by Megan Hart
She wanted to hear him say her name when he climaxed.
"Say my name." The words floated from her dream lips.
"No," answered the uncooperative lover. "I won't."
"You will."
And because this was her dream, he did. Moaned it, long and low, his voice a harsh and husky whisper that sent another orgasm spiraling outward from her clit to the rest of her body.
She woke after that last one, a stifled cry on her lips. The blankets had tangled around her legs and she extricated herself while she peered at the clock. Fifteen more minutes until she had to get out of bed.
Fifteen more minutes of sleep she wasn't even going to try and get. Her entire body still hummed with sexual tension, surprisingly unrelieved by the cascade of climaxes she'd experienced.
There was really only one way to get rid of that feeling, which she'd grown accustomed to over the past eighteen months. She slipped from the bed and closed and locked her door, knowing both her girls wouldn't be up for another half an hour. She wouldn't need that much time.
She pulled the small cloth pouch from her bedside table drawer and took out the plastic butterfly. It was meant to be worn with straps hugging the thighs and hips, and it had a remote control that meant it could be used with a partner, but she'd found it worked just as well alone. Like she had a choice.
She thumbed the switch and started the quiet humming.
* * * *
"Dreams are just a manifestation of your subconscious desires becoming conscious." Lida stirred some sweetener into her coffee and snagged a bagel from the basket.
"I dream about falling," replied Heather. "Does that mean I want to fall?"
Arden refilled her friends' mugs and her own before sitting down. "I think what Lida's trying to say is that I keep dreaming about shagging Shane Donner because I really do want to."
"Duh," said Lida.
Heather laughed. "And he just messaged you out of the blue?"
"You have to tell Heather your history with the guy. Racy stuff."
Arden laughed. "It's not that racy."
"Spill it. The kids are in school. It's morning Mommies' coffee and dirty secrets time." Heather sipped her coffee. "C'mon, I could use a few good stories."
Arden quickly outlined her past with Shane--the whole brief but torrid affair.
Heather nodded. "I had one of those. I call them the Open Doors. You know, sometimes they just don't close?"
"Open Doors. Perfect description," Arden said. "But just because a door is open doesn't mean you have to go through it."
"Doesn't mean you can't take a helluva peek at what's inside!" Lida laughed. "Arden, I keep telling you. You need to get laid. And yes, get a boyfriend if that's what you want, but satisfy the body's needs and maybe the heart will follow."
Arden rolled her eyes. "You're backwards. Besides, Lida, after disaster dates one and two, I'm not so sure I have the energy to try again."
"Girlfriend, you can't give up after only two tries," Heather said. "Do you know how many dates I went on before I met Leo?"
"Luscious Leo." Arden grinned. "No, but I remember when you went on your first date with him."
Lida rapped the table. "Don't tell me you waited to have sex until you met him, Heather."
"Hell, no!" Heather laughed. "No way."
"See, even Heather thinks you just need to get laid. Get it out of your system. Once you realize you don't have to be in love to have sex, the pressure will be off and you'll be readier to find the right guy."
Something about that logic didn't sound right, but Arden was used to Lida's outrageous advice. "Why am I afraid when you say that? You're the same person who convinced me to wear a hot pink-and-lime green prom dress complete with matching shoes, right?"
"Bad fashion advice is totally different than bad sex advice, Arden."
"Lida, my love, forgive me, but when's the last time you had to wonder if you were going to have sex with Bill or how it would make you feel in the morning? Married sex is way different than single sex."
Lida gave a dramatic sigh. "Don't I know it!"
The three of them laughed around Arden's kitchen table, three friends enjoying what Jason had always called "female bondage time."
Lida's expression got serious. "If you still want to take a chance, though, I have someone in mind."
"No. No, Lida."
Heather and Lida exchanged looks. Heather raised a brow at Arden. "I wouldn't pass this up, if I were you."
"Why not?" Arden got up to take her empty mug to the sink. Watching her two friends working together to wear down her resolve was...well, wearing down her resolve.
"Because Philip Davis is drop dead gorgeous, drives a kick-ass car, and has already said he's interested."
