Off Beat (Forgotten Flounders Series Book 1)

by J. C. Hannigan

  “That’s incredible,” Calum said, looking down at him with a proud smile.

  “He played a beautiful piano rendition of Heart Shaped Box at that talent show,” I replied. “I have the video somewhere on my computer.”

  “Don’t show him the video, Mom! I’m much better at it now. I can play it for you,” Asher told him, eyes bright and shining as he looked from me to Calum. “But my piano is at Gram’s and Pop Pops’. We don’t have space for it here. Can we go there now?” He shifted his focus to me, eyes bright with excitement.

  “Umm...” I trailed off, trying to compose an excuse. My parents weren’t exactly thrilled that I’d welcomed Calum back with open arms.

  “Maybe another time?” Calum suggested warmly, reading the hesitation in my eyes, his lips set in a careful smile.

  “Okay! Wanna see my room next?” Asher asked. When Calum said yes, Asher reached for his hand and began dragging him towards the stairs.

  The timer on the stove went off, and I moved to the oven as they disappeared upstairs. Slipping my hands into the oven mitts, I pulled it out and set it to cool on top of the stove, all the while feeling like I’d stepped into an alternate reality.

  Footsteps creaked above me, and Asher’s voice hummed with excitement as he walked Calum through his bedroom.

  My heart was exposed and raw; it ached watching them together. I felt heavily responsible for the loss of time, no matter how many times Calum assured me it wasn’t my fault—it still felt like it was, at least in part.

  Seeing them together solidified the fact that Calum would have been here had I’d been brave enough to let him in on it when it was happening. I’d been stubborn, using his absence as a cloak, and I hadn’t realized it until he came back. His return held a mirror up to my choices, and they weren’t any better than his.

  With a heavy sigh, I slid the tray of garlic bread Ellery had baked into the oven and closed the door, straightening slowly. I didn’t know whether to join them upstairs or let them have some time alone.

  Opting for giving them a little time alone, I remained in the kitchen. Grabbing the Caesar salad from the refrigerator, I walked out to the small square table and set it down on the oak surface as they descended the stairs. Asher’s voice was going a mile a minute as he talked about his favourite songs and video games, leading the way back down the stairs and to the table.

  “Smells delicious,” Calum remarked once Asher had stopped to breathe. His eyes illuminating warmth as they swept over me, and I flushed.

  “Thanks, it’s ready, if you’re hungry now,” I said, ducking my head and returning to the kitchen to pull the garlic bread out.

  “I am,” he replied, joining me in the kitchen. I glanced at him over my shoulder as he playfully rubbed his rock-hard stomach. Forcefully dragging my eyes away, I turned my attention back to the oven. I could still feel the heat of his gaze on my back as I bent forward to pull the garlic bread out. “Can I help?”

  “That’s okay,” I said, placing the garlic bread on the wooden cutting board. But Cal didn’t listen, he came to stand beside me, his hands reaching out to take the bread knife from me.

  The spark his fingers sent through the nerve endings along the back of my hand had my heart skipping a beat. I had no choice but to surrender the knife, stepping away quickly to give myself some much-needed space.

  Setting the stack of bright blue plates down, I glanced at him again. His tattooed hands moved with confident experience as he sliced the fresh loaf, the cords in his forearms moving beneath his inked flesh in a tantalizing spell. His eyes lifted, catching my perusal, and he smiled.

  With wobbly knees, I turned back to the counter and grabbed a plate and the spatula. Dishing out the lasagna, I heard Calum set the knife aside and pick up the cutting board. His jeans rustled as he walked by, setting the wooden board down on the table.

  “What’s your favourite food?” Asher asked him, eyes bright with interest.

  “I have a lot of favourite foods, but lasagna is one of them,” Calum replied, glancing at me when I walked out with the three plates balanced in my hands, compliments of my short-lived waitressing days in college.

  He reached out and took two of the plates from me, his eyes lingering on mine. I set the remaining plate down across from them and turned, walking back into the kitchen to grab the wine and a glass of milk for Asher. I needed the extra time to regain control of my emotions.

