by E. L. Todd
“I can’t believe you’re taking his side!”
“I’m not taking anyone’s side. I’m being neutral about this.”
“You shouldn’t be neutral,” she hissed. “You should be the person blocking him from me, not sharing a drink with him while I’m in class.”
“Like I said, he never came near you. I only agreed to help him if he left you alone! Listen to me!”
She stepped back and shook her head lightly. She refused to look at me, finding the distant lawn more interesting.
Watching her made the fight inside me evaporate. Every time we hit a few bumps, she freaked out and assumed the worst. Even now, after everything we’d been through, she still didn’t trust me. I worked my ass off for this girl, and I was starting to realize she would never really be mine. She was always a flight risk. My voice came out quiet when I spoke. “I’ve done absolutely everything I possibly can to make this relationship succeed. I’ve given you more patience than any man can possibly give. My whole life has been dedicated to you, and I’ve changed everything about myself to be the man you want. Never in my life have I loved someone the way I love you, but I’m starting to realize how lethal it is.”
She turned her eyes to me, watching me.
“I can’t keep doing this, Beatrice. I’ve sacrificed a lot just to make your life easier. I’ve arranged for you to be accepted into Harvard, and I even sold my soul to my father to wipe away your loans.”
Her eyes widened.
“Maybe you don’t see everything behind the scenes, but all I’ve done is try to make this relationship work. It’s always me making all the effort. All you do is stand there and yell at me when I make one tiny mistake. Beatrice, I love you, but I’m sick of your bullshit.
“Me spending time with your dad wasn’t a crime. You’re blinded by hate, and if you weren’t, you would see that I was trying to do the best thing for you. I did nothing wrong, and yet, you’re acting like I seriously wounded you in some way. I admit I’m not perfect, but I think any other woman would appreciate me a lot more than you do.
“I’m sorry I took your virginity and now I’m nothing but a regret. Maybe you’ll remember it as nothing but a mistake, but I never will. That night meant a lot to me even if it no longer means anything to you.
“So…this is it for me. You want to break up? Well, I do too.” I stared at her, feeling my heart swell then crack in pain.
Her eyes coated with tears but they didn’t fall.
“I can’t keep doing this anymore,” I whispered. “If you really think I’m a horrible boyfriend who can’t be trusted then…I’m never going to convince you otherwise. I wish you the best and I hope you can find someone else that can put up with this day after day. But I sincerely hope you take a good look in the mirror and understand that you aren’t as perfect as you think. You’re full of flaws and need to seriously reconsider your ways.” I stared at her for a long time, feeling my own eyes burn.
She started to breathe harder, clearly in pain.
I stood there, hoping she would apologize and ask me to stay. I stood there, hoping she would forgive me and let everything go. I stood there, knowing she would never do any of those things. But yet, I stayed.
When I realized I was waiting for something that would never come to pass, I turned around and walked away. When my back was to her, the tears fell from my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. I wasn’t ashamed of the pain. I was ashamed that I loved someone who never really loved me.
***
I stayed in bed and hardly moved. My phone was off because I didn’t want to be disturbed. My bed was the only comfort I had. The room was constantly pitch black. A part of me wished Beatrice would come to my apartment and beg me to take her back. But a bigger part of me knew she was too stubborn and annoying to do that.
A knock on my door interrupted the silence. “Conrad?” It was Theo.
I didn’t speak, wanting him to go away.
He cracked the door and peered inside. “Sick or something?”
“Something like that,” I mumbled.
He eyed me for a moment then looked at the blanket that covered the window so absolutely no light could penetrate my cave. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m fine. Go away.”
He opened the door wider. “You’re scaring me, man.”
“I just want to be alone,” I said with a quiet voice.
He shut the door behind him then sat on the edge of the bed. He faced the opposite wall, not looking at me. “Something happen with Beatrice?”
I hated hearing her name. “I dumped her. Or, she dumped me. I don’t know…we’re done.”
He took a deep breath in surprise but he didn’t react in any other way. “Why?”
“Because she’s a stubborn know-it-all,” I said bitterly. I’d never said bad things about Beatrice but my opinion of her had changed. How could she throw me away so quickly when I was just trying to help? Did she ever love me? Was that just a hallucination?
Theo was quiet for a while. “Want to talk about it?”
“You know how I’ve been talking to her father, telling her about Beatrice and stuff?”
“Yeah.”
“She found out and broke up with me.”
“Why would she break up with you?” he asked quietly.
“She said she doesn’t trust me. She said I took his side. A ton of reasons…”
“She’ll come around in a week or so.”
“It doesn’t matter if she does.”
He looked at me over his shoulder.
