by Serena Grey
I forced a smile and turned back to face the view of the park so he wouldn’t see me blinking back the moisture in my eyes. “It’s nice up here,” I said softly.
“You already said that.” There was something hard in his voice that hadn’t been there before.
I turned back to him with a smile, my emotions in check. “We should go back before they start wondering where we are.”
“I don’t…” He stopped and took a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right. If we spend too much time together, we might have to admit to the people we know that we’re fucking, and God forbid maybe even have to define our relationship.” He held out his hand to me. “Come on then, let’s go.”
I was taken aback by his outburst. “Is there something you want to say to me, Jason?”
He stared at me, his eyes glittering in the dark, and then he shook his head. “No.”
I followed him back to the gallery, not sure what was going on between us, but there was no time to think about it. Colin had arrived, and he and Amy were kissing, oblivious to anything going on around them.
“Hey guys,” I said, announcing our presence.
They broke apart and Amy grinned at me. “Colin just arrived,” she said breathlessly.
“I can see that,” I teased. “Hi Colin.”
“Hi Daph. What’s up?”
I shrugged. “Not much.”
“Nice turnout,” he said to Jason, impressed. “I’ve heard a lot of great things about Verge. Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” Jason said. “How’s work?”
Colin made a face. “Okay.” He looked from Jason’s face to mine, curiosity evident in his gaze, but if he suspected anything, he didn’t say it.
“We’re going to leave,” Amy told me. “Private party for two at Colin’s.”
I rolled my eyes. “I thought we were having dinner together.”
“Are we?” Amy turned a confused glance to Jason.
“I was going to suggest that, but you guys go on. I’ll take Daphne home when she’s ready.”
After they left, we remained on the gallery for a while. There was a short performance by a well-known hip-hop artist then the DJ took over again. Jason’s eyes scanned the room below, and I wondered what he was thinking. Across the club, the model was now dancing with the geeky CEO, who looked like he would combust right there. I was about to mention my theories on their future to Jason when somebody jostled me. I fell into Jason’s body, and he steadied me with his strong hands.
“I’m so sorry.” The person who’d bumped into me apologized then smiled brightly. “Oh, it’s you.”
“Zane.” I smiled faintly. It was the guy I’d reconnected with at Candace’s party. He’d never called, and with everything going on with Jason, I had forgotten about him. “What are you doing here?” I asked pleasantly.
“Well, my roommate, the spoken word artist, also works in tech—this company actually.” He inclined his head at the brilliantly lit displays. “He dragged me along, and now I’m glad I came.”
“Really?” I laughed. “Why?”
“Because you’re here.” He leaned closer. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m full of shit because I never called, but once burned…” He held up his hands. “I kept typing messages and deleting them. I don’t have the heart to be rejected by the sexiest girl at the party more than once in my lifetime.”
I heard Jason straighten behind me. He didn’t say anything, but Zane took notice. He looked from me to Jason then back at me. “I’m Zane,” he said slowly, unsure of himself. He frowned in my direction. “Are you guys together?”
“Yes,” Jason said.
“No,” I said at the exact same time.
I felt Jason stiffen and I swallowed, unsure how to proceed. What he’d said outside on the balcony had made it clear to me that he didn’t consider us to be a couple, and I’d responded to Zane based on that knowledge. What was I supposed to do? Announce my hope that we meant more to each other than casual sex when he had made it clear that was all we were?
I gave Zane a small smile. “It was nice to see you, Zane.”
He nodded, and I could see from his expression that he wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. Welcome to the club, friend, I thought silently.
“I will call you,” he promised then gave me a quick hug before walking away.
I couldn’t look at Jason. I focused on the people on the dance floor and pretended he wasn’t standing beside me.
“I’m calling Leonard to bring the car,” he said after a while. His voice sounded detached and impersonal, as if he was talking to a stranger. “Are you ready to leave?”
“Yeah, I am,” I replied without looking at him.
We made our way down to the exit and found Leonard waiting in the black SUV with tinted windows. Jason opened the rear door and waited until I was inside and seated before closing it and going over to the other side.
“Hi Leonard,” I said to the driver in a small voice.
He smiled at me in the mirror. “How’re you doing miss?”
I smiled sadly. “Just great,” I said, even though I felt like crying.
Jason entered the car and directed Leonard to drive to my apartment. I clasped my fingers together and chewed on my lower lip. The sense I was getting from him was that he was angry with me, but what gave him the right to be? He’d practically told me I meant nothing to him, that I was a booty call. Telling some guy we were together after that would have just made it seem like I was desperate.
I didn’t want to seem that way, even if I was.
Why can’t we just fuck until we get tired of each other?
I pulled in a painful breath. When I’d said those words, I’d really thought it was possible. What a fool I’d been—blind, too. Some things didn’t go away with time, and my pull toward Jason was one of those things.
Leonard parked on the street in front of my apartment and I gave Jason a quick smile. “Thanks for the ride,” I said. “Good night Leonard.”
“Good night,” the older man replied cheerfully.
