by A. J. Pine
Jenna nodded again. Neither could she.
Delaney lowered her feet and pushed herself to the edge of her seat.
“It’s late,” she said. “You have an early morning, and I need to go toss and turn all night while this baby sits on my bladder and makes me feel like I have to constantly pee.”
Jenna scooted to the edge of her couch bed so she could hug her friend good-bye.
“It’s an open invitation,” Delaney said. “For the wedding. I don’t care if you wait until the day before to tell me if you’re coming. There will always be room for you in Meadow Valley.” Delaney pulled out of the embrace and sniffled.
Jenna sniffled right back at her.
“This was supposed to be two weeks of self-care,” she said. “And now I feel like I’m leaving so much behind. Y’all will take good care of Colt, won’t you?” she asked.
Delaney nodded, brushing tears off her cheeks. “Of course we will. But who’s going to take care of you?”
Jenna shrugged. “I have my nephews and friends in Oak Bluff.” Though they were still an hour away from her farm. “I can spend more time with them…until things get easier.”
“Do you think…?” Delaney started. “Do you think there’s a chance you and Colt could work through this? Maybe if he knew the whole story—if he knew why you elected to have the surgery…”
Jenna shook her head. “It doesn’t change that I can’t give him what he wants.” She squared her shoulders. “I made the right decision for me, and I don’t regret that. And I don’t fault Colt for knowing what will make him happy even if that doesn’t include me. We just got in too deep, you know?”
Delaney nodded. “But I also know he loves you too.”
Jenna swiped at an escaping tear. “I know I sound like every brokenhearted love song out there, but sometimes love isn’t enough.”
“Stupid brokenhearted love songs,” Delaney said with a half-smile.
They hugged again, neither of them wanting to let go. So for a little while longer, they didn’t.
When Jenna and Lucy—not too thrilled after the plane ride in her travel coop—made it out onto the sidewalk outside the small Santa Ynez airport, she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her nephew’s truck waiting for them. The familiar sight—the familiar face behind the wheel—was exactly what she needed right now.
Jack hopped out of the driver’s-side door and strode toward her, arms already spread to enfold her into a hug.
“We really missed you,” he said as he squeezed her tight. “Who the hell came up with the bright idea to send you away for two weeks anyway?” he asked with a laugh.
He grabbed her bag and Lucy and loaded them into the bed of the truck, and Jenna followed to make sure both were secure and safe, which, of course, they were. This was Jack Everett, father of two and head of the Crossroads Ranch and Winery. He did everything by the book.
“You, nephew of mine,” she teased—or at least tried to tease. But everything about her, even her own voice, just felt heavy.
“Hey,” he said, turning to face her and reaching for her door so he could open it. “Everything okay?”
His blue eyes stared at her with the kind of concern you’d expect from a big brother, not a nephew a decade her junior. But that was Jack. For all she did to take care of him when his life was flipped upside down, he repaid her tenfold now that he’d grown into the man she always knew he’d become.
“Yeah,” she lied. “Just tired. Think I might need a vacation after my vacation, you know?”
He laughed. “What is this vacation you speak of? I don’t think I remember what those are.”
He opened her door, and she hopped into the truck, her shoulders relaxing at the familiarity of it all. She was safe here. Safe with the life she’d built for herself.
Jack rounded the car and hopped back into his seat, putting the key into the ignition and getting the air blowing in the already sun-heated vehicle.
“Would you trade it?” Jenna asked as they pulled away from the curb and onto the road. “Wife, kids, being a lawyer on top of a twenty-four-hour-a-day job at the ranch—for a real vacation?”
“No,” he said without hesitation. “Not for a second. None of it’s easy, but any life without Ava, Owen, and Clare—without any of the people I love…” He glanced at her and then set his eyes back on the road. “That includes you. Hell, even Luke and Walker.” He laughed at his joke about his two younger brothers. “The life I have, Jenna…You know it’s all thanks to you. Don’t you?”
Her breath caught in her throat. “Jack, you don’t have to say that.”
He shrugged. “Why not? I don’t think I say it enough. My parents were great when we were kids. I’m not discounting that. But losing Mom and what happened to Jack Sr. in the aftermath—we never would have survived the fallout without you.” His brows drew together. “Are you sure everything’s okay? Is this because—dammit,” he said softly. “I forgot Delaney was pregnant. Jenna, Jesus, I’m sorry. I should have said something. I know it probably wasn’t easy—”
“Jack, stop. Please.” She rested a hand on his forearm. “My greatest joy…No, my greatest accomplishment in life is that not only did I not screw things up with you and your brothers, but I got to be a mother when y’all needed one most.” She forced a laugh. “And I didn’t even have to change any diapers.”
Jack grinned as they neared the street where Jenna’s house and farm stood, no doubt well taken care of while she was gone by those wonderful boys she raised.
“You can come over and change Clare anytime you want. Although, I gotta admit, Owen’s getting pretty good at it,” he said.
They rolled down the small country road that led to her farm, and when they made it into the drive that brought them to her front door, it was all Jenna could do not to weep with joy at the safety and security that was home.
