I worried about her awkwardness and if she would change her mind while I was in the shower. At first I tried to hurry, but then just relaxed and wondered if I was crazy after all. I had everything in my life I needed – a loving and committed husband, four beautiful children, and a woman devoted to me in every respect. I also had a legislative career – all of these I was putting at risk not only with what was developing with Katja, but also what I was going to be doing at this Zagriev’s establishment. It would only take one person to recognize me there, or Katja someday blackmailing me. Disclosure would destroy me, threaten my relationship with my family, and make me an object of ridicule for political opponents and talk show hosts. Yet all this danger added to the sense of risk-taking adventure. I put aside all my doubts and as I turned off the shower I began to look forward to upcoming events.
When I got out Katja was still in her towel and sitting on the couch drinking a large glass of wine. She motioned for me to join her and when I did we just sat there and looked at each other sheepishly. She finished her beverage and suddenly started laughing, “How should we start?” to which I replied, “Hey, there is no rush, just sit here next to me and enjoy the music.” She smiled, poured herself another glass and asked if I wanted any. As I declined she laughed and quickly gulped down her drink.
She slowly moved over and when we were next to each other I put my left arm around her and took her right hand in mine. We both sat there staring at the little candles she had lit on the table for a while. I then softly said, “I really think you are a wonderful woman, I hope you know that.” She squeezed my hand and smiled and at that I pulled her closer until our lips met.
At first Katja was stiff and unsure of herself, but then she relaxed a little and then, without warning, she broke the embrace and sat up. At first I thought it was over, that she had lost her will to explore this aspect of sensuality, but then she repositioned herself so that she was resting in my lap to where I was cradling her. We began to kiss again but this time it felt as if she was a little more at ease. A few moments later she was so relaxed it seemed she melted in my arms as we connected in emotional bonding. She even began to make slight purring sounds which added to the mood. It felt incredible as we enjoyed each other. Slowly, and without any conscious thought, our towels just happened to fall off us but we continued to kiss for at least an hour or more.
Finally Katja was the one who suggested, “Let’s go into the bedroom!” and we jumped up, taking each other’s hand, and rushed to get under the sheets. The rest of the night, until the early hours of the morning, our bodies intermingled in a passion that utterly surprised me. This girl who had been so adamantly opposed to what was taking place was now displaying a passion that surpassed my own! I almost lost all conscious perception of who I was, or even why I was there with her, for hour after hour of love-making. Finally, we merely collapsed, covered in sweat and exhausted. Without saying a word she put her arm and leg over me and, resting her head against mine, took a playful bite of my ear lobe and whispered, “Good night.”
She held me tight and her embrace did not seem to ease as she fell asleep. I lay there in thought for a few minutes, feeling a sense of accomplishment yet also feeling a bit weird – not in a guilty sense, whatever that really is, but maybe thinking to myself if this is how people in public life wind up in messy situations. After all, this girl knew who I was and could ruin me if she were to disclose the events of the past few hours. I hoped I could trust her, but if it seemed she could betray me then would I be able to do the unthinkable?
The next morning I was awoken by Katja who it seemed was all too eager to repeat the previous night’s events. She held me down in an embrace, practically smothering me with a passionate, non-ending kiss. I wondered what primitive energies, or secret affections, I had released in this woman as I struggled to break free, despite the pleasure I was experiencing. I managed to ask, “Katja, can we wait for a few minutes? It’s morning and if I don’t call that Adlan guy he will find someone else and it will be the end to our plans.” She rolled over and took her pillow in an embrace and went silent. I asked, “What’s wrong?” She buried her head deep in the pillow. I repeated, “Is anything wrong? Don’t you want me to call?” She finally rolled over and tearfully admitted, “I know we must but…but what we shared last night…can you honestly say you are willing to do that for an audience?” I sighed, “I don’t want to but I must.” She nodded her head, “I know…I know we have to but…don’t you consider our love special?” That really caught me off guard! I liked Katja a lot but here she was talking about love? This was really awkward but I knew enough about psychology to realize that what we had shared was probably a life-altering experience for her. I knew I had to play along or lose this opportunity to find out who was after me so I replied, “Yes, our love is special but if we can just get through this we can go from there.” She practically flew into my arms and kissed me again before she said, “Hurry up and call that disgusting man. And grab some sodas because when you return you aren’t leaving this room for a very long time!”
I caressed her cheek and then hopped out of bed, got dressed and headed to the pay phone at the convenience store across the street. I called the number on the card and when he answered I said, “Hello! This is Amber Bennet. We talked earlier and…” He interrupted, “You and that Russian girl. You be here tomorrow night at 9pm, right?” I merely said, “Yes, we will be there.” He replied, “You better. It is good money. I may not be there but either my brother Aslan or Nazir will be. I need to go. Can you call me back at 2pm?” I said I would.
