by Megan Hart
Nina shook her head. The server brought their entrees and set them on the table, making it easy for her not to answer right away. She waited until they were alone again before plucking an eggplant disc from the plate and crunching it. Her stomach lurched, and she put the food down.
“Before you rush to condemn him, perhaps you should ask him what’s going on.” Aggie frowned.
“I asked him to tell me what was going on many times. So many times, he kept the truth from me. Why would this time be any different?” Nina demanded, speaking too loudly before she forced her voice to lower. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault, and I shouldn’t shout at you.”
“You know why he had to keep secrets from you on the island. Why all of us did. Anything could have caused you to . . . well. You know full well, I’m sure, what we were so worried about.”
“There were other things,” Nina said quietly. “Before the island.”
Aggie shook her head. “Sure and enough, on that I cannot speak. I only know what I saw on the island, when Mr. Donahue loved you enough to do whatever he thought was necessary to protect you.”
“You think I ought to just forgive him.”
“I think,” Aggie said gently, “that holding onto anger never does anyone any good, in the long run.”
Nina thought on that as she tried to nibble at another eggplant disc. Her stomach wasn’t having it. She took a drink of water, instead.
“I’m not sure I could ever be with him again. I . . . well, Aggie, I love him.” Nina lifted her chin and looked into the older woman’s eyes. “I do. And he loves me. But that doesn’t seem to be enough, somehow. And I’m not sure what to do about it.”
“If you don’t ask him what’s going on, you’ll never know.”
“I’m afraid that if I do ask him, he will lie to me out of some misguided attempt at protecting me. Because I’ve still got that programming, Aggie. It could be set off at any time. What’s to stop Ewan from sweeping everything under the rug again?”
“The fact he’s all over the viddy channels would seem to mean he doesn’t think he could keep it from you,” Aggie said. “Sure and enough, he’d have to know being that public means it can’t be kept from you.”
“That’s what he’s doing. But if I ask him why he’s doing it, what’s to stop him from lying?”
Aggie shrugged and tucked a bite of her own lunch into her mouth. She chewed carefully. Swallowed. She smiled.
“I don’t know, my dear. But unless you talk to him, you will also never know.”
Nina got to her feet. “Aggie, I’m sorry to cut this lunch short, but I think you’re right.”
“Go,” Aggie said and stood to hug her, hard. She pulled back to look Nina in the face. “There will always be time for more lunches. Right now, you go talk to him. I’m pulling for you both.”
* * *
Nina didn’t know where Ewan was physically, but that didn’t stop her from pinging him from her house. She used the wall comm because she wanted to be able to pace without holding her personal unit. She regretted it as soon as his face came into view—bigger than life-size. Handsome as ever.
“I tried pinging you, but you didn’t answer,” he said immediately. “I wanted you to hear it from me first.”
She refused to feel guilty about not taking his call. “You pinged me twice. You didn’t try very hard.”
“Time is short. I knew you’d see the news story, and if you didn’t . . .” Ewan coughed and cleared his throat. Shrugged, but did not look apologetic. “I was going to try you again.”
“You’re pushing for Jordie’s release?”
“It’s done,” Ewan said.
Nina winced. “I don’t understand.”
“Katrinka’s team found a way to destroy the self-termination programming. Her conditions for it to be released to all of you was Jordie going free.” He paused. “Her condition for it being released to you was my public apology and support of his exoneration.”
I’m sure he has a reason.
“Oh.” Nina didn’t have more to say than that.
“You need that new programming. I did what I had to do. My team is still working, Nina, but if Katrinka has something that can help you, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you get it.”
She nodded stiffly. “Thank you.”
“You know you don’t have to thank me,” Ewan said quietly. Through the screen, his gaze burned her. His smile seemed sad. “You look good. How’ve you been?”
“Terrific,” she answered, too fast. Too harsh. “Thank you for the money. It wasn’t necessary.”
Ewan frowned. “I already told you. You don’t have to thank me.”
“Yes, I do. You have done nothing but try to take care of me in ways I’m sure I still don’t even know about.” She swallowed against the rush of emotions tightening her throat. “You look good, too.”
“I don’t feel good, Nina. I feel sad.”
She pressed her lips together for a moment before answering. “Yeah. Me, too.”
“I love you. I want you to know that. If you can never forgive me, I understand. But you should know that I will do whatever is necessary to make your life easier. Better. If you don’t want to be with me . . . could we at least be friends?”
Nina’s snort of laughter took her by surprise. “Does that ever work for anyone? Being friends after . . . well. Just after.”
“We were friends on the island.”
“I didn’t know then what I know now,” Nina told him.
Ewan sighed and rubbed at the spot between his eyes. “All I know is that I would rather have you in my life in any small way, any way at all, than not in it. I’ve missed you, so onedamned much.”
“I miss you, too.” It was the truth. It was going to take a lot more time for her to work through her complicated mess of feelings about him, and she wasn’t sure they would ever be able to resolve them. Beyond the ways she felt he’d let her down and betrayed her, there was the very real possibility that they were simply incompatible for something beyond the bedroom.
