The notes showed everything from burning desperation to sweet banter:
I need to hold you. I burn for you. When can I see you again? - S
I told the others I want to go on my own. We aren’t supposed to, but I’m going crazy without you. I think Wednesday. I want you to make love to me in the rain.
– K
An owl almost attacked me on my way home. Do shifters turn into birds of prey? He was pretty angry... LOL – S
My love. I found a place where can tango all night. Let’s show them how it’s done. – K
A friend of mine said he saw us at the theater and asked about you. He wasn’t close enough to scent you, but that scared me more than I can express. We have to leave. Together. I love you with the force of ten thousand moons. – S
You’re everything to me. My wolf and I are shaking with the need to shift and run to you, with you, and never look back. You’re my everything. – K
She wiped the tears, unable to read more. Would they be that couple again? Was their love not as strong as they’d declared to each other? Had her necessary lie destroyed it forever?
A brisk knock at the door startled her. She scrambled to shove the pile of notes back in the envelope and put it back where she’d found it.
Wary, she walked to the front door, drying her tears with her sleeve, heart pounding in dread. It was almost ten o’clock at night.
Should she answer?
With all of the lights on, she knew the visitor would know someone was home. At the door, she looked out the side window, seeing a woman in a red jacket and hat, innocently looking around.
More than likely, she wasn’t a threat, and if she was, Kimber knew how to fight. She opened the door. “Yes?”
The woman gave a friendly, nervous smile, a large duffel bag hanging off her shoulder. “Hi. You must be Kimber. You’re exactly as Shain described.” She held out her gloved hand. “I’m Gail.”
Since she’d established she knew Shain and somehow knew who she was, Kimber shook her hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Her scent hit Kimber’s nose. Human? Not only that, but very pretty, aquamarine eyes, honey brown hair, and a good grip.
“Is Shain home?” Gail asked, looking past her shoulder.
Kimber’s wolf growled low. “Uh, no, sorry. He went out for a bit.”
“No worries. Can I come in? It’s kinda freezing.”
Kimber stepped back. How could she say no?
“Thanks. Be careful with those icicles up front. When it warms up they can melt and impale you like a heaven-sent dagger.”
Who was this woman? How did she know Shain? More importantly, what was she to him?
Gail smiled, stomping her boots on the mat. “I haven’t been in here for a while. Oh good, he got a TV. Last spring he didn’t even have a radio. I mean, I love living out in the sticks, but I have to have some noise, especially when there’s a snowstorm and it takes days to dig yourself out.”
Striving to be polite and not spray the woman with questions, Kimber closed the door. Last spring? She’d known Shain at least that long? “I’m surprised he even has a TV. He prefers books.”
Gail turned, eyes alight. “Oh, I know.”
Oh, did she? Kimber curbed her jealousy with might. “Do you live close by?”
“As a crow flies, still takes almost twenty minutes to get here on the RMK. Not a lot of paths lead to this place, which I guess is what he wanted, with…you know, all that’s happened.”
Kimber froze. This human knew?
“Anyway.” Gail’s tone brightened. She set the duffel bag on the coffee table. “These should fit. You and my sister are the same size.” She unzipped it and began pulling out shirts. “Nothing fancy, of course, but you’re in Montana in wintertime, nothing to get fancy for. Oh, and he wasn’t really sure about your shoe size, said seven, so I brought two pairs of boots. One’s a seven, one’s seven-and-a-half. And, ta-da! UGGs. The best.” She produced a pair of pink ones.
How much did Gail know about the circumstances? It took Kimber a moment to realize Shain had called Gail over to bring her clothes, and hadn’t even bothered to mention it. Did he also make sure he wouldn’t be home when she came by?
With her wolf full-on snarling in her head, Kimber gripped the back of a chair. “Shain called you over?”
