by Brill Harper
His body is tight with tension, his face squared. I’ve never seen him like this. Not when he got the dog he didn’t want. Not when a stranger showed up and took half of what he’d been working for. Talking about his mother is maybe the only thing that really upsets him.
My hand reaches for his until our fingers link. Hold. “Where is she now?”
“Who knows? She comes back every few years. Gets some money from my dad. Me. Promises she’s changed and then ducks out again. She’s been pulling that since I was a baby. My dad, he always takes her in. Gets her clean.”
Sounds like Brandon. So giving and warm. “Does he still love her?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t know that he ever did.”
I blink once in surprise, and then it hits me. “He takes care of her because he loves you.”
His eyes dart to mine. They’re cold and dark. “I might not even be his.”
“Of course, you are. He loves you. You’re his son, Nash. It didn’t matter to him then and it doesn’t now. Anyone can see how much he loves you.”
Nash slumps over. “He gave up music. His whole life. He could have been a rock star. But he gave it all up. For a woman who only used him to get her by, and then kept coming back for more.”
I don’t want to sound trite, but he needs to know he was worth whatever Brandon might have sacrificed. “Nash, your father gave it up because he wanted to be a dad more than a rock star.”
He stands abruptly, prowls the room with too much unspent energy. “Well, anyway, I have no interest in being anyone’s Prince Charming.”
My head whips up. He’s too smart to think all women are like his mother, but I guess he doesn’t know he’s that smart yet. I do not like being equated with her, though. “Is that what you think I’m looking for? I hate to break it to you, but I don’t want to be anyone’s damsel in distress. I came here looking to learn how to stand up without the support of a man. If you think for one second, I’m happy about developing feelings for one, you’re mistaken. We just need to think this through. Be logical. Neither one of us wants to fall in love, we both recognize the symptoms, so we nip it in the bud.”
He narrows his gaze at me. “One of us is falling. I’m just fine.”
I nod. “Sure you are.” I stand up, determined more than ever to get back on the path I set out from the moment my lawyer informed me of everything Richard had done. “As much as it pains me to say it, you were right about one thing. We can’t have sex anymore. We remain professional from here on out.” I hold out my hand for a shake. “Deal?”
He stares at my hand. “You think you’re just going to stop having feelings for me? Just like that?”
My fake smile dims. “Well, I imagine it might take some time. But once we stop clouding the issue with sex, I see no reason we can’t fall right back out.”
He shakes my hand warily. “I don’t know. Women have more complicated feelings than men. I don’t think you’re really going to be able to reason with your heart.”
“Women do not have more complicated feelings than men. You’re being ridiculous. I will get over you just fine. And you will get over me eventually as well.”
“I’m not under you.”
“Well, not anymore. But that was fun while it lasted.”
“Fun while it lasted?”
I scoop up my dildo. “Good night then, Nash. Pleasant dreams.”
I wait until I’m in my room to slide down the back of my door and cry. What have I done? How could I be so stupid? The one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t ever be again is vulnerable, and I don’t know how to rebuild the walls.
TWO WEEKS LATER, I’M sitting at the end of the bar with Stella and her best friend, Perry. We are at the sip portion of our Paint and Sip that Ironwing hosted tonight. Okay, something I hosted through Ironwing at the annoyance of my business partner, who is annoyed by everything lately, so I guess it’s not a problem.
Perry nudges me. “You better get down there,” she points to the other end of the bar, “it looks like that chick is making a play for your man.”
Sure enough, the pretty woman flips her hair, a move I’ve seen done better by about 85 percent of my sorority sisters. She is pretty, though. I wonder if he likes her.
The idea of it shoots straight to my stomach and burns, but I take a very ladylike sip of my wine. “He’s not my man. He’s my business partner.” I meant to sound professional, but I think it squeaked out of me.
Perry snorts. “Whatever.” Perry is an interesting woman. She’s one of three lawyers in town. She’s gorgeous. Intelligent. And mostly mean.
She’s nice to me. And mostly nice to her friends. But she’s vicious when she wants to be and I think everyone is afraid of her. She’s the exact opposite of Stella, who is concentrating on the tarot cards in front of her.
“What did you draw? The King of Spades or something?” Perry asks her.
Stella shakes her head. “No. There is no King of Spades in the tarot deck.” She pushes a card around so it’s facing Perry. “This is the Tower. I have pulled it a couple days in a row. I can’t figure it out.”
“Well, your card isn’t going anywhere, but Nash might be,” Perry says. “He’s getting snared by a tourist.”
“What?” Stella asks, looking up, her eyes sharp on the woman. “Who is that?”
“Nobody knows. But the poet here claims she isn’t concerned.”
“I’m not concerned. He can flirt with whoever he wants.”
Stella and Perry exchange looks. “Yeah, we’ve been wanting to talk to you about that. When are you two going to get together? The guys at the firehall have extended their pool to include the rest of us townies, and I feel like you two owe me inside information.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, indulging the wish for just a second, and then remember that’s not what I want. It’s probably just that he got me interested in sex and now I’m not having any.
