by Elle Viviani
A long, drawn-out screech announces the train’s arrival at our station. The beat-up doors swing open, depositing me, Maddie and a few tourists onto the platform. We head up the grimy stairs, through the turnstiles, and step out onto the glaring pavement.
“Man, it’s hot here,” I mutter, breaking out my sunglasses.
Maddie does the same as we start toward our apartment. “They say it’s a heat wave, but I’m barely out it in. They keep our office so cold that I’m freezing half the day.” She looks over at me. “I keep threatening to bring a Snuggie to work.”
“You know, I just realized this is the first summer I’ve gone without air conditioning.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“My grandparents’ don’t have it and I’m usually out on the boat with Koa.”
“How is Koa?” Maddie asks after a long pause. “You two getting along now?”
I glance at her. “Sometimes.”
Maddie gives me a funny look. “Well are you or aren’t you?”
I fumble around my purse for my keycard as we round the corner to our apartment building. “We are.” I draw the card out, wave it in front of the pad, and pull the door open. I really, really don’t want to talk about Koa, not when he's all I’ve thought about all day.
“Good.” Maddie watches me as we head through the ice-cold lobby to the elevators. “Are you hanging out with him?”
Dammit, Maddie.
I bite my lip and lean into the pain, hoping it will keep away the tears. “Sometimes.”
“What do you do?”
“You know…” I jab the up button with my thumb and beg the elevator to hurry up.
Maddie continues to watch me with those thoughtful eyes. I jab the button again as my foot begins to tap. I haven’t told anyone about Koa and me, not even my best friend.
I follow Maddie inside once the doors finally slide open. I hit the six button and fix my eyes on the shiny metal doors staring back at me. Anything to avoid Maddie’s pensive gaze.
“So, is Koa still as cute as I remember?” Maddie pipes up next to me. Of course she’s not going to drop it.
“Cute?”
“Oh come on, you totally thought he was gorgeous the last time we talked.”
“He’s good looking,” I say carefully, keeping my face turned away.
“I’d say.”
I whip my head around as she smacks her lips together. “Maddie!”
“What? A girl can dream.”
“What about Bryce?”
She shrugs. “He’s off the market.”
“And Chase?”
Another shrug. “Over him.” Now I know something’s up. I’ve never been able to even say her ex’s name without her flinching. Maddie looks up as the elevator chimes. “Looks like we’re home!” she says, stepping out into the dimly lit hall. “You coming?”
I hesitate for a moment before following. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing. I’m just thrilled to hear that my best friend’s finally on good terms with my future boyfriend.”
I stop in the middle of the hallway. “Your future what?”
“You heard me.” Maddie pauses in front of our door and grabs her keys out of her purse. “Mind giving me his number so I can call him?” The door springs open as she twists the key in the lock. “I’ll call him up tonight. See if he’s interested.”
“Um…” I stumble into our apartment and shut the door behind me.
Maddie throws her purse on the glass landing table, kicks off her heels, and heads for the couch. “Unless you’d rather I not.”
“Well, yeah,” I say, doing the same but at a fraction of the pace. “I mean…”
Maddie gazes up at my blank expression. “Are you alright, Summer? You look pale.”
“I’m fine. Now back to you dating Koa…”
“In fact, you looked pretty shaken up when I picked you up at the airport.”
I shake my head. “I was tired. Now, about—”
“And you barely ate anything at the baby shower. Didn’t even have a mimosa.”
“What? Oh. I guess I didn’t. I’ve been feeling a little sick to my stomach all morning.”
Maddie leans forward with a playful smile. “Maybe you’re pregnant. You were around a bunch of hormonal women today.”
I shrug her off as I try to wrap my head around her asking Koa out. How would that go down? And would he be even more angry to find out that I haven’t told my best friend about our relationship?
“Wait.” Maddie stands up slowly. “You’re not denying it?”
“About being pregnant? Do I really have to?”
Maddie throws a hand over her mouth as she gasps. “You’re having sex?”
My ears turn pink. “Maybe, but—”
“And it’s totally with Koa, isn’t it?”
“Okay, yes, but—”
“I knew you liked him. I knew it!”
“So you’re not going to try to hook up with him?” I say, relief flooding my voice.
“Of course not! I was just seeing how far I could push you before you snapped.” Maddie starts pacing our tiny living room. “But back to what’s important—how long have you been pregnant?”
“What!?”
“You did cry at Nora’s baby shower and you’re not really the sentimental type. And you do have a special glow about you…”
“Yes, but—”
Maddie whirls around to face me. “When was your last period?”
“Maddie, enough!” I stomp over to her, grab her shoulders, and give them a firm shake. “I’m NOT pregnant!”
“Okay, then why aren’t you more worried?”
“Even if I was, which I’m not, everything would work out.”
Maddie tilts her head to the side. “Everything would work out?”
I let her go and step back. “Yeah. Koa’s great, kind, honorable…” A shy smile gathers on my lips. “He’d be a great—”
I stop before I say something I’ll regret. But it’s too late. Maddie jumps on it lightning fast. “What now?”
