by J. S. Scott
Smiling in the dark, Kade wondered if her project in that particular room was Asha’s way of telling him to celebrate, but move on. All of her designs meant something, and he was pretty sure she was trying to kick his ass into accepting reality and dealing with it via her artwork in the gym. Well, it was working, and he knew he needed to find a new purpose in his life. He just wished he knew exactly what it was.
Flipping onto his side, he punched his pillow, determined to get some sleep. He wouldn’t think about Asha lying in her bed, right across the hall from him. He wondered if she was still wearing the new nightgown he’d gotten her when she was sick, or if she’d graduated to what Maddie and Mia had bought her. He had to admit, his sister and Maddie had much better taste when it came to clothes. Even so, he loved seeing Asha in the clothing he’d bought her while she was sick, and he hadn’t yet seen her wear anything other than the shirts and jeans he’d bought her in Nashville—except for the day when Maddie, Max, and Mia had come visiting and he’d handed her one of the shirts his sister had bought.
His stomach growled, reverberating noisily under the covers.
“Shit! I’m hungry,” he said irritably, knowing he wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. He’d burned so much energy in the gym today that his body was clamoring for more food.
He tossed the sheets and blankets from his body and rose to his feet, striding to his bedroom door and yanking it open. He stopped for a moment, staring at Asha’s door. Everything was dark, including her room. There was no light under her door, and he flipped on the hall light and made his way downstairs, stopping abruptly at the entrance to the kitchen.
Kade could see a sliver of light coming from the refrigerator, and it illuminated Asha’s face as she stared at the contents within, a look of longing on her face.
What the hell is she doing?
Staying silent, the minutes ticked away as she seemed to be agonizing over something, but she didn’t reach for anything. She just stayed immobile, her eyes roving over the inside of the fridge.
Unable to stay quiet any longer, Kade flipped on the light, causing Asha to let out a surprised squeak and slam the refrigerator closed. Holding a hand over her chest, she told him nervously, “You scared me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. What the hell are you doing? And why didn’t you turn the light on? You could have hurt yourself skulking around in the dark,” he grumbled, unhappy with the thought of Asha tumbling down the stairs because she couldn’t see where the hell she was going.
“I guess I didn’t think about it,” she answered, agitated. “I’m sorry. I’ll go back to bed.”
“Were you hungry? I’m starving. Do you want something?” he asked, walking to the fridge and opening the door. Mia had made sure the house was well-stocked with groceries before he came back from Nashville. Not only had she picked up the things he’d asked her to get for Asha, but she’d stocked up on groceries because he’d been gone for two months doing a favor for her husband.
“We already had dinner,” Asha replied, shifting from one foot to the other nervously.
“Yeah. And it was delicious. But that was hours ago.” Kade looked at Asha curiously. She had cooked tonight, making him some traditional Indian food, and he’d scarfed down the homemade dinner greedily. Asha was an excellent cook, but she hadn’t eaten much. Come to think of it…she rarely did. “I made a pig of myself on your food. Did you get enough to eat?” he asked solemnly. “I thought there was food left over.”
“You mentioned you were going to eat it for lunch tomorrow,” she said uncomfortably.
Kade thought back to other meals. He’d grilled again the night before, and she’d eaten sparsely then, too. “I meant I’d eat it if it was still around. I’m not picky. I’ll eat just about anything.”
Asha stayed mute, staring up at him, her dark eyes confused. “I didn’t want to eat your food.”
“Fuck,” Kade growled, enlightenment finally hitting his thick skull. He grabbed her by the shoulders lightly, letting the door of the fridge close behind him. “Asha…please tell me you aren’t going hungry because you’re afraid to eat.” Kade felt suddenly nauseated, a lump forming in his stomach. Something was seriously wrong with this situation, and the thought that she might be going hungry made him crazy.
Breaking away from him, she started to move away as she murmured, “I eat.”
