by Megan Hart
"No. Really. We had a great time, and I thought I wanted to..."Arden sighed. "But then I didn't. It's complicated."
Lida made a clucking sound. "I know, hon. But you had a good time?"
"Yes. Definitely."
"And you'll go out with him again?"
Arden smiled as she snuggled down further into the pillows. "I think so. Maybe."
Lida crowed so loudly Arden had to hold the phone away from her ear. "You liked him!"
"I liked him."
"But...?"
"But nothing." She looked at the clock again. "Listen, Lida, Bev and my dad are bringing the kids over in about two hours, and I have a lot of work I need to catch up on before then. Can I call you later?"
Lida made a disappointed noise. "Okay. You working tomorrow?"
"Bright and early, as usual. The girls will be in school and out from under my feet." Sudden melancholy overtook her. "I didn't mean that. I love my girls."
"I know what you meant, Arden. You don't have to explain it to me. I've got four of the angel-monsters myself, remember?" Lida gave a low, hoarse chuckle. "And speaking of them, I hear Danny pounding on Henry pretty hard. I'd better go referee. I'll stop in tomorrow, okay?"
They hung up and Arden pulled the covers up to her nose, reliving last night. Had that really happened? Had she really had cybersex with Shane? Oh, good gravy. She really had.
She couldn't stop smiling.
It was wrong. But it felt oh, so good. Decadent, like eating the entire box of Godiva by herself, only without the damage to her thighs.
She stretched and yawned, luxuriating in the soft bed and warm covers. She reached out a hand to the empty space beside her. For the first time since Jason's death, she didn't want to weep at the vast expanse in the king-size bed beside her. She rolled over to look at the place he'd always slept, at the extra pillow she hadn't been able to bear removing, though she never used it.
She'd turned a corner. Maybe not in a way everyone would approve of, but her date last night and the session on the computer had done more than ease the sexual frustration she'd been trying to ignore. It had opened her up to starting fresh.
"Good morning," she said aloud, to nobody, and didn't feel sad that she spoke to an empty room.
* * * *
Her breakfast of bagel and coffee interrupted by the slamming of the front door, Arden put down the thick Sunday paper and turned in her chair toward the sound of pounding feet. Two shouting voices greeted her. Four small arms flung themselves around her. Two sets of sweet pink lips fought to kiss her cheeks first.
"Hello, my lovelies," she said in what the girls called her pirate voice. She squeezed them until they screamed, then swatted them on the rears and sent them to the cupboard for the doughnuts she'd brought home from the bakery. "Hi, Bev. Where's Dad?"
Bev gave one of her patented eye rolls. "Worn out from those two." She jerked her thumb toward the powdered-sugar smeared Aislin and Maeve, who giggled. "They kept us up all night."
Arden turned to give mock stern look. "Did you really?"
"Yes!" cried Aislin.
Her sister answered, "Yes, Mommy, we did."
Bev nodded with a wry grin. "They sure did. All the way to ten P.M."
"Is ten P.M. all night, Mommy?" asked Aislin, the serious one.
"For Grampa, it is," Arden replied. She glanced into the living room, freshly vacuumed and tidied. Ah, well, life was short. "Why don't you girls go into the living room with your doughnuts and watch some cartoons while I talk to Gran?"
The look her daughters gave each other was absolutely priceless. With identical grins, they took her up on the offer and went to camp out in front of the cartoon channel.
Bev helped herself to a cup of coffee and sat down, then snagged a doughnut for herself. "So? How was it?"
Arden laughed and shook her head. "You and Lida, I swear. The third degree. It was very nice."
Bev gave an exaggerated stare around the kitchen. "Is he still here?"
"NO!" Then, softer, with a glance toward the girls, Arden said, "No. Of course not."
Bev chuckled. "Oh, honey, your cheeks are bright red. Did he at least give you a good night kiss?"
A flashback of Philip's tongue in her mouth and his hand on her breast made Arden get up to refresh her still-full mug. "Yes."