  Of course, I’d known that about him. I’d once known every minuscule part of his life, and the deeper, darker parts too.

  Chair legs scraped against the old hardwood floor when Calum tugged the chair beside him out and sat down in it, his eyes flickering to mine once again as I returned with the wine and glass of milk. Reaching across the table, I placed Asher’s cup in front of him and sat down across from them.

  “Mom makes the best lasagna,” Asher declared.

  Keeping my attention focused on our son, I tried to ignore the feel of Calum’s gaze on me. “Well, I don’t know about that. But thank you,” I smiled at him. He was such a sweet kid, and I couldn’t take the credit for it—that was just him. I loaded up both of our plates with salad while he reached for a piece of garlic bread.

  Calum’s eyes locked with mine, and I gave him an unsteady smile. He picked up the tongs, placing a large pile of salad onto his plate.

  “Do you still say grace?” he asked me, tilting his head with curiosity. He’d had a few dinners at my house growing up, and my parents always made a big show of saying grace.

  “Only on the nights we have dinner at Grams and Pop Pops,” Asher responded cheekily, sharing a secret grin with me. The corner of Calum’s lip tugged up as he watched us interact. He picked up his fork and sampled a taste of the lasagna.

  I couldn’t help but stare, spellbound, at his jaw as he chewed, drinking up the way he closed his eyes briefly in rapture before swallowing. Lids popping open, he caught me looking and flashed me a closed-mouth smile.

  “I think you’re right, Asher. It’s the best lasagna I’ve ever had. No other lasagna compares.” He said this last bit while looking straight at me. Those swirling, stormy eyes evoked goosebumps and butterflies. I picked up the glass of wine and sipped it, surprised that my hand didn’t tremble.

  An intimate dinner was probably not my wisest choice, but it was too late to turn back now. Across the table, Asher grinned and laughed at something Calum said, and the knots around my heart loosened a little.

  None of the things I felt mattered more than what Asher felt, and he was ecstatic.

  Calum

  It’s past ten, Asher. Time for bed.” Harper said as she stood in the doorway, looking in on us. He was in the middle of showing me his most prized Lego set; a large set from Avengers: Infinity War. He had a lot of Lego sets throughout his room. Some of them were placed on the built-in bookshelves that lined the walls around the windows.

  “Aw mom! I’m not tired though!” He argued, looking up at her with big blue eyes. It was disconcerting, almost like looking at a picture of myself as a kid. I grinned at him, repressing a chuckle.

  “You have a piano lesson at nine.” Harper arched a brow, a wry smile gracing her pouty lips.

  “Why don’t we meet up tomorrow, after your lesson?” I suggested, chancing an unsure glance in Harper’s direction. I was afraid I’d find her annoyed at me for overstepping, but there was a warmth in her eyes that soothed away that anxiety as quickly as it’d arrived.

  “That sounds good,” she nodded, turning her head to address Asher. “Pajamas, teeth, and bed, please.”

  “Fine.” he sighed heavily, standing up and shuffling down the hall to the bathroom. I gently sat Thanos back down in his proper place as Harper moved to the dresser. I couldn’t help but watch her. I didn’t think I’d ever grow tired of looking at her, of drinking in the sight of her.

  She could hold me captivated by doing the most mundane of tasks.

  The drawer slid open, and Harper pulled out a set of pajamas. Gl
ancing at me shyly over her shoulder, she smiled hesitantly before stepping out of the room and disappearing down the hallway to check on Asher. I watched her go, my eyes transfixed on the curve of her ass, swaying subtly with each step.

  Need flicked along the base of my spine, and I drew in a controlled breath, forcing my eyes away. I’d been fighting desire for her all night but luckily, there were enough distractions to keep me from thinking with the wrong head.

  My gaze happened to land on a photograph on Asher’s dresser. It was the two of them at Peggy’s Cove. Asher looked to be about three or four years old.

  I picked it up while trying to imagine what it would have been like to be here this whole time—seeing Harper pregnant with our child, feeling his kicks and movements. Being there on the day he was born and being there to watch him grow from newborn baby to the little boy he was now.

