“Thanks. That’d be nice,” she said. “Where’s Josh? I didn’t see you guys at the ceremony.” Ashleigh half wondered if she’d missed their arrival.
“We just got here. Traffic,” she explained with a sigh. “He’s over at the bar too.” Reagan gestured with her chin in the general vicinity.
“Is it hard not being able to have a drink on a day like today? I know you enjoy a glass of wine.”
Reagan touched the belly that was just beginning to pop, and Ashleigh wondered if it was maternal instinct or reflex on display. “I deal.” She shrugged and frowned. “Small sacrifice in the long run.”
“How are you feeling?” she asked, genuinely curious.
“Mostly okay. Thanks.” Her smile revealed she was grateful for the concern. “I’m sorry about your birthday. I should have been more considerate.”
“Eh, water under the bridge.” Reagan’s belated apology was thoughtful and it touched her, but she didn’t want to harp on it. Instead, she pointed a manicured finger at the tiny baby bump. “Do you know? Boy or girl? Or are you not telling people?”
“Boy.” Reagan smiled and patted her stomach. “I’m going to be outnumbered.”
“You’ll be fine. Great, actually.” She touched Reagan’s forearm for reassurance. “You were meant to be a boy mom.” She didn’t really know what that meant, but it seemed her ex could use some positivity. The look Reagan gave her was full of appreciation, but anything she might have said was cut off by Kellan’s arrival.
“Ladies.” Kellan sported a beer for herself and two sparkling waters with lime. She handed one off to each of them. “Josh needed to use the men’s room,” she said by way of explanation.
“He’s going to check the score of the Yankees game,” Reagan said with a snort. “Nice effort, though. I hope he at least paid for the drinks since he tried to rope you in to his cover-up.”
“Open bar.” Kellan’s smile was conspiratorial, and Ashleigh couldn’t help but find it absolutely endearing.
“Can you believe they’re in cahoots already?” Reagan turned to Ashleigh, clearly expecting lighthearted support in opposition to their dates’ collusion.
Ashleigh shook her head and shrugged dramatically. “We’re doomed.” She was teasing, of course, and truthfully all she felt was absolute elation at how normal and natural this all felt. The irony of holding hands with her new love as she joked with her pregnant ex-wife about the boundaries of relationships and significant others was kind of a mind bender, but she went with it. Life, always with the surprises.
“What’d I miss?” Josh entered the conversation like a bear, as though he’d been in a rush to make it back to cocktail hour.
“Not the box score, that’s for sure.” Reagan called him out on the spot, but her tone was all jest and he obviously knew it.
“I’m sorry, babe.” Josh kissed her cheek. “They’re up three–nothing, if anyone’s interested.” He cringed in a kind of apology to the small group, and when Ashleigh caught a glimpse of him rubbing Reagan’s back, she felt nothing but happiness for both of them.
“Now this is a moment to capture.” Shauna was suddenly upon them, her photographer a mere few steps behind. “Hey there, gang,” she said, inserting herself between the two couples. She orchestrated them into an impromptu group pose yelling, “Smile!” as the cameraman snapped at will. When he’d finished, Shauna faced them. “How are we all doing here?” she asked.
Ashleigh scanned each of their faces, taking stock of the unlikely foursome’s chill vibe. “Great, actually.” She took a sip of her drink. “You look beautiful, Shauna. Mike too,” she added. “But I’m biased.”
The rest of the group chimed in with compliments and well-wishes, and Ashleigh was enjoying the natural flow they all seemed to have together. She was consciously aware of Kellan’s hand around her waist or on her back, and she reveled in it, stealing more than one guilty pleasure glance at her handsome face. Finding Kellan’s hand, she laced their fingers together and squeezed gently, loving the wordless communication when Kellan returned the gesture and looked deep in her eyes. It wasn’t like anyone noticed their PDA—Shauna was holding court with a hilarious story about her warring grandmothers. Ashleigh was only half paying attention, so caught up in her own perfect world at the moment.