Kade grasped her upper arm before she could move away, turning her back toward him. “Tell me what’s wrong. You don’t eat much, and you’re too thin. Are you still feeling sick?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m not sick. I just don’t want to eat more than my share,” she retorted, her voice radiating with shame. “But I get hungry sometimes between meals.”
Kade could almost feel the heat of his anger radiating from his body. “Your share is eating until you’re stuffed, and then eating again whenever you’re hungry. You eat like a goddamn bird. Why?”
“Because I don’t want to eat food I haven’t paid for,” she replied, her voice suddenly defensive and angry.
Kade grasped her shoulders, shaking her lightly. “Have I ever made you feel like anything other than a guest who has the run of this house? Have I ever denied you anything you needed? Have I ever made you feel like you couldn’t do any fucking thing you wanted here?” he asked her angrily, although the fury was directed at himself. He should have noticed that she wasn’t eating enough. Problem was, he was used to being with Amy, and she ate mostly salad and lean meat to keep her model figure, but even she had splurged occasionally.
“No. Never. It isn’t you, Kade,” she answered tremulously, her head lowered so all Kade could see was the top of her head.
“Then for Christ’s sake, tell me what it is, because the thought of you going hungry makes me want to punch myself for not noticing.”
Asha raised her head slowly, finally looking him in the eye. “My foster parents used to feed me measured portions. They said they only received so much money to be my foster parents, and I could only have what I was allotted because food was expensive. The younger children, her children, ate dinner first and I served the family. I ate whatever was left, or my portion…whichever was less.” She took a shaky breath in and continued, “I did the same when I was married, trying to save money on food. I guess it became a habit. I wasn’t working for most of my marriage, so I didn’t want to cause Ravi more expense, especially since I wasn’t pregnant. I could get by with less food.”
Kade slammed his fist down on the kitchen table hard enough to cause the table to bounce on its thin wooden legs, making Asha jump at the violent sound. “Fuck! Tell me you’re joking!” he begged angrily, rage pulsating through his body. “You were a damn servant for your foster family, and you ate scraps of food? Then you did the same when you were married…and your husband never said anything?” It was unfathomable, and Kade’s whole body shuddered with fury.
She shrugged. “I didn’t want anything that I wasn’t entitled to have,” she said meekly.
Kade exploded. “You’re entitled to eat, you were entitled to a fucking education because you have incredible talent, you’re entitled to be treated like a beloved daughter and wife. That includes your idiot foster parents and your asshole of an ex-husband making sure you have everything you want and need.”
Had everyone in her life done a number on her? Jesus Christ! The woman needed someone to teach her to feel worthy, and it was going to start with him.
Kade felt another stab of guilt as he thought about the look of longing on her face when he’d been watching her from the doorway. He’d neglected to see that in some of her habits, she was still conditioned to be a second-class citizen. Her foster parents had been evil, and her ex-husband was a selfish prick.
“Sit down,” he demanded quietly, leading her to a chair and pulling it out for her.
She sat, asking anxiously, “Are you an
gry with me?”
Kade crouched beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I’m angry at myself.” He sighed heavily before continuing, “I want you to eat, Asha. I want you to eat whenever and whatever you want. There is no such thing as eating only what you think you deserve and going hungry in this house. My rule. I don’t give a shit what anyone told you. It kills me that you ever went hungry in my home.” He rose and started yanking stuff from the cupboards and fridge. “I don’t cook a lot, but I make a great sandwich.”
“Let me help you.” Asha made to leap up from her chair.
“Sit down,” he answered stubbornly, pushing on her shoulder until her ass hit the seat of the chair again. “I’m serving this time.”
“It’s your house. You shouldn’t have to do this,” Asha said uncomfortably.
“I want to.” He wanted to pile food in front of her until she could barely see over the top of the mound. She’d eat, and then she’d eat some more. He never wanted to see that look of longing on her face again unless it was sexual. And he’d be more than willing to satiate that need, too.
