True Bastard: A Dark Sparrow Novel

by India Kells

  With an endearing smile, Liam scooped Cary in his arms, and Catriona did the same with Ted and tucked them both in their beds. The house had three bedrooms, but the boys had asked to share a bedroom, and Catriona understood why. Between the application to adopt the boys and the house, they still feared it was temporary, and relied on the only permanence they knew—each other. She suspected they would require seeing the finalized paperwork as soon as it went through. Chewy padded into the room and circled a few times before hopping onto Ted’s bed and sprawled comfortably onto the mattress with a yawn.

  Catriona kissed both her boys, making sure they were settled before turning the lights off and heading back to the living room, acutely aware of Liam remaining close.

  “Would you like something to eat? Or drink?”

  Liam rubbed his stomach. “I take another bite and my stomach will burst. I don’t think I should’ve followed Cary’s lead. If you’re not careful, he’ll eat you out of house and home.”

  His accurate description of Cary becoming a teenager made her laugh. “I’ll make sure to get a well-paid job, I never want him to go hungry again.”

  When she let herself fall back on the sofa again, Liam followed suit, and Catriona was brought out of fantasyland and the questions raised by Liam’s sudden appearance. However, it was the man who spoke first.

  “I didn’t think you’d change careers so suddenly.”

  “You’re referring to me deciding not to a become a nun?” She swallowed hard. “It didn’t make sense anymore. When I decided to start the adoption process with Cary and Ted, everything became so clear.”

  Liam seemed to analyze each of her words. “People could’ve taken care of them. There are services and professionals for that.”

  Her first reaction was to be offended by his words, but the expression on his face told her that there was no judgment in him, but only a sincere desire to hear her.

  “I think that every step we take in life, we’re given choices and possibilities. Cary chose to rob me then saved my life, and his path intersected mine. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t decide to adopt them due to gratitude. Something changed inside me. Cary and Ted are a touch of bright color in a cup of white. As soon as they’re mixed, the initial color is never quite the same. They transformed me and my path, making going back to the convent irrelevant. I didn’t want that life anymore, I wanted more.”

  From his intense gaze, Catriona saw understanding seeping through Liam. “It’s a beautiful illustration. I see it now. Cary and Ted colored me too. So, did you.”

  Catriona almost ceased breathing at his words as he addressed the elephant in the room, going back to that fateful fork in their joined road. His swirling gaze pulled at her, but she needed more than attraction from him. She yearned for honesty, even if it was clear it wasn’t comfortable for Liam. Even if what he said finished shattering her heart.

  “My entire life has been about crawling out of the hole Finch left me in, but also with the shadow of my mother’s resentment hanging over me. There wasn’t a day she didn’t remind me how I destroyed her life, robbed her of her only chance to be with God. There was no way I could compare. When you barged into my life, I couldn’t help but make comparisons even if there were none to make. You couldn’t be further away from my mother, both in looks and character, apart from the faint red in your hair that appears when the sun catches it. Nonetheless, how could I corrupt you, even if it was what you wanted? I was no better than Finch when I fought to be everything he wasn’t. When I couldn’t fight anymore, I hung onto the knowledge that it was only a hiccup and that you’d return to the life you were intended for. I was convinced that it was where you belonged, where you’d accomplish the most good. Even if I wanted to keep you close, even if I craved your touch, even if I’d fallen in love with you.”

  Mouth dry and chest tight, Catriona forced out what she’d kept hidden for too long. “You never told me. Do you know how much I hoped to hear you say those words?” Her eyes flooded with tears and Liam crouched in front of her, grabbing her hands.

  “Angel, I think I loved you as soon as I saw you. I battled everything in me to guard you, but you didn’t need protection or guidance. It wasn’t you who needed me, but the opposite. I caused you suffering, angel. Will you ever forgive me?”

  There was nothing to forgive, Catriona realized, as they both cared and wanted to protect the other and put their well-being and happiness before their own.

  She cupped his whiskered cheeks, his expression sincere and raw, plainly exposed for her to see.

  Unable to convey with words what only her heart could express, Catriona leaned forward, and kissed his forehead. Liam inhaled sharply but stayed still as she skimmed her lips to his temples, down his cheeks to the corner of his mouth. Through this newfound connection, everything righted itself in her.

  “You were always forgiven, Liam. I love you.” And once the words were finally out, being woven together into the air, she kissed him.

  The first touch was tentative, but lust roared, demanding. Catriona needed to erase what had been and reacquaint herself to what could be. Hope blossoming between them.

  Opening her knees so Liam could get closer, she moaned in disagreement when he denied her. One look told her he wanted her as much as she did him, so why had he stopped?

  “Angel, you don’t know how much of a temptation you are. I came here with honorable intentions. Please hear me out.”

  Catriona would have laughed at his outrage and him calling her a temptress if he didn’t put a knee down. He straightened, keeping one of her hands in both of his, slightly hesitant and unsure, very unlike him.

  That’s when her brain realized what he was doing, sending a shockwave through her system.

