Susan? Really? That poor ditz was only trying to be like Becca. Suddenly her mousy blond hair was up in a spunky ponytail just like Becca’s, and her glasses were gone, and her boobs were in a real bra instead of a sports bra. Oh, and she’d picked up smoking Camel Lights, just like Becca.
Becca stood quickly, momentarily losing her balance, and took two shots right in a row. They burned, and she looked to see what they were. Hundred-proof vodka.
Twenty minutes later, it was kicking her ass.
She spotted Johnny about twenty feet away, and ambled over to him.
“I think I had too much stuff,” she said.
“What did you have? You didn’t accept anything from Ricky, right?”
“No, no…I just had some shots of that.” She pointed indiscriminately. “I didn’t know it was hundred proof.”
She wanted to lean on him. To feel his arm around her, making her feel safe. From what, she didn’t know. But he always made her feel better.
“Johnny…Johnny.”
“Yeah?”
“We should be, you know, like…” She pointed between them. “Together or whatever.”
He looked at her, and she wanted to reach up and kiss him.
“We can’t.”
“Not ever? Not even if I break up? I mean with Max. If I break up with him, why couldn’t we be, then?” Those shots were tangling her tongue.
“Because that’s almost as bad as what we’re doing now.” His voice was low. “He’d never forgive me if he found out. So even if we were legit together, it would be wrong.”
The words sank in, and her eyes began to burn. She turned away, not wanting him to see her wipe her eyes. She found Max.
She stumbled up to him. “Dance with me?”
She pulled him into the group of people dancing, careful to stay within Johnny’s eyeshot. Becca grinded into Max’s leg, and ran her hands along his neck.
“I like you so much. I’m so glad we’re together.”
She kissed him, and then turned around so her back was on his chest and her hand still on his neck. Johnny looked at her and quickly turned away.
“We should go somewhere,” said Becca, tugging on Max’s collar. “I want you so bad right now.”
He hesitated, and then gave a nod. “Okay, let’s go.”
She pulled him down so she could talk into his ear. “Why don’t you go to the supply room and I’ll meet you there? It’ll be less obvious, and we won’t get interrupted.”
He shrugged. “Okay, whatever.”
She waited for him to go, and then tapped Susan on the shoulder. “Hey, Susie! Love your hair!”
“Thanks!”
“No problem.” Then she pulled Johnny toward her and said as quietly as she could so that he could hear, “Meet me in the supply room in three minutes.”
“What? Becca, no—”
She nodded and went off to meet Max.
“Mmm,” she said, when she closed the door behind her. “You look so sexy right now.”
“You, too. Come here.”
She had to make this fast, so everything would happen at just the right time. She pulled him close to her. “I want you now.”
He lifted her easily, and she leaned on one of the shelves. Only a minute later, they were in the throes of passion and Johnny walked in. Becca screamed and pulled Max closer.
“Whoa, sorry,” Johnny said, and then he closed the door. But not before giving Becca the look she’d been hoping for.
Jealousy.
“Are you going to the Halloween Ball?” Becca buffed her nails and idly made conversation with Dana.
Becca was not entirely sure how to feel about Dana. Ever since she’d been hanging out with her, Dana was getting attention. No one seemed to notice that it was entirely because of Becca, and that clearly that meant that she held all the power in the school. All they seemed to notice was Dana.
She was pretty, and lately she had more confidence. Becca knew better than anyone that this was a dynamic duo of traits. Dana was also pretty quiet, but had been sent here after some kind of weird bipolar flip out at a teacher at her old school. Becca had zoned out while Dana was telling her.
“Oh…no, I don’t have a date.”
“Do you want to go?”
“Maybe…I’ve never been.”
“Oh, that’s pathetic. You’ve been here since freshman year and you haven’t been?”
Dana shook her head.
“I’m going to get you a date.”
“No, I don’t want a pity date, really.”
“You’re already getting my pity. I’m just going to ask Johnny if he wants to take you.”
That would only make Becca look less interested. Maybe then he’d actually try to go for her.
