by Keelan Storm
And your brother… I’ve had such less time with him than you girls. That is one thing I will always deeply regret, even up here. All I can say is keep an eye on him for me, and promise that you and Isabel won’t let him forget me. Tell him all of our crazy stories, and let him know I would be there for him just as much if I could.
How is Jet? He reminds me of myself with your mother, crazy about you long before you ever realized how you felt. It’s been such an honor watching you with the love of your life these past few years, and it saddens me to know that I won’t be there the day he takes your hand. He already asked, you know, so don’t worry when the time comes. You have my blessing. I can’t think of anyone better for you to share your heart with.
I wish I were there to see the beautiful, passionate, young woman I know you’ve grown into, but unfortunately, I can’t. Remember, though, that I will always be in your heart. I’m sorry that it has to be this way, but it’s how it’s supposed to happen. The parent goes before the child, even if, in our case, it happened too soon.
Your mother and I were smart about things, though. We had plenty of life insurance for ourselves, not wanting to leave the other one stranded if something ever did happen. I can leave comfortably knowing that she has enough money to get by without me.
What your mother doesn’t know is that I went one step further. I wanted to make sure that our children had more than enough for what they would need as well.
Each of you has an account from a term life insurance policy I set up that you’ll only now be able to gain access to at eighteen. Whether or not that is on your birthday, I have left up to your grandpa. He will judge if you are ready for it, but don’t worry. The latest you will receive it is your graduation from high school, conditional upon some kind of plans for school or a career.
Beyond that, the money is yours to use as you see best. Whether you choose to use it for college, a house, or something else you may need, it doesn’t matter. All I ask is that you use it wisely. We can still worry up here in heaven, you know.
I’m always watching out for you. I’m so proud of you. I love you. I miss you.
Love,
Daddy
P.S. Embrace Life.
The room stayed silent for several seconds once Annie reached the end of the letter, and she was only vaguely aware of the rushed conversation the others held when the silence wore off, lost in her own train of thought.
Her father could not have given her a better gift, the thought, and intuition behind his words touching her beyond words. They couldn’t have been more appropriate or more needed than they were to her at that moment. Somehow, he had known how much they would still need him and had found a way to come through.
“Annie?” someone said, breaking through her thoughts.
“Huh?” She looked up to see her mother and Jet watching her with concerned and hurried eyes. Stefano and Chuck were no longer in the room.
“Are you coming, or are you staying here with your mom to wait for Izzy?”
“Coming,” she replied, standing up. She couldn’t just wait around while her sister was missing. She folded the precious letter and placed it in the drawer of her nightstand, gave her mother a hug, and dashed out with Jet to his Mustang.
They were silent for a while as they drove through town, and for once, Annie didn’t mind, still reflecting on her father’s words. They’d just made a second circle around the park when Jet spoke.
“Are you okay?”
She looked up, surprised, and saw the worry in her boyfriend’s eyes.
“I’m good.”
“You don’t seem like it. You’re too quiet. It’s not like you at all.”
“I’m just thinking.”
“About Izzy? Don’t worry. We’ve split up areas to search. We’ll find her.”
“I know, babe.”
“What are you worried about then? If she’ll be okay? ‘Cause I’m worried about that, too. What she did to y’all’s room was unreal. But I get it, I guess. What your dad wrote must have really hit her, the whole parent before the child thing.”
“No kidding, but I’m actually not worried about that anymore.”
Jet, stopping for a red light, looked over at Annie with even more concern for her than before. “Okay, either you’re a pod person, or you’re going to have to explain.”
Annie smiled, her lips curving up slightly to one side, and she took Jet’s hand while she spoke. “I’m honestly okay. I am concerned about finding Izzy. She shouldn’t be alone when she’s this upset, but I know she’s going to be fine.”
“How?” He had to ask.
“Because I’m taking my dad’s advice. I’m having faith that Izzy will find a way to make it through this. I think it will be easier for her now that Tucker seems to have woken up. I hope he finds her first.”
Jet gave her hand a squeeze. Patrick Dearly was right. “You are amazing.”
She leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the lips. “Let’s go find my sister,” she said and pointed to the green light. Jet simply smiled and hit the accelerator.
31
Finding Izzy
She had been driving for hours now, an act that normally would help her to think clearly, but her mind was still racing, everything running together in an agonizing mix, too confusing to sort.
There were a few times when she had considered stopping, but the only places she wanted to go, she couldn’t let herself. They would only unleash more hurt on her already too sorrowful soul.
It was the first time in weeks that the numbness completely evaded her, and her emotions felt strong and raw now that they had their chance to surface. Occasionally, Isabel would scream out at the frustration of it, when it felt like too much to bear, but mostly, she just drove.
She really wasn’t going very far, but the urge to take those unknown roads was there, a temptation to escape the hurt that waited for her back home. She wasn’t ready to go back to that.
