by Elle Viviani
I’m staring out the window, watching the tall grasses and dark evergreens flash by in a blur of green, when my phone chirps at my feet. I put up my tray table and lean down to grab my purse out from under the seat in front of me. A quick glance at the screen sends a sigh of relief through me. I was hoping it wasn’t Koa. I’m not ready to talk to him just yet—not while my heart’s at war with my head.
MADDIE: Sorry, just got your texts. Work’s been nuts! I have SO much to ask but first: how’d the tests go?
Tests?
Oh right, the Praxis. I’d forgotten all about my exams even though they were the reason I came back to New York this weekend. So much has happened since then.
ME: They were fine. I passed all of them
MADDIE: You already know??
ME: The score comes up on the screen when you’re done
MADDIE: Oh. How…anticlimactic
ME: Yup. But it’s a relief to have them over with. I think.
MADDIE: You think?
MADDIE: And that brings me to my second question: you told your parents about Portland??
Yup. I told my parents about moving to Portland. To say they aren’t ecstatic is a gross understatement. To say their hurtful words don’t wound me would also be a gross understatement, but I am one step closer to getting out from under my mom’s thumb, and that’s motivation enough to stick to my decision. Even if they told me I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
ME: Not really a question…?
MADDIE: Already putting your language arts skills to use, I see
MADDIE: Now how’d they react??
ME: Badly.
MADDIE: …
ME: Really badly?
MADDIE: You’re KILLING me.
ME: Sorry! But it’s hard to say over text
I jump in my seat as my phone rings. I don’t have to look at the screen to know who it is.
“Hey,” I say, pressing the phone to my ear. I cup my hand over my mouth and lower my voice. “Right now’s not a good time. I’m on the train going back up to Portland.”
“Oh, you’ll make time, missy. Go into the dining car or something.”
“But it’s loud in there.”
“Exactly. No one will care that you’re on the phone.”
“Maddie.”
“I’m not hanging up until you do.”
I sigh and grab my purse. “Fine. You really want all the details?”
“Yes!” she cries. “I’m so glad you did this, but I’m sure it wasn’t easy. It would help to talk about it.”
I shrug as I scoot into the aisle. “You’re probably right.”
“I know I’m right.”
“One sec.” I reach the back doors and slide them open, stepping out into crossover space before heading into the next car. “You’re not always right,” I mutter, swaying in the aisle as the train takes a curve. “Just this one time.”
“Look, I know this probably wasn’t easy, but you made the right choice telling your parents.”
“It didn’t feel like it at the time…” I draw back the last pair of doors and step into the dining car. A young family and an older gentleman are the only occupants. “But I do feel like that now.”
“Good. What did your mom say?”
I take a seat in the far corner and lean back against the cold, hard metal siding. “After she expressed her surprise that Koa and I are still together? Shock. And fear.”
“Fear?”
“Of the unknown. Portland’s unfamiliar and so is Koa. No suit and tie and Wall Street office for this bloke.” I sigh and turn my head toward the window, looking past the blur at the houses dotting the landscape. “She’s reeling from all the change, I think. My dad was better about it, though I almost wonder if it’s because he’s not taking me seriously. He kept asking me how I did on my exams, like it matters now that I’m moving.”
“Wait, you’re not going to teach up there?”
“I don’t know…”
“And your parents are okay with this?”
“Kinda.”
“What does that mean?”
“They didn’t love the idea of me abandoning teaching.”
“If you’re not going to teach, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. The same thing I’m doing now?”
“Lobster fishing?!”
“Yes,” I grumble, getting defensive. She sounds a lot like my parents did a few hours ago.
“But you’re no fisherman, Summer, and didn’t you say your grandpa hired a guy to replace you?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“How are you going to make money?”
Crap.
“I can take the teaching exams for Maine, but that’ll take time. I need to schedule them and then study…”
“And where will you live? With Koa?”
“We, uh, didn’t exactly talk about it.”
Maddie snorts. “Doesn’t sound like a plan to me.”
“Excuse me?”
“It sounds like you’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.”
I frown. “So you’d rather have me stay in New York and never see the man I love again?”
“Whoa. Dramatic.”
“Well?” My leg jumps up and down under the table as I wait for her response. It comes a full thirty seconds later.
“What’s Koa’s plan?”
“Sorry?”
“What’s his take on all this?”
“Oh, um—” I bite my lip. This is the part I’m not comfortable with. “Gramps offered him the boat full-time. He’s going to accept so he can stay in Portland.”
“And his awesome sailboat adventure?”
I slump in my seat. “Delayed?”
“Uh huh. More like indefinitely.”
I bury my head in my hands. “I don’t know what to do! I’ve told him he shouldn’t stay because of me.”
“Well of course he’s going to stay. He loves you!”
“And I love him.”
“I know, I know. God, that’s a tough situation.”
“Thanks, Maddie,” I mutter. “Any other helpful comments?”
