“Whatever. Maybe you should make that clearer to her.”
Ryan removes his hand from my leg as he pulls in front of Em’s house and shuts off the engine, turning to look at me. “I may have been with Em last night, but I wanted it to be you.”
“You’re ridiculous.” Please. He’s full of it. He has to be. “I don’t believe you.”
He shrugs. “Believe what you want. It’s true. And I’m going to prove it to you.”
My hands are shaking as I reach for my tiny purse and sling the strap over my shoulder. I grip the door handle, ready to burst free from the car when he grabs my wrist, stopping me.
I turn to look at him, silent. Waiting.
“She means nothing to me,” he says, his expression dead serious.
I make a face. “She should. You slept with her last night. Had sex with her.”
“We didn’t have sex. We really didn’t do anything. She was too drunk and passed out the minute her head hit the mattress.” He smiles. “But we’re friends. Like you and Dustin.” He pauses. “You get it, right?”
Slowly I nod, tug my wrist out of his grip. I’m shocked by his admission but I try my hardest to play it cool. “I get it.” I start to climb out of the car and then bend down as I lean against the door. “Oh, and by the way…”
“Yeah?”
“You were wrong. Dustin did make me come.” I smirk at him. “Just thought you should know that.”
It feels really good to see that stunned expression on Ryan’s face.
Feels even better to shut the door before he gets a chance to say anything else.
“Our last weekend of freedom,” Em sing-songs as she floats past me in the pool. She’s sprawled out on a bright yellow inflatable lounge chair, her golden skin glistening from all the suntan lotion she slathered on earlier. Guess she gave up on sunblock.
Me? I’ve got on SPF 50 and I’m wearing a hat that belongs to Em while I float on the giant ring that looks like a chocolate donut with sprinkles. “I don’t want to go back to school.”
“You so do.” She splashes me with water, her Ray-Ban aviator sunglasses hiding her eyes, but I know they’re flashing at me. “You can’t wait to strut your stuff in front of the boys and show off your summer tan.”
“Right. Me, tan?” I glance at my body. I do have tan lines, but they’re faint. All I see are the new freckles that sprouted up. “Give me a break.”
“You’re looking so gorgeous right now, Liv. I see the way the boys stare at you.”
“Like who?” The early afternoon sun is hot and I close my eyes, my cheap sunglasses I got at Target not enough to ward off the intense glare. It’s August and hot as hell and we’re counting down the days until we have to be back in school on Tuesday.
Em’s parents came back two nights ago and they never said a word about the condition of the house. That’s because we worked on it for hours, especially Dustin and me. The kitchen was the absolute worst and we spent most of our time in there. Eventually Ryan and Em took off, claiming they were going to clean her parents’ bedroom, but they shut and locked the door and Dustin and I immediately knew what they were up to.
It pissed me off. That Ryan could flirt with me, say such crazy as hell things to me and then go off and bang Em behind closed doors.
What an asshole.
This was my first time hanging out with Em after we cleaned her house, and she’s acting so weird. She begged me to come over, admitting the minute I walked into her bedroom that she needed to get high. We passed a joint between us for a couple of minutes, but I never really took a big puff. I didn’t feel like getting wasted.
Clearly getting wasted was on Em’s Saturday to-do list.
“Liv. I need to know something.”
Her tone is deathly serious and I go tense, scared of what she might ask me. If it’s about Ryan I’m unsure what I should tell her. Hopefully they’ll end it soon and I won’t have to tell her anything. Though I should. She’s my best friend. I’d want to know if Dustin was acting flirty with other girls.
Even if he doesn’t officially belong to me.
“What do you want to know?”
She lifts her sunglasses, her dark blue eyes staring right at me. “You and Dustin. What’s going on?”
I sigh with relief. Dustin I can handle. Ryan, I can’t. “Well, like I said. We messed around a few times before I left for my dad’s.” I let my fingers drift in the water, swirling them back and forth.