I opened the door and stepped outside, surprised to see Jason also leave the car and come over to my side. I lifted my face to his, searching his expression, searching for what to say. “Do you want to come inside?” I said finally.
“Why not?” He tapped on the front window and said something to Leonard, who drove away.
He took my arm lightly then followed me inside and up the flights of stairs. He waited while I fished the keys out of my purse and unlocked the door.
It was dark inside, and I switched on the lights. There was something tense and heavy in the silence, and it hadn’t started when I ran into Zane. It had begun much earlier, out there on the balcony.
I went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water even though I wasn’t thirsty. I took a sip then put it down before walking back to where Jason was standing in the living room. He took off his jacket and draped it over the arm of the couch.
“I don’t think Amy will be back tonight,” I said.
He chuckled wryly. “Likely not.”
I tried to read his expression, but I was getting nothing. Was he planning to stay, to leave? Was he planning to talk about what happened with Zane?
He pushed his hands into his pockets then drew them back out. “Who was he?”
I didn’t have to ask who he was talking about. “He’s a guy I met a couple of years ago. I ran into him at a party recently.”
“Met?” His eyebrows went up.
I exhaled. “I met him when I was…” When I was a different person. I closed my eyes. “We hooked up a long time ago, once.”
He drew in a breath. “And now you’re looking to hook up again?” He didn’t wait for me to reply. “Good thing we’re not exclusive then.”
Immediately, I imagined him with another woman, any other woman, and I felt a physical pain in my chest.
“Yes, good thing.” The words felt like poison in my mouth. “W
e can both see anybody else we want.”
He glared at me. “Don’t you dare.”
“Isn’t that what you want?” I cried. “You said I was a booty call.”
He lifted his hands in frustration. “You said you didn’t want to be in a relationship.”
“And you said you weren’t interested anyway.” My voice had risen and there were tears in my eyes. I blinked and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to argue.”
“Of course not,” he said slowly. “Why argue when we can just fuck?” He threw out the words like they tasted bitter. “We can fuck, and I can go home and forget that some guy from wherever was eye-fucking you right in front of me.”
“He wasn’t—” I was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing. I thought it might be Amy so I reached for my purse, pulling it out to see Zane’s name on the lit screen.
I looked from the screen to Jason’s face.
“Oh, he’s called already.” He laughed bitterly, guessing rightly from the expression on my face. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
I didn’t want to lie, so I nodded.
“Go on—talk to him,” Jason said mockingly. “We wouldn’t want him to be burned twice by the sexiest girl at the party.”
I was getting angry. He had no right to make it seem like I was the sole reason why our situation was so frustrating.
“I will talk to him,” I said. “At least he is nice, and respectful.”
“And he’s still hung up on your pussy from a hookup from years ago.” He made a gesture of dismissal and I turned my back on him, angrily flicking my finger over the screen. I faced the kitchen counter and forced some cheerfulness into my voice.
“Hello.”
“Heyyy.” It sounded like Zane was still at the club. “Did you leave yet?”
“I did. Couple of minutes ago.”
“Okay.” He laughed. “I thought you weren’t going to take my call. I was about to start facepalming myself to death.”
I forced a laughed. “Over me?”
“Why not?” he said. “So…you home?
“Yeah,” I said. I heard Jason come to stand behind me, but I didn’t turn to look at him. I was so mad, I felt like I was going to explode. If I wanted to, I would talk to Zane all night, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.
“What are you doing?” Zane asked.
Jason’s hands encircled my waist. He stroked his fingers down over my hips and thighs then slowly lifted the hem of my dress to my waist.
I drew in a breath. “Nothing. Just got here.”
“Cool,” Zane said. “We’re taking shots over here.”
“Sounds like fun.” I didn’t know what Jason was planning, and even though the sensible part of my mind screamed for me to tell him to leave me alone, to apologize for the things he’d said, my body had no desire to refuse him. He hooked his fingers in my panties and pulled them down, just enough to give him access to the aching spot between my legs.
Somebody whooped in the background and I heard Zane laugh. “It is fun. It was great to run into you, twice now. Seems like fate.”
Jason pressed the head of his cock against my wet center. I was ready for him, and he slid inside me easily, filling me so completely, so lusciously. I gasped out loud at the feeling of intense pleasure.
“You okay?” Zane asked.
“Mhmm,” I said. I didn’t know what game Jason and I were playing, wasn’t sure what the stakes were, but whatever they were, I just couldn’t let him win. What was he trying to prove? That my body would always respond to him? That I was ruined for any other man but him? I could have told him all that by myself if he gave me any inkling that he saw me as anything more than a booty call.
“So…like fate, right?”
“Right,” I repeated blankly, biting back a moan as Jason withdrew his full length and then slammed into me again. “Fate.”
“We should get drinks sometime soon. I’m going on a work trip, but I’ll be back during the week. Friday sound good?”
I didn’t hear half of what he said. Jason had lifted one of my legs, spreading me wider and fucking me with the sweetest strokes, making the words I was hearing just a jumble in my ears. I wet my lips, trying to keep my eyes open and the phone at my ear. “Friday,” I repeated.
