Freeing You Freeing Me

by Kailin Gow

  “I was just in the neighborhood, and I thought, why not pay Sam Sullivan a little visit,” she said cheerily.

  “I’m a little busy at the moment,” I said, realizing I was alone again with her. She looked harmless, but I also knew she was the woman who scarred Collins for life.

  “Before you close that door on me,” Judge Seevers said, putting her flat Chanel shoe against the door, “I think you need to think hard about your next step with Collins.”

  I was a little taken aback. Either she was psychic and could read my mind or she just had an uncanny timing for things. “What do you know about that?” I asked.

  Judge Seevers peeped through the door. “I have an uncanny ability to think ahead. I think Collins mentioned to me that he and you were taking it slow. From meeting you that other day… I noticed a few things about you, which…” she looked around, “I think you would want us to discuss this in private instead of in the hallway…”

  “I’m fine discussing things out here,” I said, almost crossing my arms.

  “So we can discuss Collins’ secret desires and monstrous appetites out in the open like this? You know he is a public figure and whatever I am going to say to you should be kept underwraps.”

  So Judge Severs wanted to talk about Collins. Was she trying to help me or was she trying to play me?

  Again the uncanny ability of hers worked. Although we were in the penthouse of the building, the elevator door opened, and the building’s cleaning crew stepped out, carrying buckets and towels to clean the common areas. Judge Seevers glanced at them and nodded to me.

  “I understand Collins has set up a ‘room’ here. I’m curious to see what it’s like. If I see it, I could tell you what to expect from Collins as the next step.” Judge Seevers tapped her foot impatiently. “The wrong move on your part can cost you Collins…”

  I gritted my teeth. Being with Judge Seevers was like being in the same room with a tiger. Pretty to look at, awesome in majesty, but dangerous. But I needed to know what Collins was so afraid of, what could trigger him into becoming Daggers. I wanted to be prepared for when he comes back home and we go the next step. I looked at Judge Seevers’ lovely and friendly face. She was a little taller than me by an inch or two, but she was slighter, too, and I was confident I could defend myself against her physically, if I needed to. I had taken self-defense classes during my senior year at school, and I was athletic enough. I opened the door wider, and Judge Seevers walked proudly inside.

  “Nice place you have here,” she said, taking in the living room, the kitchen, the amazing view of the city and the Pacific Ocean beyond. “Besides tasting good, Collins always did have impeccable taste.”

  I nearly looked away in disgust when she said that, but crossed my arms instead and face her. “So, Judge Seevers, I’m not joking when I said I’m busy tonight. What did you want to tell me?”

  “Is this how you treat a guest?” Judge Seevers raised her eyebrows. “Is this how you would treat your mother and sister? Weren’t they in my court not that long ago where I ruled in favor for your mother, despite having such a strong case from your father, or rather, your stepfather for him to have full custody of Nydia? Instead, your mother happened to benefit quite a bit from the ruling, I wonder why.”

  “Would you like a glass of wine or a soda,” I asked, trying to act pleasant.

  “A glass of wine would be wonderful,” Judge Seevers said.

  I went to the kitchen, grabbed the first bottle from Collins’ collection of wines, and poured the wine into a wineglass I took from the cupboards. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t have one myself. I was not drinking age yet, and I wasn’t going to let the Judge see me drink at all.

  I handed her the glass, and she took a sip. “Impeccable taste, Collins. Impeccable as usual.”

  After gulping down the wine with one toss of her head back, she said, “Now, show me the room.”

  I hesitated, but the Judge was already walking down the hallway, knocking on the walls. It didn’t take long before she stopped at the camouflaged wall/door that led to Collins’ room of play. She was already feeling the wall for the door knob. Within seconds, she was sliding the door open and walking into a dark room lavished in red and black velvet. She felt the wall inside, and switched on the light. Soft amber light illuminated the room in front of her, and she exclaimed. “Just what I thought, Collins. Just what I thought. You naughty boy.”

