“Oh god. You don’t think it’s—”
“No. I don’t.”
“You need to get away from me.”
“Forget it. If it’s the virus, it’s too late for that. I’m taking you to see Allegra.”
The clinic doesn’t open until six, so we have a tense two hours to sit around and drink coffee while we’re waiting. The moment the clock hands hit twelve and six, we put on surgical masks and I pull Janet into a shadow.
We come out in the strip mall where Allegra has her little clandestine hospital. The mall was always a shabby place with a cut-rate nail salon and third-rate pizza, but boarded up and with piles of trash outside it looks like the end of the world. In case Allegra is alone and in the back of the place, I bang on the clinic’s door with my fist. A minute later I hear a lock being turned—and then there’s a gun in my face.
And it’s not an ordinary pistol. It’s a Devil’s Daisy. A Hellion weapon. Very rare here in the world. Daisies are twisted things, like gnarled tree roots, and they will kill you fifty ways dead. I’ve only ever seen big rifle-size ones, but this one is small. Pistol-size. And a frowning Allegra has it right in my face.
A second later, when she recognizes me, she lowers the Daisy.
“Fuck, Stark. It sounded like you were trying to knock the door down.”
“Sorry. I just thought you might not hear me.”
“I heard just fine,” she says, still a little annoyed. Looking past me, she says, “Hi, Janet.”
“Hi. What is that?”
I say, “It’s called a Devil’s Daisy. Kasabian tried to kill me with one of those once. Where did you get it?”
Allegra looks at it and makes a face.
“I found it in Vidocq’s things.”
“Have you had to use it?”
“Not yet.”
Janet leans against the door and goes into a coughing fit.
Allegra pulls them inside.
“That doesn’t sound good. I need to take a look at you.”
I follow them in, locking the front door behind me.
They head straight to the exam room and Janet sits on the table and Allegra removes their mask.
“You aren’t wearing a mask,” says Janet.
“I don’t need to anymore. I’ve hit myself up with so many magic herbs and tinctures and elixirs that I could dance my way through the Black Death.”
I say, “That’s great. Can you give that stuff to Janet?”
Allegra listens to Janet’s heart and feels under their chin for swelling.
“Only if I wanted to kill them.”
I say, “What do you mean, ‘kill them’?”
Allegra glances at me.
“I’ve been building up my system over months. Some of Doc Kinski’s old mixtures helped build up my immunity, and I found more ideas in Vidocq’s books. But a few of those things, man, they almost murdered me. That’s why I can’t just give it to anyone like a spoonful of cough syrup.”
She has Janet lie down and puts a series of what look like small brass coins on their body from their throat to their stomach. Almost immediately, the coins begin to glow. Two turn red and the one by their heart turns black.
“Is that bad?” says Janet, trying to angle their head so they can see what’s going on.
“Please try not to move.” Allegra uses an eyedropper to put a small amount of a golden liquid on the black coin. After a moment it lightens to its original brass color. Allegra smiles.
“Congratulations,” she says. “You have a cold.”
“That’s all?” says Janet, brightening.
“That’s all. Get some bed rest. Drink a lot of fluids and have some soup. You also might try relaxing a little bit. You’re coiled up inside like a rattlesnake.”
After Allegra gathers the brass coins Janet sits up.
“I’m fine. I mean, everyone is tense these days. Right?”
“Yes, but tension plus your cold isn’t doing your immune system any good. Let me give you some pills that might help.”
Janet furrows their brow.
“I don’t like pills.”
“You just saw someone kill herself,” I say. “That’s going to make anybody tense. Why don’t you just try the pills for a few days?”
“You’re right, but I never want to sleep again after that.”
“I can imagine. But you need to sleep if you’re going to get better,” says Allegra. “Take one of these a day for a week and see how you feel.”
She hands Janet a plastic pill bottle and looks to me.
“How are you with your PTSD meds? Still taking them, right?”
