by K. E. Young
"Your majesty! I never…"
"You did, Ren!" Urash's tone was hard. "Just last night! You were there when I ordered Captain Blas to take his men to Therysal and protect Lady Sara. You were there and you heard me say she was to be guarded by trustworthy people at all times!
"Yet I found last night you informed Captain Blas you had brought guardsmen specifically to guard Lady Sara at Kaio's request. You told him they would take over as soon as she reached camp, but when she arrived, there were no guards. Kaio came to me wanting to know why she was unguarded. His lady accompanied him despite her hurts and exhaustion because he didn't dare leave her unguarded."
"When we questioned the guardsmen you brought, they said you had ordered them to guard her if she took up residence in quarters away from your son! They assumed if she were with Kaio, he would guard her. A servant overheard you say that if she took up residence with your son then she was as much a traitor as your son was and didn't deserve protection. Perhaps a night on her own without safety would convince her to make the right choice."
He took another sip. "Guarded at all times by trustworthy people. I no longer consider you trustworthy. You ignored and interfered with my orders. Captain Blas has the duty of protecting her now. Quite likely, I will make that duty permanent because Lady Sara's value is not dependent on her being Empress, Ren."
"So tell me. Are you a traitor? Because the only other option I can see is if your selfish, arrogant, prideful spite overcame your good sense. Everyone knows your feelings towards your son. You call him dishonorable and a blight on the clan, yet everyone who has ever known and worked with him knows he is as honorable as they come. No one has ever had anything bad to say about him but you. I am honored he serves me, as is Dragos.
"Kaio isn't the first spymaster in the family. Your father was spymaster to your grandfather. Your sister served as spymaster first to your father and then to your brother Rhal before she retired and Lord Kadingir's eldest son, Daro, took over. There are always spymasters Ren. It's a necessary role. Many of the Emperors of history served as spymaster at least for a time. It's excellent training in the necessities of the state. When nations get involved, what is honorable changes. The best good for the most people. Personal honor is no longer a consideration."
Kaio looked down with a fond smile before schooling his face back into impassivity. "Sara said it becomes a choice of what is the greater honor. Where is the honor in allowing a despot to slaughter his own people as long as he doesn't disturb your borders? Isn't it the greater honor to remove him even if you don't benefit? If so, what is worse, using an assassination where only the one evil man dies or using armies that slaughter innocents on both sides? Sometimes the shadow path is the more honorable."
Urash shot him a grin. "Well put!
Kaio's lips twitched and he tipped his head. "Of course, she also said families and clans don't have honor, they have a reputation. It's the people who make up the family or clan who have honor. She thinks my father has mistaken reputation for honor and concerns himself too much with what others think. Pride —" his eyes skated to Ren, "or perhaps insecurity."
Urash looked thoughtful. "Your Lady is wise."
Urash turned back to Ren. "You will publicly apologize to both Kaio and his lady. I will hear no more complaints about Kaio's choices. You may keep your opinions if you wish, but if you voice them publicly, I may see fit to remember your treason. Stay out of politics. Permanently. I'm tired of cleaning up your messes and I don't wish to see your stupidity harm Lady Zenra any further. She doesn't deserve it. Kaio might get more than a little upset about it too and I will no longer block him should he Challenge you again. I repeat — No politics! You are not Emperor and the fate of nations is not yours to decide.
"One last item." The Emperor leaned close and his voice chilled noticeably. "Lady Sara will not be Empress. That is final. There are reasons for this decision I will not enumerate for you, but if you address the subject with her, you could cause her pain or even harm and I would be nearly as upset with you as Kaio would. As it is, she's not happy with you. If I were you, I would expect a slap when she first meets you. After reading the note you sent to Kaio, I want to slap you myself."
He stood straight. "Get the apology to Lady Sara done first. She could use your help. You may be a political disaster, but you are still our finest scholar and you have much to offer that could be helpful or invaluable to all in our current peril. You may go."