Her mug clattered against the sink. "What!"
Turning, she glared, arms crossed over her chest. Heather and Lida exchanged looks. Lida picked up another doughnut, but before she could bite into it, Arden yanked it from her hands.
"No more sugar until you confess! What did you say to this guy! How can he be interested, and why? What have you done?"
"Arden," Lida said in her soothing-a-frantic-friend voice. "Chill, baby. Philip works in my sister's office. I've known him for a few years. He's a nice guy, plays the field, but not in a sleazy way, and he's interested because I showed him your picture and he thought you were hot."
"Hot!" Arden gasped. "Hot? Lida Crowley, you pimped me!"
"No. I just happened to mention you were just getting back into dating and might be interested in having a good time."
Heather and Lida laughed. Heather said, "Philip is a good time, or so I've heard."
"What?" She couldn't believe this, she really couldn't. And yet, she mustn't have been totally soured on the idea of dating and/or sex because she heard herself saying, "He really wants to take me out?"
"Saturday." Heather giggled and Lida slapped at her. "We've already arranged for your parents to take the girls."
This made Arden sag against the counter. "Is this some sort of conspiracy?"
"A conspiracy of love," Lida said. "We just want to get you back on your feet. Or back on your back, as the case may be."
"You guys!" Tears clogged her throat and burned in her eyes. "You're crazy!"
"That's what friends are for," Lida said in a mock-sage tone of voice. "Carry your burdens, share your joys, get you laid."
The kitchen rang with laughter, and though she couldn't believe she was actually saying yes to another date, Arden laughed too. "I guess he can't be any worse than Shark Boy or Sad Sam."
"Not Philip Davis," said Lida. "He's a dreamboat."
Arden sighed, loving her friends too much to be annoyed. "Let's just hope it's not the Titanic."
"So what if it is?" Lida pointed out. "At least you know he'll go down."
* * * *
The week passed much too fast, but Arden filled it with work and her girls. Before she knew it, Saturday had come, and with it, a few extra appointments. Arden didn't usually work on the weekend, but her parents had arranged to pick up the girls early, and she'd needed something to keep her mind off the night ahead.
She was immersed in a froth of lace and satin when the bell on the shop door twinkled and jangled. Mouth full of pins, Arden pointed to an empty chair when she saw it was Lida, then turned her attention back to the bride who stood, hands clenched, on the stool. A few more pins and the hem no longer dragged behind the petite woman.
"That should do it," Arden said. "You can change now. I should have the last of these alterations done for you by the end of next week. Then we can schedule your last fitting in plenty of time for the big day."
The bride let out a low moan, then nodded, eyes wide as she stared at her reflection. "I look like a huge, fat cow."
"You look beautiful," Arden reassured, though in truth she was more than a little tired of this particular Nervous Nellie's insecurities. She'd already changed her mind half a dozen times about the headpiece and ve
il, and there were additional problems with the mother's and bridesmaid's gowns.
"You really think so?"
"He'll never look at another woman again," Lida announced from her perch on the spindly chair.
Bride-zilla gave Arden's friend a narrow-eyed look. "Why would he?"
Lida bit her lip and wisely kept quiet. The girl huffed and puffed and stepped down from the stool, holding out her hand for Arden to take as though she were a princess descending her throne.
A princess with a bank account to match the attitude, Arden reminded herself. The girl had been a real pain in the ass, but a paying pain.
"Don't you think it would look better--"
"Oh, no," cut in Arden smoothly, hustling Fairy Princess toward the dressing room. "A longer hem will only get in the way. Tea-length is perfect for your dimensions."
Mollified, Suzy Sunshine headed back to change out of the gown and into her street clothes. Arden waited until the girl disappeared through the hanging curtain and then made a face at Lida, who gave one of her distinctive laughs.
"Is it time for lunch yet?" Lida jerked her thumb toward the door.
"Yes, thankfully." Arden glanced over her shoulder. "As soon as she leaves, I'll be ready to go."
In fifteen minutes she'd hung up the "Back in an hour" sign and was headed down the street with Lida toward Mary Catherine's, a local coffee shop that sold delicious wraps and salads. They both ordered specialty coffee drinks and took their spot by the window to stare out at the pattern of traffic.
