by Rosie Danan
Clara moved her mouth a few times, shaping different letters that didn’t make it past her lips.
“What are you thinking?” His confession left him cracked open and bleeding at her feet.
“You’re saying you want me?” The words trembled in the night air.
Shit. He’d hoped beyond hope they might avoid direct confirmation. The site was set to launch in less than a week. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Naomi had a point about his track record. But what could he do? Lie? Tell Clara no? That when he said he got off most nights thinking about her he’d meant it metaphorically?
“I definitely want you. But to be clear, I’m not asking for anything here. I know you don’t think about me like that.” Clara might find him sexy, but she’d never consider actually dating him. At least she hadn’t asked him if he was in love with her. He’d never been any good at lying.
Clara gaped at him from her chair. “Uh . . . are you kidding?”
“I’m not kidding.” He bent down and blew out the candle so he wouldn’t have to meet her eyes. “But I’ve got zero interest in being your consolation prize. If you wanna wait for Everett to come back, we can forget this conversation happened, okay?” As elation faded, his insides turned black.
“So this is what it feels like,” Clara said, so quiet he almost didn’t catch it. “It’s like someone shook a soda can and opened it inside my chest.”
Josh winced. “Any chance that’s pleasant?” It sounded painful, but something in her eyes made him hope.
She massaged below her clavicle, giving him a weak smile. “It’s amazing.”
He knelt down in front of her, slowly bringing his hands up to cradle her face. “How amazing, exactly? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Clara rubbed her cheek against his palm. “Let’s just say when I imagine the most incredible moment of my life, I’m usually wearing a better outfit.”
Josh ran his thumb across her jawline, mapping the topography of her face. As he drew their mouths closer together he watched her eyelashes flutter closed. “If you’d like, I’m prepared to help you out of these pajamas.”
He captured her startled laugh with his lips, sighing as the first taste of her fell across his tongue. The scent of her floral shampoo, so familiarly tantalizing, surrounded him, bringing back lust-loaded memories of her—wet, naked, and wanting. Impossibly, holding Clara was better than he’d imagined. His whole body came to life under the press of her luscious kiss. At the risk of scaring her with the intensity of his craving for more, he tried to school himself into gentleness. He demanded that his body go slow. Tonight, Josh wanted to show her he was capable of more than she thought.
Clara’s fingers threaded through his long curls and he shivered as she ran her nails against his scalp. Kisses were the hardest thing to fake on set. Josh had spent hours practicing how to tilt his head and move his mouth so that it looked like he cared. There was nothing performative about the urgency that powered this moment. The intensity of his desire mingled with joy walloped him over the head. Josh caught her bottom lip between his teeth, nipping the tender skin until she gasped.
Naomi was right. He was insane to gamble so much. Too bad he didn’t care anymore. Drugged on Clara’s softness, on the sweet sting of her bite as she delivered payback, Josh surrendered. How could anything that felt this good be bad? He pulled Clara to her feet. He wanted access to more of her. All of her.
As their mouths grew more frantic, kissing Clara no longer felt like a choice at all. Touching her, wanting her, felt as crucial as oxygen.
She ran her fingertips below the waistband of his jeans, making his stomach muscles clench. Why was he surprised she wanted the grand finale to this thing that had built up between them?
Josh caught her wrists in his hands. “Slow down. I’m trying to savor you.” You only got one chance with a girl like this, and he didn’t intend to waste it on instant gratification.
Clara let out a tiny whimper, and the sound shot straight to his dick. Relenting, he slipped one of his legs between hers. She seized the opportunity to rock against his thigh. If his cock had been halfway hard before, it could hammer nails now. When she lowered her mouth to his neck and applied pressure, he rolled his hips helplessly. With her body, Clara urged him toward the back door.
“You know, those cardigans of yours are deceptive. I’m not sure you’re a nice girl after all.” He ran featherlight kisses down her jaw and across her collarbone as his back smacked into the side of the house. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.”
Josh trailed his knuckles against the hot stripe of abdomen above Clara’s shorts. His legendary control threatened to dissolve. He meant to kiss her so long and so well that her legs buckled, but already he was the one leaning against the wall for support. Clara hooked her leg up and around his waist, pressing herself against him shamelessly until he swore.
If only he knew whether she wanted Josh Darling or Josh Conners. The panic racing from his head to his body, making him shake, didn’t come from stage fright. Something worse, something bigger made him lock his knees.
Over the last two years, he’d drained sex of any emotional component. Not only in his performances, but with Naomi as well. She didn’t allow feelings to mix with her fellatio.
As he ran his fingers through Clara’s hair, Josh wasn’t just savoring. He was stalling. Fear had coupled with the desire singing in his veins.
He could fuck with the best of them, but this wasn’t about fucking. Taking his clothes off tonight would test his ability to open not just his pants but his heart for Clara.
He brushed his hands gently up her sides to rest on her shoulders, ignoring her breasts so obviously that she let out a frustrated groan and pounded her fists against his chest in protest.
“I’m savored, I promise,” she told him tartly, reaching for his zipper.
“Jesus.” He hissed as he felt her hot little hands through his jeans. “You’re perfect. Did you know that?”