“Look, I think you’re okay with sacrificing your plans and dreams for Koa, but not okay when he tries to do the same. You’re clearly serious about this guy or you wouldn’t have finally grown a backbone and told your parents—”
“Maddie,” I warn through grit teeth.
“Try putting yourself in Koa’s shoes and seeing this from his eyes. Maybe that will help?”
“Perhaps…” I’ve done that and I don’t like the view. I’m a wrinkle in his plans, a distraction. I’m holding him back from a dream he had long before I came along.
“There’s also long distance.”
“Come on. You know nine times out of ten it doesn’t last.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “I know better than most.”
I remember too late that she and Chase had been long distance all through college. It didn’t end well. “Sorry,” I moan, rubbing my temples. “I’m not thinking straight.”
“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t suggest something that I know is full of heartache.”
My head snaps up as the train begins to slow. The low speaker crackles to life, the crisp voice of the conductor coming on to tell us we’re heading into Portland. “I’ve gotta go, we’re five minutes out, but thanks for talking.”
“Sorry to rain on your parade. I just want you to think this through. You’re making a knee-jerk decision that’ll cause a lot of ripples.”
I glance at the window, meeting my own reflection as we slide past a retaining wall. “I know. You only told me what I had to hear.”
I promise to keep her posted before clicking off. I sit there for a long moment, turning our conversation over and over in my mind, before following the other passengers out of the dining car. Most of the passengers are already in the aisles, grabbing their suitcases and bags from the overhead space, making
it difficult to navigate back to my seat. But I don’t mind. Each step forward only takes me closer to the fork in the road that’s waiting for me in Portland. I know which path is the right one now, though the realization makes me sick.
“There she is!” Gran cries as I exit onto the platform a few minutes later. She grabs Gramps’s arm and starts in my direction. “We’re so glad you’re back, honey.”
I sigh as she pulls me into a long hug, its warmth and love settling the butterflies swirling in my stomach. I stand back and hug Gramps next, careful not to hit his sling as I throw my arms around his neck.
“It’s good to be back,” I say, rocking back on my heels. I grab my bag before Gramps can and let myself be lead to the exit.
“How’d your exams go?” Gran asks.
“Fine. I passed.”
They both cry with joy.
“Congrats!” Gramps beams. “Never had any doubts.”
Gran squeezes my arm. “Want to grab ice cream to celebrate?” Her smile slips when I shrug. “Everything alright?”
I look away. “Everything’s fine. Just tired.”
“Alright…let’s get you home, then. I changed the sheets in your room while you were gone. You’re welcome to stay in that room again, or pick the other guest room down the hall. How long do you think you’ll be with us, dear?”
I bite my lip. “I-I’m not sure.”
“That’s okay, no rush! Just let us know when classes start and we’ll…” Gran trails off as I start to cry. “Oh my goodness, Summer, what’s wrong?!”
“N-nothing,” I wail, wiping my cheek with the back of my hand. “I’m sorry. I’m just—”
“Tired?” she interrupts, cocking an eyebrow. She grabs her husband by the sleeve and gives it a little shake. The poor man looks like a deer in headlights as he stands there, helplessly watching as I cry myself dry. “Go ahead to the car.” She pushes him toward the doors. “We'll catch up!”
I sniffle as I watch him hustle toward the doors. “I’m s-sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Gran says sternly. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head, stop, and then groan. “I don’t know what to do! I don’t know if I should stay in New York or move here. If I should let him stay or go travel the world. And what about me? Should I put my plans on hold? I’ve always wanted to be a teacher…” My words become a garbled pile of slush as I break down in fresh tears. The weight of my situation is finally crashing down on my head.
In the middle of a bustling train station.
“Best to get it all out of your system, dear,” Gran murmurs, threading her arm around my waist and bringing me in for another hug. She glances out at the parking lot, then back to my sobbing form. “Oh my. I think we need something stronger than ice cream.”
32
Koa
I’m putting the final coat of primer on the sailboat when a noise rouses me from my task. I turn and meet the worried face of Grandma Jane.
“Sorry to startle you, Koa,” she says quietly.
“Are you okay? Or is it Gerry? Did he fall again—”
She holds up a hand. “He’s fine, I’m fine.”
I frown, noting the one name she’s not adding to that list. “Summer?”
She nods. “I’m worried about her.”
I drop my brush in the can and rush over to her. “What’s happened?”
“Nothing, Koa, calm down,” she says quickly. She motions to the workbench to her right with her hand. “Why don’t we sit.”
I grow still. “I’d rather you tell me what’s happened.”
She settles herself onto the bench and looks at me, waiting for me to do the same. I cross my hands over my chest. She sighs. “Summer’s home.”
“What?”
“We picked her up from the station this afternoon.”
I ease down onto the bench opposite her. “But she wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow.”
Jane nods, confirming something to herself. “I thought as much. It was strange when Summer asked us to pick her up instead of you.”
“I was supposed to pick her up tomorrow. She must have changed her mind.” I frown. “But is she alright? What’s happened?”
She sighs. “She’s been crying since the moment we picked her up.”
