by Adele Abbott
Oh bum!
Chapter 14
The twins had phoned to say they were ready for us to collect them. Jack was playing with Lizzie, who seemed to be impressed by his in-depth knowledge of the dolls’ furniture, so I said I’d go and collect Amber and Pearl.
“I’ll come with you,” Kathy said.
“Don’t you want to stay here with Lizzie?”
“No, she won’t miss me. She and Jack are having a whale of a time. He’s really good with kids, isn’t he?”
“Yeah. I’ll just let him know we’re going.”
Neither Jack nor Lizzie noticed me walk into the lounge.
“Do you like this, Uncle Jack?” Lizzie held up the miniature wardrobe.
“I do, it’s nice. I used to have a wardrobe just like that.”
“What happened to it?”
“Your Auntie Jill threw it away.”
I cleared my throat to let them know I was there. “Auntie Jill didn’t throw it away, Lizzie. She gave it to someone who would appreciate it much more. Didn’t I, Uncle Jack?”
“That’s what I meant.” He glared at me.
“Kathy and I are going to pick up the twins. Will you two be okay here playing with the dolls’ furniture?”
“Yes, thank you, Auntie Jill.” Lizzie beamed. “Uncle Jack is telling me what everything is.”
“Okay, have fun, you two. We won’t be too long.”
Kathy was waiting by the car. “Are those two okay in there?”
“Yeah, they’re having a ball. If I’d realised how much Jack was into that kind of thing, I’d have bought him a dolls’ house for Christmas.”
“Where did you say you’d pick up the twins?”
“On the side street, just around the corner from your shop.”
“I’m really looking forward to seeing Crystal and Emerald again.”
“It’s Amber and Pearl.”
“Is there any wonder I don’t remember their names. I get to see them so rarely.”
“I just hope they haven’t overdone it with the shopping.”
But, of course, they had. And then some.
The two of them were standing on the corner of the street, prams by their side. And at their feet, were a thousand carrier bags.
“We should have brought both cars,” I said, as I pulled in next to them.
Kathy was out of the car almost before it had stopped. “It’s so lovely to see you both again. And look at these two little darlings. Which one is which?”
“The pretty one is Lily,” Pearl said.
“She wishes,” Amber shot back.
“Okay, you two.” I had to nip that in the bud. “Let’s try and get this lot into the car. Why don’t you two get in the back with the little ones while Kathy and I try to get all this shopping into the boot.”
“There won’t be room in the back for us both,” Pearl said. “Not once we’ve put the baby seats in.”
“Right, so how are we going to do this, then?”
“Jill, why don’t you take one of the twins and her baby?” Kathy said. “And the rest of us can take a taxi.”
“Okay. I guess that would work.”
“I’ll go with you, Jill.” Amber was already in the car, fixing the baby seat in place.
“I’ll put as much of this shopping in your boot as I can.” Kathy picked up several carrier bags. “Pearl and I will bring the rest in the taxi.”
“That sounds like a plan.”
“Jill! Why do you have these dusty boxes in here? They seem to be full of old books.”
Oh bum! I’d forgotten I had Rufus Alldig’s father’s journals in there. “They’re for a case I’m working on.”
“You should have taken them out. There’s hardly any room left in here.”
“Just put in what you can.”
Eventually, Amber, Lil and I were all set to go.
“We’ll see you back at the house,” I said.
“We shouldn’t be long.” Kathy checked her watch. “They said the cab would be with us in ten minutes.”
“Okay, bye.”
“Thanks for letting us stay tonight, Jill,” Amber said.
“No problem. It looks like you two have had a good day’s shopping.”
“Most of that stuff is Pearl’s. You know what she’s like. Spend, spend, spend—she’s always been the same.”
“Hmm.”
***
Amber and I were still unpacking my car when the taxi turned up with Kathy, Pearl and Lily. Between us, it took a good ten minutes to get the prams and all the shopping into the house.
“I’m sorry about all this lot,” Pearl said to me while Amber and Kathy were in the house. “Most of this stuff is Amber’s. You know what she’s like.”
“Spend, spend, spend?”
“Exactly.”
Jack had had the good sense to get Lizzie to put all the dolls’ furniture into the shoe box before we got back. Had it been left on the floor, it would no doubt have been trampled underfoot.
“Hi, you two.” Jack gave both of the twins a hug. “Lovely to see you both again.”
“Where shall we put all of our stuff?” Amber said.
Before I could guide them to the spare bedroom, Jack jumped in, “We’ve put you in our bedroom. Jill and I are going to take the spare room.”
“That wasn’t necessary,” Pearl said. “We could have slept in there.”
“We wouldn’t hear of it,” Jack said. “Our bedroom is much bigger. You’ll need the additional space with those two little ones. Come on, I’ll show you to your room.”
The twins, with their babies, followed Jack upstairs.
“That was a nice gesture,” Kathy said to me.
“It was, wasn’t it?”
“Shall I put the kettle on?”
“Yes, please.”