“Would you trade it?” Jack asked hesitantly. “The decision you made?” He put the truck in park and turned to face her.
She pressed her lips into a smile and shook her head. “I’m healthy,” she said. “Which means a longer life with you and Luke and Walker. I’d never trade that.” And she meant it. “But—and I know this sounds crazy because I had no idea what I was doing when y’all got thrust into my care—I miss it. I miss helping Walker with his geometry homework and reading your English essays. I miss watching Luke put on his first suit for a school dance. Hell, I even miss the parent-teacher conferences.” She laughed, but then her smile grew sad. “I loved getting to be your second mom, but it went by so fast.”
Jack leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, then looked at her with a grin.
“You could do it again,” he said.
She opened her mouth to argue the very obvious, but he shook his head.
“I mean the later stuff—the homework, the dances. One of my buddies from law school works in adoption. He’s always telling me about the older kids in foster care who bounce from family to family, but no one wants to adopt them.”
Kids like Colt, she thought. Kids like Jack, Luke, and Walker if she hadn’t been there for them.
“They’d really benefit from being cared for by someone like you. It’s just a thought,” he concluded with a shrug, as if what he’d said was part of their normal, everyday conversation.
Jenna sat there for a long moment, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.
“How did you know what you were meant to do with your life?” she finally asked with a nervous laugh. “I feel like I should know this by now. I feel like I should have known it before the three nephews I raised were grown with lives of their own. But I look at you, Luke, and Walker…You all seem to have figured out your purpose while I’m still sitting here so lost.”
Jack blew out a long breath. “I overstepped with the yearbook and the journal, didn’t I? I’m sorry, Jenna. I wasn’t trying to push. I guess I just saw all these things about you I never knew and wondered if you maybe regretted how things turned out b
ecause—” He cleared his throat. “Because you had to put everything aside for us.”
Jenna shook her head without a second thought. “You’re my family, and there’s nothing more important to me than that. Maybe my life didn’t turn out the way I thought it would when I was eighteen, but that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for the direction it went. Everything that happened—from leaving Texas, to working my parents’ farm, to losing the family I had and gaining a new one with you and your brothers—it all brought me here.” It brought her to meeting Colt, and even if that meant coming home brokenhearted, it also meant learning how much she wanted that kind of love in her life—and how much she deserved it too. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” she added.
Jack nodded. “Then maybe you have found your purpose. Just—think about what I said, okay? About my buddy who’s an adoption attorney.” He checked his watch. “I can help you get your stuff inside,” he said. “But then I have to get going. Owen has a game in a few hours, and he wanted to practice some pitches at the house before we head to the field. You are under no obligation to come, because you need to get settled in, but you always have an open invitation.”
She nodded, Jack’s suggestion just now starting to sink in. “I’ll be there,” she said. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
She made it inside the house and let Lucy out back where she could roam with the rest of her family. She opened her suitcase to toss her dirty laundry into the wash and stopped short when she saw a blue bookshop bag, with STORYLAND printed in a thick white font, resting on top of her clothes. Her breath caught in her throat as she slid the contents of the bag into her hand.
Where the Wild Things Are, by Maurice Sendak.
But it wasn’t just the book. From between the pages, a wrinkled piece of paper stuck out like a bookmark, and Jenna tugged on it slowly, releasing it from the book.
It was her list.
Barbara Ann had found it in her hospital room when they were packing Jenna up to be released, but Jenna had told the other woman it was garbage. Apparently she not only hadn’t thrown it out but had passed it on—to Colt. Because underneath her last item, Write something more meaningful than a list, there was an addition, written in handwriting that most definitely wasn’t her own.
8. Know that you are enough no matter how many lists you make, no matter how many items you check off or don’t. I love you, Jenna. —Colt
She let loose a hiccuping sob.
When had he…? How had he…?
She pulled out her phone to see she had one missed call and a voicemail, and her heart jumped into her throat as she tapped the green phone icon to see who it was. When she saw it was Delaney, her shoulders slumped. Of course she was thrilled to see a message from her new friend, but it wasn’t Colt. She’d pushed him too far, which meant the book and the list were nothing more than closure, their final good-bye.
Jenna released a trembling breath, pressed PLAY on the voicemail, and put the phone to her ear.
“Hey, Jenna. I just wanted to check that you made it home safely…and to make sure I didn’t cross a line by doing one last favor for Colt. He stopped by our place before you came over and gave me the book. He told me not to open the bag but to just give it to you, and I swear I didn’t peek even though I really wanted to. You were just so sad last night, and I didn’t want to upset you more, so I stuck it in your suitcase after you fell asleep because—let’s face it—I don’t sleep anymore and from what I hear won’t sleep much again for the next several years. Anyway, I hope whatever Colt left for you brings you some sort of peace, but if you need me to give him a stern talking-to, you just let me know. Miss you even more than I miss my ankles. Love you more than clementines. Call me after you get settled. Bye.”
