant she was looking for a believable lie.
“Elena? What’s wrong?”
She shook her head again. “I can’t, Daniel.”
“Can’t what?”
Her hands covered her face for a moment, a gesture he recognized. She did it when she was forcing back her tears. Usually when she talked about her dad. What was going on? He sat up, reaching out to run his hand over her hip to her lower back, slipping under the sweatshirt she still wore. She’d taken off his jersey while he was in the shower.
“Elena? Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“I can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
Her hands came away from her eyes and covered her mouth. She shook her head again.
“Will you stop shaking your head at me? I’m tired, and I don’t know what’s going on.” But dread pooled in his guts, mixing with the nausea that came with the dizziness.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. We’ll talk about this later.”
A tiny hint of relief broke through the dread. She was upset about watching him get hurt. That was a normal reaction. They’d both feel better after snuggling. “Okay. Good. Now take off your sweatshirt and jeans, and get into bed.”
She backed away, out of his reach. “I can’t, Daniel. It’s not a good idea.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face, frustrated. “Why isn’t it a good idea for my girlfriend to crawl into bed with me? I’m not contagious. I just like holding you. It makes me feel better.”
A sound like she was in pain came from her, and she pressed a hand to her chest. “You’re killing me, Daniel. Please just let me go. We’ll talk later.”
“No. What?” The world spun when he shook his head without thinking. With a soft groan, he dropped his head into his hands. “I don’t get what the problem is.”
Her hand fumbling with the door handle had him lifting his head again, enough to see her at least. “I can’t do this anymore,” she said, her hand now gripping the doorknob. “I can’t—” She looked all around, her lips clamped together like she was trying to hold back more words than the ones that had slipped out.
“Can’t what? Say it already.”
Whispering, her back pressed to the door, she finally spit it out. “I can’t be with someone who gets head injuries all the time. I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”
“What?” He wanted to flinch, but stopped himself. Maybe it was because of the concussion, but her words didn’t make any sense. “I don’t—”
But before he could finish, she’d slipped out the door, closing it behind her. By the time he kicked off the covers and got his bedroom door open, she was gone.
Coop stood in the living room, his head swiveling between the door and Daniel. “What was that?”
Running a hand over his face, Daniel started to shake his head, but stopped, leaning his shoulder against the wall. “I don’t know.”
Coop looked him over. “It sounded like she broke up with you.”
“Yeah.” He didn’t try to nod this time. He was learning.
Coop waited a beat, still eyeing him. “Sorry, man.”
“Yeah.” He stumbled back to bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders. What the fuck had just happened? He didn’t know, and he didn’t have the energy to deal with it right now. He’d call her later, after he’d slept. Maybe she’d sleep too and see she was overreacting. Because he was still pretty sure she’d said she loved him. And breaking up with him didn’t make any sense if that was true.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Daniel had texted five times and called twice in the week since she’d left his apartment. Elena had responded to the first text with a simple, I’m sorry. It’s over. His response had been simple as well. Why?
She could feel all his confusion and frustration in that single word, could imagine him saying it like he had that night, his tone all tortured bafflement. She felt like a complete bitch breaking up with him like she had. But she’d been telling the truth when she’d said she couldn’t do it anymore. She really, really couldn’t. Sitting with him in the hospital, waiting to hear back from the doctor, had been the worst form of torture. The memories of sitting with him in the ER mingled with the memories of sitting in the waiting room and in her dad’s hospital room while he was unconscious. Her nightmares had come back. But now it was Daniel lying unconscious in the hospital bed, bandages around his head.
Sometimes she’d dream about her father yelling at her, cussing her out while he was in the hospital. And partway through he’d morph into Daniel, shouting her father’s words in her father’s voice, but it was Daniel’s boyish face with its usual scruff sneering at her.
She woke from those dreams suppressing her sobs, burying her face in her pillow, gulping down air until she could get herself under control. On those nights, she’d get up and take a shower, then bury herself in homework. Her sleep became sporadic, and she only slept when exhaustion dragged her down, unable to keep her eyes open anymore.
By the time Thursday rolled around, she barely managed to drag herself to classes, only going because it was the last day before a three-day weekend. Their so-called Fall Break. It made it sound like more than one day without classes, but she wasn’t about to complain. Most students used it as an excuse to go home for a couple of days, and she was no different.
Her mom had called during the week and asked if she planned on coming home. She had the first two years she’d been at Marycliff. Last year she’d had a debate tournament that weekend, so she hadn’t been able to go home. So it wasn’t an unreasonable question.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll come home,” had been her answer after long moments of silence where she wrestled with her desire to stay away and her guilt for feeling that way. The guilt won.