  Creaking floorboards by the doorway brought my head up to her. She paused in the doorway, watching me with a contemplative look on her gorgeous face—like she knew exactly what I was thinking. I set the frame back down and shoved my hands in my pockets.

  “I guess I should get going.” I hedged, hoping like hell she’d ask me to stay.

  “You don’t have to.” She spoke so softly, I almost missed it. Before I could respond, the bathroom door opened, and Asher shuffled back to his room, yawning.

  “Good night, little man,” I said, grinning at him and ruffling his dark hair. “I had a lot of fun with you tonight.”

  “Me too,” Asher surprised me by throwing his arms around my waist and squeezing tight. “I’m glad you came back.”

  “So am I,” I squeezed back, the punch of his words knocking my heart around in my chest. I couldn’t raise my eyes to look at Harper; I knew she was watching, and I knew whatever I saw in her eyes would be my undoing.

  Asher released me and hopped into bed. Harper walked the rest of the way into the room to tuck the blue comforter beneath his chin, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you, bug. Sleep well.”

  “Love you too, Mom.” Asher yawned, his eyelids heavy with sleep and already closing. He was snoring softly before I’d even made it to the door. Harper walked out behind me, shutting it softly before she tip-toed quickly down the stairs.

  I followed soundlessly, my heart pulsing painfully with every step that brought me closer to the door.

  I could stay, but I risked the very real possibility I’d push things too far. I didn’t know how much longer I could resist touching her in all the ways I craved.

  “Do you feel like having a drink?” Harper questioned uncertainly. The way she looked at me made it nearly impossible to fight the desire coiling in my belly.

  “I don’t know…” I trailed off, fearing I wouldn’t be able to leave if I didn’t go now. Knowing that I should.

  It was easier to fight my baser instincts when Asher was awake and watching, but with him asleep and Harper and I alone for the first time in almost a decade—I knew I couldn’t. Not for long. Soon, the urge to touch her and claim her would override the common sense that told me to wait.

  The problem was, I didn’t want to wait. I waited nine years to come back, and I missed out on everything. I didn’t want to miss out anymore, and the thought of leaving caused nauseating anxiety to settle in my stomach.

  But so did the thought of pushing her before she was ready; of having her think my intentions were less than what they were. I wanted them both, more than I’d ever wanted music. I had to tread carefully.

  The way Harper was biting down on her bottom lip as she nodded—open and vulnerable to me—almost brought me to my knees. She wanted me to stay too, but I knew she wouldn’t say it again. I couldn’t take the melancholy way her shoulders dipped; she couldn’t think I was leaving because I didn’t want her.

  It was because I wanted her so intensely that I had to leave.

  Swallowing hard, I stepped into her space. She didn’t back away, didn’t try to put something between us. Her lips parted as she gazed up at me, waiting.

  “Thank you for dinner...and thank you for him.” I paused, the rest of my words caught on the lump of regret that seemed permanently lodged in my throat. “You did an amazing job raising him, no thanks to me.”

  “Cal,” Harper’s voice was pained, and she closed her eyes—trying to squeeze back the tear that escaped anyway. I lifted my hand, brushing it away with a tenderness I’ve only ever felt for her. The fact that I caused a ceaseless ache in her gutted me.

  When she opened her eyes to look at me, and I saw the ache within their chocolate depths, I couldn’t help myself. I lowered my head, capturing those lips in a slow kiss, my hand falling to rest at her hip. Showing her the things I couldn’t say, I poured them into this kiss, my fingers pressing into her flesh, seeking warmth.

  Harper’s arms wrapped around my shoulders, her fingers tangling in the short hairs at the nape of my neck as my arms fully encased her. Each scrap of her nails against my skull made the need I felt for her grow exponentially until there wasn’t room for anything but desire.

  Our lips and tongues feasted on one another with a hunger that had gone unchecked for close to a decade. My cock pressed against my zipper, straining to get closer to her, and I couldn’t help but tug her against me.

  “Please, Cal,” she whispered. Her voice had changed, the pain and regret gone, leaving it husky with need and surrender.

