by Chloe Thomas
***
A few minutes pass by as I stand outside the hut. It’s dark but still feels bloody hot. I hear the door swing open and shut followed by footsteps approaching me. I look up and Levi leans up against the wall next to me.
“Look Chase, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off or whatever back there.” Levi quietly makes his apology. I should be a man and accept it but that’s not what I do.
“Fuck off,” I grumble, acting like an immature child.
“Bud, seriously. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It’s just nice that you’ve found someone you care about like that. Honestly I’m sort of jealous. I’d like a woman that makes me feel that good.” I’m surprised by Levi’s admission and know that I need to get over this little spat. He’s been my best fiend for years, ever since we first served together.
“To be honest I’m not really sure how I feel. I’m not the boyfriend type but I’m just not sure I can let her go either.” I decide honesty is the best policy.
“Who says you’re not the boyfriend type? Be whatever you want to be. If you don’t want to let her go then don’t. Ever since Belle’s come along you seem, different, happier even. Not that you weren’t before but you’ve changed in a good way. Don’t let that go.” I let Levi’s words of wisdom sink in for a while before bringing an end to the conversation.
“Lets go to bed. I feel like enough of a fucking pussy right now and this woman talk isn’t helping.”
“Right you are,” Levi slaps me on the back and we both wander back inside.
***
It takes just over two and a half weeks in the end before we finally flush the bastard out. It’s two and a half weeks longer than I wanted to spend away from Belle. It’s not like I could even call or message her out there either. I’d spoken to Noah before we left and he’s had a few of his other guys still stateside keeping an eye on her which I’m thankful for. The frequent updates that she’s okay has helped me keep my focus on the mission. In truth I suspect that’s why Noah was so agreeable to having his guys check on her in the first place. We’ve just got back to LA after a bloody long flight and after saying goodbye to the lads the first thing I do is get my phone out and dial her number.
“Hi Chase,” her voice sounds sweeter than I remember.
“Hey Belle, how are you doing? I know I’ve been gone longer than I said.” I go straight into an apology, she needs to know I wouldn’t have left this long if I didn’t have too.
“I’m really good actually. I know you didn’t plan to be gone that long, but it’s probably not a bad thing. I feel like I’m getting back to normality now.” I’m pleased she’s okay and I’m happy she feels better about life but I still wish I’d been back sooner.
“Good, I’m really glad. Look why don’t I come over tonight.” I’ve been replaying my conversation with Levi over and over and I really don’t want to let her go. Not until we know what this thing is between us. “I’ve missed you,” I add, going for honesty.
“I’d like that. I missed you too.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“Say 6 like normal?”
“Sounds good, I’ll see you in a bit.” We hang up and I check the time. I’ve got two hours, time enough to go home unpack and shower before heading to hers.
***
I open the front door to my place and dump my kit bag in the hall. The place smells a bit musty so I open a few windows to get some fresh air in before setting about unpacking. I end up chucking virtually everything into the washing machine before heading towards the shower. Standing under the hot water feels amazing on my skin. The showers on a military base aren’t all that. They’re usually cold, you have a maximum of 5 minutes and there’s no privacy whatsoever. This is the first time in weeks I can enjoy getting clean.
As I start to soap up my mind wanders and I end up thinking about Belle. Actually that’s pretty much all I’ve thought of since I met the girl. My cock gets hard remembering her rocking against me. Given I’ve had no privacy for the past 2 and a half weeks I really need some relief at this point. I’m also conscious that I’m going to hers shortly and I don’t want a repeat of last time if things end up going that way. I can just about get away with that happening once but twice would be pretty fucking humiliating. I take my cock in my hand and start to stroke up and down. It feels pretty damn good. With the memories of Belle in my mind, it doesn’t take too many more strokes before I’m on the edge. I brace my left hand against the tiles in the shower as my orgasm takes hold. I let out a groan or two as hot cum shoots from my cock and still for a moment as the pleasure rocks through my body. Once the feeling subsides I finish cleaning myself, step out of the shower and dress in some jeans and a t-shirt.
As I head over to Belle’s I feel excited. I’ve never felt like this about a girl before. I’m starting to realise how special she is.
Chapter 7
Wanting something more
Belle
————————————
Chase will be here soon and that thought makes me smile. I was glad when he said he’d missed me on the phone because I’d missed him. A lot actually. I keep thinking about the last time he was here, how he held me all night. I don’t think either of my exes even did that. They just wanted sex and then they’d fall asleep, there was no romance or come to think of it any signs that they truly loved me like they’d say. Something felt so incredibly right being cuddled up against Chase though and I was glad he didn’t try and get me to go further. I could feel his erection pressed up against me so I guess that part of him at least wanted more, but I need to take this slowly. After what happened in Columbia I don’t think I’ll ever be able to just jump into bed with a man again. I need to work up to it so I know the trust is there. Part of me does feel guilty for making him wait and especially for not admitting why but I can’t risk having another panic attack if I have to relive it again.