“Kellan? Oh my God. Kellan.”
Ashleigh’s gaze went to the woman whose arrival interrupted her thoughts, then looked at Kellan and registered utter disbelief on her gorgeous face. But before she could ask what was happening, Kellan filled in the blanks.
“Dara?” she said, immediately releasing Ashleigh’s hand. Kellan stammered more than she spoke, but it seemed like she was trying to make sense of what was going on.
“What are you doing here?” Dara looked from Kellan to Shauna, waving a finger between them.
“Kellan, you know my cousin Dara?” Shauna picked up the slack.
“Um, yeah. We were in the Army together.” Kellan shook her head, clearly blown away by the turn of events. “But I had no idea…”
Dara took a step toward Kellan. “Get in here already.” She threw her arms around Kellan’s neck and pulled her in for a serious hug. “I missed you too much.”
Ashleigh patiently waited for an introduction as she watched Kellan sway Dara in her arms, feeling herself shrink smaller by the second as they all watched the heartfelt reunion in silence. When Dara pulled away, she was wiping tears from her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry to interrupt you all.” She sniffled and fanned at her waterworks. “It’s just, Kellan and I haven’t seen each other in a very long time.” She bit her lip and covered her mouth, her emotions on display as she wrestled with the surprise and whatever else she might have been feeling. “Shaun, I can’t believe we didn’t put this together in all these years.”
“I just met Kellan at the beginning of summer.” Shauna gestured to Ashleigh, but Kellan spoke up.
“I’m here with my girlfriend,” Kellan said. “I’m sorry.” Kellan was obviously flustered. “This is Ashleigh.”
Ashleigh bristled slightly when Kellan touched her back, but she forced a smile and extended her hand. “Nice to meet you. Shauna’s my best friend,” she said, completing the explanation of the wild circumstances.
“Ah, gotcha. Gotcha,” Dara said with a nod, seeming to file everything away. “Again, I didn’t mean to crash your conversation.” She rested her hands on top of Kellan’s shoulders, and Ashleigh felt a pit in her stomach at the familiarity of the action. Logically, she knew her jealousy wasn’t warranted. They were friends. Kellan had even introduced her as her girlfriend. But still she felt as though there was something deeper between them as she watched Dara stare into Kellan’s eyes. “I just can’t believe it,” Ashleigh heard her whisper over and over.
“See, Mommy, I told you. I knew I was right!”
Everyone’s attention turned at the squeal of a teen in a fancy dress as she approached the group with a mix of excitement and attitude.
Dara turned to the girl, who was almost her height. “You were right,” she said, pulling her close to her side and draping an arm across her shoulders in full motherly pride. “This is Zoey,” she said, seeming to almost present the young woman to Kellan.
As stunned as Kellan might have been, it was nothing compared to the shock Ashleigh felt barreling through her. One look at the girl’s remarkable green eyes said it all. There could be no disputing it. Ashleigh had looked into those same eyes nearly every day for the past six weeks. She felt her breath catch as she noticed the girl also had the same strong chin and perfect nose as Kellan. Even the smile was a mirror image. Holy Christ. Without a doubt, Zoey was Kellan’s. Why or how, she had no idea, but it was undeniable. Her heart stopped as she registered the three of them staring at each other, taking it all in. She prayed for composure as she internally thanked Reagan and Shauna and Josh for pretending to be interested in whatever conversation they materialized just to avoid watching her internal meltdown.
“No, no, no.” Dara put a hand on her forearm, and Ashleigh wondered if she was reading her face. “We should let you two enjoy the party.” She turned to Kellan. “Are you in New York now?”
“Yes. Sort of. It’s a long story.” Ashleigh felt Kellan’s eyes on her but couldn’t bring herself to meet them. “I’m staying at my aunt’s in Dumbo.”
“Swanky,” Dara said with a tense laugh. “I have to make the rounds with my relatives in from DR.” She nodded toward a crowd on the far side of the pavilion. “We live in Greenpoint. Could we get together? For lunch or something?”
