by Hope Ford
“Gage,” I whispered.
He didn’t move, and I tried again. “Gage.”
When he still didn’t move, I lifted off of him, standing over him, wondering what I should do. I walked to the bathroom and took care of business.
Washing my hands, I saw a bottle on the counter. Grabbing it up, I read the label.
It was a pain medication, and the warning label stated not to mix it with alcohol. Fuck.
I knew he had hurt his back after the fight with the Outlaws. I had come to nurse him after it. I even knew that he had been prescribed pain medicine. But Gage never takes anything, hell, I can’t even get him to take Tylenol. Remembering his glassy eyes, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had taken one tonight. Fuck.
I ran back to the bedroom and Gage was snoring now. I grabbed up my pile of clothes and ran to the front of the house, pulling them on quickly before running out to my bike. The whole way home I was yelling at myself and my stupidity.
And little did I know that would be the night we conceived a baby. I rub my hand along my stomach. The future is so unsure, but there’s no doubt I’m going to love this baby. But now I just have to figure out how to tell the dad.
3
Gage
It’s too early in the afternoon to start drinking, but I start heading my way to the Ride or Die anyway. I want to check in on Roxy. She wasn’t quite herself last night. Hell, she hasn’t been herself in a while. I know something’s up and I’ve tried to get it out of her, but she’s not talking. I’m hoping that if I talk to her she’ll fess up whatever shitload of trouble she’s landed herself in so I can pull her out of it. She’s always had it so together, but lately, I can tell there’s something off. Every time I catch her looking at me, I can tell there’s a story there. I pick up speed down the highway. I know she won’t like me badgering her or even offering to help her. I can always use the excuse I’m there to see Troy. I’m sure he’s already in his office. Ever since the fight with the Outlaws he’s been even more intense than usual, just like the rest of us. But he’s the president of the club and I know he feels like it all rests on his shoulders.
I’m surprised when I pull into the lot that Roxy’s bike is not in its usual spot. I was sure that she would be working today. Walking into the empty bar, I find Cat in the back doing what looks like inventory. When she turns to me, her hair is going every which way, and her lips are swollen. Looking around the room, I see Saint standing in the corner with his arms crossed on his chest. I should have known he would be here. Ever since Cat found out she was pregnant, Saint barely leaves her side. He’s leaning against the wall staring daggers at me, letting me know that I just interrupted him.
I give him a smirk and shrug my shoulders before asking Cat, “Where’s Roxy? I thought she was opening tonight?”
Cat tries to smooth her hair with her hand and her cheeks are flushed as she talks to me. “Uh, she had to go in and see a doctor so I’m covering her shift for her.”
My hands go to my hips. “What kind of doctor? What’s wrong with her?”
I know it’s none of my business, but I’ve made it a habit of making Roxy my business. I don’t really know why, and I don’t even want to think about the reasoning. But ever since she got here three years ago, I’ve made it a point to look out for her. Maybe it’s because she’s always the one looking out for everyone else. I don’t want to see her hurt or taken advantage of. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. I won’t let myself think about what other reason it could be.
Cat looks at me with surprise on her face. “I don’t know what kind of doctor. I would suppose the regular kind. Maybe it’s just an annual checkup or something. She seemed fine.”
I should leave it at that, but I don’t. “So you saw her? She wasn’t sick or anything?”
Cat’s mouth drops open and she stares between Saint and me. I can see Saint shrug his shoulders at her unasked question. When she looks back at me, her face softens. “I didn’t actually see her today, no. But I did all this week and she’s seemed fine. Maybe a little more quieter than normal, but she hasn’t been sick. I’m sure it’s nothing, but she said she’ll be in later.”
When she finishes, she’s smiling at me like she knows something. I know what she’s thinking. She’s thinking I have something for Roxy. And I don’t. Well, I mean she’s great and all, but no, I’m not into her. At least I’m not going to act on it. Hell, I’m old enough to be her father.
But before Cat starts getting any ideas, I shrug my shoulders. “You’re right. I’m sure she’s fine. I’ll check in on her later… or maybe tomorrow. Is Troy in his office?”
I try to act like I’m okay and not worried, but I can tell that Saint and Cat are not buying it. After they both are smiling at me like lunatics, Saint finally tells me, “Yeah, he’s back in his office.”
I nod and get the hell out of there. My first instinct is to go and check on Roxy. To find her and make sure she’s okay. But instead, I walk down the hallway toward Troy’s office. Knocking on the open door, I ask, “What’s going on, Pres?”
I take a seat and Troy goes over all the precautions and security measures the club has taken since the incident with the Outlaws. Another man would probably tell him that he’s going overboard, but not me. As the vice president of the Heartlands Motorcycle Club, I know our club. The men and the women are our families and I know Pres will do anything to protect that. And I’ll be right there beside him. I have been loyal to Troy and the Heartlands since the beginning, and there’s nothing that will change that for me.
We go over financials of the Ride or Die and the Heartlands Garage. We talk about upping the security measures at the clubhouse. Security is already tight, but if Troy says we need more, we need more. I never argue with protection.