After he hung up I bought some drinks and headed back to the room. I was not sure what to expect at that moment but I opened the door to find Katja sprawled out on top of the bed. I commented, “I called and everything is set. I was going to ask…”She cut me off, “Shut up please and kiss me!” I enthusiastically joined her on the bed and even though I had planned on calling my family that morning, I skipped doing so and instead enjoyed a day of passion that was just as intense as the night before.
Hours later we finally stopped to take a break. I jumped out of the bed and looked through the drapes. I noticed that the sun was setting in a glorious bright glow over the hills. Katja came up from behind and took hold of me as I was looking at the sunset. She rocked back and forth and in a voice that bordered on singing she said, “I want to take you out to a wonderful, romantic dinner but first we can shower.” She kissed me and walked into the bathroom with a confident posture far different than the previous evening.
When the door shut I suddenly came to the frightening realization that we had not called the Adlan guy back! I rushed to get dressed, called to Katja through the door that I would just step out a moment, and ran across the street. I called and Adlan answered, “Yes?” I apologized, “This is Amber Bennet again and…” With anger in his voice he said, “You were supposed to confirm at 2pm. You are damn lucky all the girls are menstruating this week! You two aren’t, right?” I replied, “No.” He growled, “Why did you not call as I told you to do?” I replied, “My girlfriend and I were at the beach and her car broke down and the battery in her cell phone…” He again cut me off, “Stupid girls are so full of excuses! Tell me right now why I should hire you?” I answered, “Because Petra and I are willing to give a show you will not soon forget!” He was silent a moment and then said, “You had better! I want you two to come in before lunch and bring in identification papers with your birthdates listed. You obviously are not a minor but I need the Russian’s age verification as well as legal status. You understand?” I said I did and he replied, in a less hostile tone, “Never, ever break your word to me again if you want work.”
I took a real dislike to this guy. I did not like discussing personal issues with him but then in his line of work I figured he needed to know such details for scheduling. Yet still, his rudeness would never be forgotten.
When I returned back to Katja’s apartment she greeted me in a voice I was not used to.
It had an almost child-like tone to it, a sweetness one might expect from a child. She gave me a tight hug and then rushed me into the shower. I did not bring up the conversation with Adlan as I did not want to jeopardize our undercover endeavor. Yet when I came out of the bathroom she had apparently gone out and picked some flowers, and also had put on a nice party dress one might wear to a special dance – elegant but designed for a younger person. She appeared like a schoolgirl waiting for her prom date and holding her corsage. She then presented the flowers to me, smiled, and then only said, “Come on, we have not eaten for almost 24 hours and I know you must be starving.” I asked how I should dress and she asked, “Do you have anything really nice?” and I realized I had packed my red gown. I quickly changed into the dress and we were off.
When we got into the car I told her I had called Adlan back and all was set. She sighed and said, “What must be done must be done.” but then changed the subject to asking if I was up for dancing. I had no idea what she was talking about and I asked, “What do you have in mind?” She took my hand, and again went into the child-like voice, “I looked up a place while you were in the shower that plays jazz music, has a dance floor and promises fine dinners. It will be my treat!”
We soon took an exit into downtown Portland and came to the yuppie district of the city. We parked and went into a nice-looking eatery and were soon seated. The atmosphere was quite nice, and the decorations were of a southern theme. There was a live band and a few couples were slow dancing on the floor. This day had been full of surprises, and I was full of anticipation for what the night would bring.
As we sat at the table waiting for our main course, Katja leaned forward in her seat and asked, “Have you ever experienced a moment where you do something you never thought you would do – and then it changes your life?” I nodded and she reached for my hand, “Yesterday I discovered something about myself – how about you? Please, I want to know!” I hesitated a moment, realizing that people can sometimes do something against their belief system and, to try to make sense of the event they will try to shift their paradigm to fit whatever they have done; sort of a “re-writing the script.” Part of me wanted to ask her if this might be a defense mechanism, yet I feared that could jeopardize our project. So I instead replied, “Katja, maybe the reason you have been so hostile to gay people is because, deep down, you knew something about your own yearnings.” I expected a rebuke but instead she perked up, “Yes, I think you may be right. I felt something last night that I never felt with any man I have ever made love to.” I went along with the direction she was taking, “Let me guess, it felt magical and more natural?” She enthusiastically nodded in agreement.
Just then our food came. Yet before we could enjoy our dinner she asked, “How did it feel for you?” That was a question I had to answer in a strategic way. I went through a multitude of possible replies ranging from, “I fell instantly in love with you.” to “It was fun but only in a physical sense.” I opted for, “Katja, I really, really like you, and yes, I felt a bond, maybe even an energy that connects us together.” She smiled and then began to eat – the whole while looking at me with a tilted head and eyes that could only be described as flirtatious.
When we finished Katja asked me to go with her onto the dance floor. I looked around, and when I saw no familiar faces, I let her lead me out. It was a slow song and she put her arms around me in a sensual, yet firm, embrace and we moved slowly to the music. I glanced up and noticed several men in the room were looking directly at us, probably working out some fantasy in their minds, but I tried to block out any thoughts of them – after all, the next evening it would not be some fantasy but the real thing.