“What?” I jump up and start for the door. “I have—”
“Koa!” Jane stands quickly and grabs my arm as I pass her. “Don’t rush off just yet.”
“But Summer’s in pain. I should be there.”
Jane pulls me back. “I don’t doubt that, but first we need to have a little talk.”
I stare down into her face, lined with worry and concern. I feel the blood drain from my face as I realize something must be terribly wrong to have her in such a state. “Are you alright?”
She shakes her head and slowly lowers herself onto the bench. I join her a moment later. “I’m not, Koa. I’ve been pacing the kitchen for hours wondering what to do. If I should intervene and stop my granddaughter from making a terrible mistake.”
“What do you mean?”
She fights with the hem of her shirt, twisting and turning it over in her fingers. “She’s not thinking straight when it comes to…to…”
I lean forward, waiting for her to finish. “Please, go on.”
Jane licks her lips before meeting my gaze. “To you, Koa.”
“Me?”
“Yes, dear. You. I had a very interesting conversation with my granddaughter today. Although she didn’t give details, I know enough about these sorts of things to infer what’s ailing her.” She reaches forward and pats my knee. “She loves you, Koa.”
The world seems to stop with those four little words. Summer had wanted to tell her grandparents, but I’d held her back. I didn’t know how they’d react. I know they weren’t Summer’s parents, but the memory of that night was still raw and tender to the touch. I couldn’t bear the thought of that happening again, especially not with the Boothes.
But now the truth is out, and Summer is in pain. With no walls to protect me, I sit up straight and say what’s in my heart.
“I love her, too,” I say calmly, steadily meeting Jane’s eyes.
She smiles back at me. “Good. About time.”
“Excuse me?”
“We’ve been waiting for you two to get over yourselves for a while now.”
“We?” I sputter, clutching the bench with my fists.
Jane scowls at me. “Gerry and I, child! Who else?”
“Oh.” I blink the fog out of my eyes. “I see.”
“What? You really think we’d shove our city-loving granddaughter onto a lobster boat all summer without some reason?”
“I, um, didn’t think about it.”
Jane frowns at me. “Clearly not. My goodness, that’s a recipe for never having her visit again!”
“Right,” I mumble, my thoughts reeling from what she’s telling me. The Boothes played matchmaker this whole summer? Christ, I don’t know who’s worse: them or Bryce.
Jane readjusts herself on the bench before folding her hands primly in her lap. “I was pleased you two were bickering. At least that was a good step in the right direction.”
“Sorry, but doesn’t that usually mean the opposite?”
She laughs. “Dear boy, I knew you two were perfect for each other the second you met in my living room.”
“You did?”
“Of course! But then you started to ignore each other, and that wasn’t going to work. I had to get inventive after that…”
“Hold on. What does that mean?”
Jane closes her eyes and sighs. “The run-ins, the fair, the hospital.” Her eyes fly open. “This is a small town, Koa, but not that small.”
“I—” I stop and pinch the bridge of my nose with my fingers.
“Koa? Are you alright?”
“No,” I cry.
“What’s the matter, dear?”
“I don’t understand. Why all th
e planning?”
“To get you two together! And Gerry and I are so happy that you are. You’re meant for each other, just perfect. I’ve never seen you or Summer so happy…” She takes a big breath and lets it out quickly. “But now it’s close to falling apart.”
“Why?”
“She’s worried about pulling you away from your dream. So she’s considering something unmentionable. Something she’d regret for the rest of her life.”
“What?”
“She’s considering sacrificing her love for you.”
“She’s going to do…what?” I say hoarsely. I seem to be finding it difficult to breathe.
“It’s clear she doesn’t want to hold you back, so she’s going to remove herself from the equation. But I think it’s more than that. I think she’s had a bully of a time with her parents, pulling her this way and that.” Jane clenches her jaw. “I think it’s time I had a little chat with my Charlene.”
I stare at the dirt floor as my mind processes all this. The knowledge that Summer and I came together through the persistent scheming of the Boothes fades away as I consider what Jane’s just told me. Does Summer really want to break up?
No, it’s clear she doesn’t.
Frustration and helplessness grips my heart as I think of her crying for hours over this life-altering decision. So then she must honestly believe that throwing away our love is the only course of action. The only path that will make me happy in the end.
I grip the bench hard with my fists and push up onto my feet as I come to a decision. “Don’t worry anymore. I won’t let Summer do this.”
Jane’s eyes study my face. “What are you going to do?”
I look down at her, so small and delicate in my cavernous workshop. But that’s not who she is. She’s a fighter, like her granddaughter. “I’m going to fight for her. For our future.”
Jane nods slowly. “Good. Don’t let this one get away, Koa.”
“I won’t.” I grit my teeth and head back to my boat. There’s one last thing I need to do before I hold my girlfriend in my arms. Something that I need to show Summer.
I turn as Jane maneuvers her way throughout the tables and tools toward the door. “Grandma Jane?”
She stops and turns. “Dear?”
“Thank you. I owe a lot to you.”