Chase

by Chloe Thomas

  I pull into her drive and there’s light coming from the window so she must be in. As I walk to the front door I suddenly find myself feeling nervous again. It’s not a welcome feeling. Why is it I can spend days out in the field with a high chance of being shot at at any moment and that doesn’t bother me at all, yet with Arabella just walking to her door scares the shit out of me.

  I knock lightly and get no answer. Is she ignoring me? Another knock and a few more minutes and still nothing. Now I’m getting worried, what if something’s happened to her? I should let myself in, just to make sure she’s okay. I’m not sure what I’ll do if she’s fine and just doesn’t want to see me mind. I pick the lock in seconds. I know it’s part of my job description but even so she needs better security than this. I nudge the door open, stroll through her house calling out her name and eventually find her on the sofa curled up asleep.

  She looks adorable and my heart pumps in my chest. How can anyone sleep through the noise I’ve just made though? I was hardly quiet. The closer I get to her the more disheveled she looks, her eyes are swollen like she’s been crying. She hasn’t brushed her hair or put on any makeup. Not that I think she should, she looks gorgeous without it, but it’s unusual for her.

  I pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. After pulling the covers back I set her down and tuck her in. She doesn’t even stir. I desperately need a shower after 4 days of Mexican heat and dust, sleeping in the middle of fucking nowhere, but all I want to do is get in bed with my woman and pull her close. Christ I’m turning into a soppy shit. Deciding that I can’t skip the shower given how bad I smell, I strip and wander into the bathroom.

  I start the water running and step in. Is she really that tired that’s she sleeping through me breaking into her house, carrying her to bed and now sleeping through the shower going?! As soon as she’s awake I’m gonna find out what the hells been happening whilst I’ve been gone. The hot water feels good cascading down my back. I help myself to her shampoo and soap, and once I’m clean, step out, dry myself off and slip into a clean pair of boxers I find in my pack.

  I do a quick wander around her house checking all the doors and windows are locked and I turn off all the lights. Then I slip into bed and pull her into my chest. My cock stirs but much to his distaste I ignore him and drift off into a peaceful happy slumber. Hopefully she won’t freak out in the morning when she realises I’ve broken in.

  ***

  “Baby? Where are you?” I’ve woken up to an empty bed. It’s 6am... Belle’s not an early riser so what’s going on? I’m starting to think she really is fucking ignoring me. This shit needs to be set straight right away. I’m already out of bed and walking towards the kitchen. “There you are.”

  “Er.. hey.. yeah I’m just getting coffee,” she looks panicked, nervous even.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing, nothing. I’m just surprised to see you.”

  “Why do I feel like it’s not a good surprise?”

  “It is.” She can’t even make eye contact with me. I stroll over and wrap my arms around her and she fucking tenses. Have I misread the last month or something?! Was it just a one night thing to her, a challenge to sleep with me?

  “It sure doesn’t feel like it babe. You not want me here or something? Do you regret the other night?”

  “What. No of course not. I’m glad you’re here, I missed you.”

  “Then why do you feel tense, why does it feel like you’re trying to avoid me. You’ve ignored all my texts. Are you pissed at me for leaving, because I’m sorry about that but it’s the nature of my job, I didn’t want to go.”

  “No it’s not that, I’m sorry. I’ve just been really tired that’s all,” she leans up and kisses me but something still feels off.

  “You don’t say, you didn’t even stir last night. Have you not been sleeping?”

  “Something like that. Look I’m really sorry, I am glad you’re here honest.” I’m not sure I’m completely convinced but she does at least seem more relaxed. “Let’s go out and get breakfast.”

  ***

  We’re in my truck headed to the local diner. Belle seems a little quiet but other than that everything’s okay. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed her over the past few days. The more time I spend with her, the harder it’s getting to be away from her. I’ve completely fallen for Arabella. And to think there used to be a time when I could never see me settling down with a woman.

  I pull into a space, hop out and wander round to Belles side, opening the door for her. She smiles at me and lets me help her down. I put my arm around her and give her a quick kiss on the lips.

  I lead us to a corner booth inside the diner and we give our order to the waitress.

  “So, what have you been up to the past few days?” We slip into conversation. I’d like to say it was free flowing and full of laughter but for the first time with Belle it feels like anything but. We talk about her job search, my past few days in Mexico, the weather. It all feels forced though. Actually it was a welcome moment when the waitress brought our food, giving us an excuse for a few moments of silence. When we’re both done I settle the tab and we head back out to the truck.

  I pull up in her drive and switch the truck off. “I have to head into the office again today baby, but why don’t I come round tonight? I’ll bring pizza,” I say smiling at her.

  “Sure, that sounds great.” She’s smiling back, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. There’s an awkward pause before she hops out. No goodbye kiss, or wave, or see you later. Just silence. I head out towards the office block trying to focus my mind on this fuck up of a mission we need to get sorted.

  ***

  “Hey mate, how’s our girl?” Levi’s stood in the parking lot smirking at me. He’s probably assuming I’ve got laid but he couldn’t be further from the truth. I guess he must sense somethings wrong when I don’t respond. The smile drops off his face. “Trouble in paradise?”