Her brows go up. “Define messing around.”
“We didn’t have sex, but…” I wave a hand and she giggles.
“You’ve touched his dick.”
“Stop.” I slap my hands on my cheeks.
“You’re so funny. What’s the big deal?” She splashes me again and I splash her back. “Did you suck it?”
“No! God.” I splash her even harder and she laughs, rolling off the inflatable lounger and dunking under the water, her glasses sliding off her head.
I sink under the donut and dive down, snatching her floating glasses up just before they hit the bottom and then I swim to the top, my head breaking the surface just as Em’s does too.
We’re facing each other, the water dripping over our faces, my sunglasses forgotten but hers clutched in my fingers. “Here,” I say, handing them over.
Em takes them. “Thanks.”
We tread water as I try to catch my breath and I can feel her looking at me, her gaze searching for…what? I don’t know. It’s weird. “You had sex with Ryan,” I finally say. Wondering if she’ll deny or confirm.
She shrugs. “Sort of.”
That was the most vague answer ever. “You want details yet you won’t give me any?”
“You’ll freak out if I give you details.” The smile on her face is wicked. “Like, I could tell you he’s huge. And he knows what he’s doing with his fingers. And his tongue.”
“Stop,” I whisper, and she laughs.
“See? You definitely don’t want details.” Her smile fades, as does the laughter. “I don’t think he likes me, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“Not like you like me. Or Dustin.” She presses her lips together, like she wants to say something else, but she doesn’t. “Where is Dustin anyway?”
“Out of town with his parents.” And he was so pissed about it too. He texted me saying they planned a weekend family trip without telling him and he didn’t want to go.
Em blinks rapidly, looking surprised. And hurt. “He didn’t tell me that.”
“Em…” I can tell she’s mad, though I don’t really get why. She’s been acting weird about Dustin and I since I came home.
“No. Don’t make excuses for him. It’s like he forgets all about me when you come back home. It sucks.” She turns away from me and starts to swim, her lithe arms cutting through the water with precise strokes. I follow after her, irritated by her changing moods, her irrational anger toward me and Dustin and the fact that lately she always has to get high to function.
I don’t like it.
The second we hit the shallow end I stand, grabbing hold of her foot and stopping her progress. She swings around, her body making a big wave, and she lands on her feet, shoving her hair away from her face while glaring at me. “What’s wrong with you?” I ask.
“Nothing,” she bites out, thrusting her chest forward. The black bikini she’s wearing barely covers her boobs and her nipples are hard. I can see them strain against the fabric.
Why I notice this, I don’t know, but it’s like she wants me to see. She is being so weird lately. I don’t get it.
“Did you talk to Dustin? In the car that one day?” I ask. I never did find out what she said.
“Not really.” She shrugs. “He wasn’t very…responsive.” There’s a sneer curling her lips.
“Are you jealous of my relationship with Dustin? Because don’t be. If we get together, I promise we won’t neglect you,” I tell her.
She laughs, but it’s sad. “Oh,
that sounds familiar.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“Just…” She shakes her head. “Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“No. I think we do need to talk about it.” I step closer to her, about to reach out and grab her arm when I hear a familiar male voice.
“Please, please tell me you two are about to make out.”
Ugh. Ryan.
Em’s mood shifts yet again. “Who let you in?” she coos as she bats her eyelashes at him, her voice sickeningly sweet.
He kneels down and rests his elbows on his bent knees, smiling at the both of us. “Your parents. They’d freak out if they knew what I’ve done to their daughter in their bed.”
“You are so bad,” Em says, splashing him.
I’m disgusted. If Dustin had said that, Em would’ve called him an awful name. Ryan says it—and what he says is freaking rude but true—and she acts like it’s the cutest thing ever.
Ryan rises to his feet and pulls his T-shirt off, tossing it on a nearby chair. His chest is like a work of art and his abs…render me speechless. I try my best not to stare at him. “It’s damn hot out here.”