“Johnny Parker?”
“Yup.” That way he wouldn’t get a real date.
“He’d never want to go with me probably. He’s gorgeous and smart and everything. He could get anyone.”
“Okay, yeah, obviously, but that’s why I’m setting it up. He’ll go with you.”
A smile stretched across Dana’s face, and her eyebrows flickered a little. “That’d be cool, I guess—but only if he wants to go.”
“Meanwhile,” she said with a sigh, “Max and I are just madly in love.”
She did this often with Dana. She would sit down and talk at her, making her relationship sound perfect, and the rest of her life sound enviable. She would never tell Dana that she, too, had bad experiences in her past that had landed her here. She definitely wouldn’t tell her about the one thing that had pretty much bought her ticket.
As far as Dana or anyone else for the rest of her life needed to know, Becca was perfect and her life was charmed.
“That’s good that everything is good with you guys,” Dana said, and took a sip from a glass of water she had next to her bed.
“It is good. We’re getting pretty serious. I’m a little worried he likes me too much.”
Lie.
“Really?”
There was a knock on the door.
“Can you get that?” Becca looked hopefully at Dana.
Dana pulled open the door to reveal Madison and Julia.
They both cooed a hello, and Becca smiled superficially. “Come on in—I was just telling Dana about how Max might be falling too hard for me.”
“You think so?” Madison asked eagerly, sitting down in Becca’s chair.
Julia sat on the desk, partially obscuring Dana.
“Yes, I’m totally serious. He pulled me out of the party the other night at the boathouse, and told me he had to talk to me…he was worried I was going to leave him for some other guy, you know, and then he took my hand—” she smiled as she watched everyone’s eyes get bigger “—and told me he never wanted us to end.”
Lie.
Madison and Julia aahed together.
“That is so sweet,” Madison said, her hand over her heart.
“I know. He says this kind of thing all the time. And about how, like, he wants to get married one day and we’ll have a big house on a beach that doesn’t suck like this one.”
Lie.
They laughed. Dana looked down at her fingers and said nothing. Whatever, Becca thought, she’s not the most important one to pass the information along to anyway. Madison and Julia were bound to tell everyone how completely all about her he was.
Dana didn’t matter at all.
CHAPTER TWELVE
I'D TAKEN TO SPENDING EVEN LESS TIME IN MY room than before. Rather than be in there, I even studied on the way to the senior study room.
“Look at you, getting your homework done.”
I looked up from my book. I’d been reading and walking, and hadn’t noticed Johnny walking toward me.
“Yes, I actually do my homework,” I said. Johnny was never to be seen with any assigned books or even a pencil. I constantly felt I was going to discover he was just a maintenance guy masquerading as a student.
“I do homewor
k. I just do it last minute. That way I spend as little time on it as possible.” He smiled, and leaned against the wall.
I laughed.
He smiled. “So, new girl, you want to go to the ball with me?”
If I’d been a cartoon, my eyes would have popped out of my head and I’d have done a double take. “Are you… What?”
There was no real reason why I shouldn’t. He was hot. He was nice to me. Everyone told me to stay away from him and Max, but since Max had almost completely ignored me lately, all of my hopes in that direction had died.
When I hesitated, Johnny said, “You’re not with anyone, right?”
“No, no, I’m not....”
“It can be just as friends if you want. I just think it would be fun to go with you.” He shrugged.
I scrambled for an answer. “Um. Okay. Sure. Yes. Let’s do it.”
“Four kinds of ‘yes,’ that’ll work.”
I gave a nervous laugh, thinking now about what people would say when they found out. I liked the idea of rebelling against them, but I wasn’t usually a rebel—and therefore wasn’t sure I had the stomach for it.
“All right, you go do your homework. I’ll talk to you about the plan later.”
An hour after I arrived in the study room, the door opened. All at once my heart jumped out of my chest, and my stomach melted into my shoes.
“Hey,” said Max. “You are here. Blake said you might be.” He shut the door behind him. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
It felt like another dream. “You, um, you have?”
