by Lissa Kasey
I opened the blanket a smidge for him. “We can still cuddle,” I offered.
“But no sex?” Micah asked, frowning.
“I think not yet. Didn’t you say something about flames burning out and all that?” My body revved up again at the reminder that I had actually been inside him for a few minutes and been stupid enough to pull away. It wouldn’t be a stretch to fan that flame back into an inferno.
“There’s nothing wrong with sex,” Micah grumbled.
“No,” I agreed. “But is it really me you want here? Or am I just a warm body distraction?”
He stared at me for a while, expression blank, body slowly calming. I wished he would share his thoughts with me.
“Micah?” I asked again. I offered him the blanket. He reached across, turned off the light and crawled into the cocoon I’d made of the quilt. He sucked in a deep breath, holding himself at a distance for a minute before sinking into my arms. He did reach down and tug off the condom, depositing it in a small trash bin near the sewing machine. Then he buried his face in my shoulder and began to cry. Not gentle sniffles or silent tears, but ugly tears and harsh breathing.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I whispered into his hair.
“No,” he said.
“Okay.” I rubbed his back, told him it would be okay, though could only imagine all the avenues his brain might take him down. I dragged over a box of tissues and kept handing them to him as I kissed his head and whispered, “It’s going to be okay,” over and over. Was it a lie? Maybe. Whatever had been stalking him, had been doing it for years. If it hadn’t stopped by now, would it ever?
I curled around him, using my body as a shield and my words as comfort. It was all I could give him in that moment.
Chapter 17
I woke before Micah, not really remembering when I’d fallen asleep. Our little adventure in the loft had been real and not a dream as we were both wrapped in the blanket and my cock a little crusty from dried lube. He slept pretty soundly when I opened my eyes to Jet staring intently at us both.
“Creepy,” I whispered to the cat, annoyed by his intense gaze. He sat there, tail twitching like a little whip. Right, Jet got wet food in the morning. I glanced at my phone and realized it was after six. Despite the few hours of sleep, I felt pretty rested.
I carefully extracted myself from Micah and the blanket, leaving him wrapped up and curled around my pillow, and found my way to the bathroom. I washed up, put the boxers back on and found food for Jet before filling the coffee pot.
The water slowly seeped through the grounds while I stared longingly at the brew and thought about the early morning encounter. Not the door thing, that was its own issue that I planned to research on my phone as soon as I had a cup of coffee in my hands, but Micah. I still wasn’t sure how to read his behavior. Had I been wrong to turn him away? Was I being a prude for wanting him to be in the moment with me? Or misreading his body language that there was something he was hiding from me? I’d been a toy soldier so long that I wanted more than to be jerked around, or even off. I wanted to get to know Micah, help him if I could.
At least he’d fallen asleep finally.
I sent a text to Lukas: I think I’m not cut out for relationships.
The fast responding text surprised me a little, as I thought he might be sleeping. You’ve barely started one. Too soon to tell.
We almost had sex. I confessed. Hell, to some religions we had sex, even if neither of us had come.
Almost? Did you take a taco break in the middle and forget to continue?
Jerk. I sent back. I… felt like he wasn’t present.
The little (…) bubble showed up for a while, meaning he was writing or debating on writing, but nothing showed up. I got up to fill my coffee cup, and found my way to the little dining table off the kitchen.
I wrote, Closed off. Porn star active, human mode off. Twice I typed ‘afraid’ only to delete it, not sure if Lukas knew or even should know. Fuck, I didn’t even know there was something more wrong. Well, more than some weird noise at night.
Defense mechanism. Lukas’s message appeared.
Which had been my thought as well, though I’d done my best to try to make him comfortable. Yeah. So that’s why we only almost had sex.
You’re such a nice guy sometimes. You could have used that to overcome the first hurdle.
First hurdle? Since when is sex a first hurdle? And rude that you think I’d take advantage of anyone.