But she waited until Friday morning to leave. She’d told her mom that she needed to rest because she’d had a lot of homework before the break and hadn’t been sleeping much. It was mostly true. She’d done a lot of homework, at least, reading ahead to cover chapters she didn’t need to get through until after Thanksgiving. But she’d needed something to keep her awake to avoid her nightmares and distract her from the pain of breaking up with Daniel and the guilt over not wanting to go home.
She actually slept well on Thursday night. She woke up around eight, which was earlier than she would’ve liked, but she wanted to get to her parents’ house by noon. The drive took just over two hours, so she had enough time to pack a bag for the next couple of nights, shower, and eat breakfast before heading out by ten.
Hannah and Matt were getting up and around while she loaded her duffle bag and backpack into her car. Hannah came out and gave her a quick hug. “Drive safe. Let me know when you get there. And tell your parents I said hi.”
Elena gave her a tight smile. “Thanks. I’ll tell my mom, at least. I don’t think my dad’ll care much.”
Pity flashed in Hannah’s eyes, but she covered it wh
en Elena gave her a stern look. “Fine. Tell your mom I said hi, then. And, um.” Hannah paused and looked away, biting her lip, a pink flush coming to her cheeks. “I know going home for the weekend isn’t your idea of a good time, and you’re not doing it because of me, but I appreciate getting some alone time with Matt for a couple days. So thanks.”
Elena chuckled, the first real chuckle in several days. She hugged Hannah again. “You’re welcome. Enjoy your kinky, spanky sex free-for-all while I’m gone. Just make sure you can still sit on Sunday. You have class and work next week.”
Hannah’s blush deepened, making Elena laugh more. But Hannah lifted her chin. “Don’t worry. My ass’ll be just fine.”
Elena laughed again and climbed into her car. “See you in a couple days.”
Hannah walked over to stand with Matt on the front steps while Elena backed out of the driveway. They both waved at her as she drove away.
She made good time, even with stopping in Ritzville for a quick rest stop and to break up the monotony of driving through the Scablands. She’d always loved that name for the area. It was so picturesque, and perfectly captured the effects of the rock breaking through the crust of dirt. Basalt? She thought her middle school earth science teacher had told them it was basalt. But it had been so long ago that she wasn’t sure anymore.
One of the wines at the wine bar she’d gone to with Hannah’s other friends last spring had been from a vineyard called Scabland Wines. Maybe she’d stop by and grab a bottle while she was in Richland. She’d looked it up, and it was a half-hour’s drive south. She could go tomorrow. It’d be a good excuse to get out of the house, and she knew she’d need that.
Two and a half hours after leaving her house in Spokane, she pulled in front of her parents’ house in Richland. It looked the same as always—white siding with charcoal gray trim and roof and a bonus room above the garage. That had been where she and her brother would hang out with their friends. They’d had their own TV and hand-me-down couches, video game consoles, and a DVD player. The yard looked like it could use mowing, and most of the flowers had died off by this late in October. Leaves were scattered across the grass from the aspen that stood at the edge of the yard. Who would do the cleanup since Tomás was away now too? Could her dad handle it? Or did her mom have to take care of that, too?
The front door opened as she climbed out of her car, retrieving her bags from the back seat. Her mom stood on the front porch, a smile splitting her face. When Elena walked up, her mom pulled her into a tight hug.
“Oh, mija. I’m so glad you came. I’ve missed you since you left in August. And you haven’t called as much as you usually do.”
Guilt stabbed at her, and she was glad her mom still held her so she didn’t have to look her in the face. “I’m sorry, mamá. It’s been a busy semester.”
“Claro. Of course. I know.” She pulled back, but still held Elena by the shoulders. “It’s just been a rough few months is all. And you were such a help when you were here this summer. It’s been harder than normal having you gone.”
Elena had to swallow down the tightness in her throat. She knew her mom had been having a hard time. She’d taken off as much time as she could from school, but had to go back a couple of weeks ago. Which Elena imagined made it more difficult, leaving her dad home by himself while she went to work.
She forced a smile. “Well, I’m here now. And Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner.”
The sad smile on her mom’s face made Elena aware of how tired she looked. Her skin looked dull and washed out, like she hadn’t been outside in ages. Dark circles marred the skin under her eyes, and new lines that Elena had never noticed before had appeared in the corners of her mom’s eyes and around her mouth. Like she spent far more time these days squinting and frowning.
“Yes, mija. That’s true. Something else to look forward to, ah? You and your brother both home for the holidays.”
Elena was saved from responding by her mom ushering her into the house and waving her toward her bedroom.
“Go put your things away. I’ll fix you some lunch, and you can say hi to your papi.”