Thinking of that, his kisses, his touch, his smell and taste and the feeling of his body against hers, Nina shivered. It was a good thing she’d chosen to connect with him over the comm and not in person, because right now if he’d tried to pull her into his arms, she would have allowed it. He probably knew it, too.
It was not only the comfort and pleasure his body provided, though. She missed the back-and-forth banter she was remembering more of, every day. She missed the way he’d made sure she was cared for on the island, when she’d known him only as a stranger, forbidden to her because he was her boss. He’d been there for her, all along, doing his best to keep her safe. Yeah, he’d messed up, but like Aggie had said . . . hadn’t he always had a reason?
“When do we get the new programming?” she asked instead of saying anything else about their relationship.
Ewan nodded toward the screen. “Katrinka’s team is running some final tests, but it should be within the next week. It’s going to be a small patch, a few lines of code.”
“That’s it?” That didn’t sound right to her, but unlike some of her peers who’d made it their duty to understand everything about the enhancement tech, Nina had never been a techie. It worked, or in some cases, did not work, and that’s all she needed to know.
“Yes. Simple.”
“Yet it took so long for it to get figured out.” She hadn’t meant it as a criticism of him or his team, but Ewan’s expression said maybe he’d taken it that way.
“We had a different set of protocols in place that Katrinka did not,” Ewan said, but no more than that.
Nina moved closer to the screen without thinking before remembering that he was on the screen, not in front of her. He could be on the other side of the world for all she knew, and felt that possible distance keenly. “What does that mean?”
“Her team got there first,” Ewan replied evenly. “That’s what counts. All the rest of it is just words.”
Nina frowned. “He’s going to get out?”
“Yes. It seems that way.”
“No justice,” Nina said.
Ewan shook his head, looking solemn. “Sometimes there isn’t any. But will it matter, Nina, if it means that you’re going to be all right? Each and every one of you. And I swear to you, I’m going to do everything possible to make sure you all continue to be monitored and upgraded as necessary, forever.”
It was a complete turnaround from how he had felt when she first met him, but she could hardly complain about that, could she? “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Ewan said with a sigh at more of the gratitude he’d told her she didn’t need to share.
There was silence while they stared at each other, separated by more than wires and glass and even physical distance. So much between them she feared would never be resolved. So much she wanted to say but did not know how to find the words.
“I do miss you,” she told him in a voice that trembled and cracked until she clamped her mouth closed and swallowed hard. “So much. It hurts.”
“You don’t have to, baby. I’ll send a transpo for you. You can be here in no time at all.”
Before she could answer, Ewan’s attention was snagged upward. Nina heard the faint noise of another ping coming through. For a moment it looked as though he meant to ignore it, but then he went dark, paused. He was back before she had time to get disgruntled at the interruption.
He looked serious, intense. “Everything’s gone through. Approved. You need to get to the hospital right now.”
“What’s the rush?” Her joke fell flat when her words came out sounding belligerent.
“They’ve put a time limit on the updates. Anyone who doesn’t get them this week will not be eligible.”
Nina’s lip curled. “Wow. Nothing like using someone’s mental health as a way to control them.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” Ewan said.
“It’s not you,” she told him. “It’s them. But I guess I’d better pack a bag and get there. Where is it?”
He hesitated.
“Where, Ewan?”
He named the research hospital she’d been in the first time around. Lots of bad memories there, although there were still a few spots she could be grateful remained blank. The idea of going back there did not sit well with her, but Nina lifted her chin and straightened her shoulders. She’d never been a woman to let something frighten her enough to run away from it.
Except, she realized, when it came to Ewan.
“Will you go with me?” she asked him.
“Yes,” he said at once. “Absolutely.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
The operation had been completed without issues. Zulik had not been on the surgical team, but had attended the procedure, and had assured Ewan it was all going to be fine. Nina had been one of the last to finish.
Ewan had been waiting for nearly an hour for her to wake up. She’d stirred slightly a few times, once with a mutter as though she were dreaming. Ewan had tensed, watching her expression twist, but she’d calmed when he laced his fingers through hers and squeezed. He had no idea if the sound of his voice was helping her, but it made him feel better to talk to her, so he’d been doing that, too.
Exhausted, Ewan had been fighting sleep for the past twenty minutes, but now his head dropped onto his chest and he struggled to keep his eyes open. A jaw-cracking yawn rumbled through him, and he let it, thinking it would help him wake up. A few moments later, though, his head was bobbing again. He shifted in his chair. He didn’t want to let go of Nina’s hand or to leave her side in case she returned to consciousness, but maybe if he got up and found some coffee, even a glass of cold water, he might be in better shape.
At the release of his fingers, though, Nina’s hand clutched his. She stirred, the blankets moving as she shifted her feet. Her head tossed from side to side, but she didn’t open her eyes right away. She sighed something, a word he couldn’t make out, but that might have been his name.
“Nina.” Ewan leaned closer. “Baby, wake up. It’s me.”
The soft, repetitive beep of the heart monitor made a single louder beep, then a series of them. Behind her closed lids, Nina’s eyes moved rapidly. Her fingers twitched in his.
“C’mon, baby. Wake up. Talk to me,” Ewan urged.