Most guys would have.
Good thing I’m not most guys, I sent back a little irritated. I wish he would open up to me a little. He’d tried. Sharing a bit about the closet, his crafting, and how he felt things other people didn’t, but those were all things about him, not how he felt, emotionally. I didn’t know if he was that reserved or I was missing something. He’d broken down and sobbed in my arms in the middle of the night, crying like his heart had been ripped out, but giving me nothing other than his tears. It made me wonder if it was I who had disappointed him, or life, or something he hadn’t yet mentioned.
Time. Lukas sent back.
Maybe. But there were other problems I had to fix. Need to research garden monsters. Talk to you later.
Garden monsters?
But I closed the message window and pulled up Google. Micah had mentioned salt and holy water. I’d heard of those things. Wasn’t sure how it corresponded with our nightly visitor, but I began to research anyway, hoping to at least give Micah a little more peace at home.
I spent over an hour searching, making notes, and planning, then made another cup of coffee, this time bringing it up the small stairs to Micah. I set it down two inches from his nose, which was the only part of him poking out from the rolls of the quilt. A few seconds passed, then his nose wiggled a little. Yeah, he was as much a coffee addict as I was.
“Morning,” I said when he pushed the blanket off his eyes. “Brought you coffee.”
He glared at me. “Please tell me you’re not a morning person.”
“Nope,” I promised. “But already been up an hour or so. Was going to run some errands really quick, and I wanted to make sure you were okay with me leaving for a while. I can see if Sky will come stay with you for a bit.”
“I’m fine,” he said without feeling. How many times had I said that same thing? It was a lie to cover up things too complicated to say.
“Yeah? How about you have some coffee, maybe a warm bath, and I’ll bring you breakfast. What do you like?”
He frowned at me, half a dozen emotions flitting across his face too quickly for me to read. “You don’t have to do anything for me.”
“Nope. But I want to. So what would you like?”
“Those pancakes you had last night looked good.”
“The French toast? Okay. I know where that place is.” And it was on the way to the rest of my errands. Thankfully, most of what I needed was in the Quarter. “Are you going anywhere right away? Big plans for this morning?”
He shook his head and lifted it a little so he could sip from the side of the coffee cup. It was funny as hell because it screamed of laziness and coffee addiction all in one.
I leaned over and kissed the side of his face. He frowned at me.
“Can you rest a bit this morning? I’ll be back in an hour or two?” I looked at my phone and it was almost eight. “Let me bring you breakfast.”
“Why?” He asked. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“No. And that’s sort of the point.” My brain had been going over it for a while now. “You don’t owe me anything either. Not for the job, or hanging out with me, or even for being my friend. You know that, right?”
He stared at me but said nothing. That’s kind of what I had thought.
So I spelled it out for him. “You don’t owe me sex.”
“I want to have sex with you. I like sex,” he said. “I find you attractive.”
“Thank you.” I nodded. “I find you attractive, too, and maybe soon, we can have sex. When we’
re both ready and in the moment. You said something about training and still thinking of each other after a few days? I’d rather be that than a spark that burns out.”
“A spark would hurt less when you go,” Micah whispered.
I curled up beside him, careful of the coffee and wrapped my arms around him for a minute. “I’m not going anywhere. Even if we are nothing but friends. I’m building a new life here and would very much like for you to be a part of it.”
His expression said he didn’t believe me. It made me a little angry. Had all his friends left him because of the disappearance? I knew he and Tim had broken up, but it sounded like they still had some sort of friendship. And he had Lukas and Sky now, yet he kept them at a distance too.
“You don’t even know me,” he said.
“No, but I’d like to. I think you’re cute and quirky. I enjoy your snark when you let it out. I’m fascinated by your crafting skills, and I’m a bit of a cosplay nerd myself even if I’m out of practice. Lifelong friendships have started with less.”
“Do you want to just be friends?”