“Sure. I just don’t know if they’re helping.”
“You’d know if they weren’t. I’ll give you more before we leave. Enough to tide you over for a few weeks.”
I hadn’t expected that.
“Does this mean you’re shutting down the clinic?” Things must have gotten bad here if she’s thinking of closing. She was always dedicated to it, but now with Vidocq gone, it’s pretty much become her life.
She gives me a quick, tight nod.
“I don’t have any choice. I’ve only been seeing a few humans and Lurkers that I already knew well. After the last time one of them attacked my assistant, Fairuza, I can’t handle it anymore.”
“What are you going to do with yourself without your patients?”
She gives me a rueful smile.
“I have no idea. Watch TV? Take up needlepoint? Why? Do you have any suggestions?”
“You could work part-time with me at Bamboo House of Dolls.”
She laughs.
“I don’t think I’d be a very good barmaid.”
“Think about it. And if you’re nervous at home, you can always stay at my place. You know it’s safe. Crowded, but safe.”
Allegra puts a few bottles and some of Kinski’s strange medicinals into her shoulder bag. When she gives me my psych pills she says, “I have Vidocq’s tools. He showed me how to make my place safe. Besides, he used to live at your place. We used to. There are too many memories there.”
“Okay. Keep that Daisy with you all the time. And call me if you need anything.”
“Thank you.”
I try to think of something else to say. Something to keep her from just brooding about the world, alone in her apartment. But I don’t have anything to offer her. If I can’t take care of my friends on this basic a level, how can I take care of anyone?
It’s hugs all around, then we walk Allegra to her car and I take Janet home, wondering and worrying about when I’m ever going to see Allegra again.
Back at Janet’s place, I get them to take one of their pills and, after not sleeping much last night, it knocks them right out. When I’m sure they’re out and breathing right, I go through a shadow to Max Overdrive.
I try the front door, but it’s locked. Kasabian lets me in and gets six feet between us.
“What’s wrong with you? You look like someone sold your pet canary smack and it OD’d.”
I put the movies from last night on the counter.
“Janet didn’t like them.”
Kasabian shifts his shoulders uncomfortably.
“Didn’t like them how?”
“Didn’t like them didn’t like them. They said they didn’t see the point of watching movies that never happened.”
“That doesn’t sound right,” he said, and there’s a tiny hint of something like sympathy in his voice.
“I know.”
“I guess it’s good they watched them with you at least.”
“And they fed me weird food. All spinach and cauliflower and cheese.”
“Did they?” he says and now the sympathy is gone, replaced with a knowing little smile.
“What’s that about?”
“Nothing. It just explains why you’re like the good boy who didn’t get a cookie. Tension. A little trouble in paradise?”
I stand up straighter.
“I didn’t say that
. Janet just needs some regular movies.”
Kasabian scratches his chin.
“Forget it. I’m just fucking with you. I haven’t touched a woman since dinosaurs walked the Earth. Go look for something. Mi casa es su casa and all that crap.”
I wander back to Musicals and wonder for a minute if Janet would like something stupid like Xanadu or Roller Boogie. But I shove them back into the display bin because I don’t want to die of a disco aneurysm. I grab Urgh! A Music War, but put that back too. I don’t even know if they like punk or new wave bands, which I know is a strange thing not to have figured out by now. I guess we’ve mostly been listening to their music and I haven’t heard a single X song. Finally, I decide to play it safe and grab Singin’ in the Rain.
When I bring it up front, Kasabian taps the disc on the counter a couple of times and looks at me.
“Have you actually made it all the way through it?”
“Janet likes music.”
“Yeah. But have you—”
“I tried a couple of times. There’s a lot of—”
“Merriment. I know. Your brain rejects that stuff on principle. Stay here, dummy.”
I wait up front like some asshole whose mom is picking out his suit for prom night right in front of all the mean girls from school.