“You know, I didn’t invite you over,” Em says as he walks along the pool’s edge, heading straight for the diving board.
“And you know your day is made whenever I show up.” He grins, hops onto the diving board and goes to stand on the very edge.
“Maybe I was having an intimate swim with my very best friend,” Em continues.
“Ooh, that sounds dirty.” Ryan laughs, his gaze meeting mine. “Now I’m really glad I came over.”
I say nothing. How can I? I don’t want to give myself away and I don’t want to piss Em off. Right now he’s her golden boy.
So I have to stay silent and deal with them together. He’ll show his true colors eventually and she’ll figure out he’s not the one for her.
He’s a total douche.
A sexy douche, but still.
“Hey, show Liv your cannonball,” Em calls.
Ryan bounces a little, the board dipping from his weight. “She won’t be impressed. Will you, Livvy?”
He’s such an ass. I shake my head once. “Nope.”
Em whirls around. “Liv,” she hisses.
I shrug. “He’s so cocky.”
“He has reason to be cocky. Trust me.” She turns and cups her hands around her mouth. “Show me what you got, sexy boyfriend!”
Her vague reference to Sixteen Candles will not make me smile.
Ryan jumps on the edge of the diving board, gaining height, gaining momentum. I watch, trying to fight my fascination but it’s no use.
He’s gorgeous. Everything he does appears effortless, whether he’s driving his beautiful, expensive car or hopping on a diving board with that perfect body of his. Or smirking at me while saying the most inappropriate stuff ever, it all just seems to come so easy to him.
And when he finally hops off the diving board, executing the most perfect dive in the history of teenage kind, his body slicing into the water with hardly a sound, barely a ripple in the water, I tell myself I’m going to have to stay strong.
Withstanding Ryan might end up being the death of me.
Em’s parents went out to dinner, leaving the three of us alone in the house with money for pizza delivery. The minute their car pulled out of the driveway, Em dashes off to raid their liquor stash and Ryan runs out to his car, walking back into the house with a giant smile and a joint pinched between his fingers.
“Who’s ready for a smoke?” He looks right at me, his gaze so intense it’s like he can see deep inside. All of my secrets, all of my fears.
I shake my head. “No thanks.”
The smile falters. “You’re no fun.”
“Aren’t you supposed to stay clean, considering you’re on the football team?”
“Drug tests already happened. I’m good.” He has a lighter in his hand too and his thumb flicks against it. Once. Twice. Until finally the flame is lit and he holds the end of the joint over it until a tendril of smoke rises. “I’m celebrating tonight.”
“You’re celebrating a clean drug test by smoking pot?” My brows go up and my tone is full on judgmental, but I don’t care. “That’s smart.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” He moves closer to me, the both of us seemingly alone since Em is in the giant walk-in pantry looking for liquor bottles. My hands grip the edge of the cool marble countertop and he reaches out, his index finger sliding across my knuckles in a feather-light touch. “I’m celebrating the fact that I get to spend my Saturday night with you, Livvy.”
My fingers tighten around the thick marble. I refuse to look up at him. “Don’t start this again.”
“Don’t start what?” His tone is innocent and he removes his finger from my hand. I immediately miss his touch, which is so incredibly pitiful. “You know how I feel about you.”
It’s bullshit, I want to say, but I don’t. I think he’s a liar. I think he’s totally playing me to…what? Make Em jealous? Drive her insane? Drive me insane? “I also know how you feel about Em. You need to leave me out of it.”
“You guys like whiskey?” Em calls from inside the pantry.
“No,” I yell in reply.
“Damn it,” I hear her mutter, and I can tell she’s still rifling through the bottles. They clank against each other and I wince, hoping she doesn’t drop one.
Ryan says nothing. Just watches me with those green, green eyes, his mouth tilted upward at the corners, appearing as if he has a secret.
In a way, I guess he does.
“You staying the night?” he asks, his voice soft.
I nod.
“Gonna sleep in Em’s bed?”
I frown.