“I’m sick of her bullshit,” I snapped. “I do everything for this girl, and any time there’s a little bump in the road, she points the finger at me and turns her back on me. She never wants to work through our problems. It’s always me fighting for her. I do everything for her and she never gives a damn. Fuck her.” I breathed hard through the anger. “I’m sick of her hurting me all the time. I’m sick of being cast aside like I mean nothing. She’s always getting pissed off at me for things I do, but they aren’t even bad things. Honestly, I spoke to her father so he would leave her alone. And I think she’s being irrational about the whole thing. All her father wants is to know his daughter. If he didn’t love her, I doubt he would try so hard. She’s incapable of accepting or giving love. Her mom’s death has ruined her completely. I knew she was damaged goods in the beginning, but I was okay with that because I thought I could fix it. Shit, I was wrong. No one can fix it.”
Theo stared down at his hands and remained quiet.
I stared at the ceiling and felt the truth weigh painfully on my lungs.
“I’m sorry, man.”
“Yeah…”
“So, are you guys really over?”
The bitter words came to my lips. “Yeah.”
***
I showed up at work for my first day, wearing a suit and tie and being utterly depressed. I drank a beer first thing in the morning just to kill the nerves. If anything, it just made my depression more intense.
Whatever.
I walked onto the floor then found my desk. It was in its own room with a great view. My computer looked brand new, and there was a picture of my parents sitting on the desk, obviously my father’s doing. A stack of paperwork was sitting there, waiting for me.
A knock on the door sounded and a woman stepped inside. “Hello, Mr. Preston. I’m Nina, your secretary.”
I had a secretary? “It’s nice to meet you, Nina.” I shook her hand.
She stared at my face, clearly knowing I wasn’t having a good day. “You too. Mr. Preston would like a word with you before you begin your day.”
I assumed she meant my father. “Thank you. I’ll head up there now.”
She walked out and returned to her desk.
Like a zombie, I headed to the top floor then approached his office.
His secretary, a young man, looked at me. “Mr. Preston?” He stood up and shook my hand.
“Call me Conrad,” I said immedi
ately.
“Tim,” he said.
“Nice to meet you.” I had a feeling I would be meeting a lot of new people today.
“He’s waiting for you.” Tim sat down again.
I walked into my dad’s office then sat down in a chair.
He was playing with his cell phone, probably texting my mom. When he was done, he looked at me. “So, excited for your first day?”
I shrugged. “Sure.” It was nice having a distraction, at least.
He eyed me for a moment, knowing something was off. “Are you ill?”
“Just tired,” I said quietly.
Dad wasn’t buying it. “What’s up?”
I knew he was going to find out anyway. Word traveled fast in the group. “Beatrice and I broke up.”
He didn’t react in any noticeable way. “I’m sorry.”
I shrugged.
“May I ask why?”
I launched into the account, and the more I spoke, the more pissed off I became. The anger flushed through me in waves. I rubbed my temple, feeling the painful vibrations of a migraine.
Dad brought his fingertips together and continued to look at me. “You doing okay?”
“I guess.”
“Your mother and I love Beatrice, as you know, but if you felt that the relationship was one-sided like that, then I’m glad you ended it. My son deserves a woman not only smart and beautiful, but who’s loyal and understanding. If she really can’t see how great you treat her, then she isn’t worth your time.”
Dad and I hardly had serious conversations like this. Most of the time, we just teased each other and made jokes. But he seemed genuinely upset that I was hurting. “Yeah…”
“I will exempt you from your contract. You can go home.”
I gave him an incredulous look. “What?”
“You don’t have to pay off your debt by working for me. Don’t worry about it.”
“You already gave Beatrice the money.”
He shrugged. “I care more about the fact that you gave her everything and she didn’t appreciate it. You shouldn’t have to suffer because you made the mistake of loving her. Don’t worry about it.”
“No,” I said immediately. “We made a deal. I’m not going to bail.”
He eyed me carefully. “I’m not pulling your leg and I’m not going to hold this against you later. Honestly, it’s okay.”
“No,” I said firmly. “We’re here because I asked for your help. It’s not your fault I made a mistake. I owe you so much for everything you’ve already done for me. I’ll work here like I said I would.”
He rubbed his knuckles while he thought quietly. “Conrad, I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do.”
“You didn’t have a problem with it before.”
He didn’t have an argument against that.
“Why do you want me to work here so badly anyway?” I asked.
He considered the question. “Before I worked at the company, I worked on Wall Street and at a private firm. So, I’ve been around. I know what it’s like to work for someone else, to have periodic evaluations and someone breathing down your neck to get your job done. I know what it’s like to have a cap on your salary. Your potential is limited the moment you walk inside. I don’t want that for you, Conrad. I want to save you time. If you worked here, you would be your own boss. If you didn’t feel like coming to work, you wouldn’t have to. You can go as far as you push yourself and there is no limit. You have the independence and freedom that no other job can offer you. Obviously, if you were passionate about something in particular like your sister, that would be different. But it seems like you’re a bit lost in that regard.”
I was. “I guess…”
“So, just work here for a while. If you find something else you’d rather do, you aren’t obligated to stay. But if you do like it, I’d like it if you would reconsider the CEO position. Sean and I would both feel more comfortable if there were two of you rather than one.”
“I’ll give it some thought.”
