by Liz Fielding
At dinner that night, Grant was edgy, and she wasn’t exactly calm herself. They both knew a moment of truth was coming.
Grant had worked late at the office and Callie had spent a couple of hours with Tina and Molly, after which she’d picked up a nice chicken dinner at the deli. She was arranging it on plates while Grant put together a salad and hunted for dressing in the refrigerator.
They ate slowly, talking about a project the company was bidding on, avoiding the tragic topic of Tina and what could be done. At one point, Callie yawned.
“You’re working too hard,” Grant told her. “And you’re not getting enough sleep.”
“You’re right,” she admitted. “But I just have so much I need to get done.”
“You know, you could leave work early so you’d have more time with Tina,” he said a bit gruffly.
She hesitated. “I’ve thought about that, but it wouldn’t really be fair to my co-workers.”
He frowned at her. “Callie, this is a special case and it’s only temporary. Take the time off. Tina needs you.”
She smiled at him, appreciating his thoughtfulness, though she knew full well the unspoken motive had something to do with the fact that he didn’t want her to neglect him, either. But that was all right. She could understand that.
“Actually Molly needs me most,” she said, and his eyes darkened. He looked away as he always did when Molly was the subject. That bothered her, but she didn’t have a chance to ask him about it as he was already talking about changes he was making at the office, and about how he was going to have a few extended business trips coming up.
They cleared away the dishes and sat, drinking coffee and talking for a half hour. Callie was beginning to wonder how they were going to manage bedtime tonight, when Grant took the bull by the horns and did it his way.
“Callie,” he said, looking at her forthrightly. “Don’t you think we ought to get back to work?”
She was startled for a moment. She’d just risen, thinking to go to the sink to rinse out her cup, but she turned back to face him. “You mean…?”
“Yes,” he said, rising himself and looking down at her. “That’s what I mean.”
She searched his eyes. “Are you sure?”
“About what?”
She took a deep breath. “I didn’t know if you really wanted me to.”
“Callie, look at me. I want you. Don’t ever doubt it. I should have a sign painted on my forehead, I Want Callie.”
She smiled, wondering how he could say that. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
She shrugged, putting down her cup. “Well, okay then. My bedroom or yours?”
He’d had enough of this. Growling, he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder.
“I’ll show you where you belong,” he said.
She shrieked and laughed as he carried her into his room and dropped her in the middle of his bed. She was still laughing as he slipped off her blouse and pushed aside her bra. But when his lips touched the pink tip of her breast all laughter faded away and she melted into the passionate woman she’d learned how to be on a Caribbean island.
An hour later, with the lights off and the house buttoned down for the night, Grant felt calm and fulfilled for the first time that day. He liked the smell of her hair and the feel of her soft skin. He loved to feel her legs wrap around his hips and to feel her fingers dig into his shoulder. He was crazy about the way she cried out when it got really good and he was addicted to the way he felt when their time together came to its high point.
For just a moment the traitorous thought came into his head-Jan never cared all that much for lovemaking. Callie seemed to thrive on it. But he banished that thought quickly. No comparisons. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair.
Still, he felt fulfilled and satisfied, like a lazy cat in the sun, just being with Callie. After they made love, he thought it was so full and sweet and solid that she wouldn’t possibly want to leave him. And then he felt her slip out of the bed and pull on her robe. He lay very still with his eyes closed as she walked quietly across the hallway-away from him.
Why didn’t she want to stay with him? Her absence left a big, cold, empty place in his bed. It was something he was going to have to do something about.
Lately nights were good, Callie had to admit.
Days were bad. Being cheerful for Tina was getting more and more difficult. She was on pain medication around the clock now and usually asleep. A hospice nurse came by twice a day, and of course, there was the nursing service Grant had hired for her.
Molly had a nanny twenty-four hours a day, but she didn’t understand why her mommy was always in bed. Callie tried to be there as often as she could to keep things as normal as possible for the child. That was what was most important.
It was impossible for a child so young to understand what was happening, but she had to sense that something sad was going on. Callie hated that, knowing it must be scary for her. She understood feeling scared of things you were too young to fully comprehend. She’d spent her own childhood often frightened of her mother’s drunk boyfriends. She didn’t want Molly to have those kinds of memories. At all costs, she had to be protected.
There was one puzzle that still bothered her. Grant had been so generous, hiring the nurse and the nanny and coming by to see Tina every few days. So why did he act so strangely around Molly? He always avoided her. And the sad thing was, the girl was fascinated by him. She lit up like a Christmas tree every time she caught sight of him. It was a nagging problem that didn’t show any signs of getting better.
Finally one day she brought it up to his sister.
“Gena, what is it? Why doesn’t Grant like Molly?”
Gena had looked pained. She’d dropped by to see her brother, but he was working very late, so she’d stayed to have a chat with Callie instead.
“Is he still acting that way?”
“Yes. He avoids her like the plague.”