Kasabian is back in a minute with How to Steal a Million and Roman Holiday, a couple of sweet and dumb Audrey Hepburn romantic comedies. He drops a third disc on top. A movie I’ve never heard of.
“It’s They by Anahita Ghazvinizadeh,” he says. “There’s a nice kid in it. Smart. Sweet. Nonbinary.”
I look at him like he just turned into a three-legged unicorn.
“Did you just actually go out of your way for someone?”
He tosses the discs in a bag and says, “Not for you I didn’t. For Janet. They need people smarter than you looking out for them.”
“Thank you. I’ll tell Janet you found it for them.”
He looks away, annoyed that I caught him being a human being.
“You’re lucky I even let you in,” he says. “They’re installing the alarm later today. I’m sick of all these freaks. I’m pushing Candy and Alessa to shut down for a while. Just until things blow over.”
“Do you have the money for that?”
“We have some in the bank. I mean, it would help if we knew how long we’ll have to hide in a cave with the Morlocks. But I had a great idea.”
There’s something about the way he says “great” that makes me suspicious. He picks up the discs and points to them like a magician pulling a mangy rabbit out of a hat. I say, “Don’t you fucking dare.”
“We should start a secret streaming service with all the special movies.”
I slam my hand on the counter.
“Goddammit, Kas. You rent movies. On disc. People have to leave their homes to get them. Interact. Be people.”
“But people aren’t people anymore,” he shouts. “That’s the whole fucking problem. I got my body back just in time to die because some maniac brains me with a pipe. I can’t even go to Donut Universe anymore.”
“If you’re that scared, make a list and me and Janet will bring you things.”
He looks at me appraisingly for a second.
“You asshole. Do you even know what’s going on in the world?”
“I’ve been a little busy.”
“They burned it last night,” he says. “The crazies burned Donut Universe to the ground. Danced and sang until there was nothing left.”
“Oh shit. I’ve got to tell Janet.” But how? I think about them at home, knocked out and dreaming of Maggie and the gun.
Kasabian shakes his head.
“That’s where you two lovebirds met, isn’t it? They aren’t going to take it well.”
“No. Probably not. Maybe I shouldn’t tell them.”
“Good. Lying is always the best solution in these situations.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Problems at home and no more apple fritters.”
“You’re being a prick again.”
He makes a face and says, “Sorry. I just keep wondering when they’re going to come for us.”
“No one is coming for you. You’re right to lock the place up. In the meantime, I’ll throw on some Downtown hoodoo that no civilians can break.”
“Yeah? Maybe we might survive after all. If you don’t fuck it up.”
“I’m good at this stuff.”
“You’re good at wrecking things. Not fixing them. You said so yourself.”
I say, “I’ll lay down something simple where if anyone tries anything funny they’ll blow themselves up.”
That makes him happy.
“I like that. Yeah. Do that one.”
“I’ll do it on my way out.”
Kasabian puts my discs in a bag, but can’t resist taking one more shot.
“It must be depressing using the door these days just like any schmuck.”
“It is a little weird.”
“Candy’s not here if that’s why you really came by.”
“It’s not. In fact, you might not see me for a while. I’m going to try staying away.”
“Finally, you say something smart. And you know what’s funny?”
“What?”
“If you can’t come in for movies anymore, you’re going to be the first customer for our streaming service.”
“Fuck me.”
What kills me is that I know he’s right. While I’m absorbed in my agony, he puts three more of the special discs on the counter.
“Here’s something to tide you over. Kubrick’s Napoleon. Ken Russell’s Dracula. Ridley Scott’s Blood Meridian.”
I pick them up and look them over.
“These should last a while. Okay. I take back what I was thinking about you.”
He ignores me and says, “How about this as a name for the streaming service: Faster Pussycat Watch! Watch!”
“It’s a little long.”
He frowns.
“I know.”
“How about L’Age D’VHS.”
“That doesn’t completely suck. I’ll write it down.”