The much-chastened elder Shalatu rose slowly to his feet and exited.
Kaio looked at Urash. "Thank you. He didn't want to let it go. He would have hurt her without even realizing it."
Urash sighed. "I've been putting off that particular talk for too long."
Kaio snorted. "By all rights, your father should have been the one to give it to him."
Urash laughed. "Or Grandfather. He had to have noticed how bad his scholarly son was with politics."
Kaio wasn't convinced. "Maybe. Mother says he didn't always get involved as he does now. She says he's gotten worse as he gets older and Grandfather died over twenty years ago. I don't remember him concerning himself with this sort of thing when I was a kid."
"What does he have against you? He wasn't always like this was he?"
"No. He mostly ignored me until about halfway through my fifteenth year. Pandonea's grandson was being an arrogant ushayru. Sano, Dragos, and I wanted to teach him a small lesson in humility and confronted him in the practice ring. He teamed up with the sons of Lords Casettis, Gulkulkan, and Torabreth. Girru could hit like a mallet even then. We still won the fight and Father got upset. Said I had spoiled everything. Turns out, my father was trying to arrange my marriage to Pandonea's daughter, and our very public humiliation of his precious grandson caused Lord Pandonea to reconsider the matter. I've been father's favorite target ever since."
"Pandonea's daughter? When you were fifteen? Wouldn't she have been almost old enough to be your mother at the time?"
Kaio laughed. "Yes. She seemed unhappy it didn't happen too."
Urash snickered. "You were always favored by the ladies."
Kaio held a finger up. "Not as favored as Sano though. At least the ladies of Drakken are well-behaved. Mostly."
"I take it the ladies of Therys aren't? I thought…" He looked confused.
Kaio sighed, his humor spent. "They're looking for protectors. They know dragonlords won't hurt them or whore them out to other men. Which makes us preferable to even marriage with an Ansoren lord. We've all had to find ways to keep them at a distance. Sano avoids them. When he does have to deal with them, he's cold enough to drop the temperature of the room. Dragos and Gelal intimidate them, Arhis hides, Girru outright scares them, and I… was less than kind to them. I was the same way to Sara when she first arrived. Fortunately, she has forgiven me. I still feel guilty about it though. I still feel I have a lot to make up for."
Urash nodded. "I saw some of that in Sara's memories. We all make mistakes. We try to make sure they aren't fatal. You made yours and I've made mine. The gods will, no one's dead yet." He swirled the dregs in his cup contemplatively.
Kaio chuckled. "There's still time."
"Do you think she can forgive me for my blunders?"
"I'm certain she already has."
A small smile bloomed on Urash's face. "Perhaps not all is forfeit then. I can't have her as my Empress, but it would be nice to have her as a friend. She is a formidable person in her own quiet way. Does she even realize she won over the great General Istanetlu with a few words? That man gives his loyalty where he wills yet a few words from this slip of a woman and he would follow her through whatever demon's realm she chose. Her strength is humbling."
"Yet she is so fragile at the same time." Kaio put in with a sigh.
Urash frowned. "I cannot understand how she can endure such horrors and still be fragile. Yet she is. I have seen it for myself."
"She's not a warrior. She endures. It's what she knows. Her nightmare lasted
for years. She has spent more time living in torment than she has spent cherished. She understands torment. It's when she's faced with what we consider normal that she's set adrift. So little of her life has been normal she doesn't know how to handle it. She barely even recognizes it."
Urash nodded sadly. "I hope you can change that. Even her strength has its limits. I saw how close she is to the end of her strength Kaio, and how much of what strength she has, she owes to your support. I don't think she meant for me to see that. The pain she endured… Kaio, even breathing caused her pain. Pain she would have had to face for the rest of her life." Urash barked a pained laugh. "I always thought I had suffered growing up alone. Always pushed to be better, to be a proper Emperor, and never allowed to be who and what I wanted. I never felt as if I measured up to the standards they set for me. Now I know what true suffering is and it makes me feel… petty."