Nina’s lips parted on a soft puff of air. She breathed in. Her body trembled in a series of minuscule shivers. She blinked her eyes open, but they fluttered closed at once. Then again. At last, she opened her eyes all the way. Her unfocused gaze stared at the ceiling, but as he murmured her name again, she turned her attention to him.
When she shifted on the pillows, he used the bed’s remote to help her sit up. She hadn’t said a word, but her expression was tight and confused. She tugged her hand from his.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital,” Ewan told her.
Nina frowned. “Nothing hurts.”
“That’s good. Nothing is supposed to hurt.” Ewan scooted closer. “The doc said you’ll be a little groggy for a bit, but you’ll be on your feet again fast.”
“What happened to me?”
Ewan’s heart sank. “You don’t remember?”
“That buzzbike hit me,” Nina said and held up her arms, turning her hands over to look at them. She patted her body. “Why doesn’t anything hurt?”
A buzzbike had hit her, but that had been more than a year ago, before she’d been kidnapped. Zulik had warned him that she was going to be confused, but unlike the last time Ewan had been at her side when she awoke from surgery, he didn’t need to hide anything from her now.
“You recovered from that, Nina. A lot’s happened since then, but we can talk about that later. I’m just so glad to have you back.”
Nina’s frown deepened, but she reached for his hand. “Back? From where? Was I gone?”
It was going to be a lot to explain, but Ewan would make sure he told her everything. No secrets. No lies. No more keeping the truth from her, not ever again.
“You were gone from me for a while, baby. But you’re back now. You’re going to be all right. Better than before,” he said.
She gave him a hesitant smile, clearly still confused. “Really? Better? That’s some trick, seeing as how I was pretty amazing before.”
“Yeah, you were,” he told her, not wanting to alarm her with his reactions but unable to stop the emotions from causing a hitch in his voice. “You still are.”
Nina studied him silently for a moment. “When can I get out of here?”
“As soon as the doc comes in to clear you,” Ewan said. “He should be here soon.”
She nodded as if that made sense. Her fingers tightened in his. She looked at their linked hands, then back at his face.
“Kiss me?”
Ewan hadn’t expected that, but he wasn’t going to turn down the offer. He stood and bent to brush his lips over hers. “Anytime, and gladly.”
She smiled against his mouth and reached up to twist her fingers in the front of his shirt. The kiss deepened. Nina pulled away a little to look at his face, a question in her expression. She started to speak.
That’s when something in the hall exploded.
The noise of it reached them first. Then the rumble, like thunder. The door to Nina’s hospital room remained closed, but the water pitcher, plates, and silverware on the small rolling table next to her bed trembled, clattering.
You’ll see how wonderful it will be when all you are finally able to live the lives you deserve.
Jordie Dev’s words echoed in Ewan’s mind as another low thump shook the floor beneath them. He got to his feet and went to the door, smart enough not to open it immediately. It was a steel fireproof door, so putting a hand on it didn’t do anything. The bleat of the fire alarm had started, though, so that meant there were flames somewhere.
Behind him, he heard the creak of the bed as Nina got out of it. He turned. “Don’t get up. You j
ust had surgery.”
“I feel fine,” she argued. “And if something’s going down, I’m not going to be any help in the bed. Where are my clothes? Never mind. I have them.”
She’d pulled open the small closet and found a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved shirt she pulled on over her nakedness. Any other time Ewan would have taken a long, appreciative look, but this wasn’t the time. Her feet were still bare when a fist pounded on the door and it began to nudge open. Ewan stepped back. Nina crossed the room to take a defensive stance in front of it.
An orderly in mint-green scrubs stuck his head inside. “We’re evacuating. Can you walk, or do you need a wheelchair?”
“What happened?” Ewan asked.
The orderly shook his head. “No clue. Fire on the floor. We need to get out, now. Do you need assistance?”
“No,” Nina said. “Go help someone else. We’re good.”
The orderly nodded without really looking at either one of them and ducked out the door. It was a slow-close, and as it settled back into the door frame, a shriek tore through the air. Nina leaped for the door to yank it open.
Blood puddled on the tiles in front of the door. The stink of smoke filtered in, although the air still appeared clear. No sign of the orderly. Ewan could see only one small part of the hallway outside. An empty wheelchair tilted against the wall. An IV pole lay on the ground, the bag attached at the top leaking clear fluid that mingled with the crimson on the floor.
“Get back,” Nina ordered. “Let me see what’s going on.”
It felt wrong to let her. She’d just woken up from brain surgery—no matter how minor it had been promised to be, or how swift her recovery, Nina had still only been conscious for a few minutes. Even on the island, she’d been strong, but he’d gotten out of the habit of letting her be.
Nina propped the door open and stepped through the doorway, sweeping first left, then right. Left again. Her posture changed immediately. She shouted, leaping out of sight. Ewan followed to see her running toward the end of the hall.
“Stay there!” Nina yelled without turning.
A dark-clad figure stood in the shadows in the cross hall, where the lights had apparently gone out. It moved to the side, out of Ewan’s line of vision, but Nina was almost there when she slid in a patch of more blood and went careening onto one knee.