  “Catriona Walsh, angel of my life. I’m just a poor cop from Chicago, with more scars than I should have. I don’t have much to offer as you already have my heart. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

  Before she could make her mouth work again, he reached into his pocket and retrieved a ring. It was small and delicate and gleamed in the dim light from the television.

  The new year may have passed, but everything felt fresh and new. Catriona smiled and nodded, transforming Liam’s face as never before. Peace, love, and pure joy lit his face when he slid the ring on her finger and finally took her in his arms.

  Liam took her mouth in a searing kiss. There was nothing chaste about it, but full of promise, love, and lust.

  Coming up for air, Liam was still smiling from ear to ear. “You made me a very happy man, angel.”

  “Well, you may think differently when you’re fighting with obstinate boys and one very messy dog.”

  It was his turn to kiss her forehead. “I can’t wait to put all my negotiating skills at your service. I may need some coaching about cleaning, though.”

  “And what about changing diapers?”

  It was a delight to be able to surprise him even more. “You’re pregnant?”

  “I’ve been too scared to take a pregnancy test, but for the first time, I’ve missed my period. I might very well be. Does that change your proposal?”

  Liam didn’t answer, and instead hugged and twirled her around until she felt deliciously dizzy.

  It took a couple more seconds to realize that he was carrying her to her bedroom. “If you’re in doubt, let’s work on it some more. There’s always room for improvement, and you know how much I hate not to get the job done properly.”

  Catriona laughed at his silly mood, but stopped when he kicked her bedroom door closed and let her body slide against him in a silent promise of what was to come.

  “I knew from the first time I saw you that there was something special about you. I noticed small miracles happening all around you, and wondered, but I never thought you would grant me one of my own. I love you, my miracle, my love, my angel.”

  Epilogue

  Two months earlier, New Year’s Eve

  As he turned away from the f
estive crowd celebrating the arrival of the new year, Sam Sarkhan strayed deeper into the city, seeking solace he knew was nowhere to be found, neither in the heavens nor in the underbelly of Chicago.

  For a week now, nightmares plagued his soul whether he was awake or battling for sleep with an intensity he could no longer bear. The suffering and trauma he’d tried to suppress from infancy couldn’t be contained anymore.

  It was one of the reasons he enrolled in the army as a young man and became one of the most skilled and dangerous soldiers in his home country; to be prepared to confront and take down the demon who’d made sure to destroy his life from the very moment Sam took his first breath.

  What wrecked him even more was that it had been all for nothing. The demon had won.

  Sam hunched against the bitter wind and as he reached the river. The area was so peaceful at this time of night, free of tourists and busy workers milling around. It wasn’t as calm like the desert of his youth, but there, that was the only thing he had.

  The water echoed the sky, dark and deep with blocks of ice floating along like glittering stars. It beckoned to him, beckoning his soul, promising peace, and the quieting of the demon devouring him.

  He wished he had another solution, but Sam knew there wasn’t one.

  Silence and calm were pulling at him like a siren’s song. He’d had enough and wanted to end it tonight.

  His thoughts went to his brothers, all five of them, who’d pulled him out of the darkness, if only for a time. Good men, honorable men in their own way, who’d bonded to slay their common enemy. Sam was convinced they’d succeed, even without him.

  As a soldier, he knew that the weakest link decided the outcome of a battle, and he wouldn’t allow himself to be that link. His brothers deserved to defeat their common dragon, their father.

  When his eyes got lost in the flowing waters, Sam barely noticed the soft snowflakes whirling all around him.

  A faint smile came to him as he thought about the young boy he’d been, raised by the Bedouins in the desert, who wouldn’t have believed the marvels of the world, let alone the miracle of frozen water coming down from the sky.

  It had been so long ago, with very few moments of happiness in between.

  Tiredness pulled at Sam like a terminal disease, one he knew he wouldn’t survive. One thing was for sure; he wouldn’t wait until he became the very thing he despised.

  He looked around and there wasn’t a soul to see him. With a certainty of what he needed to do next, he pulled his cell phone from his coat. He owed it to his brothers, especially Lazarus, to let them know to no longer search for him, and wish them well on their mission. He’d leave a message and be done with it.

  With numb fingers, he dug up his phone and dialed his brother’s voicemail.

  “Hello?”

  The female voice that answered took him by surprise, he didn’t expect someone to answer at all. Sam didn’t recognize who was on the other end of the line. As he hesitated, the woman continued.

  “Hello? Are you still there?”

  The voice was soft and warm, with a hint of worry in it. Sam didn’t like being the one causing this mysterious woman to worry.

  “I’m sorry. I think I dialed the wrong number.”

  The feminine voice lightened. “Who were you trying to call?”

  Before he could stop himself, Sam answered. “I was trying to reach my brother. I must’ve made a mistake. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

  “No worries. It’s New Year’s Eve after all. You want to share it with your family. You’re lucky to have one.”

  Sam caught that sad lilt in her voice. It mirrored his swirling darkness, unexpected kin of some sort.

  “You don’t have a family?” Sam was surprised he even asked the question, as if it were pulled from his mouth without his consent.

  This time, the silence stretched from the other side of the line. That’s when he heard the faint background noise of a car passing by and the wind picking up. She was outside like him.

