by Nalini Singh
Page 20
To her everlasting shock,Taylorfound that she liked sex withJackson. There was no painful groping, no horrible kissing,no embarrassment. It was just bliss. Two days of indulging her new addiction hadn't in any way lessened her ardor. Though it worried her thatJacksonwas holding back so as not to scare her, that worry wasn't enough to dim her delight at having overcome her fear of intimacy.
Keeping her end of their bargain was no longer an issue . . . physically. But, what about the emotional scars?Jacksonhad alluded to her decision never to love, but he had no way of knowing that she feared having a child even more than simply loving. If her mother hadn't been pregnant with her, she might've been less vulnerable to a man like Lance. And, ifHelenahadn't had Nick to link her to Lance, she might not have descended into despair at his desertion.
But, she thought with sudden insight, she wasn'tHelenaandJacksonwas unlike any other man she knew.
Lance had never wanted her because she was another man's child. Well, so was Nick. Yet,Jackson's treatment of him had been nothing short of paternal.
But what about her? Was she strong enough, secure enough to giveJacksonwhat he wanted? The truth was, she didn't know. He was the only man she could ever imagine being with, but a part of her didn't believe that he'd never leave her and condemn her to the emotional hellHelenahad endured. Perhaps time would prove her fears to be groundless. But, the clock was running against her. If she wasn't pregnant within twelve months, she'd lose her husband. Yet, a year wasn't very long when she'd had twenty-four years to nurture her beliefs about marriage, children and a woman's dependence on a man.
Jacksonwalked out of the shower while she was sitting on the bed. Immediately, she pushed her anxiety aside. For this week out of time, she'd given herself permission to indulge. There would be more than enough time to face reality when they returned home.
Towel hitched around his lean waist, he shoved a hand through his wet hair. Instead of heading to the wardrobe, he stood in the centre of the bedroom, scowl on his face.
My, but he was sexy, she thought, her face heating. Sorawly masculine that it made her feel ultimately female. She might like sex but she was new at it. Her husband's thickly muscledbody made her want to squeeze and stroke and just plain old touch! She bit her lower lip as heat pooled in her stomach and spread throughout her body, fingers of flame that enticed and urged.
"What're you thinking?" she asked softly, shifting to kneel on the bed. Her frivolous and decadently short white nightie, part ofJackson's gift, brushed her upper thighs. The tiny hairs on her bare arms rose in anticipation.
"Hmm?" He walked over to stand in front of her kneeling form. "The call this morning was about our newest picture. Britnee Case is demanding another million. "
She raised a brow. "That girl's not worth it. "
He nodded. "But she's the only one David wants. "
"Hmm. " She ran a finger up his washboard stomach, still slightly damp. "Can you replace David?"
He slid his hands through her unbound hair. In the heat, she would've preferred to put it up, but she was well aware that her husband liked to play with it. And she wanted to please her husband, the way he pleased her.
Deep inside, she was afraid that he found her wanting. He always had to hang onto his control because, despite everything, she wasn't quite able to make love without fear yet. Groundless fear. He would never hurt her - she just had to remember that and she'd be fine.
"No, he's too valuable," he said. "The last movie he directed is the hot favorite for several Golden Globes. Even more important," he admitted wryly, "his films make money. "
Something floated up from her subconscious. "David's proud of his rep as a straight arrow. Drop a few hints that if you meetBritnee's demands, it might look like you were doing favors for the director's lover.
He'll either talkBritnee around or get another actress. "
"Lover?" His voice was becoming husky.
Screwing up her courage, she licked his stomach. Impossibly, the muscles tightened even more.
"Uh-huh. A little birdie told me. "
"Taylor, you're an excellent source of information and you haven't even been in the business for a year. "
His hand fisted in her hair, a heavy weight that told her he liked what she was doing.
Used to the way he played with her hair, she found the gesture possessive butnonthreatening . "I kept in touch with the staff I met while working for you. " Her real objective had been to keep track of him, but gossip of all sorts had flowed to her. She'd be useful to him in that way as she had no intention of letting those contacts lapse. "Is using that kind of stuff unethical?"
"Not when she's blackmailing us with the location shoot scheduled to start in three days. "
"Umm. " Just to see if she could, she tried to take a bite out of his firm stomach. There wasn't enough excess flesh to do so.