He nodded with a slight smile on his lips. “Glad to hear it.”
I sighed then leaned back in my chair, feeling empty.
“You can take some time off if you wish.”
“No, thanks,” I said. “I’d rather be distracted anyway.”
“Want to go golfing after work?” he asked. “I’ll let you drive the golf cart…”
I smiled for the first time in a week. “Really?”
“Yep. Just don’t crash it this time.”
I chuckled. “Okay. I’ll try.”
***
Dad and I hit the green and sunk a few balls. We decided to do an eight-hole game because eighteen was too long. By the end of the game, it would be nighttime. Dad had a good swing and he did better than me most of the time. But he was a regular golfer. I made it to the country club maybe once a year.
“How’s the studio coming along?” Dad asked.
“Theo thinks he found a good place. I’m going to take a look at it tomorrow.”
“Cool,” he said. “I’m sure you guys will have fun.”
“I just hope we don’t run it to the ground.”
He gave me a smile. “You’ll be fine, Conrad. I’m not worried about it.”
I stared at my ball and didn’t meet his gaze.
“So, Beatrice hasn’t called?”
I didn’t like talking about her. “No. And I know she won’t.”
He made his shot and sunk the ball into the hole. “I hope you’re wrong, Conrad.”
I wish I were too.
“But, it’s normal to have a few serious relationships before you find the right one.”
I couldn’t imagine having another serious relationship. I stayed away from them for a reason, and then Beatrice lured me in. “Wasn’t Mom your only serious relationship?”
“Yeah. But I knew she was the one pretty much from the beginning.”
“How?” I asked.
“Well, she was hot. That’s the most important factor.” He chuckled while he watched me hit the ball. “Then she was sassy and didn’t put up with bullshit, not even mine. And because she loved to eat Snickers.”
I stopped in mid-swing. “Snickers?”
“Yep. That’s when I knew she wasn’t like other girls.”
Finding a wife seemed so unlikely. I didn’t even want one anymore. The idea of trusting someone and putting myself out there didn’t sound appetizing. I preferred my old ways, having physical relationships without meaning. Those were easier, much easier.
Dad seemed to know what I was thinking. “Your mother and I broke up for a long time before we got back together.”
“Really?” I asked. “What happened?”
“She didn’t want to get married and I did. So we went our separate ways.”
“Mom didn’t want to get married?” I asked incredulously.
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“Your mother was married before. She lost faith in the institution.”
“Mom was married before?” This was a newsflash to me. I had no idea.
“Her marriage didn’t end on a good note. She promised herself she would never marry again, even though I was clearly the man for her.”
“How did you get back together?”
“I knocked her up.” He winked at me. “Then she tried to get me back but I pushed her away. When she told me she was pregnant and ready to have a family, that’s when I took her back. We’ve been happy ever since.”
“So, you had Trinity out of wedlock?” I asked.
“No. I married her immediately. I bought her a house and made her into a stay-at-home mom. She fought it at first but now she likes it.” He finished his turn to me. “My point is, relationships are not always smooth. There are tons of bumps along the way. But would love mean as much if it were so easy?”
It seemed like Beatrice and I always had bumps in the road. I couldn’t picture a happily ever after for us. She was too scarred
and damaged. My patience was gone. “I guess.”
“Just don’t give up, Conrad. You’re young and have a long way to go.”
“I’m not sure if I want to get married anymore…”
He gave me a sad look. “Everyone goes through that. You’ll make it through.”
We finished the match then headed back to the city. Dad had a fancy car similar to Uncle Sean’s. Despite their seriousness and professionalism, they were still kids who liked shiny toys.
He dropped me off in front of my apartment. “Thanks for golfing with me.”
“Sure. Thanks for taking me.”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “I’m always here to talk.”
“I know, Dad.” I gave him a slight nod.
“I love you, Son.” He looked into my eyes as he said it.
“I love you too, Dad.”
Chapter Three
Arsen
I was sitting on the couch reading a book while Ryan and Janice were sitting on the other couch. A sports game was on, and Ryan seemed particularly involved. He had one arm around his wife while his free hand held a beer. Janice rested her head on his shoulder but didn’t seem particularly thrilled at watching the game. Ryan was the biggest sports fanatic I knew. I’d never been a sports fan because I’ve never owned a TV before.
The door flew open and someone walked inside. “I left my sweater here last week. Have you seen it?”
I recognized her voice immediately. I lay back on the couch so she wouldn’t see me. My heart was beating so fast I thought it might give out.
Silke didn’t notice because she hadn’t looked at us. She immediately went to the coat rack and started to look through it.
Ryan exchanged worry looks with Janice. Silently, they had a conversation. Then they both jumped up. Ryan headed straight for Silke and kept her facing the wall so she wouldn’t see me.
Janice nodded to me then led me down the hallway. “Go in our room.”
I stepped inside without argument and shut the door. Then I listened.
Janice must have snatched the sweater from my room because she said, “Here it is, dear.”