I thought about that for a minute. “I want whatever we will be to progress naturally. Yes, I’m physically attracted to you, but I think we need to move at a pace that works for both of us. I’ve been out of the world for a while. Never had a real relationship before. I’d like to get to know you better and see if maybe we can find something more than a one-off. Unless you don’t want that?”
Micah frowned at me looking confused. “I don’t know what I want.”
“Fair enough. But you know you don’t have to pretend to be into me if you aren’t. Maybe you have a thing for Lukas. And that’s okay. We look alike, but don’t have much in common. I would be a bad substitute for him.”
“I don’t want Lukas.”
I stroked Micah’s cheek, finding the sleepiness in his face adorable. “Okay. Rest,” I told him, giving him another kiss on the brow and running my hands through his soft hair. “Snuggle with Jet for a bit, let me get food, and worry about everything else later. Okay?”
“Okay,” he finally agreed.
I made my way out into the garden. Nothing was moved. The gnomes were still upright, and no tracks. There was no sign of anything near the door. It made me angry that something kept tormenting him. My research had given me ideas, all legends and conjecture, but I had to start somewhere.
Thankfully Lukas had the day off since: Cops get breaks too. And was there at the gate with his rarely used car. I needed supplies and a way to get the stuff to Micah’s. It was okay if it was all a flight of fantasy, and nothing worked. I would keep trying. That was the point of being human, after all, trying.
Lukas helped me carry all my stuff to Micah’s place, when we arrived after ten a.m. I had a huge bag of breakfast food for the three of us, and supplies which I spread out on the open floor of Micah’s living room. He was awake, and dressed, but sitting on the couch crocheting something when we came in.
“Hey, Micah,” Lukas said setting down a container of quick cement and two-gallon jugs of water which we’d had blessed by a priest. It was crazy how many people Lukas knew, and calling on a priest this early in the morning had been a trip. The man had shrugged and agreed with Lukas’s request to bless the water like it was something he did every day. And maybe he did. It was the most haunted city in the USA after all. Or at least I thought it should be.
I spread out a drop cloth to keep the mess to a minimum and handed Micah his breakfast. He put the crochet aside and opened the container, looking at the food with a bit of wariness.
“There’s eggs and sausage in the other container too if you want something less sweet,” I told him, pointing to my breakfast. I could eat either or drink more coffee and not be bothered.
Micah put both containers on the couch beside him to pick at them while I worked on mixing cement with holy water, salt, and crystals and pressing the mix into a mold. It was one of the big perks of living in a town of musicians and artisans, finding a place where I could buy multiple cat shaped molds had been easy. In fact, the set I had picked was the ‘see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil’ set of cats. I also had a set of sleeping cats in different positions. The idea was to ward off the thing in the dark or maybe make it so relaxed and sleepy it left us alone.
Lukas ate his breakfast of eggs and pancakes while watching me mix. He’d chosen some of the colors of the crystals we’d picked up. Stuff crushed and made for decoration in grout, expensive, but he hadn’t protested the cost. Nor had he told me the idea was stupid. He had in fact been willing to fund my entire monster buster kit for Micah’s yard without question.
Jet parked himself on the edge of the drop cloth and watched as though he worried the cement cats were taking his place. After a few minutes Lukas closed up his container and pulled Jet into his lap. The cat curled up like it was his favorite place to be, tail flicking lazily and eyes closed as Lukas petted him.
The first batch of cats came out a little rough. Chipped in some spots, uneven, and not pressed perfectly into the mold, but that was okay. The second batch worked fine. I had to move fast because the stuff dried so quickly, but soon I had half a dozen of the little critters sitting on the cloth beside us. Micah had found his way down to the floor as well, mixing up colors of the ground crystals and water for me while I pressed the mix into the molds. Each set sparkled with the crystals, looking a little bit color-streaked with the white I’d chosen as the base. My goal was to fill his garden with the cats. A mix of legends meant to keep the supernatural at bay with salt, holy water, particular crystals, and cats. The glitter I’d thrown in there for a bit of pop.