  “Something like that,” I respond.

  “Anything we need to be concerned about?”

  “I’m not sure yet, she’s closed herself off from me, isn’t really saying much and seems distant”.

  “Hmm... well if you need any help bud just let us know. I can pop round and check on her if you want.”

  “Yeah thanks. We’ll see what happens over the next few days.”

  “Alright bud,” he slaps me on the back in a supportive gesture. The way he looks at me I can’t help but wonder if Levi knows more than he’s letting on. Then again, I don’t see how he could, he was with us in Mexico.

  ***

  I’m stood at Arabella's front door, pizza in hand. Figured it would be easier to pick it up on my way past now that I know what she likes than to order it from hers.

  “Hey, come in” she answers, giving me a peck on the cheek. I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed at that. I expected a kiss on the lips. I’m her man for fucksakes, but she’s acting like we’re just friends. I stroll in, placing the pizza on the kitchen counter and then stalk towards her.

  “Hey baby, I’ve missed you.” I say as I nudge her backwards and pin her against the wall.

  “I’ve .. missed you too.” She pauses mid sentence which worries me. Has she not missed me? Does she not remember how incredible we are together. The other night was so much more than just sex, surely she realises that?

  I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and place my lips on hers. She seems hesitant at first but then opens up, letting my tongue invade her mouth. The kiss feels intense, desperate almost as I taste every part of her perfect mouth. My rock hard cock is straining against my jeans and I gently push against her. She immediately breaks the kiss, panting and clearly turned on, but looking anywhere other than me.

  “The pizza will get cold, we should eat.”

  “Can’t say I’m that bothered about it Arabella, It’ll reheat.”

  “I’m hungry, we should eat whilst it’s still fresh.” She gently pushes on my bi
ceps and I let go and step back wondering what just happened.

  We eat in an awkward silence. “Are you sure you’re not pissed at me or something Belle?” I ask when I’m done with the last slice.

  “What, no. No just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Do you wanna talk about it?”

  “Err.. not right now,” her voice sounds small and quiet.

  “Belle,” I let out a frustrated sigh. “You know how much I care about you right? That night, it wasn’t a one off for me. I want you, I’m your man. If there’s things on your mind, you talk to me about it.” I’ve never admitted my feelings to another woman before or declared myself as ‘someone’s man’, hell I've never wanted to, but I feel like Arabella needs to hear it. Like she needs the reassurance of what this is between us. I thought that would help but looking at her eyes they’re glistening like she’s about to cry. Have I got this all wrong? I’d help her through anything, what does she need me to do so that she knows that? She doesn’t respond but she does at least cuddle into me. I guess she’s not ready to tell me whatever’s going through that pretty little head of hers just yet.

  We watch a film until she falls asleep on me and I carry her into bed. I have that nervous pit of my stomach feeling again. Something is wrong and I don’t know what it is or what to do about it.

  Unfortunately the next few days carry on in much the same fashion. Sure she talks to me, smiles at me even but it’s forced and she shies away every time I touch her.

  ***

  “Okay, what’s wrong?” I can’t take this anymore. This strained interaction is almost worse than if Arabella just gave me the silent treatment or sent me packing. At least then I’d know where I stood. It’s been three days of this and she looks like she’s in just as much misery as me. I can’t stand watching her suffer so much either. “You’ve been like this ever since I got back.”

  “Like what?” She looks at me sheepishly, her eyes already moist. We’re sat at the breakfast bar in her kitchen as we both nurse a morning cup of coffee.

  “Like you don’t want me to be here, like you regret ever having anything to do with me.” I’m trying to reign in my temper and talk calmly but it’s getting difficult.

  “No..no that’s not it I promise. I don’t regret anything, being with you is the happiest I’ve ever been.” She’s sobbing now.

  “Bullshit! You’re being distant with me. You won’t tell me what’s up. You don’t like it when I touch you!” She flinches. Shit I don’t want to scare her but Christ. “Just tell me what the problem is.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes for a moment.

  “I can’t.” There’s floods of tears coming from her now and as frustrated as I am, there’s a part of me that just wants to hold her and tell her it’ll all be alright. We can’t continue like this though. If she doesn’t trust me enough to talk to me then this will never work. That thought terrifies me.

  “Why not?! Do you not trust me?” I try to be slightly calmer again. On the outside at least.

  “N..no..I do trust you.”

  “Then why?!”

  “You won’t stay with me, not after this!” She screams it at me. It doesn’t come from anger though, it’s fear. She’s terrified I’ll leave.

  “What do you mean. Have you done something to hurt me?” Now I’m just confused.

  “No, but you don’t understand!”

  “Then make me understand! For fucksake Arabella, I’m in love with you! I doubt there’s much if anything you could do that would change that! I’m so fucking head over heels in love with you, why would I just leave you!” Okay so maybe that wasn’t the most romantic of moments to say that for the first time. She means everything to me though and with the way she’s been acting, well honestly I’m starting to think she’s going to leave me.

  “I...I...I’m pregnant!”

  And my world stops spinning.