“Nothing. Drop it, Maddie.”
“You were about to say a ‘great father’, weren’t you? Like you’ve thought about it.”
“That’s crazy. Why would I think about something like that?”
“Because you love him.”
“Whoa, whoa. What?”
Maddie shrugs. “You’re thinking long-term with this one. He’s no fling, Summer. Not like you’re the fling type. No…” She purses her lips as she studies me. “Koa’s more than some summertime distraction. He’s the real thing for you, and I couldn’t be happier.”
“What?” I seem to have lost the ability to form a coherent sentence.
“When you mate, you mate for life.”
I give a crazy laugh that borders on the insane. I’m having a hard time following my friend right now. “You’re crazy.”
“I’m only saying that we don’t fall easily. But when we do, we’re in deep—head over heels—and you’re there, honey. It’s all over your perfectly tanned face.”
I frown and wipe my cheek with the back of my hand. It comes away with chocolate frosting. “That’s just cake,” I mumble. I snap my head up and point at her. “You let me ride the subway with cake all over my face?”
“Like that’s going to shock New Yorkers.”
“Well…” the tears gather as the truth surfaces “…what if I do love him?”
“Then I’m happy for you!”
“But what if I’m too late?”
“What now?”
I take a deep breath as the first tear rolls down my cheek. “What if Koa never wants to see me again?”
“What’s going on? Is this what’s been bothering you all day?”
I fling myself on the couch as my pent-up emotions burst through their prison. “We had this terrible fight before I left and it’s all my fault and I don’t know how to make it right and—”
“Hold on!” Maddie walks
over to me slowly and kneels beside me. “What happened?”
“It’s such a long story…”
“Then give me the cliff notes.”
I sigh. “I didn’t tell my parents about him.”
“Okay, I get that.”
“But then they visited, and he came to dinner…”
“Go on.”
“Aaand I introduced him as a friend.”
Maddie winces. “Yikes.”
“But we fought and made up, and then I still didn’t tell my parents!”
“Double yikes.”
“I know, I know! I’m a terrible person. But I made it up to him…until we fought again. And this time, Maddie, it was bad.” I groan and bury my face in my hands. “And he’s right about everything, which makes me feel like the lowest, slimiest, worst—”
“Stop it,” Maddie cries, throwing her hands in the air. “Stop wallowing and make it right!”
“But how?”
“You’ll find a way if you love him.”
I look up at her. “I will?”
“Yes!”
“What if…if I don’t?”
“You have to try. You can’t cry all over our furniture forever, Summer.”
I groan and sink a little deeper into the cushions. “Maybe I should. I don’t know why I even fell in love in the first place. All it does is hurt.”
Maddie shrugs. “Sometimes. But sometimes not.”
“That’s comforting,” I mumble. “I think I’ll forget about love right now and just move on with my life.”
“It won’t work.”
“What won’t work?”
“Trying to talk yourself out of love.” Maddie stands and walks into the kitchen. She moves to the sink and fills a cup with water, taking a long pull before putting it down. She gives me a weary look as I struggle up from the couch. “We don’t choose who we love, it just happens, and you either get swept away in it or let it slip by.”
“I think I’ll let it slip by.”
Maddie holds out her hand. “No, don’t!”
“Why?”
She gives me a wistful smile. “Because although love is unpredictable and overpowering and uncontrollable, it’s also wonderful. It’s pure joy and warmth and surprises. It gives you incredible pleasure, and sometimes pain, but it’s always worth it in the end.”
“Even if you get hurt? Like you did?”
“Yes, Summer,” she says quietly, “especially if you get hurt.”
I move toward her, growing more confused with each step. “I don’t know…”
Maddie brushes aside my skepticism with a wave of her hand. “It’s worth it because you’re trying. You’re feeling something and getting swept up into something greater than us all.” She leans over the counter and rests her slender fingers on my forearm. “And that’s the beauty of love. You couldn’t ignore it even if you wanted to.”
I snort. “That’s unfortunate.”
She nods and moves her hand to her glass on the counter, flicking away the little droplets gathering on the frosted glass. “I think you should tell Koa.”
“Tell him what?”
“That you love him.”
“But what if he doesn’t love me back?”
“Oh, he does. I saw it in that boy’s face.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Are you some witch doctor?”
She taps the side of her glass with her fingernails. “Love will play nice for a little while, wait for you to get the hint, but if you ignore it…?” Her eyes meet mine. “Well, let’s just say Cupid has a pretty big arrow and he’s not afraid to use it.”
My knees buckle as the weight of her words hits me. I collapse on the couch and plant my head in my hands. I’ve felt the prick of that arrow and it’s a hard feeling to forget. I don’t think I could forget it, even if I tried. “I think I know what I have to do.”
“Really? That was fast.”
“But it won’t be easy,” I moan. “I need to own up to this or Koa will never forgive me.”