When we’ve talked it out and started putting the plans in action, I walk back outside toward the garage, knowing that is where Saint has gone. I need to go over everything Troy and I discussed and get him up to date on the changes at the garage and the clubhouse. Troy said he would talk to Ranger about the bar. I’m hoping that by the time I’m done, Roxy will be in for her shift. If not, I’ll have to figure out what my next step is. When I was hurt recently, Roxy was the one that came and cleaned out my cuts and even brought me food to eat. Maybe that’s what I need to do for her. When people are sick, don’t they normally eat chicken soup or some shit like that? I’ll go by the diner in town and grab some stuff then go to her house. She may not realize it, fuck she may not even like it, but she’s part of the Heartlands and we look out for our own. If she’s sick or hurting, I’ll be there for her.
Roxy
It’s official. I’m pregnant. The doctor says I’m about a month and a half along, which I already knew. When the question about the father comes up, I avoid it, instead asking a question of my own. “So is it safe to ride my motorcycle?”
I can tell he wanted to dig deeper into it, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to talk to some doctor about who the father is when said father doesn’t even remember having sex with me in the first place. Thankfully, he drops the subject and answers my question. “It’s as safe as it normally is. However, the bigger you get, you’ll need something else. Plus, when the baby comes you’ll need a safer car.”
I barely refrain from rolling my eyes. I may not know a lot about babies, but I do know I can’t strap one onto the back of my bike.
He continues to talk to me about the pregnancy and how things are going to be more challenging while going through it. He tells me the importance of having a support system. “Even if the father is not involved, having your family there for you will help you immensely.”
I know the doctor means well, but he doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know that I don’t have any blood family. At least none that I know of. My only family is the men and women of the Heartlands and once they find out about what I did, it’s hard telling what’s going to happen with that.
I can’t help but wonder how Gage would take it if I d
id tell him. He’d probably “do the right thing,” knowing him. And even though I want a father for my child, I’m not willing to settle for “doing the right thing” even though a part of me would do anything to be a permanent part of Gage’s life. There’s no life in that. I would always know the reason he is with me is because of the baby. He would eventually resent me and possibly even the baby. No, I may tell him about the baby eventually, but I am already making plans to raise him or her on my own. Now, I just have to figure out how to tell him.
4
Gage
I walk back over to the bar and spot Roxy walking in the front door. From here, she looks like she’s okay and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Just seeing her calms me in a way that I don’t want to question why or how.
I walk in the door behind her unnoticed and she goes straight to the back to put her purse away. I draw closer as I hear her and Cat talking, and I can overhear some of what they’re saying.
“… and are you? Are you pregnant?” Cat asks her.
I come to a stop, nearly tipping over. I stand in the doorway, still unnoticed, and I have my hand on the door frame holding me up.
“I am,” Roxy confirms.
I feel the breath rush from my lungs. Cat squeals in excitement but is cut off when I slam my fist into the door. “Who’s the father?”
Both women stare at me with their mouths hanging open. Cat looks between the two of us, her hand on her softly protruding belly. “I’m going to go out front and start opening up.”
I move to the side and let her pass before going into the room and shutting the door behind me. The terror on Roxy’s face makes me feel awful and I try to calm myself. She’s probably already afraid and confused. She’s so strong, and I know that having a baby is not something Roxy will take lightly. This will weigh on her, it’ll be a lot for her and I’m not letting whatever asshole knocked her up get away with abandoning her. I walk over to her and the closer I get, the more tense she gets. I hold my hands up in front of me and walk over to her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
Her body is trembling and she has her arms wrapped around herself. Her face is white and I fear that she’s going to pass out. “Roxy, honey, talk to me. You know I won’t hurt you. Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”
She releases a long breath, nodding her head. “Yes, yes, please.”
I’m so worried she might collapse I pick her up in my arms before I search for a chair for her to sit in. Her hand lies flat on her stomach and something burns inside me. I can’t believe she’s pregnant. I can’t believe one of my men did this to her. I thought I’d put it out there for no one to mess with her, but obviously someone didn’t listen to me. My arms go tighter around her and I walk toward Ranger’s office. I try to ignore how she feels in my arms. She feels good… and familiar.
“I’m too heavy. I can walk,” she tells me as she struggles to be set down.
But I just shake my head and hold her tighter. “You’re not too heavy. And honey, you look like you’re going to pass out.” I pull the chair out with my foot and set her down easily into it.
I pull another chair up and sit down facing her. I’m close enough to touch her, but I don’t. I can tell she needs her space right now, and whatever she needs I’m going to make sure she gets it. I spot the mini fridge in the corner and open it, pulling out a bottle of water. Uncapping it, I hand it to her and stand over her until she puts the bottle to her mouth.
I’m entranced by her and over time it seems to have gotten worse. When she’s near, I can’t take my eyes off her. When she’s working, I can’t take my eyes off her. And now, the thought of some other man with her makes me want to storm out of here and punch every one of the dumb fucks that would even think of doing this to her.
