by Chloe Thomas
“Yes Belle!” My cock pulses and empties itself with a ferocity I’ve not felt before and I moan incoherently.
“Fucking hell baby,” I say as the last of my orgasm subsides and I virtually collapse on top of her, resting my forehead against hers.
We lie like that for a minute or so, trying to get our breath back. Eventually I sit up and remove the condom, before lying on my back and pulling Belle into me.
“Good?” I ask her, needing to know she enjoyed that as much as I did.
“More than good, best I’ve ever had.” I smirk, pleased at the thought.
“Me too.”
We stay snuggled up together for a while, my cock finally limp for the first time in days, but the moment is soon ruined by my phone going off.
“Are you going to get that?” Belle asks.
“Meh, if it’s important they’ll ring again,” I answer hoping they don’t. That isn’t my luck though. On the third call I get up and grab my phone knowing it’s probably an urgent deployment. A fact that’s pretty much confirmed when I see Noah’s name flash across the screen.
“Whats up boss,” I answer cutting straight to the point.
“You need to come in Chase, something’s come up and I’m probably going to need you deployed.”
“Understood,” I respond trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice and hanging up. The timing is properly shit.
“Arabella,” I say leaning in towards her and kissing her forehead. “I’m really sorry baby, I have to go. Somethings come up at work and we’re being called out.”
“Oh, yeah sure,” she tries to hide the disappointment in her voice but I can tell it’s there.
“Trust me Belle I don’t want to go,” I say running my thumb down her soft cheek and trying my best to smooth this over.
“I know. I’ll get dressed,” she says moving towards the edge of the bed.
“You don’t have to go now Belle, stay here tonight and get a taxi home tomorrow. I’ll leave the spare key out for you.” She looks a little surprised but I don’t have time to talk about it. I throw my clothes on before grabbing my kit bag out of the wardrobe and shoving a few t-shirts, boxers and pants in. Next I grab the sidearm I keep in my safe and some bullets, I’ll pick up more weapons at the office. I give Belle a quick kiss goodbye and head out, leaving the spare key on the kitchen counter for her as I go.
Chapter 9
The shock of a lifetime
Belle
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Last night was amazing. It’s easily the best sex I’ve ever had and it just felt like so much more with Chase. I know I should have told him why I froze when he first got on top of me in bed but I just couldn’t. I still can’t even say the word to myself never mind admit it out loud to someone else. Then it becomes real and I can’t cope with that. I probably ought to take up that offer of counselling but for the moment I’d rather just bury my demons and pretend everything’s fine. So what if that makes me weak. Besides, I didn’t want to ruin the moment.
I was kind of disappointed when he had to leave but I understand why. He seemed pretty pissed about having to go as well. I got a taxi back from his as soon as I woke up this morning. It felt wrong to be hanging around his house without him there although judging from his reaction when I went to leave last night I doubt he’d mind.
I might have told my parents that he was my boyfriend when we went to visit them yesterday. I wasn’t sure what to call it. I couldn’t exactly say friends with benefits and in any case I really hope that’s not what this is. Friends didn’t do it justice either though and I didn’t want things to be awkward between us if they put him up in a separate bedroom. Thinking about it now, I probably should have said we were dating, that seems the most accurate and boyfriend sounds a little immature. Although we haven’t really clarified what it is between us I think after last night this is definitely going to be a long term relationship. I just really hope he’s thinking the same.
Right now I have a different issue to cope with anyway. I’m throwing up for the second time this morning. I felt a little bit sick yesterday but nothing came up, this morning though I can’t keep water down let alone food. Thankfully Chase is still out so at least he won’t see me like this. I know he was upset yesterday when he found out about the panic attack in the car park and why I never called him but he’s already done so much for me. I promised I’d call him or one of the other guys if something like that happened again but I’d feel like a burden asking for help. In any case I worry they’d overreact and go all alpha male over something which I’m sure is nothing.
Once I’ve finished being sick I get into the shower. The warm water cascading down me helps ease the soreness between my legs. It reminds me of last night again and I find myself feeling excited for Chase to get back. Our relationship finally seems like it’s in a great place. Who am I kidding, it’s more than great... I’m falling in love with him.
***
3 days later and I’m sat at the doctors. I’m still so unwell. Chase and the team ended up being deployed so I haven’t seen him for the last few days but he is at least contactable this time. I really miss him but it has given me time to apply for a few jobs, which I’ve been putting off doing ever since I’ve been back.
We’ve texted a few times although not as much as I’d have liked. I guess he’s just busy though. I haven’t let him know how sick I’ve been. He’ll probably be pissed at that but I don’t want him distracted from whatever deployment he’s on. When he pulled a sidearm out of his safe and added it to his kitbag it brought home how dangerous his job actually is. It’s quite sobering to think of the things he’s seen and done and worrying when I realise those things might happen to him.
“Miss Arabella Rose,” I can hear the receptionist calling my name. “Dr. Andrews is ready for you now, if you’d like to go through please.”