“I’ll help you, Mummy.” Lizzie followed her into the kitchen.
Moments later, Jack came back downstairs, so I grabbed him by the arm and took him through to the lounge.
“What were you thinking? I thought we’d agreed that the twins would have the spare room?”
“We did, but that was before you made one tiny little mistake.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look in there.” He pointed to the shoe box full of dolls’ furniture. “What do you see
there on top?”
“It’s a bed.”
“Precisely. It’s a bed.”
“Oh bum!”
“Oh bum, indeed. You weren’t supposed to shrink the bed. That room is empty now. How could I let the twins have the room without a bed in it?”
“I could have reversed the spell on the bed.”
“And how would you do that with Kathy and Lizzie in the house?”
“Where will we sleep, then?”
“That’s a good question.”
“It’s okay. I have a plan.”
“Tea or coffee, you two?” Kathy appeared at the door.
***
While Kathy and Lizzie spent time with the twins and the little ones, Jack and I made dinner. Lizzie was thrilled because the twins had allowed her to hold each of the babies in turn.
“What’s this plan of yours?” Jack said while peeling the potatoes.
“I’m not telling you because you’ll only give the game away.”
“Should I be worried about it?”
“Of course not. I have everything in hand.”
“I hope so. I don’t fancy sleeping on the floor.”
“By the way, you’ll never guess what the Normals were up to yesterday.”
“Was it the magnetic fish again?”
“Much noisier than that. I was trying to catch a few hours’ sleep before I went undercover at the casino, but they woke me up with their stupid horns.”
“Why were they hooting their car horns?”
“I don’t mean they were hooting their car horns. They were playing alphorns.”
“Aren’t they those whoppin
g great things?”
“They are. They were out on the front garden with them.”
“Are they any good?”
“They were terrible. It was an awful noise.”
“Where did they get them from? Switzerland?”
“No.”
“Austria?”
“No. A car boot sale in Wolverhampton, apparently.”
“Poor you.” He grinned. “Didn’t you get much sleep, then?”
“Luckily, they ran out of breath after a few minutes. So, when do you make your debut as a bush? Or do you have your heart set on being a tree?”
“I suppose you think that’s funny.”
“Come on. In my position, you wood too.” I dissolved into laughter. “Wood? Do you get it?”
“I get it; it’s just not funny.”
“I know you’re not really angry. Your bark is worse than your bite.”
“Any more?”
“No, I’m done. I’ll leaf it at that.”
“Pathetic.”
***
The twins had fed the two little ones before we sat down to eat, so we were able to get through dinner without being disturbed. The meal seemed to go down a treat with everyone.
“That was delicious, Jack,” Kathy said.
“Yeah, thanks, Jack.” Amber nodded her approval.
“You’re a great cook, Jack,” Pearl added.
“Excuse me,” I objected. “This meal was a joint effort.”
For some reason, that seemed to amuse everyone around the table.
“It’s a lovely evening,” Pearl said. “Why don’t we go out into the back garden?”
“Actually, Lizzie and I had better be making tracks.” Kathy stood up. “Pete and Mikey will be back by now, and we promised to go to his mother’s tonight. Go and get your shoe box, Lizzie.”
“I’ll run you home while Jack tidies up here,” I volunteered, selflessly.
“I’ve really enjoyed today, Jill.” Kathy was in the front with me, as we drove back to her house.
“I did, too,” Lizzie said from the back seat. “Can we go to the twins’ houses sometime? I’ve never been there.”
“That would be nice,” Kathy agreed.
“It’s not easy. They live such a long way away.”
“Where exactly is it they live again?” Kathy said. “I’ve never been sure.”
“It’s err—did you remember to bring the shoe box with you, Lizzie?”
“Yes, I’ve got it here.”
“So?” Kathy said. “What do you think about us going to visit the twins?”
“It’s a great idea. I’ll mention it to them.”
“Don’t forget you and Jack are babysitting for us on Monday, will you?”
“Of course not. It’s in my diary.”
“Do you actually keep a diary?”
“No, but if I did, it would be in it.”
When I got back, I went to join the twins.
“Hi, girls. I’m back.”
“Lizzie is such a darling,” Amber said. “And she’s so good with Lil and Lily.”
“Yeah. Not awkward like you, Jill.”
“What do you mean? I’m not awkward with them.”
“You look terrified when you’re holding them.”
“Rubbish. Kathy asked when she and Lizzie can visit you.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I stalled her. Hopefully, she’ll forget all about it.”
It had been a hectic couple of days, and I was glad for the chance to sit back and enjoy what was left of the evening sun.
What the—?
The two prams began to move back and forth across the patio. It took me a moment to realise what was happening; the twins were controlling them with magic.
“What do you two think you’re doing?”
“The little ones love it.”
“You can’t use magic here.” I pointed to the house. “Jack might see.”
“Sorry.”
“We forgot.”
They both cancelled the spells.
“How do you manage to keep it a secret, Jill?” Pearl said. “That you’re a witch, I mean?”