"Are you going to see him again?"
"If he asks." Arden looked at Bev. "It was fun to get out. I'd forgotten how much fun it was."
She gave another glance to her sweet angel-monsters. A guilty glance, this time. "It was nice to get out without the girls."
Bev nodded. "I know. Those girls are your life. Anyone who knows you can see that. Don't let it upset you that you went out and had a good time without them."
Arden sighed. "I'm all they have left."
"Oh, honey." Bev reached around to hug her. "Even if Jason were still alive, you'd want to have some time to yourself once in a while. Being a single parent isn't easy."
"At least I have you and Dad. The girls love going with you."
"And we love having them." Bev patted Arden's shoulder before pulling away. "Don't you ever worry about that. You need to take time for yourself, Arden, or you won't be good to anyone. You're a good mom, honey. Your daughters love you. Don't feel bad because you went out on a date."
"It's a lot to think about, Bev. Dating. A boyfriend. Maybe getting married again. How'd you do it?"
"When I met your dad, I had no choice." Bev grinned. "Fell in love. It happens."
Arden looked to her girls again. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for anything like that."
"Don't worry," Bev said. "If it happens for you, you will be."
* * * *
"So, are you going to go out with him?"
"Lida, I don't know." Arden bit off the thread and shook out the skirt she'd been working on. The silky material fell in soft silver folds to the floor. "This fabric costs twenty-five dollars a yard. I can't afford to mess up."
"You're avoiding the subject." Lida plucked a dress off the rack and held it up in front of her. "Your talent is wasted with stuff like this, you know."
"My talent, as you put it, is in taking the jobs I'm offered." Arden looked at the ruffled and sequined monstrosity Lida was now hanging back on the rack. "Even if it's a fashion nightmare, that's what the girl wanted for her Homecoming dress. She wanted to be the only one wearing it."
"She will be."
Arden laughed and rolled her neck on her shoulders, then scrubbed at her eyes. She'd been up late again, working on the computer. Fooling around on the computer, she amended mentally. Waiting for a message that never came.
"So are you going to go out with him or not?"
Arden sighed and looked up. "He asked me out again. I said I was busy. He said he'd call back. He hasn't. He probably won't. Does that make you happy?"
"No! Why'd you do that?" Lida's level stare made Arden squirm. "He goes out with other women. I saw him last night at The Fenwick with Babs Stanley."
"He was?" Realizing she sounded jealous, Arden modified her tone. "He's allowed."
Lida put her hands on her hips. "Babs Peanut-butter-legs Stanley, Arden!"
"Peanut butter legs?"
"They're easy to spread," Lida explained and made a crude gesture. "He's not dating her, Arden. He's--"
"Lida, that's Philip's business, not mine." She couldn't very well say anything, could she? Not after what she'd done with Shane. Okay, so computer sex wasn't real, but it was close enough.
"And that doesn't bother you?" Lida sounded so affronted, Arden got up from the sewing machine to sit next to her friend.
"Lida, Philip really was everything you promised me he'd be. We did hit it off. And I almost did it. I almost slept with him. I wanted to. Just not bad enough."
"Damn us women and our tender hearts," Lida grouched, propping her feet on Arden's filing cabinet. "It's not fair that men can go out and sow their wild oats and we can't."
"It's okay. I don't min
d. Dating Philip was good for me, even if we didn't have sex."
Lida raised a cynical eyebrow. "Oh, really?"
Arden laughed, feeling self-conscious. "Yes. Really."
"But you won't go on a date with Shane Donner."
Arden snorted. "He hasn't asked."
"But what if he does?"
"Oh, Lida, he won't."
Lida frowned. "How can you be so sure?"
Arden quickly told her about what had happened with her and Shane. Lida's eyes grew wide and wider, until finally she put her hand over them. "You're kidding me, right?"
"No. I wish I were."
That made Lida put her hand down. "No, you don't."
Arden laughed, but the chuckle trailed into a sigh. "No, I guess I don't. But I do."