  I froze in place. Why was Judge Seevers smiling like that…a secret little smile that was both wicked and innocent at the same time? “What is it?” I asked.

  Judge Severs walked to the Casanova bed, a very large bed framed with ornate wooden posts. She ran her fingers along the bed, the light set up, and the mirrors. “Home sweet home,” she smiled widely. “It appears Collins has replicated my room. The hidden door, the bed, and even the swinging birdcage in the corner.”

  My heart sank. Not only did I look like the Judge, but he had also created the same room he and the Judge spent months, perhaps years, being lovers. In my apartment.

  “What is Lover Boy trying to do?” Judge Seevers asked. “Even I’m baffled, yet flattered, to see this.”

  “You mean you have no idea?” I asked.

  “I thought he’d changed.”

  “Maybe it’s slightly different,” I said. “There are cameras everywhere in this room. I’m also sure you wouldn’t have that in yours.”

  “No I wouldn’t, but we’ve had other toys. Instruments of pain and pleasure that he cried out for me to use on him. Truly, he was deviant.”

  “Deviant?” I didn’t think of Collins as one. He was Collins to me.

  “He was no vanilla,” Judge Seevers said. “He craved more. That’s how he gets off. As much as he would’ve like having vanilla sex with you, he will only come when it is during one of the rougher plays.”

  I gulped. I was so new to this…to this world, I have no idea what to expect. Rougher? The birdcage with cuffs on there? What could that mean?

  Lola immediately came out of retirement, reached her fingers to her mouth and whistled.

  It woke Susan up, and she was wondering why I was in this room with the Judge.

  “What can I expect?” I asked “What is ‘rougher’?”

  Judge Severs actually looked reluctant to talk.

  I was starting to feel a panic attack forming. “I allowed you into my space, and you all of a sudden clam up?” I asked. “What is it that Collins crave?”

  “The Chase,” Judge Seevers said. “Collins crave the chase…before the actual relationship. Then when he’s ready to do it, to thrust himself into you, he’s going to ask you for some special requests.”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “You’ll find out soon,” the Judge said. “I don’t want to ruin the surprise for you, but if it’s like anything from his past, be prepare to be brave.”

  Chapter 13

  I couldn’t stop thinking about Collins’ room after the Judge left. Could I back out of whatever Collins wanted to do now? Was I brave enough?

  I spent the night tossing and turning from dreams involving medieval torture chambers, men wearing latex masks wielding whips, women dressed as kittens and poodles parading around in heels, led by a chain to their collars by their ‘masters’, and naked people covered only in feathers swinging in human-sized birdcages. As the night went on, the dreams became more and more bizarre.

  Until I woke up covered in sweat, panting as though I ran a marathon.

  The Judge’s visit did little to help me feel ready for finally going all the way with Collins. Instead, it made me fear the worst.

  Collins was returning tonight, and I wanted to be ready for him, to try to be as understanding and loving to him as I could. I knew it was hard for him, too…to take this next step in our relationship.

  I started shaking. Could love overcome this obstacle, if it became one? If I couldn’t satisfy him, couldn’t fulfill his needs, would he go to someone else who could? Would h
e go back to the Judge, who seemed eager to have him back as a lover?

  Desperate to find any clue what Collins needed to fulfill him, what he was so afraid of me to do with him that he held off all this time to find release for himself, I ran into Collins’ room, the production room, as you will. I took out all of Collins’ tapes which he gave me to watch a while back, and went through all of them again, looking for anything that would give me an idea what Collins was holding back.

  They were tapes filled with snippets of him with someone in various states of undress, pleasuring each other. Watching him go down on another woman was surprisingly turning me on. I could imagine and feel him going down on me when I watched the videos. I could imagine his tongue flickering over my clit, his mouth sucking on it, and his fingers pushing deep into me.