  “You have no idea how close I am to losing the one thread of control I have left,” I murmured, unable to pull my eyes off hers. “You have no idea how badly I want to push into you and hear you say my name just like that.” I couldn’t help the involuntary urge to rut against her.

  “Why don’t you?” She asked breathlessly, her chest rising and falling with frantic, hurried and affected breaths, which caused her breasts to rub tantalizingly against my chest.

  I brought my free hand up to brush the hair out of her face and frame it. “Because the next time I’m inside you, it’ll be once I’ve won you back forever, and I haven’t done that—yet.”

  She inhaled sharply, her eyes widening with surprise. Harper wanted me—she may even still love me, but she still didn’t trust me. She was still scared, she still thought I would leave again. Before I took her, I needed her to trust me unequivocally. I needed to see it in her eyes, the way I had before.

  Unable to help myself, I kissed her once more. A gentle taste and tease of my lips against hers, before pulling away. “Sleep well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Harper’s fingers brushed against her swollen lips as she watched me slide my feet into my boots and slip into my coat. Sending another longing glance her way, I opened the door and stepped outside, hesitating for a moment before pulling it shut behind me.

  The cold early April evening air snapped me out of the lustful haze, and I shoved my hands in my coat pocket. Finding the key fob, I pulled it out and hit unlock.

  The headlights flashed on the 2019 Jeep Wrangler I’d bought earlier that morning. I figured if I was staying for longer than the original five days, I’d need a more practical vehicle. One that didn’t announce who I was to the entire coast.

  It was sleek and black—and safe, too. I walked down the gravel driveway and opened the door, climbing behind the wheel. Instead of starting it immediately, I sat in Harper’s driveway for a few minutes, processing the night.

  Tap tap. Startled, I turned and saw Harper’s dad standing beside the Jeep. He stood aside so I could open the door and join him in the gravel driveway.

  Jack Morrison used to terrify the crap out of me. He loved his family deeply, and he had never really trusted me. I was used to the girls’ fathers’ I dated not liking me, but for some reason—Jack’s opinion had always mattered to me. Probably because Harper thought the world of him, and if he thought I wasn’t worth it…I wasn’t.

  It turned out that he’d been right about that, I hadn’t been, and Jack had to hate me for what I’d put Harper through.

  “Calum.” He sa
id coldly, by way of greeting.

  “Mr. Morrison. It’s good to see you.” I spoke politely, inclining my head.

  “I wish I could say the same.” Jack retorted gravely as he appraised me with a critical eye.

  Inwardly, I sighed. I had a lot of people to answer to, and it was draining the ever-living shit out of me, but it had to be done. “Look—“

  “I don’t want your excuses and explanations, Calum. What I want is your assurance that it will never happen again. You will not hurt my daughter, and you will not hurt my grandson.”

  A breath tumbled out from my lips, and my eyes went to the house before turning back to Harper’s dad.

  “It will never happen again, Sir,” I said this while meeting his unforgiving glare with candor. I had nothing to hide. He studied me for several drawn-out seconds before nodding.

  “All right. We’re good here.” Jack declared, and without another word, he was turning and walking back down the street. I watched until he turned into a driveway six houses down the street and disappeared into the garage. Sparing one more longing look at the yellow house, I opened the door and climbed back inside the Jeep. Wasting no time, I started it and put it in reverse.

  I drove around aimlessly for a bit, trying to rid myself of the restlessness I felt stirring in me before returning to my parents’ house.

  Part of me kicked myself for leaving Harper while knowing it was the best decision. Too much too soon could be an overwhelming thing for her. I had to show her that I was all in, and she had to believe it.

  And staying would have created further complications with Jack. I hadn’t realized her parents had lived close by, but I wasn’t surprised by it, either.

  My cell phone rang, and I answered it through Bluetooth. “Calum? It’s Christy Burnham. I’ve got big news…the homeowners accepted the offer!” My real estate agent’s voice spilled through the speakers, brimming with elation.

  “That’s great!” I exclaimed, grinning. “Closing date and all?”

  “Yup. You’ll get the keys Friday!”