Lukas had also picked up another set of gnomes as the shop with the molds was the same one where he normally bought his lawn decorations. These two gnomes were warrior gnomes, dressed for battle, in old armor and wielding swords like they were there to protect the garden. I planned to put them one on each side of the door with cats lining the path around them.
Lukas kept looking at his phone. He must have been texting Sky because she showed up after eleven with an arm full of boxes she claimed were fairy guardians to hang in the trees. Micah sat on the little bench under the tree watching the three of us decide where stuff would go. He sat in silence, crocheting, face filled with confusion, but not protesting.
Tim and Brad arrived before noon with a set of boxes as well. Theirs was one of those doorbell camera things, which Tim installed in minutes and linked to all of our phones. He added camera angles to view each area of the house and garden, five in total, which pulled up in tiny little screens on our phone or full-sized on Micah’s computer.
Brad and Sky chatted as they hung dozens of little crystal ‘fairies’ from the giant willow tree, making it cast rainbows when the sun hit it. The fairies doubled as hummingbird feeders and would have to be refilled on occasion, but the wind through the giant tree made them dance and sing.
From what I overheard of their conversation, Lukas had told Sky that Micah had a rough night because I’d told him, and Sky had told Brad who had told Tim. It was a bit like a confusing game of telephone.
Lukas went over the specs of the security system with Tim and I sat down beside Micah, worried about his silence. “Is this okay?” I asked him waving at the yard and all the changes.
He shrugged. “I’m not sure it will help.” He sucked in a deep breath. “It’s hard to hope anymore. It shouldn’t bother me so much. It’s just noise.”
I took his hand in mine and squeezed it gently. He’d been tormented by the noise for a long time. I suspected it would eventually drive anyone a little crazy. Would any of this help? None of us knew. I think what mattered more in that moment was that we were all willing to try.
“Out in the desert that night, when my base was destroyed, the wind howled like some sort of banshee.” I frowned. “I’ve been researching a lot of legends today. Anyway, I still tense up if the wind howls like that. If I heard it every night, or it intensified and got clos
er? I’d be freaked out too. I’m sorry that this is happening to you. I hope this helps a little.”
“Sorry about last night,” Micah said quietly.
“For what?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“The sex thing.” He looked away. “I was trying to use you as a distraction.”
“Ah. I don’t mind being a distraction if that’s what you need. I wanted you to see me while we were together. Does that make sense?”
He nodded.
“And you weren’t seeing me, were you?”
“No. I was too afraid. It hasn’t tried to come inside in a very long time. I thought maybe if I could turn my brain off and not think then it wouldn’t matter.”
I slid closer to him and wrapped my arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a sideways hug. I kissed his forehead again, then rested my chin on the top of his head. “This okay? Me touching you?” I clarified.
“Yes. I like that you don’t hesitate to touch me. Like you’re not afraid that touching me will curse you.”
“You’re not a curse.”
“Hmm,” was all he said.
Only time would tell. I didn’t think he was a curse even if misfortune happened around him. It wasn’t his fault. “Well, we’ve got the monster busting kit together. Blessed cats, infused with special earth protection crystals and pure salt. Guardian gnomes. Fairies to watch over your plants and trees, and technology for the modern stuff in case some rougarou comes loping to your door.”
“I’ve seen some believable pictures of werewolves,” Micah said of the rougarou comment.
“But not likely one in your garden as I suspect he’d make a bigger mess than knocking over some gnomes.” I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. “Do you know what’s best about all this?”
“I didn’t have to pay for it?” Micah groused.
“Oh, you’re a comedian. Funny. No, smart ass, the best part of all this is that your friends are here for you, trying to make you feel better.”
“Even if I’m nuts.”
“I heard and saw it too. So I’m as nuts as you.”