  After the fifth tape of seeing his talented mouth and hands make a woman orgasm and cry out in ecstasy, I was on the verge myself. My hands were mimicking his in the video, on myself, and I was rubbing my legs together. Within seconds, I was moaning and climaxing in my chair.

  The early morning sun had already broken through the night sky when I was finished watching the last video. Physically, I was spent, having tried the various poses in the video, each of them once again, bringing me to ecstasy. The valedictorian in me was relentless in trying to study all I could from the tapes in order for me to prepare. Was this some kind of exam? Some test I had to take to pass in order to pass the class, not flunk out of Collins’ sexology class? The stakes were higher than that, though. I knew deep down that if I couldn’t fulfill his needs, it would diminish our relationship. Sex was such a strong part of Collin’s psychological makeup and a core need for his relationship with women. He was such an alpha male, driven by a high level of testosterone, his drive for sex was physically higher than most men. It was one of the traits that made him relentless enough to become the successful young billionaire he was.

  You must have a strong sex drive, too. Lola was strutting her stuff over Susan’s neatly kept almost bare desk.

  Me? How could Lola think that? I was a frigid, can’t touch me, type of girl before Collins unleashed this wild passionate side of me.

  You’re insatiable especially when it comes to Collins. You match his passion and desire equally.

  But most of the time, I don’t know what I’m doing.

  You’re his match. You two are the same…driven by passion, led by desire. He is successful in his chosen field, and you are quickly becoming a success in yours.

  But I’m not some kind of nympho.

  You give off a strong sense of pheromones. Men flock to you, desiring you…Derek, Michael, Tate, and of course Collins. They could sense you have the potential to be a highly virile sensual mate.

  You mean, they are thinking with their dicks when looking at me, standing next to me?

  You got it. A large part because your body is sending their body a signal how virile you are…how desirable.

  Men really do think with their dicks then.

  When it comes to pretty women they find attractive.

  I don’t know if I want that. I see Derek, Michael , and Tate only as friends now that I’m committed to Collins.

  Your body doesn’t. They could all be potential mates.

  Eeesh, you mean I could be a slut machine waiting to happen?

  You’re the female equal to Collins. Look how women flock around him, wanting him, desiring him. You could be a slut machine if you let me loose. Lola smiled at me seductively.

  But you aren’t, Susan stepped in, pushing Lola off her desk. You have some respectability. You wonder about the consequences of your actions, including if you sleep with all the men whom your body has chemistry with, you will end up hurting someone, getting that slut machine reputation, or even pregnant, if you don’t take precautions.

  I am being careful. You don’t see me jumping around from bed to bed. I’m friendly to all my male friends, but I don’t sleep with them.

  You are not a slut, Sam, Susan said. Just because men find you desirable, and you get their attention, does not make it your fault for having attracted that attention. Women get the blame for being attractive when it is really the man’s responsibility to put the filter out on a woman who is already known to be with someone. But it is the law of survival, Sam. Our desire to survive necessitates our need to have sex. We are hard-wired to find mates who will help us survive. It is a human invention and social norms that dictates we only have and stay with one mate. But in reality, we are capable of having more throughout our lifetimes.

  Eww. That’s so slutty. Just having one will be enough for me. I can’t imagine having the energy and time to satisfy more than one man.

  Especially with Collins McGregor. He is enough man for any woman.

  I agree Susan and Lola, I told my warring subconscious sides. Collins is enough man for me. The question is, am I enough woman for him?

  He was so sexy that the mere thought of him, the mere viewing of him on video, even with someone else, sent me into multiple ecstasy. No one had ever had that effect on me. I hope to God that I would do the same thing for him. That he would find me that desirable.

  I sighed. Viewing all the tapes merely made me more insecure. Nothing in there was over-the-top crazy sex. In fact, they were muted, tastefully done, like a film project, like one of his films. Only sexier and definitely very arousing. They were all tasteful images of pleasure, foreplay, and sensual touching. No acts of consummation. No fucking. All very loving touches. Nothing as what Daggers had described as his darkest desires.