He tugged at her hair. When she glanced up, he said, "Only if you want to, piccola . I am in no hurry. "
She was shocked that he understood her fears. "I want to be the woman you need. "
"You are. Everything about you pleases me. "
The simple statement rebuilt her confidence and the look in his eyes reignited her desire. "How much do you exercise to stay like this?" She kissed her way halfway up his chest, relieved to be allowed to just touch his body, without expectations or demands.
He tugged her head up with the hand clenched in her hair, dark eyes indulgent in a way that she'd only ever seen in bed. When he looked at her like that, she wanted to lay herself down for his delectation.
"I always kept fit but after Bonnie began to cheat, I did it obsessively. Better than becoming an alcoholic. " His smile was tight.
Bonnie, she thought with an inward flare of anger, had a lot to answer for. "And now?"
"Habit. Once a day or at least once every two. Why?"
"Can I watch?" she found herself asking, admitting to a secret fantasy that was at once exciting and scandalous.
"Watch?" He was aroused under the towel. In fact, she had no idea how the soft white fabric was staying in place.
"You, working out. Do you wear a T-shirt?" She saw him swallow. Her heartbeat accelerated.
"Sometimes. Do you want me to?" Rough and dangerous, his tone told her that she'd be well loved tonight.
If she wanted to be loved.
His hunger for her was a heady aphrodisiac that made her fight her fears. "No. I want to see you sweat. "
He groaned. "Taylor, I hope you're trying to seduce me because if you're not, we're in big trouble. "
She laughed and stood up on the bed, which made her a little taller than him. "Am I any good?"
A slow smile broke across that dark face. "You're better than good. " His hands rested on her barely covered bottom, moving in slow circles. "How about you pay up?" A far more serious question lingered in his eyes.
"Promise, first. " She pressed close, a silent answer to his unasked question. This play was more than okay. It was delicious and tempting and wicked.
"Promise what?" He seemed distracted by her breasts.
"That I can watch. " The heavy sensuality on his face made her want to give him the delight he gave her in bed, made her want to be bold and sexy and wild. She'd never know whether she had it in her if she didn't try.
He shuddered. "Promise. Now, down woman. "
Taylorslithered out of his arms and down his body beforeJacksoncould catch her, a look in her eyes that seared him from the inside out.
"No. " She pushed at his abdomen when he would've followed her onto the bed. "I want to. . . " Leaving the sentence unfinished, she knelt before him again, running her hands over his hips. The towel fell to the floor.
Taylor's gasp made his entire body go taut. Her captivated expression destroyed any will he had to press her down onto the bed and just take her. He'd been afraid that the way she was rushing her exploration
of sensuality would backfire into fear, but the look in her eyes was one of dazed discovery.
His tough littleTaylorwas more than up to the challenge of facing her demons.
"Does it hurt?"
"No. " His voice sounded strangled to him. "Yes. " He contradicted himself. "It hurtsgood . "
"Oh. " She looked up, all big blue eyes, and he thought that maybe she was out of her depth.
" Cara, let me. . . " he began. It was enough that she'd come this far. More than enough. He wanted to adore that body of hers and tell her without words just how much it meant to him that she was able to be so free with him.
Then she smiled, a soft woman smile that let him know she was perfectly happy to muddle her way through this . . . if he'd let her. Stunned, he stood there and let her.
Her gaze returned to that part of his body which declared his hunger. Reaching out, she clasped his erection in one slim hand, the action almost nervous. Jacksoncould feel his shoulder muscles screaming as he forced his body to remain still instead of thrusting as instinct dictated. He didn't want to scare her and lose this precious moment of complete trust.
"Jackson?"
"Yeah?" he groaned.
"How hard can I squeeze?" The concern in her tone pulled him back from the beckoning edge. Though they'd made love countless times, he'd always been the one in control. This was a first for them. Holding her gaze, he reached down and clasped his hand around hers and squeezed.
"Harder. . . " He removed his hand and let her do it herself. With every stroke, her confidence seemed to build. "Harder . . . yes, piccola . Yes, just like that. . . "
With his peripheral vision, he saw her head bend, saw her lips part and closed his eyes. Next time he'd watch, next time he'd savor the indescribable intimacy. This time, he just wanted to survive. Then her hot, wet mouth settled on him and his mind blanked for an instant, before consciousness punched through him with such power and strength, he felt as if he were drowning in the influx of raw sensation.