Gail continued to dig in the bag. “Mm-hmm. He told me you were in a bit of a bind without clothes and I was happy to help out. My sister gave these to me to donate, but it’s a pain to go to all the way into town just for Goodwill…”
While Gail talked on, more questions crowded in Kimber’s mind. Obviously, the doe-eyed human and Shain were close.
How close?
Had they been lovers?
Kimber looked around, heart dropping.
Had they made love in this cabin?
Had he invited Gail over on purpose, to rub it in her face, on the pretense of getting her some clothes so she’d stop wearing his?
Kimber stifled the urge to scream.
Hands shaking, she tried to cover it by picking up a red sweater. “How much did he tell you about me?”
The question clearly made Gail uncomfortable. The young woman swung her hair over the other shoulder, refolding a shirt. “Oh, uh…” She shrugged, then slowly raised her gaze to meet Kimber’s. “Everything.”
Just then, the back door opened, carrying with it an icy breeze.
Shain was back.
Gail looked to the kitchen, starting to smile. She brushed past a stunned Kimber.
“Hey, you!” she greeted.
Gail’s tone gave away her fondness and her attraction.
Shain’s tone proved her visit wasn’t exactly expected. “How’s it going?”
Keeping her back to the pair, not wanting to witness any sort of affection between them, Kimber grabbed a handful of clothes. “I’m just going to go try some of these on.”
“Sure,” Gail answered. “I’ll take back anything you don’t want.”
The moment Kimber was inside the bathroom, she pressed the door closed with her back and shuddered in a deep breath. When she exhaled, tears escaped down her cheeks, meeting at her neck to make a river down her chest. She groped for a towel and bit into it, letting out something between a sob and a scream.
She had lost him.
Him coming to her night after night meant nothing, and she’d been stupid to think her body could lead to his heart, that all he needed was to relive their connection to want her again.
She’d been wrong.
They hadn’t been making love to each other, he’d been fucking her to satisfy his physical desire, and some twisted, unspoken revenge for hurting him. He wanted to torture her every way he could, and what was a superior way than to build her hope and knock it down? Again and again? It wasn’t just Gail’s presence, it was the totality of the past week.
He rescued her from marrying Hudson, but only because of Zander.
Came to her bed every night, but barely acknowledged her existence in the day.
Looked at her with longing, then invited some former lover of his over.
You idiot. He told you it was over and you refused to believe it. You didn’t think it was possible because his love for you had to be too strong to die. But it did. You just didn’t want to accept it.
Slowly, she pulled the towel from her mouth, numb, out of hope.
She splashed her face with cold water, knowing she couldn’t hide in there much longer. Her eyes were a little red from the quick cry, but not puffy, so not much would give away what she’d been doing in there, other than not trying on any of the clothes Gail brought.
Lifting her chin, she gathered the garments—and what was left of her pride—and came out.
Gail still had her coat on, sitting on one of the stools, while Shain leaned on the dining table.
“Well?” the woman asked.
“These are great. Thank you,” Kimber lied.
“Oh, good. You’re welcome.”
Gail slid off the stool. “Thanks, but I have to get going. It’s late. Let me know if there’s anything else I can bring. There are scarves and gloves in the bag, too.”
Kimber wanted to hate her, but just couldn’t.
Shain straightened from his pose, face expressionless, as usual. “I’ll walk you out.”
As soon as he closed the door, Kimber went upstairs, grateful the awkward visit had come to an end. She made the mistake of going to the window and watching Shain and Gail speak privately, before the woman pulled him down for a hug.
Sick, Kimber turned away.
She opened the nightstand, found the paper with Zander’s number on it and called him from the landline.
He answered on the third ring. “This is Kane.”
“Hi. It’s—it’s Kimber.”
“Oh. Hi. How are you?” He sounded as if he knew she couldn’t be good, since she was calling.
“Does your offer still stand? To join your pack?”
“Of course it does.” He paused. “I take it…that Shain is okay with this, too?”
I don’t care what he’s okay with. She bit her lip, unable to lie.