  “Miss? Are you still there?”

  The wind blew through the tenuous connection until her voice returned on the line. “I’m glad you called me by mistake. Sometimes, when you’re out there helping people, you still feel alone. It can become almost untenable, such as tonight. Do you understand? Like constantly emptying your cup without having it filled.”

  Taken back by what she’d just revealed, a confession that rang so similar to his own, was like putting the mirror right in the face of his suffering.

  “Yes, the more it empties, the more torment replaces it, without it having any way out.”

  “Yes. Torment is the right word for it, don’t you think?”

  Sam didn’t know how to answer when she laughed, even if it was so sad. “I’m so sorry to swamp you with my melancholy, whoever you are. I’m sure you have better things to do than listen to me ramble. You must call your brother, wish him a happy new year and go celebrate with him.”

  The more she spoke, the more her distress materialized in his mind. In a weird twist, destiny had linked them both, and that voice acted as a buoy, holding him up just before he was about to drown, although Sam feared she was drowning as well.

  “And you?” Sam wasn’t ready to break the connection yet. Part of him was still gasping for air and wanted to keep breathing.

  “I need to go to work. I’m on my way now, although I’m so tired, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do my shift, even less finish it. I fear I won’t be able…”

  That simple sentence would’ve sounded innocuous if not for how her soft voice hollowed out, a sign that it would soon fall silent, and he couldn’t let her go yet.

  “Won’t be able to what? Talk to me.” He sounded brasher than he wished, but without knowing who or where she was, he only had his voice to keep her on the line.

  “It’s like someone has chipped away at what’s left of my heart. I don’t think I can go on anymore.”

  Beyond the words, it was the tears and void he sensed that made Sam shiver. This stranger echoed the exact sentiment that had been poisoning him. However, why did it enrage him to hear it from this woman when he accepted this fact for himself?

  “Go on doing what?”

  Through a sigh, Sam detected a faint sob. “I lost another one. When I reached him, he was cold and dead, all alone in this freezing weather. I thought I could save him, but he was already gone.” Another sob came through the line, clogging Sam’s throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have burdened you. I need to leave now.”

  “Wait! Please. Are you going to be okay?”

  The woman didn’t answer, and it was clear she forced a smile to her voice when she replied. “Whoever you are, I wish you a happy new year.”

  “Don’t hang up!” The woman didn’t hear his sharp order. Why had her last word sounded like the same goodbye he’d wanted to give Lazarus only moments ago?

  The protector inside him, as well as some unknown emotions he’d yet to explain, sent a string of warnings through him; if he didn’t act, if he didn’t reach the woman who had unknowingly pulled him from taking his own life, she’d vanish, and bring him down with her. One way or another, he’d found a fellow companion, and he needed to get to her.

  It didn’t change his decision, but now, before he could find solace, he had one last mission to accomplish, one last soul to save.

  The End

  Don’t miss Sam and Ellie’s story in the next installment of the Dark Sparrows Series.

  Discover Aleksei and Deva’s story in Lost Bastard, Book 1

  In front of her, skin glistened, and men grunted, as the sound of slapping flesh resonated, it made her heart skip a little, reminding her that she had been alone, willingly, for a long time. Deva had always liked the raw power of a man. Power, as long as it didn’t crush people beneath him. An impossible feat, she knew from experience. Men couldn’t be changed. Power corrupted, whatever the form. But it wouldn’t mean she couldn’t fantasize a little bit, memo
rize that muscled flesh and sweaty skin for when she was alone in her bed.

  Deva dropped her bag near the counter, looking around the gym when someone called her name.

  “Deva! You are Deva Landry, right?”

  She smiled and turned to the bulky, red-headed man with a wealth of ginger beard, giving her a welcoming grin. “It’s me alright. And you are Rusty Spears I’m guessing?”

  “Damn right. Welcome! I’m so happy you could make it. Are you settled? You’ve found a place?”

  His hand engulfed her. “Yes, and not too far from here. Maybe I shouldn’t have bought a car after all.”

  “Parking’s a pain, but public transportation is okay. Unless it’s late, I’ll pay for a cab to drive you home in that case.”

  Deva smiled at the gruff, but chivalrous man. “That won’t be necessary.”

  “Oh, I insist. The neighborhood is safe, but I wouldn’t risk you. And I’m so happy you could come and work for me. I saw your credentials and couldn’t believe my luck.”

  Deva almost blushed at the sincere compliment. “Well, you’re lucky I needed a change, Rusty.”

  “Yeah, but I admire what you did. Taking care of our military, our heroes defending our land, you are one tough lady. We are all grateful.”

  The praise surprised her, and emotions clogged her throat making it difficult to answer back. “The honor was all mine. But as I said, I needed a change.”

  “First time in Chicago?”

  Sticking close to the truth was the best course of action. “No. I was born and raised here. Well, close to here. But when I chose physical therapy, work called in Texas. That was a position I couldn’t refuse, so I moved there ten years ago.”

  Rusty nodded. “It takes a strong mind to see people suffering that much and still want to help. You won’t have the same type of challenge here. My fighters can be quite gruff at times. I hope you won’t be put off by them.”