Jenna thumbed through the pages of the children’s book that had been Colt’s refuge during the darkest time in his life. She thought of him—nose broken and faith in the world shattered—as he spent night after night in a juvenile detention center with no one to love him, no one to keep him safe. She thought about how easily that could have been Jack, Luke, or Walker if she hadn’t been there for her nephews. If she hadn’t loved them and kept them safe even when they made mistakes, which they certainly did.
She held her breath and opened the photo app on her phone, thumbing through her pictures from Meadow Valley, almost all of them candid shots of Colt. He got a final chance to turn his life around with a foster family who actually cared for him, and look at how he turned out.
Colt Morgan had grown up to be a wonderful, caring man with a heart so big he wanted to share that love with a family who needed and deserved him. And even if it was only for a short time, Jenna got to feel what it was like to be on the receiving end of such a love, and it had changed her in ways she could never have imagined. It made her realize that she’d already found what she’d been meant to do. She’d just been too caught up in the past to see it.
You could do it again.
Jack’s words played themselves back in her head, and it was as if lightning struck and shook her entire world. But then a crash trailed not too far behind, and Jenna realized it was actual lightning from an actual storm, which was followed by a text from Jack letting her know the storm had already hit Oak Bluff, which meant Owen’s game would be rescheduled.
She yelped as a second thunderclap shook the room, then laughed nervously as she powered up her laptop and opened her browser.
It didn’t take long for her to research and find information about becoming a foster parent. She printed out literature she would read curled up on her couch later tonight. She printed forms she’d fill out and deliver in person on Monday so she could inquire about the training and having her home inspected. She wrote her cover letter—the story of Jenna Owens and why she would make an ideal foster parent—and realized she had ticked off the final item on her list. The letter—inspired not only by her nephews but by the love she had for a man she never expected to meet—was the most meaningful thing she’d ever write.
This was it. Her thing. She was all in.
Chapter Twenty-Three
This was ridiculous. Colt wasn’t invited. He would likely get thrown out on his ass. Yet here he was, his SUV rolling slowly up Jenna Owens’s driveway in the middle of the night in yet another ridiculous storm. He could feel the soft earth beneath his tires, which meant it wasn’t exactly a paved driveway. Fantastic. What was it with rain and mud and this woman?
He turned the car off and sat there in the dark, listening to the rain hit his windshield and the roof of the car. If she got angry, he’d just blame it on Delaney. She gave him the address. She was the one who said she wouldn’t confirm or deny his suspicions about why Jenna had the surgery all those years ago.
“She told me in confidence,” Delaney had said. “And it’s not my place to share her story with you. If you want to know, you need to ask her yourself.”
The thing was, the why didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was Jenna and that they could have a future, maybe one that was a bit different than either had imagined, if she would hear him out. If he wasn’t too late.
He could have called or texted or even emailed. There were countless ways he could have gotten in touch with Jenna without leaving Meadow Valley. But here was the thing…Colt didn’t want to be in Meadow Valley anymore, not without Jenna there. He thought he’d known what he wanted. He thought he’d had it all figured out, especially after everything went to hell with Emma almost six years ago.
He let out a bitter laugh, realizing both his and Jenna’s lives took a drastic turn at about the same time, before they even knew one another or that their paths would cross. But they had crossed. And everything had changed.
“What are you waiting for, Morgan?” he said out loud.
The rain wasn’t going to die down. That would make this all too easy, and when it came to loving Jenna Owens, nothing about that was easy.
Good thing Colt didn’t want easy. He wanted her. They coul
d still have the future he dreamed of. It just might look a little different now, and he was an idiot for not thinking of it sooner. But that was the thing about love. It could tear you down as quickly as it could lift you up—and turn you into a temporary idiot who says all the wrong things. Emphasis on the temporary, because Colt was ready to get it right.
He grabbed his umbrella and his phone, cued up a song, and figuratively crossed all his fingers and toes.
When he stepped out into the cold, wet night, his boot sank into mud. Of course it did. But since when did he let a little mud get in his way?
When his other foot hit the ground, it didn’t land as steadily as the first but instead slid out from under him. Colt hadn’t even taken his first step, and he was already ass-first in what was slowly turning into a swamp. He’d let go of the umbrella in order to break his fall and save his phone, which meant he was drenched in seconds.
Getting up one-handed proved to be a comedy of errors. If his boot couldn’t keep him steady, what good was his hand?
Good enough to flip him over and ensure he was mud-covered from the torso on down as well.
“Shit,” he hissed. But he finally made it to his feet, phone still safe in his mud-free hand, umbrella abandoned on the ground, hoping his water-resistant phone case could resist for a minute or two longer.
He trudged carefully, his steps slow and deliberate, up to her covered front porch, where the outside light went on as soon as he was in front of it. Motion sensors, he guessed.
What time was it? Would he wake her? Scare her? Why the hell hadn’t he thought this through?
He pressed a finger to her doorbell and realized it was one of those bells with a camera. She could see it was him before she even opened the door, which meant she might not open the door.
Yeah, he really hadn’t thought this through. But there was no going back now. At the very least, he needed to wash and dry his clothes before he could get back in his car and head home.