by Vicki Tharp
“You think that’s okay that he gets to unilaterally decide what I do with my life? You think that I should give up my dreams, my—”
“That’s not what I’m saying at all.” Silas took her by the shoulders, gave her a gentle shake. “You didn’t let me finish.”
“Sorry.” She stared at the ground. His concern and frustration too raw in his eyes.
He put his arm around her and planted a kiss on the side of her head. “This is your life. You get to decide what’ll make you happy. You and no one else. But you also must balance that with what’s best for your family. I know that’s not telling you anything you don’t already know. I’m just saying I’m sure you can find a compromise that makes everyone happy. If you can’t, then you at least have to come to terms with that decision. You matter, Josephine. Your happiness matters. Don’t ever lose sight of that.”
Josephine nodded because those cockleburs were stubborn and weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. She smeared the heel of her hand across her wet cheek. What did she ever do to deserve a man like Silas in her corner?
“Oh, baby,” Silas said as he gathered her on his lap and held her. “It’s all going to work out. You’ll see.”
With a finger under her chin, he raised her face to his and pressed his lips to hers. Tender. A giving without taking. Caring. A sharing without demands. Just the Steady Eddy beat of his heart, and the warmth of his arms around her.
Silas hadn’t had time to grab a shirt when he’d followed her to the office. Josephine smelled the dried sweat on his skin, the musk of sex as his bare chest warmed against her cheek.
She wanted a time machine. A quick ride back. Back to twenty minutes ago, when Silas had opened her eyes to what she’d been missing. Opened her eyes to a whole other world of possibilities.
But she couldn’t go back in time.
She could only move forward.
She had a lot of thinking to do. As much as she wanted to sink into him and forget all her worries, she couldn’t do that.
With reluctance, she stood and helped him to his feet. “I think I’m going for a walk. Clear my head.”
“Want company?”
Yes. But this was something Josephine needed to do alone. “Naw. I’m good.”
As the sun worked its way through its summer arc, Josephine walked the rodeo grounds looking for direction. She sat at the top of the bleachers looking for perspective, and ended up in the stall where Comet had once stayed, looking to be grounded.
Someone had stripped the stall and dumped a new load of shavings. The sweet scent of pine wafted up, almost masking the undertones of urine where someone hadn’t done a good enough job digging out the pee spot.
Where was Comet when she needed him?
Outside the stall, she heard footsteps approach. Chet walked by, his attention on something ahead of him. Then his retreating steps stopped, and a few seconds later, he popped his head around the open stall door. “Hey. You okay?”
“I will be.” Eventually.
Chet stepped through the door, his cheeks flushed, and his gaze landed everywhere but on her. What the? Josephine glanced down and realized she was sitting there, sans bra, her body-hugging tank top leaving nothing to the imagination.
She folded her arms over her chest. “Something you needed?”
He looked in her direction, but his focus was on the stall wall somewhere to the left of her head. “I just…I wanted to let you know I didn’t say anything.”
Josephine sat up straighter. “To who? About what?”
“To your father. About you taking up with—” Chet jerked his head in the general direction of the parking lot and Silas’s trailer. “I have to go where Cox tells me to go. But what you do and with who…that’s your business. I can’t guarantee your father won’t hear it from someone else. This business being what it is and all, but if he does, I wanted to let you know it didn’t come from me.”
“I appreciate that.”
Chet nodded, still not able to meet her eye even though her arms covered anything revealing. “And for what it’s worth. He’s a good man. Foss, I mean. You could do a whole lot worse.”
That was the last thing she’d expected to hear coming out of Chet’s mouth. He wasn’t a man of many words. In the lifetime she’d known him, what he’d just said was probably more than what he’d ever said to her at one time. At least when it hadn’t pertained to anything that didn’t directly involve the ranch.
“I didn’t think you liked him.”
“I don’t. But that don’t make Silas a bad man.”
She didn’t know what to say to that, so she didn’t say anything. Chet stepped out of the stall and stopped. Without looking back, he said, “I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear any advice from, but you should enjoy this time while you can. Your secret is safe with me.”
7
Silas knew he was in the right place when he saw Chet striding down the aisle of stalls where Josephine had kept Comet during the rodeo. They passed each other with a tight nod, but no words.
At Comet’s stall, Silas stopped and propped a shoulder against the open sliding door. “Thought I might find you here. Missing Comet?”
“Mmmm.” Josephine nodded. “He’s pretty easy to talk to. He doesn’t judge. He doesn’t interrupt, and he doesn’t mind a few tears in his mane as long as I bribe him with a flake or two of alfalfa.”
Her smile faltered around the edges, tugging at his guilt. He should have made her go with Cora. Despite what the doctor had said, he could have managed on his own. But the truth was, a small part—make that a not so small part—had been selfish enough not to argue with her. And now she was hurting. “Have I told you how much I appreciate what you’ve sacrificed for me? You’re missing Salinas. Now you miss your horse and…”
“I wanted to do be there for you. You don’t have to thank me.”
He may have found her in Comet’s old stall, but her tone, her sincerity, confirmed she’d meant what she’d said.