I stand and head to towards the doctors office. Even walking is making me feel queasy.
“Please take a seat. How can I help you today?” the doctor asks.
I start rehashing the symptoms I’ve experienced over the past few days whilst the doctor listens intently.
“Do you think you could be pregnant?”
“What?” I must have misheard. I have to have misheard.
“Arabella, from what you’ve described I think you might be pregnant. When was your last period?”
“I... it... I don’t know. A while ago I guess, I can’t remember,” I stumble out my words. Shit... I’m not am I? I can’t be.
“Perhaps we should do a test?” The doctors smiling at me like this would be a good thing. She doesn’t understand. It’s too soon for it to be Chase’s which means only one thing. It’s his. It’s the man who took me from the street, held me against my will, physically abused me and forced me. If I wasn’t already going to be sick I sure am now.
She’s holding out a pot. I take it and head to the restroom. My hands are shaking and I’m starting to feel clammy. I need to calm down before I end up in a full blown panic attack again. I do my business and return placing the pot on the doctors desk. She takes it and dips the test stick in. I can’t think straight. Please god it can’t be this. Anything but this.
“It’s positive,” Dr Andrews exclaims. Oh fuck no. “Why don’t you hop up onto the bed and we’ll perform a quick ultrasound, we can see how far along you are then,” she gestures towards the bed in the corner of the room.
I remove the bottom half of my clothing, apparently this is an internal exam, and lie back as per Dr. Andrews instructions. She starts the ultrasound machine, puts lube on the end of the wand and then begins.
“Yes, you’re definitely pregnant, around 7 or 8 weeks I’d say.” I’m in so much shock I can’t say anything. “Would you like to hear the heartbeat?” Would I? I don’t know? I can’t bear to think I’m carrying a part of my abductor inside of me. Such a vile, cruel and evil man is alive inside of me. But the other half of it is me. And aren’t c
hildren supposed to be innocent? Can I associate this unborn child, my unborn child, with the evil that is it’s father? Maybe it would grow up to be completely different. Then again, maybe it wouldn’t. What if it grows to be just like it’s biological dad. I couldn’t cope with bringing that into the world. I’m definitely about to have a panic attack.
I shake my head, wait for her to finish up, then dress quickly and practically run out of the doctors office. I can’t cope with this. I stumble back to my car as the panic attack takes hold. I’m sweating, shaking and inside my mind is screaming at me. I feel disorientated and dizzy. I rest my head against the wheel while tears stream down my face and just stay like that for an eternity. Or perhaps it was only a minute. I’ve lost all concept of time.
As much as I’ve missed Chase, I find myself suddenly hoping this job they’re on runs on for another few days. I need time to process this and decide what to do. Fuck. I have absolutely no idea what to do. There’s missed calls on my phone, presumably from the doctors surgery. I guess they’re concerned after I ran out like that but I wasn’t going to have a full on melt down in front of everyone. Then I’d have to explain why I’m so upset about this and I refuse to relive that. I always wanted a child but not like this.
The promise I made to Chase if I had another panic attack Is now ringing through my head. I guess I should phone someone for help. No way am I calling him though and telling him this. He said I should call one of the others if I ever couldn’t phone him but the only one I’d feel comfortable talking to is Levi. He’s the only other person who knows what else happened in Columbia from his medical check of me. I know he respected my privacy by never mentioning anything to Chase at the time. They’re best friends though, I doubt he’d keep this a secret as well and it would be unfair of me to ask him to right? Thinking about it he’s probably been deployed with Chase. I definitely can’t call him. Fuck it, I’ll be fine without help. Eventually I start the car and head back, the tears still flowing freely.
***
The rest of the day and next morning goes by in a haze. I’m just going through the motions but feeling detached and withdrawn. I’m no closer to knowing what to do even though It’s all I’ve thought about since I found out. I didn’t even get an hour of sleep last night. There’s more missed calls on my phone from the Doctors and a couple of text messages I’ve ignored.
Chase 13:07: Hey babe, just checking in. I really miss you.
Chase 21:52: Baby, I haven’t heard from you all day. You are okay aren’t you?
Chase 11.15: Seriously Arabella, just let me know you’re alright. Me and the boys are heading back today so why don’t I come round to yours tonight?
Naomi 11.45: Hey hun! We need a catchup. Call me when you’re free! Xx
I can’t reply to Chase. I know I should but the thought of what this would do to our relationship is tearing me apart. I know we’ve not known each other that long, but I can’t loose the one person I love. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, even former boyfriends. He’s it for me I know he is. Just thinking about loosing him starts the tears off again. I swear I cried so much last night that there really can’t be many tears left now. I can’t expect him to raise another mans child and once he finds out how they forced me he won’t want me anyway. I’m weak, disgusting and pathetic; who could ever love that. But the thought of having a termination tears me up too. I’m carrying an innocent child, something that’s half mine and something that could turn out to be nothing like his or her father. What kind of a person would it make me if I terminated that life without giving it a chance? I know plenty of people do and I don’t think badly of them for that, but I’m not sure I can live with it.