I want to touch her, I want to hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay. But Roxy’s tough, and I know she wouldn’t appreciate me babying her. I still reach out and cover her hand that is lying on her knee with mine. A warm feeling spreads across my body and when she looks at me, I can see the hunger in her eyes. I feel like I’ve seen that look before. The feeling of déjà vu hits me but before I can dwell on it, it’s gone. I curl my fingers around hers, not wanting to let her go.
When the color comes back to her face, I tell her in the softest voice I can muster, “I’ll make sure he does right by you.”
Roxy’s strong independent spirit flares so big I can see it in her eyes before she even speaks. She pulls back from me. “You think I need a man to have and raise a baby? Have you met me?”
I can hear the emotional current under her words in her tone of voice and it makes me furious that she’s in the situation she’s in alone.
Roxy
For a second there, I thought he remembered. I could see something in his face and a part of me was hoping he remembered, but the other part of me was praying he didn’t.
Should I tell him that he’s the father?
I was seriously debating it until he started spewing crap at me. I shouldn’t get so bent out of shape. I know he’s just worried about me. I keep waiting on the look telling me he thinks I’m a slut or something. But it never comes. All I see is worry… and maybe sheer determination.
“What are you going to do? Empty the guy’s pockets and pawn all of his shit to make me a nest egg?” I ask him, fishing for more information from him.
“Nest egg?” he asks incredulously. I can see the heat rising on his face and he gets up and starts pacing the room. “You deserve to have a man stand up and take full responsibility for what he’s done. I’ll make sure the guy gives that baby his last name.”
Baffled, I snort as I start to laugh. “A shotgun wedding? Are you serious right now? No. No way.” I get up from my chair and turn away from Gage, finished with the conversation. I’m hurting and deeply disappointed, and the pain in my chest feels like my heart is breaking in two. I hate that Gage said what he said. It means I can’t tell him about the baby. At least not yet.
I know as soon as I do, he’s going to try to force me to marry him. And if I was ever in a serious relationship with him, I’d want it to be because he wanted to be with me and loved me, not just be a father to our baby.
Our baby. I rub my hand down my stomach. God, I know I should tell Gage. But I can’t. Not now.
“I have to go to work,” I tell him over my shoulder and start to walk out.
I pause when he calls my name. I can’t even look at him, afraid I’ll give it all away.
“We need to talk about this,” he says.
“No. We don’t,” I say before leaving him and walking out to the bar. It’s already starting to get busy and for the first time I’m thankful. I need it to take my mind off it.
5
Gage
I watch her walk away. She’s all fire and pissed off and I’m checking out the sway of her ass as she goes. Shaking my head, I tell myself, This is Roxy. Quit looking at her like that, you fool.
I know her well enough to know I’ve pissed her off by saying the wrong thing. I let my emotions get the best of me and went at her like a bull. But there’s nothing I can think to say to fix it because I meant what I said.
I walk toward the bar and take a seat on one of the high stools. “The usual?” Cat asks me.
Nodding my head at her, I turn in my seat and watch as Roxy works on the other end. I start looking at the men that all seem to be vying for her attention, trying to figure out which one could be the father.
Cat sets the beer down in front of me. She’s sort of like Roxy’s best friend now, ever since Roxy helped her one night when she was having problems with Saint. “Do you know who the father is or have any ideas on who it could be?”
She had been about to walk away but turns back to me with her head tilted sideways, staring at me like she’s looking for something. “I had sort of hoped it was you.”
My grip on the beer mug tightens. There’s a flash across my mind of Rox
y on top of me and my hands gripping her waist. Almost as soon as it’s there it’s gone. My imagination has been going wild lately and it has everything to do with Roxy. My cock lengthens down the leg of my pants and I start counting. No way do I need to have a hard-on while I’m sitting here talking to Cat. Saint may be my brother, but he’d whoop my old ass in a minute. Through gritted teeth, I shake my head. “No, it’s not me. I don’t know why you would think that.”
Unaware of the undercurrents, she laughs. “Yeah, right. The way you two are so hot for each other, I mean everyone knows it. Y’all just need to give in to it.”
Shocked, I look down the bar and catch Roxy’s eyes. They’re guarded but I can still see the heat in them. Does she really feel something for me?
I let go of the beer and put both hands on the bar top. “No, you’re wrong. I’m old enough to be her father.”
Cat looks down at all the men on Roxy’s side of the bar and lifts her shoulders. “I dunno. Roxy hasn’t talked about anyone to me. But look at all of them. She usually has a group of men watching her as she works. I think you’re asking the wrong question, Gage.”
I jut my chin at her. “Okay, what’s the right question?”
“Who wouldn’t want to be with Roxy?” she says to me before walking over to take an order from some out-of-towners.
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks and I shoot a glance down the bar. The whole idea that Roxy is pregnant and any number of these men I’m staring daggers at could be the dad hits me right in the chest. I know Roxy, though, and I know she doesn’t sleep around. Whoever the father is, it has to be someone she cares about. She never lets anyone close.