He molded his hands to her breasts, giving them each exactly what they wanted. Josh sucked in a deep, ragged breath. “Fuck.”
Clara arched into his touch. “Josh?”
He maintained his position but made eye contact with her. The white noise from the street thundered in his ears.
“We’re about to have sex, aren’t we?” She chewed her bottom lip.
He laughed, bringing his forehead to rest against hers. “Yes, Wheaton.” He pressed a tiny kiss between her brows. “We’re about to have sex.” The idea of not living up to her expectations terrified him, but as he took in her flushed cheeks and her lush mouth, he knew he had no choice. He’d give Clara everything he had, even if it killed him.
chapter twenty-seven
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE leaving the lights on?” Josh lingered by the doorway with his hair mussed from her fingers and his lips swollen from her mouth.
Clara’s heart rattled against her rib cage. “Yes.” In for a penny, in for a pound. She might have done a lot of crazy things in the last few months, but this one definitely took the cake.
Josh rewarded her answer with eyes that promised to watch as she came apart underneath him.
But still, Clara froze. She knew herself, knew that she’d never managed to separate sex from love before. And with Josh, the stakes were so much higher. She already liked him as a person, respected him as a professional, hell, she even knew they could successfully cohabit. Falling for him would be laughably easy, so sleeping with him should have presented an impossible risk. Except for one truth. Loving Josh went against every expectation she’d ever known. Every dream her family had ever set for her. Every future she’d ever imagined.
Maybe those walls would be enough to protect her. Maybe she could have amazing, mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex and still somehow be safe from a broken heart.
Unlike with Everett, this situation
was clear. Josh hadn’t promised her anything more than a culmination of the unyielding desire between them. He hadn’t asked her on a date or to be his girlfriend. It seemed simple: if she could find a way to play by his rules, she could be happy. She could have Josh, for as long as they had left.
For once, take what’s offered without expecting more. One night with Josh was more than most women could hope for in a lifetime.
“You’re panicking.” Josh crossed the room and reached for her hand.
“I’m not,” she lied, keeping her gaze fixed on his shoulder. Was the bed too pedestrian a setting? Should she slink into the bathroom and put on something lacy? How on earth could she ever live up to his plethora of kinky experiences? She didn’t have any whips or chains. No blindfolds or toys. Novelty and proximity were the only things she really had going for her. Should she dial up the “good girl” thing? Pretend she felt shy instead of wanton and feral?
“Hey.” He tilted her chin. “We don’t have to do this tonight if you’re not ready.” Josh tugged her against him and stroked his free hand against her hair before kissing the crown of her head. “I’ll happily sit on the couch and make out.”
“No,” Clara said desperately, pulling back so she could bring her free hand up to his neck and hold him to her by his curls. She poured desire into her kiss, probably bruising him in her eagerness. “I mean,” she said against his lips, “no, thank you.”
Her body hummed with demands. His mouth should come with a warning label. Josh kissed her like a man come home from war. Like the thought of her alone had kept him warm across a thousand lonely nights.
They kissed until she clung to his neck to stay on her feet. Until her worries dissolved right out of her brain. Josh walked her backward to the bed, tearing at her clothes as he covered her body with his own. Thank goodness. Clothing had become an unbearable burden. She considered every second not spent with him touching her bare skin a second wasted.
His mouth worked hot and sweet against the pulse point behind her ear as he peeled her top over her breasts. Everything he did sent her into a lascivious tailspin. Until she scraped her blunt fingernails against his back through the thin cotton of his T-shirt.
“I don’t have any moves,” she warned him between heavy breaths as he divested her of her shirt entirely.
Josh sat back to look at her. Gold hair fell against his forehead, casting a shadow across his heated eyes. He discarded his own T-shirt haphazardly. “I’ll worry about the moves.” He pulled her into his lap so she sat astride him and took her earlobe between his teeth in a way that shot straight to her sex.
Clara let her hands ride the thick slabs of his shoulders. She wanted to taste him everywhere. Wanted him in ways she’d never wanted anyone—frantic and messy and completely out of control.
Helping her out of her sports bra without sparing the fabric a second glance, Josh stroked her bare breasts. As he teased her, Clara writhed from the acute ache he elicited.
“Please.” She didn’t have words to ask for all of the things she wanted.
He brought his mouth to replace his fingers, using his teeth to apply decadent pressure. Each flick of his tongue was flawless. She’d never considered her body especially carnal, but now she felt made for sex, engineered for pleasure from head to toe.
“Please what?” Josh sucked a love bite into the top of her breast.
Clara moved away from him to shove her boxers and underwear down and off, before sitting back and letting her thighs fall open. “Shut up.”
He groaned and leaned forward, bringing his hand between her legs. “I knew you’d be like this.” His gravelly voice made her shiver. “So hot for me. So ready. Have you thought about it?” Josh circled the tips of two fingers against her clit. Clara was wet enough that they could both hear it as he handled her. “About what I’d do to you if you ever let me?”
She bucked her hips and whimpered. “Yes. Oh God.” Every night for months that passed like years. “Yes.”
Josh closed his eyes for a moment as if he wanted to savor her confession.
