by Megan Hart
His dark eyes flickered, but he nodded. "I know."
She reached for his hand again, trying to make him understand. "But that doesn't mean I'm still mourning. I loved Jason, but he's gone. It doesn't mean I have to forget him. It doesn't mean I can't make new memories."
His handsome face showed little expression, and Arden's heart thumped. She'd said too much. Gone too fast. She'd either frightened him or pissed him off.
"Maybe I should go," Shane said. "Give you some time alone."
That wasn't what she wanted. She'd been alone too long, but Arden wasn't about to insist he stay if he didn't want to. She unlinked her fingers from his and put them flat on the table next to her plate of perfect pancakes. She kept her eyes on the table's scratch as she nodded.
"If you need to get going--"
Shane stood. "I have some things I need to do today, yeah. I'll give you a call later, okay?"
"Sure. Great."
He hesitated, then bent to kiss the top of her head. Arden didn't look up as he left the kitchen. She heard the front door close. She stared at her pancakes for so long they got cold, then she got up and put them in the garbage. She had no appetite for them.
* * * *
With the girls in a cartoon-induced stupor, Arden refilled Lida's mug and offered a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
"What did you do, bake every recipe in the cookbook?" Lida took a cookie and bit into it with a low moan of appreciation. "Awesome, Arden."
"The girls like to bake. I promised them we'd make a cake. We got a little carried away." She sat down and bit into a warm, fudgey cookie, but not even the sweet chocolate could entirely chase away the bitterness left in her mouth from the morning.
Lida wiped her mouth free of crumbs and stared at Arden. "You did it with him, didn't you? Last night. You and Shane Donner got it on."
"Are you psychic?" Arden gaped at Lida. "How did you know?"
Lida glanced toward the living room, where the girls lay on the floor, sprawled on the huge cushions. "Guilty baking. Dead giveaway. You banged Shane Donner and now you feel guilty, so to compensate, you let your kids talk you into baking. Honey, I've been there, only for me, it's playing video games."
Arden shook her head and warmed her chilly fingers on her coffee mug. "First of all, I did not 'bang' anyone."
Lida raised an eyebrow and took another cookie. "What'd you do? Make looooove?"
She drew out the word in a sappy tone of voice that made Arden laugh.
"Not exactly."
"I'd say something else, but I don't want to curse in front of your kids." Lida laughed. "It was good, right?"
Arden sighed. "Yes. Great. Fabulous."
Lida leaned across the table. "So why the long face and guilty baking?"
Arden relayed the morning's conversation. "And last night, he said he wanted more than just sex. He wanted flowers and walks in the park."
Lida, who knew all about the Arden's previous argument with Shane, nodded. "Smart guy."
"But this morning, I think he changed his mind. Or maybe he thinks I did. I don't know. He asked me if I wanted to talk about Jason, and I overreacted a little."
"Well, what do you want?" Lida asked. "Do you want walks in the park and flowers from Shane? Or just hot monkey love?"
Arden looked to where her daughters howled with laughter at the cartoon's antics. "I don't know, Lida. I think I'm ready to move on. I mean, to think about it anyway. I feel like I'm done mourning Jay, you know? And I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I want the girls to have a daddy--"
The tears came without warning, sliding down her cheeks and making her voice hoarse. Arden took a moment to wipe her face and clear her throat. Lida's eyes had welled with sympathetic tears, and Arden laughed to dispel them.
"More waterworks. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry." Lida handed her another cookie. "Here. Have a cookie. I promise you, by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel better."
Arden took the cookie, but didn't eat it. "I want to fall in love again, Lida. But I don't know if it's going to be with Shane."
Lida shrugged. "Do you think anybody knows that? If we all knew who we'd fall in love with, why would anybody ever bother to date? I think you need to ask yourself if you're willing to find out."
Arden crumbled her cookie onto the plate. "This was easier when it was just about sex."