  Before I knew it, I was slapping myself on my forehead and cursing out loud. “Dammit, why didn’t I see this before?”

  Collins had created these tapes for himself, as bits and pieces of making love…the tender, sensual, and loving side of it. Not the dark kinky side he was used to with the Judge or any of the women who abused him, used him. These were tapes he made for himself as therapy…to retrain his desires to find simple vanilla loving acts as arousing too.

  It was a revelation beyond any of my expectations. Collins was trying so hard to help himself overcome his dark desires, he actually made tapes of himself to re-condition his psyche and his body.

  His entire setup with the production room, his condition on our agreement to tape us during lovemaking, was not as perverse or crazy as it seemed. It was genius and innovative. It was an act of a man who took it into his own hands to try to cure his addiction to hurtful and painful abusive sexual relationships.

  “Oh, Collins,” I said aloud to the Casablanca bed in front of me, the cameras and equipment in the production room around me, “How could I love you even more?” I had misunderstood his tapes, his need for the arrangement. My heart was filled with overwhelming love for him, for the amazing resourceful man he had become, and the troubled Daggers that he harbored deep within himself.

  Chapter 14

  Collins lifted me up high in the air by the waist, and swung me around easily and effortlessly as though I was as light as a doll. “I missed you so much, Baby, I wanted to skip the meeting this morning and go straight home back to you.”

  I opened my mouth in shock. “You couldn’t do that, Collins. You went all the way there to close the deal. You couldn’t leave just like that for me.”

  Collins laughed. “Luckily we held the meeting earlier, and because we did everything right leading to that meeting, it was a smooth closing.” He kissed me soundly on the lips and whispered in my ear. “So I high-tailed it out of there so I could make it back in time to spend my afternoon and evening with you.”

  “Lucky me,” I said kissing him back. I couldn’t believe how much earlier Collins arrived back, and surprised me while I was emerging bleary-eyed and exhausted from the production room. I barely slept, and I must have looked a mess when Collins came bursting through the door of my bedroom, as I walked out of the showers in my bathrobe. I would have tried to go back to sleep, but I felt the need to wash away the sweat and anxiety I felt las
t night before attempting to sleep again.

  But in rushed Collins, wearing jeans that hugged his tight body, a soft black t-shirt, and a leather jacket that smelled rugged and masculine. His entire being flooded my senses, and I felt my body immediately responding to him, despite how little sleep I got.

  From the way he was pressing his entire length against me, the way his mouth was devouring mine and the way his hands had wandered underneath my bathrobe to cup my breast, rubbing my nipples until they were hard enough for him to suck on; he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

  “I dreamt all night of you, Sammy. My mouth was aching for a taste of you. I was surrounded by delicious gourmet food from the most exquisite restaurants in Europe, but all I could think about was your taste. I craved you more than anything or anyone, Sammy.”

  He lifted me up and carried me to my bed where he laid me down, tore open my bathrobe, and stood back.

  “Lord have mercy,” he said, his eyes blazing into mine. His icy blues eyes swept over my naked body hungrily and slowly. “You are definitely one of God’s loveliest creations.” He climbed on top of me, still fully dressed, and kissed my stomach down to my core. With each hand, he grabbed hold of my thighs, pulling me wider apart and kissed my inner thigh trailing back towards my core where he vigorously licked and sucked me until I was writhing and moaning. Nothing beat having Collins mouth actually on me. Seeing him in action on the tapes was no comparison to the real thing, and I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him down closer to my core. He made his way up, kissing each breasts before crashing his mouth to mine.

  “I don’t think I can ever get enough of you,” his tongue dipped into my mouth, swirling with my own.

  “I don’t think I could ever get enough of you, Collins,” I said, bolding reaching down to rub and grab his hard-on inside of his jeans and boxers. I squeezed, and could feel Collins let out a hiss of air through his teeth.