She nodded, pursing her lips. “He should have talked to you about this himself, but since he hasn’t, I’ll tell you. He thinks that Molly looks just like his daughter, Lisa.”
Callie frowned, trying to think back and picture the photograph he had in his office. “Well, they both have dark hair and dark eyes, but other than that…” She shrugged.
“Exactly. They don’t look alike at all. I don’t know how he got it in his brain, but now he can’t seem to shake it loose. He fixates on it. And that makes it impossible for him to accept her.”
“But he has to accept her.” She looked at Gena helplessly. “She’s going to be mine. For keeps.”
Gena’s eyes widened. “You mean to tell me you plan to adopt her once Tina is gone?”
Callie nodded, feeling a bit lost. “I promised Tina. And even if I hadn’t…”
Gena nodded. “Sure, I understand.” With a sigh, she threw her arms around Callie and hugged her tight. “Oh boy,” she said. “I’m afraid you and Grant are in for one rocky ride.”
“If only I could think of some way to make him look at Molly differently.”
Gena drew back and searched her face. “Don’t you get it? It has very little to do with Molly. It’s all about him. He’s feeling guilty. He can’t shake the fact that he should have been home more and taken a more active part in his daughter’s life. All this moping about is because he can’t expunge his sense of guilt.”
Callie shook her head. This was the first she’d heard of anything like this. “What are you talking about?”
Gena shook her head. “Grant was the typical workaholic. He lived for business. And Jan wasn’t any better. She was so busy with her activities and her girlfriends. The two of them had a nanny for Lisa. There were times when they would work all day, then meet for dinner out, then get home too late to see Lisa that day. Believe me, that wasn’t unusual. They were the ultimate yuppie couple, living the modern life and treating their daughter like a pet.”
Callie was shocked. Somehow
she couldn’t imagine Grant letting that happen, no matter how crazy he was about his wife. “So you’re saying Grant feels guilty about neglecting Lisa, so he wants to neglect Molly?”
“Now that’s putting a bit of spin on it.” Gena made a face. “I don’t think Grant is actually all that complicated. No, but I’m saying he does feel guilty. He’s haunted by this vision of Lisa watching him, crying, wanting more attention, and him just taking off for work instead of giving it to her.”
Callie nodded, finally feeling she was getting the picture. It did fit, now that she thought about it. And at some point, when she felt comfortable enough to do it, she was going to bring it up to him and challenge him to change his ways. Just not right now.
Grant seemed to have a strange way of dealing with his grief. Besides the way he acted with Molly, there was the fact that there were no pictures of his first family here in his apartment. She’d searched every room. There wasn’t a sign that he’d ever been married before and had a child. And yet, Jan’s presence hung over the place and haunted the hallways. She wondered if she would ever get used to that.
But all in all, her relationship with Grant was good and just seemed to get better and better. She enjoyed her work. It was odd having Grant as a boss when she also had his ring on her hand. She knew everyone else was gossiping about it behind her back. She didn’t mind. If it gave them entertainment, let them speculate. She was just concentrating on doing a good job and doing the best she could for Tina and Molly at the same time. And, of course, getting pregnant.
Was that ever going to happen? It had been over a month now and still nothing. She was beginning to worry. What if their happy ending was out to lunch?
“Don’t worry,” Gena told her. “Just relax and let nature take its course. You’re not a teenager, you know. Your body is used to its barren state. It’s going to have to jog itself into a new mode of being and that might take it a little time. It could happen at any moment now.”
Gena was prophetic-and Callie was pregnant, and probably had been when they were talking about it. The little stick in the pregnancy test told the tale.
But by the time she’d done the test, she’d known for over a week. Her swollen breasts had given her the first clue. And then it was as though she could feel her body adjusting to the presence of new, growing life inside her. She felt as though her pelvic bones were loosening, getting ready to accommodate seven or eight pounds of bouncing baby boy or girl. Her skin felt more sensitive. And her stomach felt queasy.
It was all very exciting and wonderful and she wished she could share it with Grant. But she didn’t want to tell him just yet. Despite the fact that this was exactly what he was waiting for, she didn’t know how he would react. After all, if she told him she was pregnant, would he withdraw? Would his work become more important than she was? And most of all, would he quit wanting to make love with her?
She didn’t want that. It made her face burn to admit it, but she loved how he loved her. His rough hands on her soft skin, the feel of his hard, exciting body, the thrust, the cry, the almost animal-like intensity of the need for him, the incredible climax, and then it all dissolved into a tangle of arms and legs and hot, sweet skin and she could close her eyes and rest on his chest and pretend that he loved her. That time of the night was the best time for her. She’d never known this kind of body hunger could even exist. She didn’t want it to end.
She kept remembering what he’d said that first time in Santa Talia.
I hope that did us some good…We’ll have to keep trying…
She knew him so much better now and she could tell that he had a sort of affection of some kind for her. And she thought it was pretty obvious he liked making love. But if he had this guilt thing going about Lisa, might he not have something similar about Jan? What if he decided he couldn’t justify making love with someone who wasn’t Jan now that there was no need for it?