Maybe I should call Naomi. We might not talk everyday but she’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We tell each other everything. Maybe another perspective on this situation is a good thing and I know she’s not working today. I dial her number before I can stop myself.
“Hey Belle, how’re you?!”
“H...Hey...Nai-” I’m stuttering, I cant get the words out. Before I know it I’ve broken down into full blown sobs on the phone.
“Belle?! Where are you?! Tell me where you are, I’m coming to you.”
I manage to mumble out that I’m at home and she ends the call, presumably on her way here.
***
Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door. Actually it’s more like a pounding as Naomi shouts my name. I look like shit and I’ve not bothered to clean the place in days but I guess that doesn’t matter.
“Oh my god! What’s happened, you look like crap!” Trust her to tell it as it is as soon as I open the door. I head towards the couch and we both take a seat, tears still pouring from my face.
“I...I....” I can’t get the words out.
“You what? Is it Chase, has something happened?!”
“No, no” I take a deep breath in between sobs and decide it’s best to just blurt it out “I’m pregnant”.
“Aww honey, it’s okay. I know you and Chase have only just got together but, he’s head over heels for you. This is a good thing, he’ll be hap-
“You don’t understand,” I interrupt before Naomi can get carried away with her fairytale, as wonderful as that would be. “I’m 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Me and chase only slept with each other a few days ago”.
“Oh,” she states. And then I see the recognition dawn on her. “But... 7 weeks ago you were still missing...”
I can’t respond, I just sob even harder.
“Honey, are you saying what I think you are?” I manage to look at her. I don’t need to give more of an answer than that and thankfully she doesn’t press. I think she sees the trauma in my eyes.
“Arabella, oh my god.” Naomi takes my hand softly squeezing it. “You could have told me you know, I might not have been able to understand everything you’ve been through, but I can be a shoulder to cry on at least. Don’t ever try to suffer in silence again.”
We sit on my couch hugging and crying for a while. I don’t think I realised how much I needed this. Not to talk about it, because I’m still not ready for that, but just for it not be this dark secret hanging over me with every person I speak to. Eventually I feel like I can force myself to speak.
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to tell Chase, it will destroy us. I don’t even know if I should tell Chase. I mean can I do this, what if it’s a boy and looks just like him? I’d resent and hate him, I definitely couldn’t give birth to or raise the kid.”
“Listen Arabella, no one can make that choice other than you. You have to be honest with yourself and if you know you couldn’t cope with it then no one would look at you any differently. We’d all understand.” She pauses giving me a sympathetic smile. “You’ve got a few more weeks before you have to make the call so there’s time to think it through. I think you need to tell Chase either way and I know you think it will push him away but you need to let Chase make that choice not make it for him. You might be surprised at what he decides.”
I think those words over.
“And sweetheart, know that whatever you decide you’ll have as much help and support from everyone around you as you need” I nod, mulling it all through.
“I’m scared I’ll make the wrong choice. That I’ll decide to keep him or her and regret it or worse, not love the child.”
“I doubt that will happen Belle, but remember that adoption is always an option if it does. No one would judge you, particularly given the circumstances.”
We talk for a while longer before Naomi leaves. I still feel scared and confused about it, but there’s a glimmer of hope now I guess.
I could easily go back to the sofa and continue crying but I decide to start tidying the house instead hoping it’ll help as a distraction. I just need an hour or two without thinking about this mess and hopefully what to do about it all will become a little clearer. I’ve still not replied to Chase even though he said about coming over to
night. If I ignore it it’ll buy me another 12 hours at least without needing to tell him. There is a part of me that wants nothing more than to see him and cuddle up against him knowing that it will help me feel calmer. He’s always been able to read me like a book though so I doubt I could keep it a secret for that long and once he knows, well my world will shatter more than it already has. I need a bit longer before that happens otherwise I don’t know if I’ll be able to cope.
Chapter 10
When your world comes crashing down
Chase
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It’s been a long few days. The mission went completely south and we ended up in Mexico on recon. Some local millionaire businessman thought he could play with the cartel and now his kids gone missing. We had a tip off on the kids location but after three days there and with no sign of activity at all we’ve come back to re-group.
I haven’t heard from Arabella in a couple of days. Sure she’s got her own life and I don’t expect her to spend all her time mooning over me. But radio silence doesn’t seem like her either. Is she pissed off that I got called in right after we had sex? I was pissed off at that, but there’s not really a lot I can do. She knows what I do for a living, she had to know I’d get called up out of the blue from time to time. I hope that isn’t going to be a problem because that won’t be the last time it happens and I’m not letting her go. Not after I’ve had a taste. Shit, what if she’s had a sudden change of heart about us, what if she regrets it.
We’ve just pulled up outside the office. I say goodbye to lads and get in my car headed for her house. If she’s changed her mind then I’m going to change it back again. I’m not letting her go without a fight.