I’ve had a few nervous moments since chase has been gone but on the whole I’m okay. There haven’t been any major panic attacks beyond that first one I had in the parking lot so that’s something. I still have the number for counselling that I was given a few weeks back in the hospital but I can’t bring myself to call it. I’m just so scared they’ll make me re-live the memories and I feel like that would be going backwards.
My parents and Naomi are still worried about me but I’ve met up with them a few times whilst Chase has been gone and I think they’re now satisfied I’m doing okay. I am feeling much more settled. I haven’t yet walked along the road I was taken from by myself but I have walked different routes home and that went well. I’m more alert and on edge, but that’s to be expected I suppose. Chase has had some of the guys from his work checking on me which has helped reassure me.
There’s a knock at the door and I feel excitement surge in my chest. I have to stop myself from running towards it. Chase looks as handsome as ever in the t-shirt and jeans he’s wearing. I’ve put on a day dress and am wearing my hair down in loose curls around my face. I didn’t want to go overboard but I guess I wanted to make an effort at the same time.
“Hi, come in,” I say to him as he makes a lazy appreciative sweep across my figure.
“Hey, you look beautiful.”
“Thanks, you don’t look bad yourself,” it’s a lame reply but I don’t have anything better.
“Come here,” Chase pulls me into a hug and gives me a quick peck on the lips. I instantly want more, but he pulls back smiling at me as if he knows what I’m thinking. “How have you been?”
“Good actually,” we slip into an easy conversation talking about the past two weeks. Chase doesn’t give much away about his job, but then I don’t suppose he can.
“I was thinking, why don’t we go out for a film and then dinner tonight? I haven’t really taken you anywhere and, well, I’d like to,” Chase asks catching me by surprise.
“So, like a date?”
“Yeah, that sound okay with you?” I smile and
nod my head in response. “Grab your stuff then.”
***
A few minutes later and we’re walking towards Chase’s truck. He opens the door for me like a gentleman and I can’t help but feel butterflies in my stomach. He goes round the other side, clambers in and starts the truck up. The radio blares out and Chase quickly turns it down.
“You can change the station if you want,” he says.
“That’s okay, I like this music.” It’s indie rock playing and sounds like a Killers track.
“Good,” Chase smiles, “because it’s a classic and I don’t know what I’d have done if you put Taylor Swift on or some shit like that,” I can’t help but laugh at him.
“Taylor Swift is also pretty good you know.”
“Hmm,” he grumbles “I’m a sniper in a black ops team, I can’t exactly be listening to that now can I.”
“But you know who she is, so you must have at some point,” I jest.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Of course you don’t!” Were both laughing now.
“Seriously though - I really don’t,” Chase states trying to make sure he doesn’t loose his alpha male persona I suspect. I just laugh and shake my head.
The rest of the journey continues in a light hearted fashion. When we get to the cinema Chase makes me pick the film. I choose an action thinking that it’s unfair to make Chase sit through a romance and after he’s insisted on buying me popcorn we head in. We both take our seats and he takes hold of my hand interlocking his fingers with mine. It’s a small but sweet and romantic gesture.
***
Half an hour into the film and there’s a violent scene. It shouldn’t surprise me given it’s an action film and before everything happened to me I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at it. Now though, it’s difficult to watch. I feel panic rising and I start to get clammy. I pull my hand away from Chases so he won’t notice how shaky I’m becoming. I see him turn his head towards me though in my peripheral vision.
“Are you okay?” he whispers into my ear. I nod hoping that’s good enough. I don’t want to draw attention to myself and honestly I’m trying to focus on stopping the eminent panic attack. “Come on,” Chase gets up, pulling me with him and leads us out of the cinema. He isn’t carrying me, but I feel his arm around me ready to support my weight if needed. He guides me straight outside the building and sits us back down on a bench.
As the cool fresh air hits me I feel the panic start to subdue.
“You’re okay Belle, It’s alright, you’re safe.” Chase holds my hand squeezing gently and trying to reassure me. Another minute or so passes before I feel totally calm. Then the embarrassment sets in.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the film,” I mutter not looking up from the ground.
“Don’t be sorry Arabella. I couldn’t give a fuck about the film so long as you’re alright.” Chase tilts my chin up towards him. “Do you feel okay now?”
“Yes, thanks,” I mumble blushing.
“You don’t seem it.”
“I’m fine, just embarrassed I guess.”
“Well don’t be. Arabella, seriously I don’t want you to be embarrassed or shy around me. I care about you, I want you to trust me and be yourself around me.” I don’t reply but inside I feel giddy at chases omission that he cares and a smile forces it’s way onto my face.
“How did you know?” I ask curious.
“That you were about to have a panic attack?” Chase pauses looking at me. “Arabella, out in the field you have to be able to read people’s body language all the time, they aren’t going to shout out and warn you if they’re going to shoot you. Their body on the other hand, that’s a different story, that paints a picture of exactly how they’re feeling and what’s likely to happen next. You don’t hide what you’re thinking at all. I can tell when somethings on your mind even if I don’t always know what and truthfully, there’s a reason I never picked an action film back at yours.”