Kaio reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "Sara would tell you to be the person you choose to be rather than the person others would have you be. She said something of the sort to me."
Urash snorted. "I repeat, your Lady is wise. I think — I would rather be a person who is not petty or arrogant or weak."
Kaio's expression lightened into a smile. "It is your choice."
"Yes, it is." Urash laughed. "I wish I had gotten to know you better when we were younger. I might have found it easier to be myself instead of being who they expected me to be."
Kaio's smile broadened. It was about time the little snot got over himself — or maybe he was as much a victim as Sara was, merely in a different way. Sara had opened his eyes. He had to laugh inside. Maybe he had been a bit of a snot too. "As I said, there is still time. Maybe, if you get the time, you could stop by the library and talk to Sara. She would appreciate the chance to talk to someone besides me. She has been too alone in her life."
Urash's face bore a wistful smile. "I'd like that." His face assumed a more purposeful mien, although his normal emotionlessness was missing. "Now, what can you tell me about the ruling families of Vallen and the others? The pattern you and Dragos identified bothers me and we need a way to identify our opposition…"
Sara: 34th of Hunting, 3837
I had been at it for hours and I was weary. Calum or Thorn would bring me food regularly, but even eating didn't seem to break my concentration. The pieces were coming together, but there was so much I still didn't know. I had been over all of the Accuser documents mentioning the valbore. They spoke surprisingly little about them. I had expected a higher level of magical knowledge given how much of a threat they were to the Mage-Kings, but it appears they used subterfuge and assassination more than magic to effect the changes they wanted.
Now I was going over everything the Mage-Kings had collected hoping to find something that would lead me in the right direction. Unfortunately, there was no mention of the Arboren in those documents so I had yet to find a link between the valbore and the Arboren outside our current problem, much less anything on the valbore themselves.
I was going over an intelligence report that was detailing suspected activity by the Accusers when a name and turn of phrase caught my attention. 'Servants of the Arboren' was the phrase, but as written, it would be pronounced 'Val'Ar Arboren'. The similarity to valbore was striking. Arboren. Val'Ar Arboren. Valbore. I turned to one of the mages helping me. "I need everything we can find on the Arboren."
"Did you find something, my lady?" The Emperor's voice came from behind me.
"Maybe. This is an early intelligence report on Accuser activity. It mentions that the Accusers were searching for information on the 'servants of the Arboren', but the actual phrase is pronounced Val'Ar Arboren."
"My lady?" His expression was quizzical.
"Valbore your Majesty. I think valbore is a bastardization of Val'Ar Arboren. It might not be much, but it gives us a link to our current troubles."
"It's more than we had before."
"Yes. Let's hope it's enough."
"I came to see if there is anything more I can do to help. Are you comfortable enough? It can be a little chilly here so I asked a mage to make sure it stays warm where you're working."
He seemed a little shy and I remembered what Kaio had to say about my first meeting with the Emperor. I smiled. "I'm very comfortable, thank you. Everyone has been extremely helpful." Not sure how to continue, I paused awkwardly. "I wanted to thank you again for your help on the river. I'm sorry about all the screaming and the tears. Can you forgive me? I hope you don't think too badly of me."
He smiled sheepishly. "If you can forgive me for my arrogance in assuming you would be my Empress." He took on a hopeful look. "I want you as a friend but I've never had one so I don't really know how to go about it. Can we be friends anyway?"
I couldn't help but laugh at his expression. "That makes two of us. I never had many friends when I was little and after my father died everything went wrong and I had none."
His smile dimmed. "Yes. I'll admit that I saw more than I believe you intended me to, so I know what you mean. When I was growing up, I was so lonely. Dragos, Kaio, and Sano were always around, but they were older and I was always with the tutor. Five years isn't much difference now, but when I was little, it seemed a lot more. Father wasn't well and everyone knew I might not have time to grow up before I had to take his place. They never allowed me the time or the opportunity to have fun. I thought I was suffering but I think back on it now and I can't believe how stupid I was. I knew nothing of real suffering."