"Tonight's the night," Lida said as she bit into a homemade frosted sugar cookie. "Are you ready?"
"No." Arden rested her chin on her hand. "Why do I feel like I'm interviewing this guy for a position instead of going on a date?"
"The missionary position?" Lida laughed at her joke. "Relax. You'll like Philip."
"I'm sure he's very nice." Arden looked up as the girl brought their sandwiches.
When she'd gone, Lida chuckled. "And he's hot."
"You didn't tell him he was to lay me, did you?" Arden asked without much hope, pretty sure that was exactly what Lida had said.
"I told him you weren't interested in a relationship, that you'd lost your husband, and you were easing back into things."
"And that I needed to get laid."
"I might've mentioned that."
Arden groaned, heat burning her cheeks. She'd made the decision to go ahead and explore the idea of going to bed with someone, but she'd foolishly assumed she'd somehow find him herself. Reality hit her after the disaster dates. Hiring a babysitter to watch the girls while she cruised bars in search of a one-night stand didn't appeal to her, and besides that, if she was actually going to get naked with someone, it was important the effort be worth her time. Like Lida had said at Ladies' Night three months ago, she needed recommendations.
"I feel like I'm being auctioned off to the highest bidder," she grumbled before filling her mouth with a bite of delicious food.
Lida shrugged. "Philip is a good guy, I promise. He knows the score. He's going to show you a good time, and if you're willing, he's willing to show you an even better time."
Arden chewed, swallowed, fixed her friend with a suspicious glance. "And how did you get him to agree to this?"
"Showed him your picture. Arden, whether you believe it or not, it's not going to be hard for you to get a man to go to bed with you."
"If Philip's so nice and so great in the sack, why is he still single?"
Lida laughed. "Fear of commitment."
"Ah." One word, full of meaning.
"C'mon, Arden. He'll be perfect for you. He's not interested in being your boyfriend. He's very cute. Nice job. Nice car. Good sense of humor. Give him a try for one night, okay?"
Arden sighed, nodded, and dug into her lunch. She couldn't pretend she wasn't interested. The dreams she'd been having lately had convinced her she needed to do something to appease her reawakening sex drive, which was rapidly becoming distracting. She wasn't ready for love, or even a boyfriend, so this setup with Philip seemed a good choice.
Lida pushed a small gift bag across the table toward Arden. "And here. From me and Heather."
"I'm afraid to look." She expected something funny, like thong underwear. Instead, the bag bulged with dozens of small foil squares. "Condoms?"
Lida raised a brow. "Do you have any?"
"Of course not."
"Well, now you do."
Arden sifted through the condom cascade, careful not to let any of them fall out of the bag. "Warming sensation? Ribbed for pleasure? Glow in the dark and...Lida! Cherry-flavored?"
"Knock yourself out, baby." Lida laughed. "Have fun."
"How much fun do you expect me to have?"
"Enough," said Lida.
Arden tucked the bag into her purse and went back to her lunch. "Well, at the very least, if my car happens to go off a bridge I'll be able to save myself by inflating them and using them to float to the surface of the water."
Lida used her fork to point at Arden. "Don't be a bitch."
Arden reached across the table and took her friend's hand, grateful to have someone who cared about her so much, even if she did show it in some very strange ways. "Learned from the best."
* * * *
Later, at the shop with the sewing machine whirring, Arden let her thoughts turn to other faces. She hadn't heard from Shane since their instant message fiasco, but she couldn't stop thinking of him. She'd bookmarked the web page for his company and visited it most every night just to stare at his picture. Twelve years hadn't changed him much. Some lines around his eyes. Longer hair. More muscle on his lean frame. The photo was black-and-white, so she couldn't clearly see the color of his eyes, but she guessed they were still the same vivid blue-green she remembered.
Useless fantasy. Shane Donner was a memory from her past, a one-time fling not meant to be repeated. Nope. She was moving on. Taking steps. Getting back on the horse, as Lida put it rather crudely.