“You’re working out? You sound breathless.”
“Um…” I gasped. “Yeah.”
He chuckled. “Okay. Stay sexy. See you Friday?”
“Oh…yes,” I moaned, having just enough presence of mind to end the call and toss the phone away. I gripped the counter and let out a long moan as Jason pounded into me. “Fuck!”
He slid one hand between my legs, touching my clit and filling me with tortuous pleasure. “Oh God, Jason.”
He leaned close to my ear. “What?”
“Don’t stop,” I moaned. My body vibrated as the first waves of climax hit me head on. He kept fucking me, pulling me back from the counter and sliding down so we were both on our knees. He braced one of his feet on the floor and continued to thrust into me, reaching deeper and sending shocks of pleasure throughout my body.
He palmed my breast through my dress, squeezing it just hard enough to send sweet agony rocking through me.
“Jason,” I panted.
“You like it?”
“Yes.” My voice was weak.
“Just like this.”
“Just like this.” My muscles clenched tighter around him. “Don’t fucking stop.”
“Of course not,” he whispered harshly. He pulled out almost completely then thrust deep into me again. “We’re doing this,” he said roughly, punctuating each word with a deep thrust. “Until. We. Get. Fucking. Sick. Of. Each. Other.”
I felt sick—still filled with need, but sick and broken inside. My body froze, and I dropped my face in my hands.
Jason stopped moving, taking a deep breath as he pulled out of me. I pressed my legs together as I gathered myself into a seated position. I dropped my hands from my face, and my eyes were wet with tears, which I no longer bothered to hide from him.
He fixed his clothes and sank back on the floor. He looked sad, frustrated, and as confused as I felt. He didn’t have to ask me what was wrong. He knew.
“Daphne.” His voice was so gentle it hurt.
I dragged myself to my feet, and he rose with me.
“Daphne,” he said again.
The gentleness in his voice was killing me. I felt as if things were breaking inside me. I felt as if I were breaking into pieces.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” My voice quavered as I looked at him.
He reached out his arms. “Come here.”
I shook my head.
“Come here, Daphne.”
“No.”
He took a step forward and drew me to his chest, circling me in his arms.
I started to sob. I wanted him. I wanted to be with him in ways even I didn’t understand. I had no idea what it meant, no idea how to say it.
He rubbed my back, hushing me like I was a child. I kept sobbing and he kept holding me, not minding that I was ruining his shirt. He held me until my sobs quietened, and I knew I never wanted him to let go.
Chapter Six
Jason held me for a long time, but when he finally drew away, I was reluctant to let him go.
“I’m going to run you a bath,” he told me.
“Okay,” I said, still hesitant, but I let him carry me to the couch and set me down before going to the bathroom. His jacket was still on the arm of the couch, and I stroked my fingers across the soft, high-quality fabric. It was dark and firm, lovely to touch…just like Jason.
The zero-commitment, guilt-free sex-periment had turned out to be a disaster. I didn’t feel free. I needed Jason, and I was imprisoned by the very walls I’d built to keep other people out, the very walls that had kept him out.
He returned and stood for a moment, watching me.
“What?” I asked softly.
He s
hook his head, smiling. “Nothing. You ready?”
I nodded, and he lifted me up like I weighed nothing. He was gentle and sweet as he undressed me and held my hand while I stepped into the perfectly warm water.
I closed my eyes and sighed. “So perfect.”
He sat at the edge of the bath and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for earlier.” His voice was deep and gentle. “I was jealous, and…” He sighed. “I’m not sure what I was trying to achieve. I didn’t think any farther than some caveman impulse to claim you.”
I wanted him to claim me, not just for today, but for always. Why was that so hard to say, to accept, even to myself?
I remained silent, and after a while, he rose to his feet. “I’ll be in the living room,” he said.
I only nodded in reply.
The bath was warm and fragrant. I tried to relax, but I knew we had crossed a line in our relationship and we were going to have to establish where we would go from here. I wanted Jason; any scenario where I didn’t have him caused a physical pain in my chest. I thought of what it would mean to be with him, completely, the way my heart wanted, and I felt panicked. My feelings for him were too intense for me to deal with, and I couldn’t even be sure what exactly he wanted from me.
The bath started to cool, and I emerged reluctantly then toweled dry and changed into loose yoga pants and a tank top. I knotted my hair on top of my head and went to the living room to find Jason waiting, as he’d said he would.
He gazed at my face. “You’re feeling better?”
I wasn’t. Inside, I was still a confused mess of entangled emotions. “I’m all cried out,” I joked.
He didn’t laugh. “Daphne…” he started, his voice serious.
I held up my hand. “You don’t have to apologize again. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do. We were fucking. That’s what we do, all the time. I have no idea why I broke down. It wasn’t your fault. I don’t know what was wrong with me.”
“So…?”
“I just came to tell you I’m going to bed.” I forced a smile, giving in to a cowardly instinct to run away instead of facing whatever was happening between us. “You can let yourself out.”