He piled the sandwich high, loading it with every kind of fixings he could find. After placing it in front of her, he placed a napkin beside her plate. Rifling through the cupboard, he started piling various boxes of crackers and chips on the table.
What else?
“What were you looking at when I came in?” he asked anxiously, ready to pile the whole damn refrigerator on the table.
“A chocolate cake,” she answered in a hushed and somewhat awed voice. “One with strawberries and slices of dark chocolate on top of the frosting.”
Kade grinned. “The chocolate-strawberry torte. My favorite. Mia picked it up at our favorite bakery.” He pulled it out and cut off two huge chunks and placed them on a plate, grabbed two forks and added the lot to the table. After pouring two tall glasses of milk, he finally sat, noticing that Asha was still staring at the food on the table. “Eat,” he prompted. “If you don’t devour that food yourself, I swear I’ll wrestle you to the ground and force-feed you. You’re never going hungry again. You’re going to walk around stuffed every minute of the day,” he told her earnestly.
Kade grinned as Asha put a hand to her mouth and stifled a giggle. “I can’t eat all of this,” she said, sounding amused.
Kade looked at the table piled high with food. “Eat as much as you can. That’s part of your job from now on. No more skimping on food. I’ll consider it an insult if you don’t eat. There are obviously still things in your past that you need to recognize as wrong and get over them. We’re resolving the food issue right fucking now.”
She took a healthy sip of milk and started in on her monstrous sandwich. Kade opened a bag of chips and started feeding them to her between bites of her sandwich. Halfway through the sandwich he’d created, she pushed the plate away and put a hand to her flat belly. “I’m full.”
Kade snatched the other half of the sandwich from the plate and pushed the cake in front of her. “Eat.” Picking up the fork, he put it in her hand.
Her eyes lit up as she cut off a tiny piece. “I haven’t eaten a lot of chocolate. This looks almost sinful.”
Kade grinned at her, catching her eyes and holding them for a moment. “It is. But sinning can be so much more fun than being good all the time.” He wolfed down the rest of the sandwich and started on his piece of cake.
He watched her while she ate, the rapt expression on her face almost erotic. She ate like she was climaxing every time she took a bite of the pastry, closing her eyes and savoring it before letting it slowly slide down her throat. His burgeoning cock twitched every time she let out a satisfied hum of pleasure.
I’m screwed. Every damn thing she does turns me on.
He yanked his eyes away from her, studying his own nearly empty plate. “Don’t do something like this again, Asha. If you need or want something, all you have to do is say so. What happened to you wasn’t right. You have to ask for what you want. I won’t deny you anything. It makes me happy to please you,” he said huskily.
“That confuses me,” she admitted, pushing her empty plate away from her. “I’m not used to it.”
“Get used to it,” he said, shooting her a warning glance.
“I probably could. Very easily.” She got up and started putting things away. “And I won’t be with you forever. I’m not sure I really should get used to it. Life isn’t easy out there, Kade. Not for a woman struggling to survive.”
She’d never be struggling again. She’d never have to worry about where her next meal was coming from or where her next job would be. He’d make sure of it. “Your life isn’t going to be like that again. You have family now. You have me.”
He got up and put the dishes in the dishwasher, banging them a little harder than necessary, trying to get a grasp on his instinct to grab her up and make her his until she was completely convinced.
“I’m glad I have friends and family now. But I need to be able to know I can rely on myself,” she answered stubbornly. “Putting my life into other people’s hands hasn’t been good for me.”
“Maybe you just trusted the wrong damn people,” he rumbled, slamming the dishwasher closed and turning to face her.
He heard her inhale sharply as she looked at him, her eyes scanning his body. “Oh, Kade. Your poor leg. It must have been so painful.”
He looked down at himself, realizing he was dressed in nothing but a pair of black silk boxers. He hadn’t bothered to put on clothes because he hadn’t planned on seeing anyone else at one o’clock in the morning in his own house.