I say, “Drive-In Death Wish.”
He says, “Black Funday.”
“UFO Slumber Party.”
“Barbarella After Dark.”
“Doomsday Cocktail Lounge.”
“The Devil’s Betamax.”
“Netflix and Kill.”
“VHS Murder Zombies.”
“The Good, the Bad and the VCR.”
“Video Harakiri.”
He puts the extra discs in the bag, looking a little smug.
“When we get the streaming service running, I’ll send you info on how to hook up.”
I head to the door.
“Like I said: don’t rub it in.”
I go back to Janet’s place and let myself in. Sure enough, they’re asleep. I didn’t get much shut-eye myself last night, so I lie down with them. I manage a couple of hours, but then I’m wide awake with all kinds of ugly noise in my head.
Abbot talked about Samvari steel and how Audsley must have gotten it from the Shoggots. A big part of me wants to brush it off with a “fuck you” to all of them. But I can’t. Audsley got what he deserved—ripped apart by Candy when she’d gone all Jade. But the Shoggots. They’re responsible for everything wrong with my life. If they hadn’t given Audsley the knife I wouldn’t have died and Candy wouldn’t have moved in with Alessa full-time. I’d still be at Max Overdrive with her.
What makes it worse is that I know I’m a bastard for even dwelling on this shit. I should be taking care of Janet and not obsessing over what might have been. But I can’t get the idea of the life I could have had out of my head.
I know the original Shoggots are gone, but some small part of them survives through this new bunch of freaks. I don’t have any choice. If I’m going to continue with this new life I’m trying to grow into, there’s only one thing that mak
es sense.
I’m going to kill every single one of the them.
Janet sleeps on and off all day. I bring them soup, crackers, and tea. Turn on their music. It’s mostly soundtracks, which makes sense. Writing them is what they want to do when they graduate. A lot of the music is good. Max Richter. Jóhann Jóhannsson. In the Nursery. Ennio Morricone. By the time I turn on Lustmord’s First Reformed soundtrack it’s dark out and they’re sleepy again.
I kiss Janet on the forehead and they smile.
“Listen,” I say. “I have to go for a little while. Abbot wants me to do something.”
They nod sleepily and kiss my hand.
“Come back soon. And be careful.”
“I will. Listen, maybe I should call Brigitte to come over and keep you company. I’ll tell her to bring her gun so you’ll feel safe.”
“No, no,” they say, half-awake. “I don’t want to get her sick.”
“That’s nice of you.”
I take out the Colt and hold it up for them to see.
“I’m putting this on your bedside table in case you get scared.”
“You’re so sweet.”
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Janet mumbles something I can’t understand and is out like a light. I lock the door and add a little hoodoo before I leave.
I shadow walk to the basement of my apartment, where I keep the Hellion Hog under a tarp. Push it into the freight elevator and ride it up to street level. Then hit the gas and blast off the loading dock like a goddamn cruise missile. After the last few days it feels good to have wind on my face and exhaust in my lungs and to not give a shit about anything but motion. I mean, I’ll care about things again in a few minutes, but I need this moment of blind motion. Lane splitting. Running lights. Skidding along empty sidewalks all over town. Hell, there’s little enough traffic on the streets that my worst behavior is barely noticed except for some lunatic cabbies hardcore or desperate enough to keep working, and masked street kids who’ve taken over the avenues on their skateboards and BMX bikes. And, of course, there’s LAPD surveillance cams. But they can go fuck themselves at the best of times and right now, they can fuck themselves and Mount Rushmore too.
What I’m doing isn’t exactly what Abbot asked me to, but it’s in the same neighborhood, because even in Plague Town there are still places where people want to go. And considering how much Shoggots like to fiddle about with the citizenry, if I look hard enough and long enough, I bet I’ll find some in the act. Then I’ll peel their skin off until they tell me exactly where to fucking find King Bullet.
King Bullet Page 6