“Stella, we aren’t going to get together. Nash and I are much better as friends, and neither of us want a relationship. Especially with each other.”
“Fine, maybe I’ll go out with him then,” Perry says easily, watching me gleefully like I’m a bomb about to detonate. When I don’t satisfy her lust for drama, she leans forward, propping her hands on her chin and bats her eyelashes at Nash.
The face he makes looks like indigestion, and he turns his back to us, still talking to the tourist.
“I think I might be the only one of my friends who hasn’t slept with him yet,” she says, not even upset that he’s ignoring her.
“Gross!” Stella says. “I haven’t slept with him. In fact, who are you even talking about? He’s never...oh,” she pauses at the look on Perry’s face. “I was supposed to play along with that, wasn’t I?”
“Really, both of you can stop. We have acknowledged that there is an attraction between us...” A mind-numbing attraction. “...but have decided to stay professional.” I look over and see he’s got the woman’s phone in his hands. Is he giving her his phone number? In front of me? Really?
What a fool I’ve been. I just assumed that he would have the courtesy to not rub it in my face that he was already moving on. I thought...it doesn’t matter what I thought.
“It’s different for men, isn’t it?” I ask rhetorically but hoping someone has an answer.
“I’m so sorry,” Stella says, as we all watch Nash watch in appreciation as the woman who got his number sashays to the door, looking over her shoulder once to execute another hair flip.
“God, that move should be outlawed,” Perry says. “It’s so cliché.”
What is cliché is falling for the first man to pay attention to me...twice.
Chapter Nine
Nash
TRU HAS BEEN ACTING strangely since last night at the bar. Well, stranger than normal.
When I get back from a trip to my dad’s to help him move some furniture, my chest hollows out the moment I open the apartment door.
; She’s gone.
I can feel it.
I swallow and stand there, one foot over the threshold, the other stubbornly clinging to the hall. It won’t be real if I don’t go in.
What’s wrong with me? I wanted this, right? My quiet life back. My old patterns resumed.
I rub my chest, surprised at the sharp pain beneath my ribs.
Stella opens her apartment door behind me. “Oh, good. You’re home. I have to go and I was going to have to bring your dog with me.” She hands me the end of Bo’s leash and he pays no attention to me because he’s slathering to get into our apartment thinking his girl is in there. “Perry tried a charcoal mask and can’t get it off. She’s crying.” She holds up her phone so I can see a picture of Perry with mud all over her face. Women are so weird. “I have to go help her. And take more pictures and maybe a video. Anyway, take your dog and call Tru and say whatever you need to get her home. I mean it, Nash. She was really good for you.” She reaches up and kisses my cheek. “Normally, I’d be all up in your face about this but I have a feeling you’re already going to feel pretty shitty without my help. Plus, nobody ever gets to see Perry cry, so I don’t want to miss it. Do the right thing and call Tru. Love you.”
She’s down the stairs before I can even respond. I look down at my dog and he’s staring at me like I’m an idiot. He’s one to talk.
“You’re right. I am an idiot. Why am I standing in the hall when I just got my life back?”
We go inside and he runs around sniffing everywhere trying to find Fifi. The guest room door is open, the bed made, the dresser and nightstand empty.
My heartbeat thickens when I see paper on the kitchen counter. Did she leave me a note?
The closer I get, I see it’s typed. Numbered paragraphs and indemnities and clauses. I go to the last page and see her signature.
She signed over her percentage of Ironwing to me.
She’s gone.
I LAST TWO DAYS BEFORE I ask my dad, “How’s Tru doing?”
He lowers the paper enough to level a frown at me. “Why don’t you ask Tru?”
“She doesn’t want to hear from me.”
“I’m sure she’d love to hear from you.”
“She changed her number.”
He goes back to the paper. “Did she?”
He knows damn well she did. “Bo misses Fifi.”
“That’s too bad. Poor dog.”
I push down the newspaper. “Give me a break, Pops.”
“She’s fine. Fifi is fine.”
I grab a glass and start polishing. “Great. Glad to hear it.”
“Give me a break, son.”
I walk away, fill the peanuts, polish another glass. I’m glad she’s fine. Really. Nice to know she’s doing just fine without me. “Hey, old man. If she asks about me, make sure you tell her I’m fine too.”
“Heh,” he huffs. “You’re a mess.”
“I am not.” I stalk back toward him. “Things are getting back to normal. Just the way I like it.”
“Good for you, son.”
I tear the newspaper out of his hands. Well, the half that comes with the motion. He’s still holding on to the bottom piece. “You seem fine to me,” he says blandly.
“I’m just worried about her. I feel responsible. You know. I want to make sure she’s got someplace to stay. Enough to get by.”
“Let me ask you something. If you care so much about her, why didn’t you tell her you cared while she was here?”
“Tru and I were friends. Business partners. We weren’t dating or anything.”
Damn. He’s looking right through me. “If you care so much about her, why didn’t you date her?”
“You know me. I’m not the boyfriend kind of guy.”
He takes a long drink of his coffee. I don’t know how he stomachs the stuff. “Why aren’t you the boyfriend kind of guy?”
