by B C Morgan
My whole body is shaking, I’m petrified. What is he going to do? He lights a cigarette before blowing the smoke straight into my face and stepping closer.
“I think you may prove to be my favourite target, see you around pretty girl,” the stubble on his face scratches my cheek as he drops a kiss onto me before a searing pain starts in my hip.
He smirks at me, but there’s no emotion to fuel it. It’s just an action. My hand shoots to my hip as he walks over to my window and drops out of sight.
I think I’m going to be sick and my hip now has a circular burn the size of his cigarette. Guess I better clean it off and get a plaster. I think I may be in shock.
My door is locked and I won’t answer it, no matter how many times someone knocks on it or calls my name. My phone is off and my curtains are drawn, I just can’t be around anyone right now. He came into my room and left me with a reminder of him, I want to cry but the tears are refusing to fall. It’s becoming too much to handle, I might as well just go to sleep and say goodbye to this craptastic day for good.
An hour, that’s all I get. My heart is racing and I can’t get the nightmare out of my mind, it feels like someone is here with me, watching me. I’m becoming paranoid yet another thing to look forward to and my hip is still smarting like a bitch. I don’t think I can stay in here and it’s eleven at night. Where am I supposed to go? I ignored my guys, well done Henleigh, but I know Noah won’t hold that against me. My heart and my head are in agreement for once, Noah is the only person I want to be around right now.
Donning my burgundy leggings and black knee length jumper I’m good to go, my hair is up in a messy bun and I look like hot mess but he won’t care. Please let me in.
He opens the door, his hair is all over the place but more from having fingers ran through it then being woken up. His eyes are widening slightly at the sight of me before he’s opening his door wider so I can get in.
“What’s wrong?” So much emotion and feeling, I feel as though I could fall into the ocean and the strength of how deeply he cares for me will keep me afloat.
“Nothing, everything I don’t know. Look, you can say no, but could I stay with you tonight?” I can’t even look at him, come on Henleigh get a hold of yourself.
“Of course you can, do you need something to sleep in?” he asks, such a sweetie.
“A top would be great, it’ll probably be like a nightie on me anyway,” I say with a nervous laugh.
Why do I feel so nervous around him all of a sudden?
He grabs me a top and I duck into his bathroom to put it on, it falls just above my knees. Having big boyfriends comes in handy, they’re all huge compared to me. And this top, mmm, it smells like my Noah. I think I’m going to have to steal this.
He’s staring at me intensely as I walk out, was I supposed to leave my leggings on? It’s not like I’m wearing a thong or anything, oh no, clearly I’ve done something wrong.
“What’s wrong Leighbear? You wouldn’t answer your door earlier, your phone was off and now you’re coming over to stay. Something clearly happened, you can trust me you know,” his eyes are gentle and of course I trust him.
I climb into bed and pat the spot next to me, I’m even getting an eye roll, I love it.
He slips in beside me and as he wraps his arm around me and guides my head to his chest, I finally feel safe and settled.
“Someone came into my room earlier, the same guy who did a number on me last year. He said he was curious and made it clear I’d see him again. I don’t feel safe Noah, he terrifies me and I don’t know what he’s capable of. His eyes look dead, there’s no emotion in them I’m not exaggerating,” my chest is beating hard and I can barely catch my breath, great I’m starting to hyperventilate, even just talking about him affects me.
“Did he hurt you?” Noah’s jaw is ticking and there’s this danger lurking beneath him that I’ve never noticed before.
My hand is shooting to my hip, I don’t even mean to do it and there’s no chance he won’t notice it. His eyes are narrowing as he takes me in and slides the covers down to my knees. His eyes are looking straight into mine as he pinches the hem between his thumb and finger, my heart is racing but I’m not so sure it’s out of fear anymore.
“Can I look?” he asks, endearing me to him even further. Please don’t break my heart.
I’m nodding slowly, and the tip of his finger brushes against my skin as he starts to pull the hem up. He breathes in sharply as it rises over my knickers and I’m watching as his pupils dilate but he doesn’t stop until my hip is bared to him. The plaster is well and truly on show and his fingers dance across it, but he doesn’t try to remove it.
“What did he do Henleigh?” I could be forgiven for assuming his tongue was forged from steel with the way he asks it.
I’m breathing in deeply, trying to build up my courage. “He burnt me with a fag, it’s not bad and I’ve cleaned it up and applied burn cream. It’s fine, really.”
I don’t know who I’m trying to convince, him or me. He starts to pull my hem down, but for some reason I stop him. I’m not thinking straight but I have to ask. “What happened on the night of my birthday?”
“We got close to the point of no return, but nothing happened other than us kissing. I pulled back and said it wouldn’t happen like that between us.” He doesn’t break our eye contact and I can see the sincerity and the fire burning within.
“You’re a good guy Noah, the best in my opinion. Thank you for putting a stop to it, I’m hoping I didn’t humiliate myself too much,” I say quietly as we remain staring into one another’s eyes. His hand still on my hem and mine still preventing him from pulling it down.