“It isn’t easy.”
“You must be tempted to use magic sometimes.” Amber began to rock her pram in the more conventional way.
“No,” I lied. “I never am.”
“I don’t think I could ever get used to it,” Pearl said. “I mean, just imagine not being able to use magic to do things like housework.”
“It doesn’t bear thinking about,” Amber agreed.
“You get used to it,” I said.
Jack joined us a few minutes later, and the four of us enjoyed a drink and the delicious chocolates, which the twins had bought as a thank you for letting them stay.
When one of the babies started to cry, the other soon joined in.
“They’re ready for their feed,” Amber picked up Lil.
“We’ll take them inside.” Pearl grabbed Lily.
“I’ll show you where everything is.” Jack followed them into the house.
I was about to do the same when Britt appeared next door. “Hi, Jill. I see you have guests.”
“That’s Amber and Pearl, my cousins. And their little ones.”
“I saw them from the bedroom window. I didn’t realise they made prams that could move back and forth by themselves?”
Oh bum! “Err, yeah. They’re good, aren’t they? It’s remarkable what they can do these days.”
“My sister is expecting a baby soon. I’m sure she’d love one of those. Could you find out where your cousins bought them?”
“Err, yeah. I’ll ask them. Anyway, I’d better get inside. Catch you later.”
***
At just after ten, the twins decided to call it a day. Jack and I bid them and the babies goodnight, and waited until we had heard them close the bedroom door.
“Phew! Thank goodness that’s over.” I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’ve enjoyed today.”
“Me too, but it was exhausting. While you were in the house, the twins were using magic to move the prams back and forth.”
“It’s a good job I didn’t see them.” He grinned. “I might have thought they were witches.”
“It’s not funny. Britt saw the prams moving by themselves.”
“What did you say?”
“I made up some rubbish about the prams being the latest hi-tech models.”
“It’s a good job you’re such a great liar.”
“The only problem is she wants to know where to buy one. Her sister is expecting a baby, apparently.”
“Oh dear. What did you tell her?”
“That I’d try to find out where the twins bought them. Hopefully, she’ll forget about it.”
“I’m shattered. Where are we going to sleep?”
“I told you I had a plan, didn’t I?” I picked up my handbag, and took out the miniature bed.
“How did you get that?”
“I sneaked it out of the shoebox while Lizzie wasn’t watching.”
“She’s bound to realise.”
“I know. I’ll just say we found it after she left. We can drop it off tomorrow after the twins have gone home.”
“You’re a genius.”
“That’s not all.” I took out the little bear.
“Kidney!” He hugged the tiny thing. “Do we have to give him back tomorrow too?”
“I don’t think Lizzie will miss the bear. Come on, let’s find out if this bed still creaks.”
Chapter 15
“Good morning, sweetie.” Jack woke me with a kiss.
“Is it really morning already?”
“It’s almost eight. The twins are already up; I heard them go downstairs ages ago.”
“One of us ought to get up and make breakfast for them.” I yawned. “They’re bound to want a fry-up.”
“Are you volunteering?”
“You’re so much better at fry-ups than I
am.”
“And you’re so much better at fawning.” He grinned. “Do you think they would have heard the bed creaking last night?”
“Nah. They were way across the landing, and besides, they probably slept like logs after the busy day they’d had.”
“You’re probably right. I’ll grab a shower and go and get breakfast started.”
“Have I ever told you that you’re the best husband ever?”
“Yeah, every time you get your own way.”
Harsh but true.
I didn’t rush my shower because I figured if I took my time, breakfast should more or less be waiting for me when I got downstairs.
And it was.
“Cornflakes?” I stared at the bowl.
“You’re welcome to have the same as us if you like?” Jack held up the box of muesli.
It was only then that I realised the twins were eating that mush too.
“Muesli?” I glanced back and forth between Amber and Pearl. “I thought you two would want a good old-fashioned fry-up.”
“We get those all the time at Mum’s.” Amber shoved a spoonful of sawdust into her mouth.
“Yeah.” Pearl managed through a mouthful of the stuff. “This makes a nice change.”
Freaks, all of them.
Rather deflated, I poured myself a bowl of cornflakes.
“Did you manage to get any sleep last night with the little ones?” I said.
“The babies didn’t keep us awake, but the creaking did.” Amber smirked. “Didn’t it, Pearl?”
“Yeah, and it seemed to go on for ages.”
“I didn’t hear any creaking.” I shrugged. “Did you, Jack?”
“I—err—” His face was the colour of beetroot. “Does anyone want toast?”
After we’d finished breakfast, Jack volunteered to tidy the kitchen.
No, I didn’t volunteer him. I had the distinct impression that he was glad to get away from us. If I wasn’t mistaken, he was feeling a little intimidated by being outnumbered three to one. Five to one if you counted the little ones who were now being bottle fed by the twins in the lounge.
“What shall we do about magicking ourselves home, Jill?” Pearl said.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep him occupied while you do it.”