“And what does that entail?” Maddie asks, slipping down on the couch next to me. Her arms threads over my shoulders as she pulls me into a hug.
“I need to do the impossible.” I sigh and close my eyes. “I need to tell Charlene.”
28
Koa
I miss her so badly that it hurts. I haven’t seen Summer in four days. The first day I was too angry to even try opening a channel between us, but that soon faded, leaving me with regret and heartache. And by the time I’d calmed down enough, Summer had left for New York.
What if she never comes back?
The question had been churning in my mind for days now. I was stupid to give her my back when I should have offered her my heart. But did she even want my love? It seemed she did, but only behind closed doors and in darkness. The minute someone shined a spotlight on us, she ran away and hid. I know, deeper than the pain and heartache of never seeing her again, that I could never be with someone who’s embarrassed to call me what I am to her own parents.
But I can’t worry about that right now. The season is coming to a close, which means I’ll know if I’ve met my stringent quota or not. But by the numbers I’ve got jotted down in my back pocket, I’d say we’re getting close.
“Hey, Koa,” Captain says, throwing open the screen door and ushering me in. “Glad you’re on time. I’ve got something to talk to you about.”
My stomach twists as my mind jumps to conclusions.
He’s about to tell me that Summer’s not coming back…
“In here, son.” He waves me into his study and shuts the door behind me. We each settle into an armchair. Well, he settles in. I’m on the edge of my seat.
“Anything to drink?” he asks, setting me further on edge. Captain never asks me if I need something. He usually just jumps right in.
He nods when I shake my head. “Okay, well I'll first start by saying that you’ve done an amazing job these past ten weeks. Amazing. You’ve shined under pressure and really steered our fleet in the right direction.” He pauses and laughs. “A pun! Boy, do I love those.”
Ah. Now I know where Summer gets it.
He lowers his voice and continues. “So, I really think it’s time we talk about your future with Boothe Fisheries.”
I shift in my seat. “I’d like to have a future with your company, if that’s what you mean.”
“Of course! What else?”
“Nothing,” I say quickly.
Captain leans forward with a frown. “You do want to keep working for me, right?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good!” he says with relief. “Then the job is yours.”
“It is?”
“Yes.”
I stare at him. “Uh, what is, sir?”
“I didn’t say?” Captain laughs. “Sorry, son. Old age. Your title as captain. I’d like you to keep it after the season’s over.”
“But you’re…” I glance at his arm. It’s been in a sling for the last few days. He had the cast taken off last week.
He gives a tired sigh. “I’m afraid my time on the open water is coming to a close. I’m getting old, and these tired bones can’t keep up.”
“Nonsense, Captain. You’ve got plenty of time left.”
“I do,” he admits slowly, “but I want to spend it with family. I want to slow down and enjoy life a bit. I want to…retire.” He says the word slowly, trying it on for size. “My time’s coming to a close, but yours is just beginning.”
“And this is okay with Grandma Jane?”
“Okay?” Captain lets out a chuckle. “This was her idea, though she’d deny it.” He leans forward and pats my knee. “But truly, Koa, we both know this is the right decision. So, what do you say?”
I lean back in my chair, reeling a bit from the news. “Can I have some time to process this?”
“Of course.” Captain studies me for a moment. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s a lot to take in, that’
s all.” I stand up and hold out my hand. “Thank you, Captain. I’m honored that you’re offering me this position.”
Captain rises and grips my hand. “Thanks, son. You take your time now and give me your answer when you’re good and ready.”
I’m halfway to the door when I remember the napkin in my back pocket. I turn and fish it out. “I forgot to give you the update.”
“Is it good?” I nod. “Then just leave it on the desk. I’ll get to it later. You’ve got some thinking to do,” he adds with a smile.
I place the brown napkin on his desk and let myself out. True, I do have a lot to think about. Just add it to my growing list.
I pull out my phone the second I step out onto the front porch. Only one person can help me now. A few rings and then Bryce’s deep baritone fills my ear.
“Hey, Rendell. How’s it going?”
“Bad.”
“Bad?” His voice grows tense. “What happened?”
I put everything out there: the run ins with Mike, the trip up the ferris wheel, the whirlwind romance of the last few weeks. Even the meet-the-parents-from-hell dinner party that I stormed out of. I end with the blow-up in the garden and wait for Bryce’s reaction. It comes a few beats later.
“Glad it finally happened! I told you it would.”
“Alright, congratulations. You were right. Now can you please help me figure this out?”
The line grows scratchy as Bryce lets out a huge breath. “Man, that’s good news.”
“My pain is good news?”
“No. The fact that you care about Summer this much. The fact that you give a shit.”
“Well, giving a shit really sucks.”
“Welcome to my world,” he says dryly.
“How’s that going?”
“Not good. Still doesn’t see that asshole for what he is. But that’s not important right now. I’ll do have a suggestion for your situation, but you have to promise not to bite my head off if you don’t like what I say.”
“Okay…”