“You did nothing of the sort and believe me even though I’m a good guy even I struggled to remember why we shouldn’t. But I said to you that I want nothing and no one between us when it does happen. Plus having you forget it even happened would bruise even my ego,” he says with a laugh, but I know he’s only saying that to try and lighten the moment.
“There’s nothing between us now,” I can’t believe I just said that.
He has this beautiful smile on his face but I can already tell he’s going to say no, he has his no face in place.
“Leighbear, you have rotten timing. We can’t do this, not after what that arsehole did to you. He’s between us right now, we don’t need a reason to be together other than it being something we both want in that moment.” Thick and torn, that’s how he sounds, I want him to be sure about this, but I also want to feel something... good, something right.
“I just want to feel good and have something about today that I can look back on and smile. I know it’s not the best reason but there’s no one else I want to do this with, not for my… first time.” The last part comes out quietly and I’m filled with uncertainty after revealing this to him.
“You honour me my love, but not now. Damn it Henleigh I don’t think I’m as good as you believe I am,” he says and I don’t understand why until his mouth is colliding with mine and I sink back into the mattress.
Oh no, he is very good. And man do I mean good! His hands are on my waist and his fingers are squeezing and massaging me, his fingers feel good. I wonder how good they really are.
“Henleigh, I can make you feel good if that’s what you really want. But I meant what I said, when we lose it together it’ll be in the perfect moment.” His hand glides across my bare skin on my waist and my breath hitches. A revelation like this deserves to be savoured but his touch his leaving my brain incapable of a clear, concise thought. I need to try though, he deserves for me to at least consider his words.
Oh my gawd, he’s a virgin! This feels even more right now, he’s too damn perfect.
“Yes that is what I want, I can’t even tell you how much I want it,” yes I sound desperate and I can’t bring myself to care right now.
His mouth is back on mine and his fingers are carrying the top further up, as his fingers dance over my ribs. It tick
les but I’m so highly strung it barely registers, his fingers move higher until they skim across the bottom of my breasts. Oh damn.
He’s pulling back and I follow him up, raising my arms as he pulls the top off me and throws it somewhere across the room. I’m not even hesitating to do the same to him as his top soon joins mine.
He puts his hands on my shoulders and gently pushes me back down and my hands skim across the planes of his chest and across his stomach. He’s smiling down at me but he stops my hands from wandering any further down.
“My love, I can only be a good guy if you don’t do that, you make it impossible to think when you’re touching me. What do you think will happen if you go where you were planning?” I’m aflame with desire and I can tell he is too, but I respect his decision. My Noah bear, so sweet and kind.
I wink at him which makes him laugh just before he ducks his head and closes his mouth over one of my nipples, my back is arching off the bed as he strokes my other one.
“Noah,” I moan out and he pulls away before kissing down my stomach.
“Are you sure?” he asks and I nod at him as his fingers slide my knickers down.
Oh my, what’s he going to do now?
“I want to taste you, but not this time,” he says as he lies down next to me and slides his hand back down my stomach.
He slides a finger between my folds and runs it across my nub, a gasp slips from my mouth and I’m biting down on my bottom lip.
He’s rubbing his finger back and forth, stroking and pulling gently before he moves down further. He looks at me one last time as he lays his finger just above my opening, I’m nodding so damn fast I probably look like the nodding dog. Ooh yes. Winston eat your heart out.
He slides inside me and I’m trying so hard not to moan too loudly, this is for us no one else. His mouth closes around my nipple as his finger moves back and forth. He does something that makes it feel so much more intense and my toes are curling as my back arches off the bed, pushing my breast further into his mouth.
He slides another finger inside and I can’t take anymore, my walls are tightening around him and he releases my nipple and replaces it with my mouth. Swallowing my scream as I experience the first orgasm I’ve ever had not given by, well me.
He strokes his hand down my face as my shudders relent and his kisses grow more tender. He pulls back slowly and lies down on his back pulling my back flush against him until he’s spooning me.
His head is nuzzling my neck and I’m threading my fingers through his hair, this is my favourite place in the world, right here in his arms.
“Do you feel better?” he asks, and it’s like he can’t stop kissing me, I love it.
“I do, you’re amazing Noah bear no wonder I love you,” oh shit.
No, no, no!!! I did not just say that, please say I didn’t just say that.
“Henleigh, I kind of need you to look at me right now,” he says as I bury my head under a pillow.
“Seriously Henleigh, look at me please,” his pleading tone tells me how much he needs to see me without a barrier in the way, and I’m realising I will do just about anything to make him happy.
Okay, here goes nothing. I’m looking up at him and I can’t read his expression, I know I’ve messed everything up.
“Okay, I need some clarification here. You love me like a friend or something more and if so, for how long?”
He’s so composed and unaffected, how good an actor is this guy? Or does he not care, I never expected him to have fallen for me but my heart is hurting more than my hip ever did.
“I’ve known for a while, before this whole group thing started, probably before the school broke up for summer. I didn’t want to admit it because it scared the crap out of me and then I ran from it because I didn’t think it would be fair to Elijah and I guess Amias. As for the first part,” I’m exhaling, in for a penny, in for a pound and all that crap. “I’m in love with you, I don’t expect you to say it back or even feel that deeply for me, but to be this calm and collected is just… well it’s cruel.”