But she was chicken to do it, to leave. It was a hazard of living the small town life where everything had always been familiar. So instead, she kept driving through her familiar, hoping that, at some point, the sting in her emotions would ease so she could think and feel like a rational human being. If that could ever be possible again.
At some point, the white noise of the old engine’s roar started to fade and the truck began to slow, drawing her attention. At first, she was confused, but when she looked down at the dash lights behind the wheel that was clutched tightly in her left hand, fury flashed for herself.
She pulled off to the side of the road just as the truck slowed to a stop and smacked the wheel with her hand in frustration, causing the horn to sound abruptly in the otherwise silent night.
“No, not here,” she inwardly begged. It was too close to there.
How dumb was she for not watching the fuel gauge? How many gas stations had she passed now? And not once had she even considered she might need to stop.
“Now, I have no choice but to call someone, go back home. Or brave it,” her mind added at the end.
She shuddered. The thought was crippling. She didn’t want to go back yet, didn’t know if she could handle it, or handle here. Avoidance was the whole point of the driving.
She decided to wait a bit. Just sit in the truck cab. At least, it was warm here. She lay her head against the wheel and let her thoughts continue to spin out of control.
Eventually, the warm air that had filled the cab’s interior began to fade, the heater no longer able to run. She shivered at the wintry temperature the space had taken and debated, reluctantly realizing it was time to give in and call for someone.
Her hand searched the seat for her purse, but it was empty. She looked over, expecting to see it lying on the floorboard, but that was bare, too, aside from a magazine and a pair of her sister’s flip flops.
“Perfect. Just perfect,” she groused to herself. Hadn’t enough gone wrong without her havin
g to deal with this, too? She struggled to push the confusing mess of thoughts aside for a minute so she could think what to do, but her brain just wasn’t cooperating.
This new dilemma annoyed her to no end, and the idea of sitting in the stationary vehicle the rest of the night just about drove her mind over the edge. So with reckless abandon of everything she’d been warning herself, she threw the driver side door open and hopped down to the mixture of grass and gravel-like tar below.
She almost regretted the act when she felt the cold, piercing wind bite into her face and arms, but she slammed the door shut, choosing to ignore it. The cold was nothing compared to the raw emotion that tumbled around inside her.
* * *
The roads were more deserted than Tucker expected them to be with people out celebrating the New Year, but then again, it was nearly three in the morning now. Most people had probably already made their way home.
He looked closely at the parked cars and the few moving ones as he drove through Bentonville, watching closely for any vehicle that could pass for the twins’ beat up truck. He’d driven past just about every building and road that he thought might have had any kind of significance to Izzy, but there was no sign of her.
He wasn’t going to let himself grow discouraged, though. He would find her. He had to make things right.
“So, where else could she be?”
A stroke of genius hit him then that he was surprised he hadn’t thought of long before. He pulled a wide U-turn in the middle of the empty street and drove.
Stopping his truck without even pulling into a parking space, he jumped out, and almost not bothering to reach out and shut the door, he weaved through the stones spaced in rows along the ground, running as fast as he could to the place that even he had yet to go.
Winded, he came to a stop before his daughter’s grave, her grandfather’s right beside her. Izzy wasn’t there, but he dropped to his knees, not from the pressure in his sore ribs, but from the ache that tore at his heart. Forcing himself, for her, he lifted his gaze to the small headstone.
DESTINY JUNE PATTERSON
DECEMBER 12, 2019
SWEET DAUGHTER AND GRANDDAUGHTER
TOO PRECIOUS FOR EARTH
Tears ran silently down his face, but he knew he had to pull himself together. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I have to go find your mommy,” he whispered before standing up to leave.
He jumped in his truck the second he reached it and turned on the engine while simultaneously throwing on his seatbelt. As he tore away from the parking lot, his heart in shreds, he pressed his mind for anything that might lead him to his love.
“The church?” he wondered, turning into the drive just down the road. Maybe she had needed to take solace there. He was tempted himself if he was honest. Circling the large white building, he looked for any sign of the old Ford that would tell him Izzy could be there, but no. At a loss again, he pulled back to the main road, refusing to give up.
* * *
Isabel walked in the same direction she had been driving, fighting against the backward pull of the wind that blew the thin silk of her pajamas against her skin. She shivered violently as she walked, each time regretting her previous haste that caused her to leave without a jacket. At least, she had made it out with a shoe on her foot.
Not too long after she left the protective walls of her truck, she reached the stretch of beach, her boot clunky and awkward in the gritty, cold sand while her heart throbbed mercilessly in her chest, overwhelming.
But the pull she felt here was strong, and she no longer cared about reaching a phone, simply following where her steps led her. They seemed to know where she wanted to be. Her mind sure couldn’t tell her. The edges screamed in protest.