"Hot monkey sex," Lida corrected with a smile. "And you don't think it's just that with him?"
Arden shook her head, forcing herself to admit something aloud she'd not even admitted to herself. "I don't think it ever was. If it was just about sex, I'd have slept with him three weeks ago. Or slept with Philip. That would've been easier."
"Nothing about sex is ever easy."
Arden sighed. "Don't I know it."
"You're wasting that cookie," Lida told her.
Arden nodded toward the counter, where three more plates sat. "I think I can spare one."
Lida grinned when she saw the cornucopia of chocolate. "Damn, girl. That must have been some hot, hot loving!"
A shiver ran through Arden at the memory. "It sure was."
Lida leaned forward again to look into Arden's eyes. "Your body might be easily led astray, but your heart knows what it wants. Listen to it, Arden."
Good advice, Arden thought, if she was brave enough to take it.
* * * *
Shane didn't call her until Tuesday afternoon, and by that time Arden had convinced herself he wasn't going to. She'd put her fingers to the phone to dial his number a dozen times on Monday, but had never done it. She hadn't logged onto to her instant messaging account either, afraid to see his name show up on her friends list and know he was ignoring her. When the phone rang at the shop, she answered it with a mouth full of pins, her mind full of the dress she was sewing and the idea she had for a new pattern.
"Arden?"
Shane's voice filled her with warmth, like gooey caramel. She spit out the pins. "Hi."
"I figured you'd be here, not at home."
"Here I am."
Even through the phone she sensed an awkwardness to their conversation that she didn't like. Shane's breathing filled her ear. A memory of the way his breath caressed her cheek made heat flare inside her.
"Are you busy tonight?" he asked.
It wasn't what she'd expected. "I don't have anything special planned, if that's what you're asking."
"I want to take you to dinner. All of you."
Arden cradled the phone in the crook of her shoulder as she stuck the pins into her pincushion. "Really?"
He laughed and the awkwardness dissolved like sugar in hot tea. "Yeah. Really. You, me, and the girls."
Arden recognized a fork in the road when she saw it. The choice she made now would determine the path her relationship with Shane would take. Could she know what lay at the end of the road? Nobody ever could. But she couldn't let that keep her from making the choice her heart told her it wanted. She had to be brave.
"I'd like that," she told him. "Very much."
"I'll pick you up at five? Early enough to get them home to bed?"
His obvious concern touched her. "That's great."
She heard the smile in his voice when he replied, "Great. I'll see you."
"Yes. Tonight." She smiled back. "I'll look forward to it. 'Bye."
And she would, she thought, turning back to the dress in the sewing machine. She'd look forward to whatever the night brought.
* * * *
She wasn't sure what to tell Maeve and Aislin about their dinner plans, so she fudged a little bit. "A friend of mine is taking us out to dinner tonight."
Maeve looked up from the spelling words she was writing. "Where are we going?"
"Which friend?" Aislin asked from in front of her own homework. "Lida?"
"No." Arden put her hands in her pockets and leaned back against the kitchen counter. "A friend you've never met. His name is Shane."
The girls exchanged a
glance, but didn't comment. Maeve shrugged and bent back to her spelling, but Aislin scrunched up her face. "Where's he taking us? Someplace fancy?"
Arden laughed. "I don't think so. Why?"
"Because Samantha says whenever her mom's dates take them out, they have to go to some place fancy that serves gross stuff like snails."
"Snails!" Maeve sounded horrified. "Gross! No way am I eating snails!"
"Shane will not be taking us to a place that serves snails. I promise." Arden's heart filled with a love so strong for her darling girls it almost overflowed. They were so dear. And so funny. She was so proud of them.
"Good," Aislin said.
"Can we go to McDonald's?" Maeve questioned hopefully.
Arden pursed her lips. "Uh, no. Someplace nicer than that."
"Chinese buffet?" Aislin asked.
"Maybe. We'll see where Shane wants to take us."