"Gotcha." Lida shook her head. "I don't envy you, hon. So what're you going to do?"
That was an easier question to answer. "Nothing," Arden replied in a tone that refused argument, and turned back to her sewing.
* * * *
Aislin and Maeve had gone to spend the night with friends, a new arrangement Arden hadn't expected to bother her so much. Sending them to stay with Gran and Grampy was one thing...but sleepovers had opened up an entire new world. Her girls really were growing up.
She'd showered and dressed in a worn sleep shirt, left her hair tangled and damp, and come downstairs to watch a movie. When the phone rang, it sounded so loud in the empty house that she jumped and spilled her popcorn all over the floor.
The voice on the other end, however, made her spill her soda, too.
Arden took a breath, ignoring the mess on the floor for the moment. "I didn't think you'd call me."
Silence reigned for a brief moment, in which she heard the sound of his breathing. "Why not?"
Arden sighed. "Do you need me to spell it out for you, Shane?"
"I guess I do." He sounded the way he always did, cocky and self-assured, but the tone didn't match his words. "Go ahead and tell me why you thought I wouldn't call you."
"I thought after our last conversation--"
"What are you wearing?"
Arden held the phone away from her ear for a moment in shock. "What?"
Shane's voice shifted. Got a little deeper, and heaven help her, sexier. "What are you wearing?"
She looked down at her oversized cotton t-shirt. Her wet hair had dampened the shoulders and the material clung to her breasts from her wetness underneath. She wore nothing else.
"Why do you ask?"
"I'm imagining you in black lace and high heels. Garter belt and stockings. Red lipstick. Black sunglasses."
His words set her heart pounding. He knew how to work her, all right, how to add just that touch of incongruity that would make her ask: "Sunglasses?"
"Yeah."
"I'm not wearing sunglasses."
He chuckled. The noise traveled through the phone lines, out the speaker, through her eardrum and directly to the pleasure center of her brain. Arden's thighs spread open and she leaned back in the chair before closing them again. It took effort.
"Shane, I have to go."
"Kids need you?"
"They're staying with friends," she said, and the words sounded too much like an invitation. "Goodbye."
"Don't...please?"
The please did her in. She walked into the kitchen to grab a cloth for the spill on her rug. "Why did you call me?"
He was quiet so long she thought the connection had broken. When at last he spoke, his voice was even lower, the words so soft she had to strain to hear.
"Because I think about you all the time. It's all I can do."
"What are you saying?"
"Do I need to spell it out for you?" he teased.
"Yes, I think you do."
"I want to see you, Arden."
"I thought you didn't have time for dating."
"I'll make time."
She sighed, wanting to believe him but not ready to put her heart on the line. "Shane--"
"I want to make love to you again, Arden."
The words slid like silk against her skin and made her arch her back, as though he's stroked her from shoulders to hips. Her nipples jutted against the thin, damp cotton. Her legs parted. She was instantly, completely, turned on.
"Shane." She'd meant to speak his name in protest, but it came out as a purr of longing. She hitched in a breath, trying, without luck, to keep her voice from trembling. "I know you think I'm just out for a quick fuck, but there's got to be more for me. I thought I could be that way, but I can't. There has to be more."
"I want to give you more," Shane said without hesitation. "Everything you want. Flowers. Walks in the park. All of it."
This set her back so thoroughly she almost could not speak. "You don't mean that."
"I mean it." He laughed, and she heard a note of vulnerability in his voice. "All of it. I can't stop thinking about you, Arden. I can't sleep. I can't concentrate at work. I just keep thinking about your smile and the way you sound when you laugh. I think about the way you taste and I can't stop. I want you so bad I can't think about or do anything else, and it's driving me crazy."
"I don't know--"
He interrupted. "I know you have no reason to believe me. It's not just sex. I mean, I want that, too, but it's more than that."
"A date?"
"More than one."
She smiled and pressed the phone to her ear, her eyes closed. "This was easier when you were cyber-sexing me on the computer."