The cold sunk deeper as she drew closer to a nearby pier, still not quite reaching that significant spread of sand. Drawn closer to the water, she stopped at the edge of its torrential beauty, the surface broken and choppy. The breeze from the ocean chilled her to the point where her broken bones tingled and ached, but what was more important was how she could feel the numbness slowly coming back. She waited for it to return, anxious for it to take over so she wouldn’t have to feel the wretched pain that tore at her heart. But it never did, not completely.
Instead, her pain was deadened just enough so that she found it bearable to think about what had previously sent her into the destructive overload. She wondered for a moment what it would feel like in those waves, to have them thrash around her as her emotions so desperately wished to do. She dismissed it quickly. She’d meant it earlier, that she had no desire to die.
Realizing this, she sunk down against the large wooden post of the pier, drawing her knees up to clutch them as the ocean’s tide played tauntingly around her. The urge to cry crept in again, but she was afraid it might make the numbness fade, so she resisted and let her mind wander to where she couldn’t before.
Her father had said the parent goes first, and in their case, it was true. It was unfair that her father had to leave when he was young, still in his thirties, but at least the order of it was right. What about Destiny?
What was someone supposed to do when the order had been forcefully reversed? She hadn’t even gotten the chance to meet her baby. Was it supposed to hurt less because she hadn’t? She didn’t see how. She had loved her baby completely from the moment she knew she was there, growing inside her.
Isabel slid a hand against her now flat stomach and winced at the jolt she felt in her chest. Destiny was no longer a part of her, and she wasn’t sure how she’d ever get past knowing her daughter would have been a beautiful, healthy human being in just a few months time if she hadn’t been so stupid and careless, how she’d ever get past it all without Tucker.
She wondered what her father would say. He had mentioned how he’d be waiting on the other side to give that special guy a piece of his mind if he didn’t appreciate her heart, but what would he say to her now that he knew it wasn’t the guy that had hurt her. She had hurt him. Perhaps he’d tell her what she deserved to hear that no one here seemed willing to say. That she was a murderer. A murderer to her baby, Tucker’s heart, and their relationship.
She and Tucker had known it was fate that brought them together. It was their destiny to be together, but now Destiny was gone. It was all her fault. She had killed their baby, and in doing so, she had killed their destiny. Fate didn’t matter now. She deserved everything she got.
Except that money. It wouldn’t have solved everything. They would still have had sacrifices they were too young to make, but the benefits were hard to ignore. She and Tucker could have really made their commitment official, for most previous reasons for waiting would no longer have been of concern.
But more important than anything else, it would have given them what they needed to provide for their daughter. Now, it could just sit there, serve as a reminder of what she had done.
“I’ve ruined absolutely everything. Things can never be the same again, including all of our friendships,” she thought, her face crumpling with depressing realization.
Isabel tried to imagine what their group’s friendship would be like now that she and Tucker couldn’t be together and had to growl at herself in frustration. She hadn’t even listened to her own reason, ignoring those boundaries that had been safe guarding her for years. Their friendship couldn’t go back to the way it was before. Nothing could. And that too was her fault.
A yawn escaped her, and she realized her exhaustion. She had shut out those thoughts for nearly a month now, and allowing herself to think about all the harm she had caused was more than she was used to dealing with anymore. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift through lingering thoughts.
* * *
Tucker gave up on finding Izzy anywhere in Bentonville after the church. Annie had texted that she and Jet had just checked the beach, so he knew that was a bust. He was running out of places to look.
“The studio!” he
realized with a fresh burst of excitement. Suddenly relieved his girlfriend’s dance partner had insisted he take his number, Tucker used the system in his truck to call Leo. He waited anxiously through every ring, knowing it was a long shot with the current time, but he’d had to try.
Voicemail. He left a quick message and hung up, going to plan B.
The drive to Summer Grove would take up a chunk of time, but if Izzy was there, he had to get to her. He was only about five minutes out of town when Leo’s text came through.
“Jumping in my car now. Five minutes. If she’s not there, I’m searching, too.”
Fuck, why did he have to like this guy? He’d seen some of the things Izzy had to do for dance, and this guy had held her and touched certain places before he ever did. It was different, he knew, but still. “Not the time, Tucker,” he cautioned himself, searching a few back roads she might be taking while he waited for Leo’s reply.
His phone buzzed with the text, and his heart dropped as he read.
“Not there. I’m checking a few of our hang outs. Keep me posted.”
Groaning, he smacked the steering wheel in frustration. He had to be missing something.
“The beach!” he realized, hope bursting through him again.
Annie hadn’t said where on the beach they’d looked. If they’d checked their regular hang out in the public section, she wouldn’t have been there. It was another stretch that was special. He pressed his foot against the accelerator, speeding across the deserted streets to reach her.
He tore across the sand when he reached the beach, praying his tires didn’t get stuck, but he could see long before he approached that her old Ford was not there. It was just the open expanse of sand, the pier, and water reflecting in the moonlight. He had been almost positive he’d find her here, in the place where they’d first said they loved each other, in the place he’d proposed.