He rammed his hands into his back pocket, felt the material he’d forgotten he’s stuffed in there. “Oh, I brought you something.”
He pulled her bra out of the back pocket of his jeans, stepped closer and dangled it out in front of her. She snagged her bra out of his hand, and even though they were protected by the walls of the stall, and only a few workers were left at the rodeo grounds, she looked around to make sure no one saw.
“Thank you.” She stood and swatted the shavings off her rear. “Turn around.”
Silas laughed. “You’re kidding me, right? A couple hours ago I had you naked, my—”
“This is different.”
He turned his back to her. “How is this different?”
“It just is.”
He heard the shuffling of her clothes as she got herself situated. “How long does it take to put on a bra?”
“I’m done, you can turn around.”
He turned as she pulled her hair from under her shirt. “I think I liked you better without the bra.”
She smiled and thumped his arm with the back of her hand. He caught it and backed her against the wall, the scent of fresh cut wood shavings wafting up. “But do you know what I like more?”
“What’s that, cowboy?”
“I like seeing a smile on your face again. Did you get it all figured out?”
“Some of it. A wise man told me something I’ve taken to heart.”
“A wise man, huh?” Silas didn’t like that sound of that, especially when he had a pretty good idea who that wise man was.
She wrapped her arms around Silas’s neck, and he settled his hands on her hips. Then again, if whatever Chet had said put Josephine in his arms, then the wise man was putting a smile on Silas’s face as well.
“Care to share?” Silas’s thumbs found bare skin, and he traced small circles low on her hip bones.
“I know we agreed to take this, whatever this is between us, one day at a time. I just escaped—I just got o
ut on my own. I’d planned to live a little before I settled down and I’m not looking for a ring or anything, or even to be wearing your belt buckle or—”
“Is there a problem with wearing my belt buckle?” He smiled. Her sentences had started running together again. He loved that talking about the two of them got her flustered.
Because if talking about the two of them got her flustered, then on some level she cared.
“It’s just that—”
“Can I say something here?” He hated to interrupt her, but if he didn’t say what was on his mind right here, right now, he wasn’t sure he’d get it out.
She ducked her head then met his gaze. “Sorry. I’ll shut up now.”
“I don’t want you to shut up, but I want you to hear what I have to say.” He turned and brought her with him as he leaned his back against the solid boards of the stall. His head may be feeling better, but he sure as hell wasn’t a hundred percent, despite what he wanted Josephine to believe.
She pressed her lips together and ran her fingers over the seam like she was zipping her mouth closed.
“I know you aren’t looking for a ring or even a man’s boots under your bed. I get that. But hotstuff, when you’re ready for those things, I want those boots under your bed to be my size eleven Tony Lamas. I want to be the man who gives you that buckle or that ring. Or whatever the hell it is that will tell the world I’m yours, and you’re mine.”
She pulled back. The smile vanished from her face. “What are you saying?”
“I’m trying to say, I love you.”
The words didn’t come as a surprise to him or as some sudden realization of his feelings. From the first time he’d ever seen her, drunk and riding Comet into a crowded bar, he’d been infatuated.
From the first time he’d watched her round that third barrel and gallop toward the alley, he’d been smitten.
From the first time they’d kissed, he’d fallen.
From the first time they’d made love, he’d loved her.
He waited a beat for his words to sink in. His heart hammering his ribs harder and faster than when Bone Crusher had sent him sailing through the air. Beating harder and faster because he knew what she said next could do more permanent damage to him than if that bull had danced the Two-Step on his chest.
Her hands fell from around his neck, and she took another step back. His stomach dropped beneath his boots.
“But we’ve only been together—”
“A very short time. I get it. But I’ve had my eye on you for—” Silas scrubbed a hand over his face. “Wait, that sounded creepy. Scratch that.” He caught her hands when she tried to pull away. His stomach flattened.
He was blowing this.
He caught a finger under her chin until her eyes met his. “Hear me out?”
She didn’t nod, but she took a step closer.
“I know we haven’t been together long, but more time won’t make my words any truer. I’ve learned in this business that it’s best not to leave things unsaid. So, I’m saying it. I love you.”
She started shaking her head as if she wanted to deny it. He held her face in his hands so she could look into his eyes and know his truth. “I love you. And I love the rodeo. But bull riding is a young man’s game.”
“Young man’s game? You’re only what? Twenty-six?”
He nodded. “But I won’t be twenty-six forever. For me, bull riding is a means to an end. Win my stake. Buy some land. Settle down. Stay in the same town for more than three or four nights in a row. And someday, I want that with you.”
“Someday…” The hint of a smile flickered across her face then disappeared as if she were afraid to believe in a future.
“When you’re ready. A month. A year. Hell, ten years. I don’t care.”
“When Cheyenne is over, I’m going home. I realized I can’t turn my back on my parents. They need me now. Until then, I want to spend the time I have left with you. But I also don’t want to string you along. I can’t promise a lifetime. All I can promise you is the next few weeks.”
Silas’s stomach clawed its way back into his body. Her words didn’t mean forever, but they also weren’t an outright rejection. He could accept that. After all, he’d been the one to suggest they take things one day at a time and here he was trying to change the rules in the middle of the game.