Bending down, he lifted her hips toward his mouth, tracing over her slick flesh with his lips, teeth, and tongue. All of the things that Clara knew to be true, including the limits of time and space, ceased to exist. Josh wanted her. Every touch, every rough sound he made, confirmed the unimaginable.
Later, when he made her come on his tongue, she keened, feeling more animal than human as she dug her nails into the meat of his arms. Josh brought her down gently. His soothing touches prolonged her pleasure and prepped her body for more. “It’s going to be tight.” Josh’s warning warred with his wild eyes.
“I don’t care,” Clara said when she could collect enough air to form words again.
Josh looked at her like she was something precious as he got to his feet. The purr of his zipper descending cut through the loaded silence. She let herself stare, gorged on the way his muscles moved under his golden skin. Clara licked her lips. She couldn’t decide what she liked best. The curve of his jaw, the curl of his biceps, the flat planes of his stomach, the sharp dip of his hips. Her mouth went dry. His thick cock.
Clara inhaled, and let it out slowly. She’d seen the videos, had watched him touch himself, but now, confronted with the reality of his size and . . . girth . . . when it had a new destination . . . well, it wasn’t that she wasn’t game. Her thighs were soaked with how much she wanted him. But the math of it all remained hazy.
Had another man ever been so confident? So fluid and lupine as he stalked toward her.
Josh’s skin was hot and sweat-slick as Clara leaned forward to run her hands across all the places she’d consumed with her eyes. “Your body is unreal. I know you know”—ab muscles contracted under her fingertips—“but I thought it was worth repeating.” She dipped her thumbs into the harsh curve between his leg and his groin. “Really . . . ten out of ten.”
Josh withstood her appraisal, let her take her time, until she caught his gaze and traced her tongue across her bottom lip.
“If you keep eye-fucking me like that, this is all going to be over before it starts.” His voice had turned into a mixture of smoke and flame.
Bending down, he captured her mouth again, threading his hands in her hair. Between each of his drugging kisses, Clara’s breathing grew more ragged.
She didn’t want to laugh, knew you shouldn’t laugh at a gentleman recently divested of his pants, but she let a small nervous giggle escape against his lips in spite of herself.
He pulled back. “What just happened?”
Clara covered her face with her hands. “Sometimes I have inappropriate reactions to stress.”
This time the laugh came from him, and some of the tension left his shoulders. “Is my dick stressing you out?”
Clara curled her lips into her mouth and gave a tiny nod.
Josh winced and ran a hand down his face. “I get it.”
“You do?” Had he guessed that she was too inexperienced to accommodate him? Was it somehow physically obvious?
“Yeah, I mean, I’m sure you’re turned off thinking about my job. Probably wondering if I’m even capable of having sex without cameras . . .” He waved his hand in a broad sweeping gesture below his waist. His whole body carried signs of defeat, although to his credit that erection didn’t budge.
Clara’s eyebrows jumped together. Turned off? Was he crazy?
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and leaned forward. The quickest way to show Josh she loved his dick didn’t involve words.
“What are y— Oh God.” Josh sighed as she took the tip of his erection between her lips. His fingers shook as he slid them through her hair, and she lifted a hand, wrapping it around the base. He groaned as she ran her tongue around the head. Clara lifted her eyes, only to have her heart skip as Josh stared down at her with naked lust. Usually, her insecurities do
minated this exercise, but this wasn’t about her. It was about showing Josh how he drove her wild.
Judging by the way he swelled against the back of her throat as he held her gaze, Josh didn’t care about her lack of finesse.
“Holy shit.” Each expression and response rewarded her for her efforts. He pulled her hair away from her face into a messy ponytail, but still, he applied no pressure. Instead, he ran his fingertips soothingly against the base of her scalp, making her sigh around her mouthful.
“You’re driving me insane, Clara. Look at what you do to me.” His fierce brown eyes held intensity she hadn’t expected, and when she balked and dropped her gaze he guided her head gently back up with his thumb across the apple of her cheek.
She took in the strain in his jaw as she moved, the way his eyes had gone heavy-lidded and hazy, how his neck went taut. Josh, usually so calm and collected, looked enraptured.
Clara kept her eyes trained on his face as she brought her hands to his ass. When she sank her nails in lightly, he threw back his head. The pulse in his throat jumped. Emboldened, Clara tried something she’d only read about in Cosmo. She hummed.
His grip on her hair tightened and he hissed through his teeth. “Clara.” Her name came out more breath than word. Josh took a step back, his eyes tortured, frantic, as he pulled her to her feet so her back rested flush against his front.
“I’ve wanted you for months,” he said against the shell of her ear. “I’m done waiting.” Josh traced his hand along her rib cage and hip before moving between her legs, inserting two and then three fingers while his other hand held her in place at her waist.
She gasped, clenching around him, breathless at the promise of being filled. All the oxygen in the room evaporated. Clara had to work twice as hard for every breath. Blood pounded in her ears so loud she worried it was affecting her vision. Every atom in her body demanded more. “Condom?”
He untangled himself from her long enough to pull out a foil packet from a bedside drawer and roll it on.