“Oh. I see” I feel mortified that Chase has a better idea of what would cause a panic attack in me than I do.
“Arabella, when we were at the hospital they gave you a number of someone to talk to, did you ever use it?”
“No,” my mental state is not a conversation I want to have with someone I’m really starting to like.
“Well, maybe you should. I can even go with you if you’re nervous about it.”
“No.” I blurt out panicked that then he’ll know I’ve been ra... yeah that. I still can’t say it in my own head. “I’m not ready,” I add trying to explain my outburst. Chase sighs in frustration.
“Alright, you should think about it though.” He pauses looking at me hopefully. “ Come on then, I’m starving,” he says and stands holding his hand out to me.
“Where are we going?” I ask, locking my fingers in his but still embarrassed at the whole situation.
“We’ll go to a drive through tonight given I think it’s best to get you home, but tomorrow I’m taking you out for dinner properly.”
“You want to go on another date after how this turned out?” I ask in disbelief.
“Belle, of course I do. Look at you, your gorgeous your intelligent, brave, strong. What man wouldn’t want to take you on a date?” I should just accept the compliment, but I don’t. I can’t, I feel like I’m lying to Chase if I let it go, I’m weak and pathetic, he needs to see that before it’s too late.
“I don’t think I’m any of those things. Look at what just happened. My heads fucked up.”
“You’ve been through something most people can’t even begin to imagine. It will take time to heal, baby steps remember? You’re being too hard on yourself.”
We continue the walk to the truck in silence and apart from ordering some food at the drive through we don’t really say anything the rest of the way back to my place either. Sometime later when we’re done with dinner we make it to the sofa.
“Come here,” Chase states and pats the spot next to him on my couch. I gingerly sit where he wants me and he immediately puts his arm around me pulling me into his chest. “Just relax, stop overthinking. I can tell you’ve been stressed the whole way home and through dinner.”
Admittedly there is something comforting about being snuggled up with Chase so I allow my mind to forget tonights disaster for a while and just enjoy being with him. I wake up sometime later to Chase gently carrying me into my bedroom.
“Come on sleepy,” Chase chuckles.
“Shit, sorry I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”
“Don’t worry about it, I nearly drifted off as well.” He sets me down on the bed and then starts removing his watch, placing it on the nightstand. I guess he’s sleeping over.
“You don’t have to stay anymore if you don’t want too. I was fine alone while you were working.”
“I never said you weren’t fine Belle, maybe I want to stay,” he states stilling and looking at me. “Do you not want me to,” he asks, already knowing the answer to that question.
“You know I don’t mind. I’m just saying, you’re not obligated to anymore.”
“I never was obligated to stay baby. There’s just something about you and right now I want to be cuddled up next to you drifting off to sleep, so stop talking and get changed.” A smile creeps onto my face and I do exactly as he says.
***
I keep checking myself in the mirror, wanting to make sure I look okay. It’s now 6pm and I know Chase will be here any moment to take me out. He’s calling this date number 2 and is taking me to an Italian in town. I’ve put on a deep red dress that’s flattering to my curves, but is neither formal nor slutty. It shows a little cleavage but still leaves something to the imagination. I add some makeup to my face and pull out my wedge sandals to finish it off.
I feel nervous tonight, probably because of how badly last night went. Chase didn’t seem to care. In fact he was fine with me this morning. We had a quick coffee together before he headed into the o
ffice for a debrief following their latest job and he’s texted me throughout the day. I still feel embarrassed though.
The doorbell goes and I answer it to a very handsome Chase. He’s loosely styled his hair, is clean shaven and has on black jeans accompanied by a dress shirt that makes his biceps look huge. His eyes roam up and down my body and he swallows.
“Fuck Arabella, you look stunning.” He leans in and gives me a quick kiss on the lips. “You smell gorgeous too.”
“You look pretty good yourself,” I say as I appreciate his sculpted face and body.
“Stop doing that or we won’t leave the house.” he commands in a low tone.
“Stop doing what?” I ask genuinely confused. He brings his fingers up to my lip and caresses it.
“Toying with your lip like that. It makes me want to play with it.” He links his fingers with mine and, after I’ve locked the house up, leads me to his truck.
We make easy conversation on the drive into town and when we park up Chase hops out and comes round to my side, opening my door for me.
“Such a gentleman,” I look at him smiling.
“I have my moments,” he replies as he takes my hand and helps me down. We walk fingers interlocked towards the restaurant and when we get there Chase guides me inside with a hand placed on the small of my back.
We’re seated at a small table in the far corner, it’s private and somewhat romantic with a candle placed between us. Our waitress keeps making eyes at Chase though and it’s irritating me. He all but ignores her to the point that I can’t even tell if he’s noticed. When she takes our orders she practically thrusts her boobs in his face mind so I don’t see how he could miss that. She drags out her time out at our table for as long as possible but finally scuttles away. I guess she reminds me that Chase could have his pick of women. I don’t get why he’s interested in me and I find myself scared this will all end in heartbreak.