The embroidery of his tunic was scratchy under the hand I laid on his shoulder. "Because you weren't tortured doesn't mean you didn't suffer. They were forcing you to become what someone else decided you needed to be. You had no more choice in your life than I did. The methods used were different is all. Not all abuse is physical. The healers told me that some of the most damaging abuse comes from words. Words such as 'I want what's best for you', 'You know better than that', 'You're being too sensitive', 'If you would pay attention', and 'Why can't you be more like — whoever'. They were right. In the end, the results are the same. You're beaten into submission."
His expression was hard to read. His mouth opened and then closed again as he thought about what I said. Eventually, he figured out what he wanted to say. "Those very words. My primary tutor seemed rather fond of them. He sounded so reasonable, but I always felt bad afterward. Not good enough."
"You see. You did suffer — just in a different way, your Majesty."
He gave a real smile this time. "Sara, we're friends. Call me Urash."
I smiled happily. I had a friend!
Dragos: 34th of Hunting, 3837
Dragos watched the courier take off for Drakken with satisfaction. Among the documents he was taking back was the paperwork registering Sara as his ward and heir. Urash had already signed them so another officious little administrator wouldn't interfere this time.
He took great pleasure in the knowledge that Urash had already reassigned the one who had denied Kaio's request. Urash was not happy with the fellow and his career was effectively over. He would never be anything more than the sewer inspector he was now.
The courier also carried specifications for a very particular gift for Sara. He hoped it would arrive in time.
Sara: 34th of Hunting, 3837
Urash and I had talked for the better part of an hour before he had to leave. I took a few minutes to use the facilities and stretch out my stiff muscles.
When I returned, a man caught my attention. He was hanging in the background as if he was trying not to come to anyone's attention but was too restless to be successful at it. He reminded me of a kid wanting to buy a fix but trying not to come to the attention of the cop on the corner. Nervous. Once I focused on him, I realized he was Kaio's father. The resemblance was too striking. He was heavier and his wavy hair was shorter, but the bone structure was identical. This was the man Kaio would become later in life. I had to admit he was as striking as his son was. That didn't change the
fact I was angry with him though.
I walked up to him. "You're Kaio's father."
The deer in the headlight expression confirmed it despite his lack of verbal confirmation. "Why do you hate your son? What did he do to you that was so bad you would forget that he is your own flesh and blood and revile him? Children should be cherished. Can you think so little of yourself that you would tear down your own son to make yourself look better?"
His expression of shock was echoed by Captain Blas's sharp gasp. I didn't care if I had crossed a line. For the first time in my life, I was angry. I couldn't seem to defend myself, but I'd be damned if I would let Kaio's father hurt him the way so many others had hurt me. From there it all boiled over and I couldn't stop.
"What gave you the idea I had any interest in being Empress? What made you assume that I would meekly accept your decision to make me into a sex slave and broodmare? Who gave you the right to decide what my life would be? You cannot take away from me the one person I have loved since my father died! How dare you! How dare you treat your own son that way, hurt him that way? Kaio is the kindest, most caring person I've known since my father died. How dare you treat him as if he unworthy? In your arrogance, did you ever stop and ask yourself if you had the right? You are not a god!" My volume had increased with each question until I was screaming at him at the last.
"I'm sorry!" He yelled. "I'm sorry. I was wrong." He wouldn't look me in the eye, but he looked miserable.
"He is your son." Didn't he realize that family was precious?
"Is he? The court isn't so sure of that. There are those who think he's Rhal's son. I am sorry for being so presumptive. I should not have assumed that your path was to be Empress. It is your choice and regardless of the results, it does not diminish you or your value in the world. I know it won't be easy for you to forgive me but I hope you will give me a chance, even if it's merely for the sake of our fight against the valbore."