He nodded. “I even asked Dana if you were in your room. She didn’t give me an answer though. Just glared at me.”
“Well, I’m here,” I said, unnecessarily.
Max sat down in the chair opposite me. “What are you reading?”
“Taming of the Shrew.”
“Ha, I can relate to that guy’s struggle.” He cleared his throat. “We haven’t really talked in a while.”
“Yeah, I know.” My heartbeat accelerated.
“I, um…I wanted to ask you if maybe you’d want to go with me to the ball?”
I froze. I was so shocked that I couldn’t help but be honest. “We’ve hardly ever even talked.”
“I know, I know.” He shifted his weight. “I know. But I thought you might want to go with me anyway.” He shook his head slightly, as if his words hadn’t come out properly.
I could tell Johnny to forget it. It’d be mean. But I wanted to.
“Unless you’re already going with someone,” he added.
“I am.” The disappointment was tingling in my every nerve. If only I hadn’t run into Johnny. Why had I said yes?
“Ah. I’m not surprised.”
I didn’t know what to say. My chest was constricted, and no words would come to my mind besides profane ones.
“But we should be friends. You know? I just wanted to go as friends anyway.” He straightened up.
“Right, friends, sure. We can still do that without the ball. Right?”
“Yeah. So I’ll see you soon. The ball I guess.” He gave a small smile and turned to go.
“Yeah. I’ll see you then.”
“You mind if I ask who you’re going with?”
“Johnny Parker.”
His face drained of expression.
“Are you guys together?”
“No, not at all.”
He nodded. “All right, well, I’ll see you around.”
I wanted to scream. I wanted to kick something. He’d asked me. Max asked me. And I’d said no. But then he’d said he wanted to go as friends. My brain was doing cartwheels. I dragged my feet back to my room. There was no way I could keep reading.
“Oh, my God, you’re going with Johnny?”
Madison and Julia burst into my room without knocking and spewed the question at me.
Dana, who was of course reading a book and pretending I wasn’t in the room, glared at me. “Johnny Parker?”
“Of course Johnny Parker,” said Madison.
Dana was still staring at me blankly, but with that look in her eye I’d seen in Dr. Morgan’s office.
“I’m so glad you’re not upset that Max didn’t ask you. I mean, he is still totally in love with Becca.” Julia sat down on my desk and looked pityingly at me.
“He did ask me,” I said, enjoying the looks on their faces. “But I had already said yes to Johnny.”
Dana was still staring at me.
Neither Madison nor Julia said anything right away. Finally Julia smiled, and said, “I mean, we did tell you not to go after him. His feelings for Becca… I mean…”
I breathed deeply. “I didn’t go after him. And also it doesn’t really matter. He’s no one’s property.”
Another brief silence, and then Madison said, “Great! That’s so great. Um, so, what are you going as?”
“I have no idea. I was thinking I might have to have my mom send me something I have at home, I have no clue what I’m gonna wear.”
Madison smiled. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out. You have two weeks after all.”
“Could you guys finish up or go somewhere else? I’m going to sleep.” Dana said it without apology.
Madison and Julia left with a quick goodbye to me.
As soon as they were gone, Dana asked, “You need a costume for the Halloween Ball?”
“I don’t have anything yet, no.” My tone was short and sharp, and I dug through my dresser drawer to find my pajamas.
“I might have something you can use.”
“No, thanks.”
“No really,” she said earnestly, her face paler than I’d ever seen it. “I think it’ll suit you. And I’m not going.”
I wasn’t sure if this was an olive branch she was extending or a trap. But I couldn’t imagine how it could be the latter.
Dana pulled something from her closet. “Here, it’s a Marilyn Monroe dress.” She shrugged. “Wear it if you want to. ”
I hesitated and then took the package. “If I can’t find anything else.”
Two weeks later, Halloween night
It was 6:57 p.m. Four hours ago, I’d been in the front hall, waiting for the last shipment of mail to come in. There was no package for me. That meant no Snow White costume. I’d ordered it forever ago and paid for faster shipping.
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