Jumping out of the bed, I can’t help but shriek, I forgot I was naked.
“Henleigh get back here now.”
I’ve frozen, his tone is sharp and rough like a jagged knife. Now I know I’ve never heard that tone from him before. I’m shuffling back over, I can’t look at him right now. I knew he could break my heart, I just wasn’t expecting it.
He’s up on his knees and he won’t let me avoid his gaze, capturing my face in both his hands and raising my head until I have no choice but to meet his gaze.
“Henleigh you’re usually freakishly spot on with reading people, but if you think I’m composed, then you’re dead wrong. Damn it Leighbear I’m so in love with you it terrifies me, I just didn’t want to tell you. Not until I knew.” He’s losing his ability to hold back, as his tone turns frantic screaming at me to understand what he is trying to tell me without needing to say the words.
Oh, he wanted to have the test done first.
“I’m sorry I ruined your plan,” man I sound so pathetic right now.
“You haven’t ruined anything, you just sped up the process. I love you my Leighbear and I can’t imagine a world where that won’t always be the case. I’m yours and I know we’re only eighteen and we’re too young to know better, but I don’t care about any of that crap. I mean it.” My heart stutter stops, over and over again. I couldn’t feel any fuller than I do right now and I can’t recall a time when I have ever felt this way before.
Oh boy, throwing my arms around him and kissing him senseless is the best reply I could think of. And man oh man, best kiss ever!
Seven
Best night of my life, meet worse morning.
Amias looks like I kicked him repeatedly in the face, how is it my fault he knocked on Noah’s door this morning and found me semi naked in his bed. Besides, I haven’t done anything wrong, I can spend the night with whoever I damn well please. No one got annoyed when he crept into my room most nights after what happened to Harrison.
“Chill out man, these kinds of things will happen. What did you expect from a polyamory relationship, that it would all be hidden. We’d never see anything? Grow up,” the eloquent words of Elijah and the voice of reason. Damn, that’s scary.
“So, you’re okay with this, knowing that she fucked him.” He says it like it's a horrifying notion, he was never going to be my first. Whether he likes it or not.
“Wow. Excuse me, where do you get off? You know what, piss off and come back when you’re going to act like a decent human being,” I say before I exit into Noah’s bathroom. Damn I don’t know how much longer I can do this, I think I have to call it quits with him it’s just too damn much.
“Well done, and not that it’s any of your business but nothing happened last night. Now get off your high horse and get out of my room.” Noah is glacial in his treatment of Amias, and I love him for it.
The door slamming sounds so final, I really don’t want to come between these guys.
“Did you hear, Harrison is coming back to school. The head wants to refuse on the grounds he’s missed too much, but his parents won’t hear of it.” Elijah is a fountain of gossip, how does he find out all of this stuff so quickly?
“Is he okay? Maybe she’s right, he might not be able to handle it. Does anyone even know how it will work?” says Noah, agreeing with Hutchy, which is surprising to hear. I can’t believe he’s coming back.
“I don’t know, apparently he’s got a few problems now but no one is saying what those are. Mattias has been asked to tutor him and try to catch him up, all Hutchy cares about is that the school statistics don’t drop. But Mattias can’t he’s got enough on his plate, I’m surprised they haven’t asked you.” Noah tutors, he is wicked smart, I just didn’t know. How much more do I have to discover? I hate these constant reminders of how little I truly know about them.
“She tried, I didn’t realise what it was in aid of but I said no, I’ve go
t enough drama and stress without adding tutoring to my plate. I feel sorry for whoever agrees to it, he hates being helped,” says Noah and I can’t help but wonder who the unlucky sod will be.
“Well Miss Monterey, will you tutor Harrison or not?”
The question of the century or what, he hates my guts how can I do this? But then again, that didn’t stop me from visiting him while he was in a coma. I’ve got a mean streak but I’m not heartless, if I can help him make it through this last year then I will.
“I’ll do it, just let me know what’s expected of me,” I reply and she agrees to email me the list and schedule. So exciting.
I don’t know why I get myself into these kinds of predicaments, and oh yay Amias is heading over. Can this day get any better? I don’t even care that my inner voice is riddled with sarcasm right now.
“Can I speak to you?” he asks.
“Later, I need to get to class and I’m still pissed at the way you reacted earlier.” I’m shorter than a half inch baguette but he deserves it and he should realise that.
“Please little cub, it’s important,” he says, but I can’t bring myself to care right now.
“And so are my feelings, but you never seem to consider those do you. So no, right now I need time to think. I’ll talk to you later,” I say back and his face shutters as his eyes fill with their usual darkness.
“Fine, I’ll see you when I get back.” He looks at me as though I’m the spawn of Satan, all because I won’t make myself available every time he decides it's beneficial for himself.
“Where are you going?” I ask, because I do care, despite what he may think right now.
“You don’t want to talk to me, clearly you don’t get an answer to that question,” he replies as he walks away.
I may have wanted to be his dream girl so I could crush him, but I’m starting to wonder if he’s even worth it anymore.