Elena did as her mother said, setting her things in her old bedroom and using the bathroom before making her way to the living room. She stopped behind the couch, noticing that her dad still sat in the same corner he’d taken over after coming home from the hospital. A plate sat next to him, crumbs visible around the crumpled napkin. A glass of lemonade sat on the table next to him. Some sit-com with Tim Allen played on the TV, but her dad didn’t laugh along with the laugh track. He just sat and stared at the lights flickering on the screen, showing no signs of interest or engagement.
She moved into the room, taking a seat in the recliner in the corner across from the couch. “Hola, papi. How are you feeling?” She’d reverted to using the most diminutive form of address while he lay unconscious in the hospital, wanting to feel close to him somehow. It reminded her of when she was a little girl, and he slayed all her dragons. Now, he was becoming one of them.
Maybe she should call him dad. Something she’d only used to talk about him to others. She’d always called him papi or papá to his face. But this man was not the man who’d raised her. He vaguely resembled him—a heavier, angrier version of the man he’d once been. No longer ready with his easy smile or booming laugh. The only booming was when he’d yell in frustration.
His eyes swiveled from the screen to her and back again. “Fine.”
She’d gotten used to his one word answers this summer. She still hated it, though. She swallowed. “That’s good. My drive down was good. Fine. Uneventful.”
He nodded, his eyes never straying from the TV.
She sat in silence, watching the show for a few minutes. This wasn’t something her dad used to watch. It must just be something on—syndicated reruns on one of those channels that plays the same show for hours. So she waited for a commercial break to try to engage him in conversation again. They used to talk all the time. That was part of why she hadn’t called as much this semester. She’d always talked to her mom, but she’d talked to her dad a lot too. He’d encouraged her with her goals and ambitions, her desire to go to law school and become an immigration lawyer. He thought what she was doing was important, and was always happy to talk to her about it for hours.
What would he say if she told him she’d delayed the LSAT yet again? She hadn’t told anyone that. She’d been scheduled to take them earlier in October, but between continuing to do work for her dad’s clients and spending so much time with Daniel, she hadn’t done much studying. So she’d pushed them back, telling herself she’d make time for the next test date.
Or maybe she wouldn’t. If her mom needed her that badly, maybe she should come home after graduation.
Soon it became clear that there were no commercial breaks. He must be watching Netflix. So she cleared her throat and brought up the other subject he used to talk about for hours—his business.
“I’ve still been building websites this semester. It’s keeping me busy doing that on top of my homework. I had to quit the debate team to keep up with everything else.”
He grunted.
A grunt. That was all the response he gave her.
“Everyone keeps asking when you’ll be back.”
Silence. Not even a grunt this time.
“Do you know? When you’ll be back? Or should I tell them—”
“Dammit, Elena!”
She flinched at the switch from placid silence to rage at full volume, his face contorted into a mask she didn’t recognize.
“Tell them whatever you goddamn want. I don’t fucking care. Can’t you see I’m watching a show? Just shut up and leave me alone.”
Stunned, she blinked at him as he turned up the volume. Her dad had never cussed at her. Sure, she’d heard him use those words before, but it was reserved for when he was muttering in frustration over something. Never had he directed them at family. And he always made time to talk
to her. He was watching a show on Netflix. He could pause the damn thing if he wanted to. And in the past, he would’ve. Would’ve turned off the show and talked to her about her class load and where she should apply for law school and anything and everything that came up.
He never would’ve told her to shut up. Never would’ve turned up the volume to block her out, like she was a nuisance, an annoying background noise that he didn’t want to hear.
Her own rage rose up in answer to this treatment. She’d given up her time to help him, kept his business going, and this was how he treated her? Any guilt she’d felt about not wanting to come home this weekend burned away under the blaze of her anger.
She stood, not trying to say anything else. What would be the point? With long strides, she left the room and found her mom in the kitchen, cutting apples to go with the lunch she’d said she was going to make.
“I’m sorry, mamá. I have to go. I can’t stay here with him like that.”
Her mom set down the knife, an apple slice still in her hand. “What happened?”
Elena crossed her arms, debating what to say. “He yelled at me for trying to talk to him.” She looked all around the kitchen, the tears starting to build up behind her eyes. She didn’t want to let them out. She refused to cry. “He’s not the same. That man is not my papi. He’s not the man who played with me and talked to me about anything I wanted. I can’t—” She shook her head. “I won’t stay here to be yelled at just for trying to talk. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“But you just got here.”
The sadness on her mom’s face almost brought her guilt out again. But she pushed it down. She didn’t deserve to be treated this way. She wanted a relaxing weekend to get caught up, maybe get some sleep. Not come home and tiptoe around the facsimile of her father that lived on the couch and wouldn’t even pause a damn show on Netflix to talk to his only daughter. No. She wouldn’t swallow it down and pretend it was okay like she’d done this summer. Not this time.
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