by Sarah Price
“It’s not for me.”
I jump off the crate and stand right next to Jack.
“Let me guess, soccer star, right?”
“Of course.”
“Playing for Real Madrid.”
“Is there any better team?”
“OK so what if that falls through. You break a leg or something.”
“What nice thoughts you have and here I thought you were supposed to be my friend.”
He looks over at me and then quickly back at the grill, as he flips the burgers over with a spatula. The smell of the meat sizzling on the hot surface makes my mouth water.
“I am and as your friend, I want to make sure you have a backup plan. What’s your Plan B?”
“I don’t know.”
I can tell from the way he is trying to avoid looking at me that he knows but doesn’t want to say it.
“Everyone has an idea. For me, you know its medicine and for you?”
“Maybe write.”
He says this so low, I can barely hear him. I repeat the word to make sure.
“Write?”
“Yes, I like to write.”
He keeps his eyes on the grill and I can tell that he is embarrassed, maybe afraid of my reaction. I nod and add without a trace of humor in my voice.
“I can see it. “
“You can?”
He sounds and looks surprised.
“Yes, I can. Think about it-Jack Riojas, famous best-selling author.”
I see a smile form from the corners of his mouth.
“Maybe, we’ll see. For now, it’s nice to know I have choices.”
“What a pair we’ll be. I’ll find a cure to cancer and you can write about it.”
Tia shakes the thoughts from her head and looks at Jack in a different light. She wonders what became of those dreams of his and resolves to find out. She decides to start off slowly, not sure how he will react to her questions. “You have a great memory. I can’t believe you remember so much.”
“You just made a very good impression.”
She can’t resist the urge to tease him, urging him to open up more about their time together. “So you expect me to believe that as a teenage boy you were only really interested in talking?”
He lets out a laugh loud enough to have a table next to them with a young family look over. Jack leans forward and motions for Tia to move closer.
“You didn’t let me finish. I remember other things too but this is a family establishment and I have to watch what I say. But if you could read my mind right now.”
Tia places her hand on her forehead and pretends to be shocked. “Really, Jack, you have a very active and dirty imagination.”
“You asked.”
“I did, didn’t I?”
“Yes you did.” He nods but is smiling at her.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure, it’s still your turn.”
Now is the time, Tia decides, to ask. “You took over the family Inn, right?”
“True.”
“So if we‘re still playing the memory game, I also remember something else about you.”
“Go ahead, I’m listening and intrigued.”
“I remember that it wasn’t in your life plan to take over the Inn.”
He looks cautiously at her. She is trudging on dangerous ground. “Now who has the good memory, Tia?”
She presses on. “Am I wrong?”
“No, you’re right.”
“So what happened?”
There is a slight pause, a look of uncertainty and then the answer. In that moment, Tia is reminded of the young Jack cooking on the grill with his eyes down. “I am not sure, Tia, I got married, wanted to settle down, needed something secure and the Inn was established and could provide for my family.”
“I can certainly understand that.” Indeed, she understands all too well.
“But if it really comes down to it, I couldn’t disappoint my father. He died in peace knowing that I would carry the family tradition forward.”
“But you still sound as if you would walk away from it if you could?”
“It was my father’s dream, not mine.”
“So how about your dream?”
Another pause and then a quiet response. “It’s still there. Just on hold.”
Tia nods, knowing a thing or two about dreams being put on hold. One more question but she wonders if she should, knowing that she is pushing the envelope, knowing that she is steering the conversation to topics too intimate, too personal for just casual friends but then realizing that they were never just friends. “What changed?”
“Everything after Sarah died.”
Tia is stunned into silence, amazed at Jack’s honesty, however painful it is, and again, she understands where he is coming from. It seems like everything died after her own divorce. Not wanting to press the matter any further, she instead takes her coffee cup and raises it up as if to propose a toast. Smiling at him, she offers, “Here’s to old friends.”
He smiles back and raises his cup up to hers. “Here’s to our amazing memories.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
Tia takes a sip, looks over at Jack and decides to take another chance. She raises her cup again and adds. “Here’s to new dreams.”
“I like the sound of that.”
They spend a few minutes sipping coffee in silence, lost in thoughts of dreams and the past. The conversation starts up again with news of family members and friends they both have in common and then it gets personal again. With Jack, Tia realizes, there is nothing superficial, nothing on the surface-what he thinks, he speaks and after having spent years hiding the truth from herself, her family and friends, her kids and most importantly her husband regarding their failed marriage, it takes Tia by surprise.
“So you have kids, huh?”
“Yes, although not kids anymore. Jaime and Javi are both 18 years old.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“They’re a handful.”
“But a joy.”
“Sometimes,” Tia smiles.