"I can do it over the phone, too, but I'd rather do it in person."
"Shane--"
"If it makes you more comfortable to talk to me this way, I understand. You don't have to see me."
"It isn't that I don't want to see you. I just need some time to think about all of this." Arden put her hand to cover her eyes. "Seeing you would complicate things."
"Really?"
She heard the smile in his voice.
"I must be hard to resist. Hell, Arden, just talking to you right now, I'm hard."
Damn him, he'd done it again. Given her a mental picture that sent lust racing through her veins. Shane, hard, her hand stroking him...
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"I'm here."
"Are you pretending I'm there with you?"
"I have to go."
"Are you pretending I'm touching you?"
"Shane, please--"
"I love it when say my name, Arden. Say it again."
"Shane."
"Am I touching you?"
She sounded like she had a mouth full of syrup, oozing, languorous words. "Yes."
She heard his intake of breath. "And I'm kissing you."
"Yes."
"I'm tasting you."
She gave an incomprehensible noise of assent. Her legs parted and the cotton t-shirt slid up over her thighs to expose her naked sex beneath. The air was chilly on her damp curls. She shivered, the spasm sending tingles of pleasure through her entire body.
"Arden, I want to make love to you."
She could lie to herself all she wanted, but the truth was, she wanted that too. As badly as he did. Maybe more.
"Yes, Shane."
"And when I do, I'm going to kiss you all over. I'm going to put my hands all over you."
Her entire body tingled and sang. She could touch herself and send herself over the edge, but she thought listening to him talk about how he'd make love to her might just do the trick without any help from her.
"Do you want that?"
"Hmmm."
"I want to hear you say it. Say yes, Shane, I want you to make love to me."
Could she say it? Could she really? Could she not? "I want--"
"My name. I want to hear you say my name."
"Shane, I want you to make love to me."
The words came out of her like a dam breaking, taking with it the last of her reserves, the end of her shyness, the final vestiges of guilt. She did want it. She wanted him. The wanting was a fir
e, burning her from the inside out. She'd never wanted anything more, could never want anything as much as she wanted this again...
"Arden, will you do something for me?"
A smile tilted her mouth, making her lazy, languorous, sex-filled voice sound like she was laughing. "Yes."
"I like that. You didn't even ask what I wanted first."
She laughed, tilting her head back. "What do you want?"
"I want you to stand up."
She did without hesitation, though her legs had gone more than a little weak and standing on them was a dance of balance that had her clutching the chair back for help. "Standing."
"I want you to go to your front door."
Arden frowned. "What?"
"Do it. Please."
This didn't sound as sexy as she thought it was going to, but with a slow chuckle, she did anyway. "Okay. I'm standing at the door."
"Put your hand on it."
"My hand? Shane, what--"
"Do it." The sexy growl was enough to make her shiver, in a good way, even as heat raced through her.
"I'm touching it." The painted wood felt smooth and cool under her fingers.
"Now, say it again."
She didn't have to ask what. "Shane, I want you to make love to me. Please."
"You're sure?"
Beneath the huskiness of arousal she heard a hint of hesitation.
"You're absolutely sure this is what you want?"
Arden cradled the phone against her ear. There could be no turning back now. "I'm sure."
"Is the door locked?"
It wasn't. She always made sure to lock it before she went to bed, but hadn't yet done so. Her hand reached for the knob, the metal more than cool in her hand. Cold. Like ice on her heated skin.
It turned in her hand and she cried out in fear. The door opened. The phone dropped from her hand to thud on the wooden floorboards, and Arden stepped back, stumbling as the door swung open.
She might have fallen hard, hurt herself, had Shane not been there to catch her. In the next instant she was in his arms, her back against the slammed door. Her legs went around his waist. His hands cupped her ass as his mouth found hers.
He savaged her mouth and she welcomed the sting of his kiss. He moved to her throat, nipping and biting in the way he knew would drive her wild. She cried out and his mouth covered hers again to muffle the scream she most definitely did not want the neighbors to hear.