That night, lying with him in his bed, she knew she wasn’t being fair to him. She listened to his even breathing. He was a good man. He deserved to know. It was only right she should tell him. She would do it the next night, she decided, as she slipped out of his bed and made her way back to her own room.
That put her on pins and needles for most of the day. She got home a little early and fixed a special dinner and set the table with candlelight. And then she waited.
When he finally came in, he barely looked at her and was clearly distracted.
“I’ve got a business trip,” he told her. “Sorry it’s so sudden. I’ve got to go to Madrid. Negotiations on the property acquisitions are falling apart and I’ve got to go see if I can put Humpty Dumpty together again. I may be gone for more than two weeks.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry, Callie. I know it’s a bad time. But there’s no choice. I have to go.”
Reaching out, he drew her close and kissed her lips. That almost made up for the news he’d just given her, because he never made spontaneous gestures of affection like that. She was thrilled and happy for the rest of the evening.
But she didn’t tell him her own news. She decided that would have to wait until he was back from Europe. Knowing that the child he yearned for was actually on the way might make it that much harder for him to leave, and this trip was obviously important to him.
No, she would wait. She held her secret close inside and enjoyed thinking about how happy he was going to be when she finally told him.
CHAPTER NINE
TINA died peacefully early on a Monday morning. Callie was by her side. She didn’t cry. She had already cried buckets over the last few weeks and she had to maintain a cheerful front for Molly.
Luckily Molly didn’t notice that much was different. She hadn’t seen her mother much except for quick visits to the hospital for weeks and then asleep from the doorway once she was home. She was getting used to life with Callie and Nadine, the nanny Grant had hired, filling the caretaking slots. So it didn’t seem odd to her when she and Callie packed up all her things to move her to the penthouse. It was just another adventure.
The funeral was on Thursday. It was sparsely attended. Tina didn’t have a wide circle of friends. Gena came and Callie appreciated that. Grant tried to make it, taking a midnight flight from Madrid, but his plane was delayed and he only arrived for the tail end of the service. Callie took one look at him coming in through the arched doorway and all the emotion she’d held so tightly controlled let go as though a dam had been broken. She dissolved into tears and he reached her quickly, taking her into his arms and holding her tightly against his chest, rocking her and murmuring comfort. She couldn’t seem to stop crying but she loved the way he held her.
She regained control as they drove back to his apartment. By the time they were at the front door, she was herself again, quietly telling Grant about how the last few days had gone. He listened sympathetically as he pushed the button to open the door. They both entered, lingering in the entryway, and suddenly a youthful screech filled the air as Molly came hurtling toward them on her little chubby legs.
“What the…?”
Grant turned toward Callie, astounded.
Callie caught Molly up in her arms and hugged her tightly. She’d agonized over whether or not to take her to the funeral, but in the end, she’d decided not to. She was just too young to deal with whatever hints she might have picked up on as to what the ceremony was about. So she’d left her at home with Nadine.
“Hello, pumpkin,” she said to her now. “Were you a good girl while we were gone?”
“She was just fine,” Nadine said, walking toward them with her awkward walk and warm, generous manner. “Did you have a good trip, Mr. Carver?”
Grant was still in shock from finding Molly ensconced in his home. Callie saw it in his face and bit her lip, wishing she’d warned him. But it was too late now.
He muttered something in response to the nanny, but his gaze was on Callie, and she could see that he wanted answers. She was about to hand Mol
ly back when the little girl lunged toward Grant.
“Da Da!” she cried, using the name she’d been using for him from the first. Her face was filled with delight and her little arms stretched toward him.
It took both Callie and Nadine wrestling with the child to get her back under control and out of the room. When Callie came back, Grant was waiting for her, his eyes ice-cold.
“What is Molly doing here?” he asked softly.
Callie sighed. She felt as though she were wilting. After the funeral and everything else from the week, she didn’t have much in reserve for arguing. Turning, she looked him straight in the face.
“I was hoping I would come up with a good way to tell you about this, but I just haven’t had the time to think about it. I’m just going to give you the facts.”
“That would be best.”
Callie reached out to steady herself against the high back of a chair. “She’s here. She’s going to stay with us from now on.”
He looked as though he’d been shot.
“Grant, I know how you react to her but I’m sure that will fade quickly if you just let it…”
“No.” He was shaking his head emphatically. “No, it’s impossible.”
She turned her head, avoiding his eyes.
“Callie, it’s impossible. I can’t have her here. I just can’t do it.”
She took a deep breath. “Grant, I really think you should try to get over that.”
“Get over it?” He stared at her. “How do you get over having your life torn apart? How do you get over losing a child?”
She turned back to face him. “But, Grant, this is another child. A child who needs us. Wouldn’t redeeming the life of another child make up at least in part for what was lost?”
His face was cold and his jaw looked like granite. “No.”