I shrug. “Just never wanted to settle down.” His dad-stare just bores into me. “I’m a rolling stone.”
“I think you’re a chicken shit.”
“Pops!”
“Well, you are. I’ve seen a lot of really nice women float in and out of your life, and you stay friends with all of them. Something scares you about letting them in, though.”
Lord save me if he decides to write a song about me. It would be just my luck that Ironwing gets back together. He’s still staring at me. “I just don’t want anyone to depend on me to save them.”
“Save them? Son, is this about your mom?”
I blow out a breath. “I really don’t want to talk about her.”
“Maybe it’s time we do.”
The last time I saw her, she didn’t look well. And she stole my car. “I’m selfish enough to be glad that you’re the man who stepped in and took care of me. But I’m also selfish enough to never want to be the guy that gives up his dream for some woman and her drama.”
“I didn’t give up anything for your mother or her drama. If this is about Ironwing, you know I don’t regret breaking up the band to be a better father.”
“Jake already had a kid when you were touring. He didn’t think he had to quit.”
“Jake had Miranda. She was his grade-school crush. She was a great mom and Leo had a stable home here. I knew your mom couldn’t be counted on to handle things when I was on the road. Hell, she loved being on the road more than all of us put together. I didn’t like it all that much. It was fun for a time, but I’m a family man at heart.”
My gaze catches that damn mirror she bought with the Ironwing logo on it. “You shouldn’t have had to choose one or the other.”
He rests his hand over mine. It’s still always a little jarring to see our hands together and mine be the same size. My eyes always expect the big dad hand I held to cross the street. “I didn’t give anything up for your mother. I did the best I could for her. But it was always about you, son. I thought you knew that. Finding out I was going to be a dad was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never considered it a sacrifice to come home to Brazen Bay and watch you grow.”
Oh, hell. I don’t want to have feelings right now. Shit. It feels like an orange is sitting in my throat. “I love you, old man.”
“Back-attcha. But I still think you’re chicken shit.”
I laugh, which is better than the stupid tears I’m fighting back. Why does talking to my dad sometimes make me feel like a little boy? “Thanks.”
“Your mom has a lot of problems. But she loves you, even if she doesn’t know how.” He pats my hand. “Most people have a better idea of how to love someone. Probably every woman you never took a chance on, even.”
I run my tongue around my teeth and stifle the denial that wants to burst out. Because he’s right. Damn it. I am a chicken shit. And it’s too late to fix things with Tru. When a woman changes her phone number to avoid you, it’s too late. I’m not going to stalk her.
I nod at my dad. “Next time you hear from Tru, please tell her I asked how she’s doing.”
“And how should I tell her you are if she asks?”
She won’t ask.
“Tell her I’m fine.”
Tru
THE DOORBELL RINGS, Fifi barks, and Pauline pauses fixing her makeup in the entryway mirror and looks like she’s going to throw up. “Oh, God. He’s here.”
I smile warmly. “You look fantastic.” She looks a little green, actually, but her outfit is on point and it will take Brandon a minute to look up from her chest anyway.
“Are you sure it’s okay to leave Danny with you? I can cancel...I don’t want you to feel like you have to—”
“I’m happy to babysit Danny.” And I am. “I’m going to answer the door. Pull yourself together, woman.” It’s their first official date, though she and Brandon have been hanging out as friends all this time.
“Shush, Fifi.” I open up the apartment door and hug Brandon. Fifi bounces around his legs happily. She’s very fond of him, like most females.
“Hey, Tru. Is
she ready?”
“Of course not. Come in. Can I get you something while you wait?”
“Nope. I’m happy to wait as long as it takes.”
“How’s everyone?” It’s been weeks since I left Brazen Bay and Ironwing to stay at Pauline’s.
“Everyone is fine, Tru. Just fine.”
Right. They probably forgot about me already anyway. I was barely a blip on their radar.
“That Spuds McKenzie beer light you ordered showed up. It looks great. Nash hung it up right away. Said he liked it.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“No. I hung it up when he wasn’t looking. But he hasn’t taken it down yet, so that’s something.”
Before I left, I was thinking that we needed to make Ironwing more ‘80s themed. It already had the vibe, but I figured we should play it up more. I’d been scouting memorabilia and trying to come up with theme nights.
But I don’t need to think about it anymore, do I? Ironwing and its owner can languish away in the obscurity he likes so much.
Pauline makes her grand entrance and the tension between the two of them is making me sweat. If I were still in Brazen Bay, one of the guys from the firehall would make a bet about whether or not they were going to make their dinner reservation or just go get a hotel.
“You look beautiful,” he says. She looks a little like the women who danced on a car in his music video. Which is probably what she was going for.
Pauline turns to me. She’s blinking a lot, which is the only way I can tell she’s still super nervous. “I wrote down everything I could think of on a pad by the phone. Don’t let him have more screen time than he’s allowed or he won’t sleep.”
“I know. I live here now, remember?”
“Right. And his pediatrician's number is on there. And—”
Brandon wraps her coat around her shoulders. “I’m sure Tru can handle it.”
“Sorry. I just...”