Both girls seemed to accept that answer and bent over their schoolwork again. Arden turned back to the sink to wash a last couple of dishes before going up to get changed.
"Mommy?" Maeve asked.
"Hmm?"
"Is this a date?"
Arden kept her voice neutral. "Yes, Maeve."
"Told you," she heard Aislin mutter, and Maeve whispered in reply, "I was just checking."
"Only if it's okay with you both, though." Arden wrung the dishcloth and turned to her daughters.
The girls both shrugged. Aislin rolled her eyes. Maeve scrunched her nose.
"It's okay with me, as long as he doesn't make me eat snails," said Aislin.
"It'd be better if he took us to McDonald's," Maeve said, then hastily continued when she saw Arden's look, "But Chinese buffet is okay, too. It's okay, Mommy."
They were amazing, these resilient children. Arden reached out to hug them both and kiss them, and the girls accepted her mothering without squirming.
"You'd better go change, Mommy," said Aislin matter-of-factly. "Put on some makeup or something. Samantha says her mom always wears a miniskirt on dates."
"Our mom doesn't need to wear a miniskirt," Maeve interjected hotly. "She's beautiful the way she is!"
"But she'd be more beautiful if she wasn't wearing sweatpants," Aislin pointed out to her younger sister.
Arden laughed and squeezed them again. "You're right. I'm going up to change. You need to have this stuff finished and put away in your bookbags by the time I get down here, okay?"
She got another set of eye-rolling and put-upon sighs for that instruction, but she knew they'd do it.
Upstairs, her closet became a jungle of mismatched outfits and ugly shoes. What would she wear? Funny how she hadn't spent this much thought on her outfits before, not on any of the other dates she'd gone on. But now, tonight...it all seemed just that much more important.
"Not a miniskirt," she muttered, yanking down a pair of soft cotton trousers from a hanger and adding a long-sleeved, fitted shirt. She held the pieces up to her. "Oh, brother."
She did bother with makeup, though, applying it carefully and taking the time to pin up her hair. Her preparations took her longer than she'd thought. When she caught sight of the bedroom clock, it was already fifteen minutes past five.
He must be late, she thought as she took the stairs two at a time to hurtle into the living room.
He wasn't late. Shane sat on the couch, Maeve on one side and Aislin on the other. Both girls were talking a mile a minute. Maeve held up a book from her favorite series about a group of young girls dedicated to solving mysteries. Aislin waved a feathered pen in front of his face, gesturing at the notepad in which she wrote her spelling words.
Shane sat in the middle, valiantly trying to pay attention to both of them at the same time, but looking overwhelmed. He looked up as Arden raced into the living room and pulled up short, skidding on the throw rug as she did and managing not to fall by catching herself on the back of a chair.
"Ignore the graceful entrance," Arden said, embarrassed. "How long have you been here?"
Shane smiled. "About ten minutes. Maeve and Aislin were telling me about school and stuff."
"I can see that." Now was not the time to lecture them about opening the door to strangers. "Girls, go get your shoes on."
They scampered to obey, and Shane stood. "They're great."
Arden laughed. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to rescue you sooner."
He shook his head. "Nah. They're fine. I have nephews that age. They don't talk quite as much, but they were fine. Really."
Maeve and Aislin whirled back into the living room, shoes on feet.
"Ready to go?" Shane asked them. He turned to Arden. "I heard we're going to the Chinese buffet."
Arden gave Maeve and Aislin a stern look. "Girls, I told you it was up to Shane."
"It's fine. I love the Chinese buffet."
The girls cheered. Shane grinned. Warmth filled her at the sight of Maeve and Aislin's victory dance and Shane's smile.
This is going to be all right, she thought. It really is.
* * * *
Dinner went without a hitch. Her daughters maintained their best behavior. Shane regaled them with stories about his job. Maeve and Aislin competed to see who could tell the funnier knock-knock joke, and Shane was gallant enough to laugh at them all.