Katja whispered, “What are you thinking?” to which I responded, “Oh nothing, I am just enjoying myself… I am enjoying myself a lot.” Katja gave me a gentle kiss and commented, “I am really glad you are happy. I am happy too.” We danced a while longer, holding each other tightly, and then we sat down and ordered some ice cream. She soon asked if I wanted to go back to the apartment. I let her know that I was more than ready.
It was almost like a scene from a movie. As we got to the door she unlocked it, but then turned to me and grabbed me in a fantastic embrace. It felt as if she were going to rip off my clothes right there in the hallway, but she managed to reach behind her and open the door, causing us to practically fall into the apartment. She quickly shut the door and the proceeded to start removing my dress. It was an unbelievably erotic encounter that lasted far into the morning. However, this time before falling asleep I set my phone to go off at 9am.
The next morning we both woke up around 8am. She and I kissed for a few minutes but, knowing what was coming up, we relaxed and snuggled up with each other, both staring at the ceiling. Katja then began to resume her talk from the previous night. In a reflective voice she asked, “So how shall I go about with my life now? I am quite sure I am a lesbian, there is no doubt in my mind, but I have no idea what I should do.” Again, a part of me felt she was being too quick to alter her identity. Yet if I re-enforced her then there was far less danger of her backing out of the strategy I had developed in my quest. So instead I commented, “It might be difficult, but people come to this realization every day and just get on with their lives. I am sure you will manage quite well.” She then asked what I feared she would ask, “What about you Melanie? Did you come to any realization?” I responded, “Don’t tell anyone but I have known I am bi-sexual for a long time.” She got a concerned look on her face and then promised, “I will never tell anyone if you don’t want me to, I promise.”
Katja then admitted, “I am really nervous about this evening. I will do it, but that doesn’t change matters.” I responded, “I know, but it will be worth it in the end.” She started to cry, “Yes, my dear sweet Tamilla will be able to rest in peace when these people are brought to justice!” I took her in an embrace, without any mention as to what I considered an appropriate “justice” as being. We had not seriously discussed that issue and that was probably for the best, as I had an idea of what the best course of action would be…but I was unsure if what she had said earlier of “avenging her sister” involved what I had in mind. It felt odd actually, that this young woman, so eager to change her life, so eager to find out what had happened to her beloved sister, and willing to engage in something as degrading as what would occur that evening, was totally oblivious to the fact that she was in the arms of a woman who had killed over a dozen people. I was not only willing to add to my score, but I was anxious to do so, unless in the end it might involve the girl looking across the bed at me with a look of total infatuation.
I then asked, “Hey, let’s get up, go for a run, and then take care of the paperwork for Adlan. Afterwards we can maybe do something I have always loved – go for a little hike at Bagby Hot Springs and then head back to town. Katja agreed and so we quickly got into running clothes and took off. As we were running I looked off to the east and could see the spires of the Mormon temple. A part of me felt connected to the symbol of Matt’s church, but then something deep inside, maybe all those lessons with little kids in Sunday school, made me feel a bit of remorse for all I was doing at the moment – and to top it off I felt that I should contact Matt and Nicole since I had not done so for several days. Yet this day was going to be stressful anyway and I concluded that I just did not have time.
When we got home we quickly grabbed the fake identification cards and papers, made a little lunch and packed the clothes we had bought in San Diego as well as shampoo. It was certainly going to be an interesting series of events before either of us would go to bed, and while I was not looking forward to the evening, a part of me was curious as to how it would turn out. Of course, once we had everything packed and Katja locked the door behind us, I hoped that everything would result in us gaining what we both desired.
Chapter 9
Katja was quiet as she drove us to the club. I broke the silence by pointing out, “Okay, remember to act to
tally natural so they will not become suspicious. The last thing we need is for the owners to figure out something is wrong before we actually get in.” She sighed and nodded her head. I knew her heart was not in this, but as long as she kept her wits about her and displayed some acting ability, we would pull it off.
When we arrived she surprised me by saying, “Well, let’s get in there, and we can pray that they still want us.” She quickly opened the car door and jumped out. I followed her until we got to the entrance, “Well, here goes. It’s the moment of truth, Katja.” She took on a worried, fake smile and replied, “Yes, good luck to us!”
When we went in there was a different man taking care of stocking the bar. He turned and said, “Oh yes, you must be the girls my brother told me were coming in. Take a seat over there please.” He pointed to a table in the corner but continued his work at the bar. As we sat I took more notice of the bar. It seemed to have one of those nostalgic 1950s themes. The seats were the red vinyl variety generally found in “mom and pop diners” on the back road – the kind that felt cold on my legs as I was wearing denim cut offs. There were pictures of classic cars as well as actors and actresses from the 1950s. The male actors were dressed in costumes from war or motorcycle movies, while the females were either in elegant party dresses, or nude.
Descent Into Darkness Page 13