  What?! This can’t be happening... I know it can’t be mine, the timing just doesn’t fit, it’s too soon and we used protection. Things were going so well between us before I got called out, I felt like we’d made it together, that we’d always be together but now this?! I’m completely dumbfounded. Has she cheated on me when I was in the sandbox perhaps? She wouldn’t have.. she’s not like that is she? I asked her anyway and she said there’d been no one else. I stand there in silent disbelief for a few minutes.

  Then everything clicks into place. Her need to go slow and her nervousness at intimacy with me. The truth suddenly dawns on me and what’s left of my world is about to cave in. I ball my fists at my side and try to reign in my temper enough to get this out. As logical thought returns to me I know with absolutely clarity what’s happened and when. As much as I don’t want to believe it, I need her to admit it.

  “You were raped?” I ask through gritted teeth.

  She doesn’t reply, just puts her head down in shame and cries even more. I don’t know what to do. I’m angry that she hasn’t told me, angry that this has happened in the first place and above all else, angry that she feels so ashamed and embarrassed of something she couldn’t stop. I’d do anything to take the pain away.

  “Look at me” I go to her and tilt her chin upwards to face me. “When they had you imprisoned in Columbia, it wasn’t just beatings they made you endure was it?” She doesn’t respond but that’s all the answer I need. “How many times Belle? I need to know.”

  “Just once.” It comes out at barely a whisper but I find myself thanking god for small mercies.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  She practically collapses on the floor, crying so hard her entire body shakes. The anger just disappears from me and all I can think about is taking some of the pain and hurt from her. I lurch towards her, get onto my knees and pull her up into me. I surround my arms around her hoping to give her some sort of comfort.

  “Shhh...Baby, it’s okay. We can get you counselling if you want to help you cope with it all. Or there’s probably groups you can go to.”

  “But what about us. I don’t want this to be over.”

  “Why would it be over because you were raped? You think I’m that heartless that I’d leave you for that. That I’d somehow think less of you?” She winces like there’s some truth in what I’ve just said.

  “Because of the baby.”

  For the second time tonight I still in silent shock. For some reason I didn’t expect her to say that. Obviously if she’s pregnant there’ll be a baby at the end of it but I’ve been so consumed by anger over what they did to her that I’ve not even stopped to consider a kid. Fuck.

  Fuck, fuck fuck! I’m not ready to be a dad! I’ve never even been bothered about having kids. Let alone raise one that isn’t mine, who’s father was nothing short of a monster. Christ if I could go back and kill him all over again I fucking would. And this time it wouldn’t be a shot to the head. That was way more than he deserved. No this time I’d drag it out and make it as slow and painful as possible.

  I let Belle go, stand and start to pace the room. I bring my hands to my face, rage threatening to boil over again. I’m still furious at what they’ve done to her and now I’m overwhelmed as well at the thought of a fucking kid. Can I do this? I’m not afraid to admit that I love her more than anything, but shit this is more than I can take.

  “You keeping it?”

  “I’m not sure,” she responds after a tense moment of silence. Shes speaking quietly and not making eye contact with me. I know she’s scared of my reaction which makes what I’m about to do a complete dick move.

  “I’m going out for a bit.”

  I grab my jacket and keys and head to my truck. I know I should turn back but fuck, my head’s spinning. I need some time to think. I start the truck and head to Frankie's bar. Yeah I know, it’s barley 10am and way to early to drink but I need something stronger than coffee to get through this.

  ***

  4 hours later and despite an unreal amount of alcohol I’m not succeeding in drowning my so
rrows. Sure I’m drunk as fuck but I can’t stop thinking about it all. At this point I wish my body would just pass out so I could at least forget for a while. I signal to the bartender wanting another vodka.

  “Honey, I think that’s enough for a little while don’t you? The bartenders cute I’ll give her that. Tall, tanned skin, great tits and long dark hair that frames her face. Before Arabella I’d definitely be taking her to bed with me when her shift finished. “Whatever it is, alcohol isn’t going to help,” she states looking at me with pity.

  “It might,” I sound like a petulant child.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No. It’s fine I’m going now anyway.” At that point I get up - or at least I try to but just end up on the floor like the pathetic mess I am right now.

  “Can I at least call a friend for you, you can’t drive yourself home.”

  I chuck my phone at her and say Levi’s name. I’m not too sure what happens next but 15 minutes later he walks in through the bar doors. Apparently I’m still on the floor.

  “Fuck mate, what’s happened to you,” Levi says more to himself than anyone else. There’s concern laced on his face. “Sorry about him darlin’, here have a couple on me. I’ll get him out of here,” he hands the girl behind the bar some money whilst he continues apologising on my behalf.

  I feel a strong arm go round me and drag me up and outside. Levi manhandles me into his truck, I don’t have it in me to try and help.

  I guess I must have finally passed out on the ride home because I’m now being dragged out of Levi’s truck and into my house. I’ve no memory of the journey. Levi gets my keys off me, practically carries me inside and puts me on the couch. I should thank him, but even in my drunken state I’m too embarrassed to look at him.

  “You wanna tell me what’s up Chase?”