She felt like it was Maeve and Aislin's date more than hers, but Arden didn't mind. Every time Shane looked up to catch her eye, his smile became hers alone.
"All right, you monsters," she said at last, when the girls had each polished off a bowl of ice cream with sprinkles. "We need to get home and get you ready for bed. It's a school night."
And to her surprise, they both complied without protest. They didn't argue in the car on the way home either, or complain when she told them to go upstairs and brush their teeth and get ready for bed. They didn't even push each other on the stairs.
"What miracle is this?" she asked aloud, head cocked to listen to the patter of feet upstairs. She looked at Shane. "They are on their best behavior tonight. They must be trying to impress you."
"They're good kids." He pulled her into his arms for a quick kiss that made her blush. "I had a good time with them tonight."
There wasn't time for an in-depth discussion about their relationship, where it was going or what he felt. Baby steps, she reminded herself. Take it slow.
"Thanks for letting me meet them."
Arden kissed him again, fast. "You're welcome. They seemed to like you a lot."
"And how about you?"
"I like you a lot, too."
He grinned. "Even if I'm not the bad boy you remember?"
"I think, especially because you're not the bad boy I remember."
The moment stretched between them, caught in their gaze.
"Good," Shane said. "Because I plan on spending a lot of time with you."
She couldn't stop the smile from stretching across her face. "Good."
The sound of two pairs of feet pounding down the stairs interrupted their kiss. Arden stepped out of Shane's arms, but not in time to avoid her daughters' eagle eyes.
They didn't say anything, though they shared another one of those looks that showed Arden how fast they were growing up.
"All ready for bed? Teeth brushed? Faces washed?" The routine words came out of her and the girls nodded dutifully.
"I'll be up in a minute to read to you both," Arden said.
"Are you going to leave?" Maeve asked Shane.
He looked at Arden. "Only if your mom says I have to."
"You and Mommy can watch a movie," offered Aislin generously. "She loves to watch movies, but it's more fun to watch them with someone else."
They're matchmaking. The realization made her want to hug and kiss them both, her girls, who were trying so hard to see that she was happy.
"Maybe we'll watch a movie," Arden said. "But right now, you have to get to bed. You both have school in the morning."
And wonder of wonders, they headed toward the stairs without a
moan or groan. Maeve paused on the staircase. "Good night, Shane!"
"'Night, Maeve."
"Are you going to be Mom's boyfriend?" Aislin asked, pausing so suddenly Arden bumped into her back.
"Aislin!"
Arden looked over the rail to see Shane's grin.
"I think I might be, if it's okay with you and your mom," was what he said, as casually as if she'd asked him if he was going to stay for dinner.
"It's about time," Maeve said and continued on her way, followed by Aislin, who gave a heartfelt, "You said it!"
Arden looked back over the railing, her cheeks aflame, but her heart pounding in triple time. Shane curled his fingers in a little half-wave, and his smile shot deep inside her, all the way to her core.
"I'll be down in a few minutes," she told him.
"I'll be here," he replied, and Arden went upstairs to tuck in her angel-monsters and send them off to their dreams, while one of her own waited for her below.
Megan Hart
Megan Hart began her writing career in grammar school when she plagiarized a short story by Ray Bradbury. She soon realized that making up her own stories was better than copying other people's, and she's been writing ever since.
Megan began writing short fantasy, horror and science fiction before graduating to novel-length romances. She's published in almost every genre of romantic fiction, including historical, contemporary, romantic suspense, romantic comedy, futuristic, fantasy and perhaps most notably, erotic. She also writes non-erotic fantasy and science fiction, as well as continuing to occasionally dabble in horror.
Megan's goal is to continue writing spicy, thrilling love stories with a twist. Her dream is to have a movie made of every one of her novels, starring herself as the heroine and Keanu Reeves as the hero. Megan lives in the deep, dark woods with her husband and two monsters...er...children.
Learn more about Megan by visiting her website: http://www.meganhart.com
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