Her stomach lurched at the thought of tonight's date, but she forced away the incipient panic. She was going to meet Philip Davis. Nothing serious...just sex. And only if she wanted it, which Lida assured her, she would. It would a relief--almost--not to play games. To know up front there was one purpose to the date.
She'd just taken her foot off the sewing machine pedal when the bell above the door jingled.
"Mommy!" Aislin swept in and ran straight for Arden, who had to hold her at bay long enough to move away from the moving needle before she gave in to the hug.
"Hi, baby doll. Where're Maeve and Gran?"
Aislin jerked a thumb over one shoulder. "They're coming."
All at once, Arden was overcome with an urge to squeeze her daughter, so strong it nearly overwhelmed her. She gave in to it, wrapping her arms around the girl and doing what she called "squeezing out the juice."
"Mo-oom," Aislin complained, then squeezed her in return.
Even as a toddler, Aislin had always patted the back of anyone she hugged. That simple gesture nearly undid Arden now. She fought back tears and kissed her daughter's cheek. "What are you guys going to do tonight?"
"Gran says she and Grampa are going to let us stay up all night."
Arden, who knew both her girls would be sacked out by half past seven, didn't let on that sounded like a tall tale. "Really? All night?"
Aislin nodded, then leaned in to whisper, "And have popcorn."
"Sounds like fun." Wish I were going to be there, Arden thought, her stomach taking another twist at her upcoming night.
"Mommy?"
"Hmm?" She answered, while she snipped off the last few threads and tidied up her work space.
Aislin toyed with a bit of lace hanging out of Arden's scrap box. "What are you doing tonight? Working?"
Arden took a deep but silent breath. "No. I think I'm going to go out with some friends. A friend."
Aislin frowned, the tiny crease above her brows making her look so much like Jason that
Arden again wanted to weep. "A boyfriend?"
Arden coughed. "No, honey."
Aislin looked up then, blue eyes narrowed in concentration. "Because Samantha from day camp says when her dad and mom got divorced, her mom got a bunch of boyfriends right away. And you haven't had any."
Arden knew Samantha's mom; had, in fact, gone to high school with her. Sherry Smith had had a lot of boyfriends in high school, too. "I didn't get divorced from Daddy, honey. It's a little different."
"Samantha says her mom says she can't stand to be without a man."
Arden bit her lip. "Some women can't, Aislin."
"Can't what?" This from Maeve, who'd barreled through the door with her typical sturdy gait.
"Not have a boyfriend," said Aislin self-importantly.
"Is that so?" Bev, Arden's stepmother, said as she followed Maeve. She gave Arden a look with raised brows.
Arden stood to give Bev a hug. "So says Samantha's mom, anyway."
"Mommy doesn't have a boyfriend," Maeve said, hand on her hip.
"No," said Arden, catching Bev's eye. "I don't. Tell you what. Why don't you girls run in the back and make sure I didn't leave anything in the dressing rooms, okay?"
Arden wasn't quite sure why Aislin and Maeve loved to play in the twin closets the shop used for changing rooms, but they headed off in a flash of giggles and trampling feet.
"That'll take about ten minutes." Bev stared after them fondly. She gave Arden a familiar penetrating look, the same one she'd used on nights of missed curfews and suspiciously mussed hair. "What's up?"
"Aislin wanted to know what I was doing tonight," Arden explained as she finished cleaning her work space, crossed to the door and flipped the "Closed" sign so it showed through the glass. "I told her going out with a friend. She wanted to know if it was a boyfriend."
"Ah."
Arden realized all at once where she'd learned that simple one word answer.
Bev looked over Arden's shoulder to make sure they were still alone. "But you're not."
Arden shook her head. "No!"
Bev smiled. "Honey, it's okay to go on a date. It's been a long time. If you're ready--"
Arden's mother had run off to "find herself" when Arden was three. Arden's dad had married Bev five years later. Though Bev was not the woman who'd borne her, she'd been Arden's mother since childhood. She'd never known another mother and, while she and Bev had matured into a satisfyingly adult relationship over the years, there were still some things Arden was not about to discuss with her. Sex being one of them.