Her eyes were focused on his mangled leg, and he flinched. “I’m sorry. I would have covered it if I’d known you were down here.”
Dammit! Asha was the last person he wanted to see his messed-up leg. Even healed, the scars were glaring and ugly. “Don’t look at it,” he snarled, moving closer to her and tipping her chin up. “I can’t even stand to see it.”
“It isn’t the way it looks; it’s the pain you must have suffered,” she cried, her eyes filling with tears. “How did you bear it?” Dropping to her knees, Asha’s fingertips stroked lightly over his scars.
“I didn’t have much of a choice,” he answered gruffly, his heart thundering from the touch of her fingers. Some of the feeling on his skin was gone from the scar tissue, but he could feel the fluttery, careful stroking on some of his leg.
She’s not repulsed by my scars. All she cares about is the pain I felt.
Kade watched her carefully. Dressed in the silky nightgown he had bought her, she looked like an angel, her face revealing nothing but concern.
“And you worry about me being hungry when you’ve been through that much pain?” Asha scolded, standing again and facing him.
Kade wanted to tell her that it didn’t hurt anymore, not nearly as much as the pain he was suffering from wanting her. “It’s over.” He wanted to forget about that time in his life. His leg ached occasionally, but he’d survived.
“Does it still hurt? Tell me the truth.”
Yeah. I hurt, but the pain isn’t in my leg. I ache every fucking time I look at you.
“No,” he replied huskily. “It’s not that bad.” Not my leg, anyway.
She moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. The feel of her hand on his bare skin nearly made him lose it. She was trying to comfort him for an old pain, but she was creating one just as acute. He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her softness against his hard body.
“I’m sorry, Kade. I wish this had never happened to you,” she murmured against his chest.
“Shit happens,” he replied casually, trying not to give in to the urge to carry her back to his bed and bury himself inside her warmth, take the comfort she was willing to give. But he didn’t want her that way. He wanted it to be mutual, for her to burn for him as much as he did for he
r. She continued to cling to him, murmuring words into his chest that he didn’t understand and suspected were Telugu, crooning them softly.
“You realize I don’t understand a word you’re saying,” he told her, trying to contain the tender emotions that were bursting to get free.
“I know. I think it’s better that way,” she retorted, her voice amused. “And I really think you need to get over a few things from your own past. You’re young, you’re incredibly handsome, you can still walk, and you’re alive. You survived. Other than the pain that I know you suffer sometimes, your leg doesn’t matter. How it looks doesn’t matter.”
Kade knew Asha really meant what she said, and his soul began to heal a little bit more. He lowered his cheek to her hair, inhaling her floral scent and closing his eyes.
Kade wasn’t certain exactly how long they stood that way, wrapped up together as though they were connected. He was pretty sure it was a fairly long period of time, but not long enough. His cock was hard, a reaction that was pretty much a certainty whenever Asha was close enough to feel, close enough to smell, but this wasn’t a moment he wanted to think about his dick. Right now, he just wanted to wallow in Asha’s sweetness, hold her close to his body and drink her in. Being near her had become an addiction, and satisfying her every want and need had become an obsession.
They finally parted and made their way back upstairs. He had to clench his fists to resist the urge to reach for her as she gave him a shy smile and closed the door of her bedroom. Kade flopped into his bed, which was suddenly much too lonely and big. It took him a very long time to finally fall into an exhausted sleep.
The following week turned into some of the happiest days of Asha’s life. She painted, not feeling rushed to complete the project, and she certainly wasn’t worried about where her next meal was coming from. Kade was almost a pain in the ass about her eating. He was spending time in the Harrison offices now with Travis, but every moment he was home, he brought her food. Plying her with chocolate, decadent pastries, and calorie-laden desserts seemed to be one of his favorite activities. In between, he never seemed to run out of other food for her to try. If she wasn’t careful, she’d soon be popping out of her jeans.