“Please?” Zoey chimed in.
“She’s got some questions.” Dara patted Zoey’s shoulders. “And I’d really like to catch up.” Dara shifted her attention to her, and her eyes seemed to offer an apology. Ashleigh felt her throat burning, nonetheless. “I’m sorry to have intruded. Really, I am. Come on, Zo. Let’s get back to the fam.”
Ashleigh was waiting for them to walk away before she said anything, and in truth, she didn’t have a clue what was going to come out of her mouth.
“Ash, before you freak out, I can explain.”
“Before I freak out,” she echoed. Her voice was low and composed, in absolute contrast to what she was feeling inside. “Kellan, I can’t…I don’t even know what to feel right now.” She headed toward the bathroom without another word.
Kellan caught her arm just before she went in. “Please talk to me.”
“About what?” She took a few extra steps past the ladies’ room, out of the public view, where there was privacy. She wrenched her arm free when Kellan tried for her hand. “Are we going to chat about the child you have? You know, the one I just met?”
“Stop.”
“Me, stop? How about you stop. Stop lying to me. Maybe start telling me the truth.” The tears were coming, despite her best efforts to keep them inside.
“I didn’t lie to you.”
“Oh no?” She paced the small area, knowing there was no real escape. “So I didn’t just meet the most significant person in your life? A person you obviously had a baby with.”
“It’s not like that.”
“You know what, Kellan? I don’t care.” It wasn’t the truth, but she was angry and hurt and heartbroken. She just wanted it all to be over.
“You do care. And so do I. Just talk to me.”
Kellan came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her. Against her will, she felt her blood pressure regulate at the touch, and she hated herself for it. Even now when she was furious, Kellan still managed to worm her way into her heart. How did she do that? She forced herself away from Kellan’s embrace, hoping distance would bring her to her senses.
“No. Not now. Not here.” Ashleigh shook her head in defiance. “I’m not going to make a scene at my best friend’s wedding. This is Shauna’s day. Let’s not ruin it.” She took a deep breath, trying desperately to pull herself together. “I have to use the ladies’ room and not look like I am completely falling apart.”
She started to walk back inside, but Kellan found her hand and brought her in close. Kellan kissed her softly and whispered, “I love you.” Ashleigh let herself feel it, but when she looked up into Kellan’s eyes, instead of the solace she so typically found there, she was triggered right back to the incident that had just unfolded.
If this was love, why did it feel like betrayal?
Chapter Twenty-three
“You have to talk to me sooner or later.”
“I actually don’t.”
“Come on.” Kellan stared out the passenger window as they cruised along the highway back to the city. “Let me at least tell you what’s going on.”
“Now you want to come clean? It’s a little late for that.”
“Ashleigh, please. I’m begging.”
“Why, though? You had a million chances to talk to me in the last month and a half. This is obviously something you didn’t want to share. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if we hadn’t literally bumped into your clone last night, I’d still be in the dark.”
The statement itself was true, if fundamentally inaccurate in what it implied. Yet Kellan didn’t quite know how to defend it. They’d survived the wedding. But it was a series of going through the motions, and even when she’d convinced Ashleigh to dance, Ashleigh refused to make eye contact. When they got into bed, Kellan tried for a cuddle, hoping closeness would permeate the wall Ashleigh was clearly intent on putting up, but when she reached out, Ashleigh pulled away. This morning they’d packed up and left in silence, skipping Shauna’s day-after brunch, with Ashleigh blaming their need to get home early on Blue. Forty minutes into the drive and they’d not even scratched the surface.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you.” Kellan pressed the base of her hand to her forehead. “I almost told you a hundred times.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t…” She let her sentence fade away before trying again. “It’s just not that simple.”
“You have a kid, Kellan. That’s a pretty serious omission.”