“I would love to have kids someday. Sarah and I talked about it a lot. After five years of marriage, we were finally ready.”
Tia looks into Jack’s eyes and sees the pain but instead of hiding it away, he seems so comfortable talking about it. She wonders how he’s able to do it. “You talk about Sarah as if she is still here.”
“I don’t believe in burying a person’s memory along with the body.”
Tia feels a pang of guilt at Jack’s words and whispers, “That’s what I did with my father. When he died, I didn’t know how to handle it. So I ignored it. After the funeral, I buried all of my feelings and memories along with him and moved on.” As the words flow out of her, she can’t believe how easy it comes out, how she wants Jack to know, how much she needs to talk to someone about it.
And just as Tia predicted, Jack knows exactly what to say-the pain of losing a loved one is something they both have in common. “That’s not good because you can’t bottle emotions up. Sooner or later, it comes out.”
“That is exactly what happened. When I came back here, it resurfaced. In talking to people who knew him and visiting him at the cemetery, it all came back.”
“How did it make you feel?”
She is not expecting that question but just like Jack did before, she gives him an honest answer. “Terrible, at first, guilty then because I wasn’t here for him and finally it was comforting. It’s nice sitting here with you and hearing you talk about my father and the last few years of his life and how happy he was. It’s like having a part of him back with me.”
Tia has never even talked to Michael about her dad, preferring to keep it to herself. With Jack, it just flows out naturally. He nods in understanding.
“That’s how I feel about Sarah. No sense in keeping her locked up inside me. I prefer to keep Sarah’s spirit alive through me.”
After a moment of silence, Jack sp
eaks again and what he says changes Tia profoundly. “Just remember to do the same for Abby. Keep her spirit alive.”
She nods quietly and looks down, squinting her eyes to keep the tears from forming. She knows he’s right, but how? How can she even begin to think about keeping her spirit alive when she doesn’t want to even face the fact that she will have to let Abby go soon? Somehow, she knows she’s got to find a way, if not for her, for Abby.
The loud sound of Jack clapping his hands together brings her back to reality and almost makes Tia jump out of her chair.
“So now that we’ve asked our questions and caught up, how about having some fun?”
Tia looks up and sees Jack’s broad, mischievous grin and realizes how contagious it can be. She grins back and asks, “I like the sound of this but I’m not sure. What do you mean by fun?”
“Since you’ve been gone for so long, a lot of things have changed here and I thought you would like a personal tour with yours truly as your guide. Are you up for it?”
Leave it to Jack to go from serious to lighthearted in two seconds flat. Is she up for some fun with him? After so many months of pain, it seems that she is. After all, isn’t this what Abby had asked her to do? So just like when they were kids, Tia realizes at that moment that she is going to go wherever Jack leads her.
Tia and Jack
Jack leads me to the entrance of a small cave hidden from view by some branches and leaves.
“This is it.” Jack extends his arms out in pride.
“You did this?”
“I found it some years back. It used to be some kind of animal shelter but I claimed it as my own. I like coming here when I want to get away, be alone, away from my parents, away from everything.
“And no one knows it’s here?”
“No one, except you.”
I do not know what to say to that. So instead, I lean over to him and brush my lips against his as my arms wrap around his neck. He pulls my body towards him and returns my kiss, gentle at first and then with more urgency. After a few minutes, I pull away, afraid of losing my self-control. As I do I cannot resist teasing him.
“Was that worth sharing your secret place with me?”
His face is within inches of mine and he utters in a low voice, “So very worth it! If I show you more of my secret hiding places, will you kiss me again like that?”
I smile and answer, “Maybe.” And then add with sincerity because I truly mean it, “Thank you for bringing me here. I know it’s a special place for you.”
“I wanted to. I wanted to share this with you.”
They make plans to meet again on Saturday. Despite herself, Tia is excited about spending more time with Jack. While he still has some traits of his younger self-the mischievousness, the humor, the self-confidence, Jack has grown up to be so much more than she ever imagined-an honest man, warm and sincere, someone who has been through a lifetime of pain and yet, still sees the worth in living. She suspects that it has a lot to do with what he has been through in the past few years. Tia can still hear his words echoing in her head, “Keep Abby’s spirit alive.”
On the way back to the hotel, she thinks a lot about those words and what exactly Jack has asked her to do. She knows that his request about Abby has a lot to do with his love for Sarah. The hurt still apparent in his gestures and the way he still talks about her as if she exists in every part of his world. It’s powerful. Just then, Tia thinks back to her own history with Abby and what she has meant to her. Just like Sarah, Abby exists in every part of Tia’s world. And in thinking about her world, Tia knows in an instant exactly how she can honor Abby and keep her spirit alive. When she gets to her hotel room, she closes the door behind her and walks over to her suitcase. She opens it up on the bed and pulls out a brown paper bag, tied loosely around with string. Undoing the string, she holds the bag upside down and lets the content spill out onto the comforter. She looks down at the scattered mess and smiles. Silently, she thanks Jack.