He should have kept his mouth shut.
Would he be man enough to tell her goodbye when Cheyenne was over and not look back or have regrets?
He hoped he didn’t have to find out. “Hotstuff, I’ll take what I can get.”
He hugged her to him, then took her hand and led her out of the stall, before he did all the things he shouldn’t want to do to her in a freshly bedded stall on the outskirts of Calgary.
Josephine had to jog to keep up with his long strides. “Slow down, what’s the big rush?”
He had an idea. They left the barn. The sun was setting, and he could already feel the coolness moving in for the night. If they wanted to make California by the weekend, they had to get on the road.
“Salinas,” Silas said. “I hear there’s a horse there, missing his momma.”
“But, the doctor—”
“The doc said to stay put for four days. Which is up tomorrow. A few hours one way or the other isn’t going to kill me.”
Her smile went as wide as the Canadian Rockies, only more beautiful. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and steered her toward Chet’s truck and camper. He thumped on the back wall by Chet’s open door and stuck his head inside. “We’re headed to California. We leave in thirty minutes if you wanna caravan.”
* * *
Silas thumped on the side of Josephine’s trailer in the rodeo lot in Salinas, poked his head through the open door and said, “You’ve got five minutes, or Toby and I are leaving for Calamity’s to celebrate without you.”
Josephine finished tying the ribbon on the end of her braid. “You can’t leave without me, it’s my celebration.”
“Five minutes. We’ll swing by and pick you up.” Silas jogged back toward his truck and camper before she could protest.
She plucked her best straw hat from the hanger above the door and stomped her feet into her bar boots—the turquoise ones with the two-inch heels that matched her one and only western skirt. The skirt hit her mid-thigh and made her a little self-conscious, but somehow, she’d let Cora talk her into buying it. It wasn’t like she was trying to catch a man.
In the few days since they’d left Calgary, Silas hadn’t told her again that he loved her. He wasn’t the kind of man who was mushy or sappy or showered women with gifts. Instead, he showed his love in the little things he did for her every day. Like mucking out Comet’s stall and hauling heavy water buckets and making sure she had enough hay and waiting in the alley for her after her run.
More importantly, he hadn’t pressured her into saying she loved him back.
Since he wasn’t the type to play head games, he’d just laid his heart at her feet. She admired his confidence as well as his vulnerability as he waited for her to decide if she would stomp his heart into the ground and kick it aside, or pick it up and keep it forever.
As Toby pulled up, the engine in his old truck coughing more than chugging, Silas slid out the passenger side of the single cab, and she scooted to the middle of the bench seat, her feet straddling the hump.
“Hey, Toby.”
“Hey, beautiful.”
Silas growled. Toby grinned and let out a loud whoop through the open window as he tromped on the accelerator. The engine wheezed, then backfired, then lurched forward, gaining momentum. Cora and that bulldogger—Josh?—came running out of the rodeo office and intercepted them.
“Can we catch a ride?” Cora leaned through Toby’s window, giving Silas’s friend an appraising once-over as if she were already picking out her next victim, or conquest, or whatever the heck you could call the men in Cora’s life these days.
Toby gestured toward the bed
of his truck with his thumb. Cora and her guy jumped into the tail bed. Toby had to stop two more times and pick up more riders before he’d made it out of the parking lot. The added weight made the rear springs sag, and the overloaded truck’s nose point in the air like a plane ready for takeoff.
Luckily, Calamity’s was only one turn and two backfires away from the rodeo grounds. Toby parked, and the riders in the back spilled out. A few handed over a dollar or two for the ride. The rest scattered, except for Cora and Josh who followed Josephine, Silas, and Toby into the bar and grill.
That late at night, Calamities was like any other bar close to a rodeo on a Saturday night—crowded, loud. The rowdy weekend cowboys already full of whiskey and testosterone, and one wrong look or slung insult away from a fight.
Most of the pros nursed their beers or had hit the sack early, catching up on sleep for their events the next day.
On their way to an empty booth, one of the weekend boys spotted Toby’s long black braid, and the single bear claw strung around his neck from a piece of leather. The idiot placed two fingers behind his head like feathers and made an obnoxious wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah sound as he patted his hand over his mouth like a five-year-old playing cowboys and Indians.
Dropping Josephine’s hand, Silas stalked toward the drunk and his minions who belly laughed like they’d never seen anything so damn funny. Toby caught Silas by the shoulder, a brisk, “Leave ‘em,” coming out of his mouth.
Silas shook off Toby’s hand but allowed his friend to steer him back toward the booth.
Josephine and Cora slid in on opposite sides of the table. Silas sat next to her, and Josh slid in next to Cora. Toby hijacked a chair and sat at the end of the table.
“I don’t know how you put up with that shit,” Silas said. “Just let me at them. Five minutes. Hell, I’m so pissed I don’t even need that long. I can do plenty of damage in two. I’ve seen Josh’s right hook. We could get it done in one.”
“It’s not worth it. Trust me.” Toby leaned back in his chair, his shoulders relaxed but a muscle twitched by his right eye.