“Ugh.” The assumption in Ashleigh’s tone annoyed her. It was as though she’d already made up her mind about the whole situation without even bothering to understand the details. “It’s not even like that. I don’t have a kid. I mean technically, I guess. But see, you’re twisting it.”
“I’m twisting it? I’m fucking twisting it?”
She saw the spit fly from Ashleigh’s lips and registered her anger. She needed to de-escalate and start over. “Can we stop?”
“Oh, I think we’re done.”
“I meant stop the car,” she said in a low voice, the finality of Ashleigh’s statement hitting her full force. “Please don’t call it quits over this. Not without knowing the full story. You’ve got to be curious what the hell is going on. Ash, I want to tell you. Let me talk. Please?”
Ashleigh was quiet, but she put on her directional signal and took the exit ramp into a shopping plaza off the highway. She pulled into a space at the far end of the deserted lot and slammed the car into Park, squaring her body against the door and crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m listening,” she said.
The defensive body language was unmistakable, but it just made her long to reach across the console and touch Ashleigh. Instinct told her it was a bad idea.
“I know it looks like Zoey is my kid,” she started.
“Um.” Ashleigh hitched her shoulders high in a kind of challenge.
“I suppose it’s true. But only in the most technical sense. Like, the biological sense.”
“Is there any other way to be a parent?” Ashleigh countered.
“Yeah, like a thousand ways. There’s adoption and fostering.” She shook her head at the naivete of Ashleigh’s argument. “Also actually being a presence in someone’s life. In my opinion, that’s what makes you a parent.”
“Is that what happened here? Dara adopted your baby? That’s the special bond you two share?”
“No. Ash, no.” Her head was spinning. “That’s what you think is going on?”
“Kellan, I have no idea what’s going on. Because you chose not to tell me.”
She collected her thoughts for a minute, trying to figure out where to go from here. In the hours that had gone by, she’d been so overwhelmed that even though she asked for a chance to explain, she hadn’t really planned out what to say.
“Zoey isn’t mine because she never was.” She picked at a loose thread from the ripped knee of her jeans. “Dara tried for years to have a baby, but she had a specific fertility problem that stemmed from her eggs being low quality or small or…something. I don’t remember the medical term. Bottom line, she couldn’t get pregnant with her own eggs. So I gave her mine. It’s n
ot like I was going to use them anyway.”
Ashleigh looked through the windshield, seeming to take it all in. “You were her egg donor.”
“Yes. It made complete sense to me. Dara was my best friend in the world. I would have died for her on the battlefield a hundred times over. And she would have done the same for me. I know that for a fact.” She felt her throat tighten with heaviness at the statement but forced a cough to keep it at bay. “She happened to have a medical problem that I could help with. If she’d needed blood or a kidney, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. I didn’t see how this was any different at all.”
“Zoey is your baby with her husband?”
“Zoey is Dara’s child,” she corrected. “Conceived with my egg and Ronnie’s sperm,” she said, spelling it out in the most sterile language.
“I’m sorry. That’s what I meant.” Ashleigh pressed her fingertips to her temples as though she was trying to understand it all.
Kellan reached for her hand, and for the first time in twenty hours, Ashleigh didn’t immediately pull away. “I know this is a lot to process—”
“Why didn’t you talk for so many years? You told me you hadn’t talked in twelve years. Why?”
“I told you why.” She looked at Ashleigh’s delicate hand as she caressed her slender fingers. “Ronnie asked me to back away from the family unit they were trying to build. It hurt. Obviously. But I thought maybe it was a decision they’d come to together. I opted to respect their wishes.”
“It’s clearly not the case,” Ashleigh said, withdrawing her hand and looping a strand of hair behind her ear. “He’s not in the picture anymore, and she couldn’t stop staring at you all night. Both of them, actually.”
Kellan had noticed the looks too. Even though she’d only interacted with Dara for a brief minute to exchange contact information, Kellan had been aware of their eyes on her all night. Zoey seemed especially interested, and Kellan couldn’t blame her. The curiosity was mutual.
Brooklyn Summer Page 22