A long sigh. “I’m sorry to hear it. Really. Marex will be, too.”
Not sorrier than she was. “Some things are just not meant to be.”
“Sure, but… Anyway, I’m still in Washington meeting with one of Marex’s allies before I go back to Louisiana. I can stop through and pick you up.”
Eyes burning with the need to spill, she swallowed a sob and was able to say, “Perfect.”
“I have to make one more stop before I come your way. The soonest I can get there is Sunday. Can you wait?”
Three more days with Shain?
She could handle it. Besides, Zander was doing her a huge favor. She couldn’t make any demands for him to come faster. “That’s fine. Call me when you get close. I’ll meet you in town so you don’t have to make the journey to the cabin.” Or face Shain, if he even cared.
After they said their goodbyes, she hung up, a nervous weight in her stomach, as though she’d done something she would later fiercely regret. She shook her head to clear the doubt. She had no reason to stay with Shain anymore. She’d done everything she could think of to win him back, but it was clear that he wasn’t getting over what she’d done.
At least with Zander’s pack she stood a chance of being accepted, wanted, and useful.
She went downstairs just when Shane came back in.
And her heart broke into a million pieces, knowing she’d probably never see him again once she left, that their story, their love, was truly over.
He unzipped his coat and hung it. “Gail came earlier than she said she would. I meant to be here.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about her?”
“There wasn’t much to tell.”
“Oh? Because she seemed to know a lot about me.” She marched over to the coffee table to stuff the clothes back in the duffel. “She said she knew everything.” Her voice choked on the last word.
“She doesn’t,” he said tenderly.
“You’ve known her a while.”
“If you consider less than a year a while.”
Long enough. “I’m not wearing these clothes. I can’t believe you had her come over here.”
“The nearest clothing store is an hour’s drive—”
“So what?” She forcefully zipped the bag and took it to the closet. “You’re unbelievable. To think I’d wear clothes from a woman that you’ve...” Her voice was surprisingly calm, even though her jealousy was screaming.
Shain went to the fire, his calmness driving her mad. “She’s just a friend, Kimber.”
“Friends can fuck, too.”
His gaze shot to hers. “We aren’t those kinds of friends.”
She wanted to believe it. “I saw the way she looked at you.”
He cast his gaze back to the fireplace, nudging one of the logs with the poker. “The only thing Gail has given me is her blood, not her body. Without her, I’d have to go out to feed.”
“You don’t really expect me to believe you don’t do more than feed.”
He shoved the poker deeper in the fire, causing sparks. “Okay. Feed and talk. Are you going to damn me for that? By the way, I haven’t told her that much. Only that I had to abandon my old life to make a new one here. That I lost the woman I loved because we are from different worlds. That I have nothing to offer her except friendship. I swear to you, that’s it.”
The jealousy flamed less bright, but continued to burn. A vampire’s sexual hunger demanded nourishment as much as their appetite for blood. When they were together, there was never a question of his fidelity, but without her, how he could not…?
Shain turned to meet her gaze. “She’s been kind to me, but I’ve never touched her.”
“Maybe not with her, but you’re saying you’ve been celibate all these months?”
Some of his calm slipped away. “I won’t lie, I wanted to want her. To lose myself in pleasure, forget you, even if for a few pathetic minutes. But I couldn’t. I was damned to hunger endlessly for someone I couldn’t have. I haven’t been with anyone since you.” He looked her over, as if suddenly struck with a realization. “Can you say the same?”
Heat crawled up her neck and face. “Excuse me?”
“I want to know.”
Even though he knew she’d lied about having a mate, that most of her pack treated her like a virus, all she’d sacrificed so he would live, he thought she would run to another’s bed that fast? She swallowed hard. “You really want to know if I was with someone else?”
He looked like she’d slapped him. “Were you?”
“What does it matter, Shain? What does it matter what you did or what I did when we were apart?”