“What do you girls do when you’re in bed together, hmm?” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, tracing the rounded edge.
“Not what you’re thinking,” I say snidely as I move away from him, unsure where he’s going with this.
“How do you know what I’m thinking?” He touches my cheek. My chin. Places his thumb in the center of my bottom lip and gently tugs until it releases. “You have cock-sucking lips.”
I jerk away from him. “You are such an asshole.”
His eyes warm, as if he enjoys me calling him names. “It’s true. Big lips look especially good wrapped around my…”
“I found gin!” Em emerges from the pantry triumphant in her discovery, the nearly full bottle of gin gripped in her hand as she holds it above her head.
“Got any tonic to go with it?” Ryan asks.
“Oh.” She sets the bottle on the counter and hurries back over to the pantry. “Let me check.”
The moment she disappears from view, he’s turning toward me. Touching me, his hand on my arm, his fingers skimming down, stopping at my wrist. I move away from him, irritated that he thinks he can get away with this. I wish like crazy that Dustin were here. He’d be a good distraction. Protection.
My shield against the potency that is Ryan.
Ugh, that I even think he’s potent is so freaking annoying.
“You can call me as many names as you want and try to get away from me, but it’s going to happen,” he says, his tone assured. Arrogant.
“What’s going to happen?” I ask as I go to the sink and turn on the water, pushing the lever to hot. I wash my hands vigorously, scrubbing them like I’m about to go into surgery. Like I can wash away his touch with a few pumps of antibacterial foaming soap.
Do I really want that though? Or am I trying to convince myself?
He stops so he’s standing right next to me, his head bent, his mouth close to my ear. “You and me.”
His lips brush my temple, and then like a ghost…
Ryan’s gone. Barging into the pantry and telling Em that she’s blind, there’s a bottle of tonic on the top shelf.
I just scrub my hands harder, but no matter how much I try, I can’t wash away his touch. H
is words.
His everything.
“I’m scared, Livvy.” Em’s voice trembles in the darkness and I blink my eyes open. I’d just about drifted off when she spoke and I’m lying on my back, staring up at the ceiling.
We’re in her bed. We’ve been here for a while, at least an hour, maybe more. Ryan finally left and I’d never felt so relieved. The tension ran high the entire night. We gave up on the gin when we found better stuff and ended up drinking vodka and Sprite. I got a little buzzed. We watched a movie on Cinemax that was basically soft porn and I left the two of them in the living room, not even bothering to say good night.
I figured they would do it on the couch. Figured Em’s parents wouldn’t come home until late, and I was right. I stayed up in her room and listened to music with my ear buds, scrolling through Instagram until I got sick of seeing photos of everyone having a good time during their last weekend of the summer before school begins.
I miss Dustin. I wish he was here with us. With me.
“Why are you scared?” I finally ask.
She sighs, the sound so forlorn I feel sorry for her. Sort of. She is, after all, the lucky bitch who lives in a gorgeous house, has her own car, a pool, money, all the clothes she could ever want, parents who let her do whatever she wants and a hot guy who’s into her.
Oh, and who also claims to be into me.
This is so messed up.
“School is going to start and everything’s going to change.”
“No it’s not,” I say.
Em turns and I do too so that we’re facing each other. I can see her eyes glittering in the dim light. She’s watching me so carefully, in that assessing way she has. “It is. Everything’s changing. Can’t you feel it?”
“No.” I’m lying. I can feel a shift, but I blamed it on the weirdness between Dustin and me. The weirdness between Ryan and me, too.
“Starting our senior year, planning for our future, for college. We have to take SATs and ACTs and pick our majors and all that crap. Plus there are the boys.” She ticks those items off like a list. “That’s what’s messing everything up.”
“We won’t let any of that mess everything up,” I reassure her. “As long as we don’t change, everything stays the same, right. We can study for the SATs together. Pick out the same college, live together in the dorms. It’ll be perfect.”
Just Friends Page 6