“It mattered to you with Gail.”
Heart beating like a drum, she looked away. “I don’t want to talk about this.” That wasn’t a denial or a confirmation. Why was she leading him to believe she had? Why was she trying to cause him pain?
“Tell me,” he demanded hoarsely.
She raised her gaze to see his teeth had descended, his chest heaving. The anguish in his eyes broke her heart, yet some evil part of her told her to taunt him.
“Fine.” She sighed melodramatically. “He took his time. Made me feel beautiful, held me all night, made me come again and again—”
“Stop it,” he gritted.
“He whispered things that shocked me, that turned me on—”
“I said stop it.” His blue eyes flashed.
She closed hers in feigned remembrance of pleasure. “God, just thinking of him and I—I’m shaking. I’d forget everything, every problem, every heart-wrenching moment in my entire life.”
“Kimber—!”
“He is you,” she screamed. Bottom lip trembling, eyes watery, she curled her hands to fists. “I’m talking about you! Not the Shain of the last week, but the man I have loved since the moment I saw him. Okay? Satisfied? They threw me in a basement with a cot in the dark where the only thing that kept me sane was thinking of those days and nights with you.” She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, sucking in a breath, forcing herself to calm down. “No one else has touched me.”
Shain looked to the floor, his breathing beginning to steady, his teeth drawing back.
“Are you done?” she asked.
He didn’t immediately respond, as if debating. “I want to know one more thing.” She waited until he raised his eyes back to hers, swallowing, before asking, “Why did you stay with them? Why didn’t you find a way to tell me the truth? Why did you allow me to believe you’d found your mate, Kimber? By the gods, I need to know.”
Her tongue worked around her mouth as she thought of how to answer. How did one admit shame? That he’d
been right? While together, she’d been in heaven, but trying to stay in heaven meant constantly going through hell. And she’d let go.
The heaviness of her admission weighed her voice. “At first, it was all I thought about. How to get away. Where to find you. Where’d we go if I managed both. Amos kept me in that basement. I didn’t breathe clean air for weeks. I’d shift and pace just to escape reality. I was assigned to balance the books again. No one had been as good as I was at paying the bills. I was happy to do it to keep from losing my mind. Eventually, after Diana pleaded my case, they let me out. I kept my head down, saved some money, made a plan. The Glaciers threw a party. Everyone was drunk and having fun, paying no attention to me. So I packed a backpack, fled to the woods, so close to the road when he caught me.” She shivered, remembering those callused hands grabbing her arms from behind. “Hudson. He was paying attention.”
“The one you were going to marry?”
She nodded, rubbing her arm, remembering his touch. “I barely knew he existed, too focused on myself. It wasn’t until that night I found out how obsessed he was…” She sighed. “He told me he wouldn’t tell anyone about the money I’d taken or that I tried to run away, if I accepted his claim as my mate. I said no, but it didn’t matter. He eventually talked the pack into forcing the marriage to…ensure my loyalty to them.”
She straightened her spine. “I was broken. Even if I somehow found you, I knew one day they would hunt you down, no matter where we went, and so yes, I gave up. With the knowledge of you hating me, but at least alive, with a possible chance to find another to love you.” The truth gripped her heart and throat. “I wanted you to be happy. I thought by staying out of your life, and you thinking I was mated, you’d be safe.” Drained, she finally confessed, “You were right, Shain. I gave up what we had. I couldn’t handle it.”
He said nothing, but nodded his understanding, and, perhaps, his forgiveness.
Tomorrow. She’d tell him she was leaving with Zander tomorrow. She was too exhausted to have another hard conversation with him. If only he’d fight for her, just a little bit, she’d stay.
“I’m going to bed,” she said, then headed up the stairs, feeling Shain’s gaze on her back. “Don’t even think about coming to me tonight, no matter how much I cry out for you.”
Shain: Immortal Forsaken Series #6 (Paranormal Romance Novella) Page 10