Chapter Ten
One more day until she sees Jack again and she can’t believe that she’s actually counting down the minutes until then. She really enjoyed spending time with him and had forgotten how easy it was to be with him and how much they still had in common. But since that shared cup of coffee, Tia hasn’t seen him much and she’s surprised at how much she misses talking to him. He’s been busy with work and Tia has been busy with Abby. Yet, he seems to be in the back of her mind at all times, ready to spring up whenever she sees a familiar sight, hears the sound of the ocean or hears his name being mentioned by one of the guests or Abby. Then, all of the memories rise right up to the surface, the old and the new mixed together, causing Tia to lose focus.
It doesn’t help that Abby has found it her purpose in life to tease her merciless after Tia let it slip that she was planning to see Jack again. Despite the fact that it is at her expense, Tia doesn’t mind the teasing very much. It has reenergized Abby and made her forget, if only for a few moments at a time, the losing battle that she is waging with her body.
There are rare moments of laughter between the two and it is during those times that Tia convinces herself that Abby will somehow pull through this illness, despite the percentages, rates and odds thrown out by the doctors, that they are all wrong and that Abby is a survivor. It is during those times that Tia finds Abby waiting for her with a smile and a joke. They take walks to the beach or have dinner together at the Inn’s restaurant and everything is as it should be. But there are times, more frequent now, when Abby is in such pain that she can’t get out of bed and she sleeps the day away exhausted and numb from all of the medication.
The Friday before her date with Jack is one of Abby’s good days and Tia finds her on the beach, with a blanket spread out besides a picnic basket that contains two bottles of wine and a loaf of bread.
“Got your note,” Tia says, as she waves a piece of hotel stationery in the air.
“Now the party can begin.” Abby smiles and pats her hand down on an empty space on the blanket.
“What is all this?” Tia asks as she squats down next to her and spreads her legs out before her, balancing herself with her stretched out hands.
“It’s called catching up time.”
“Over a bottle of wine?” Tia eyes her with suspicion.
Abby waves the bottle of unopened wine in her hand. “You know what they say, ‘When in Spain…’ Now stop with the interrogation and drink with me.”
“Is this OK to be doing?” Just as the words leave her lips, Tia realizes how much she sounds like her own mother, disapproving and confrontational. She winces at the realization.
Abby sets the wine bottle down by her side. “Tia, stop worrying. I have permission, if that’s what you mean.” She must have given her an incredulous look because Abby adds, “Do you want to see a note from my doctor? Stop diagnosing and pour yourself a glass. I am feeling good today and I want to take advantage of it.”
Tia looks over at Abby, who is wearing a long skirt patterned with a variety of bright colors, which lays draped around her, covering her legs. It reminds Tia of the carnivals back home and somehow the smell of cotton candy finds its way to the tip of her nose. Abby struggles with the bottle for a moment before pouring a generous quantity of wine into one of the glasses, which she hands to Tia.
“And what are we drinking to?” Tia asks as she takes the glass from her hand.
“Oh, I don’t know. To this beach, to the warm weather, to friendship,” she stares at Tia and smiles. “Ah hell, do we really need a reason to drink?”
“You never needed one before so I guess why start now.”
They both laugh and, for the first time, the thought of death does not seem to hang over their heads like it has for too many days since Tia arrived. To Tia, being there with Abby, feels like it did back when they were teenagers in high school, sneaking drinks from her parent’s liquor cabinet while her mom and dad were out for the evening with friends.
“Drink up,
the day is almost over and we have the rest of the evening to get drunk,” Abby says.
Nearly an hour later, as the sun is setting over the horizon, Abby has made good on her promise. Tia feels the warm rush of the alcohol rise to her face and everything that she hears sounds amusing to her. Abby is in the middle of one of her unbelievable travel tales.
“And so you went skinny sipping?” Tia asks, unconvinced.
“Don’t you mean, skinny dipping?” Abby corrects her.
“Didn’t I say that?” Tia squints her eyes, trying to recall exactly what she did say, the alcohol clouding her thoughts and slurring her words.
“No.”
“What did I say?”
“Sipping, skinny sipping, although there was a lot of that going on, too,” Abby says, winking at Tia.
“No, I meant to say, did you go skinny dipping with the Russian circus?” Tia is trying her best to keep up with the conversation. Her head feels fuzzy but she doesn’t mind the feeling.
“Not the entire Russian circus,” Abby replies, sipping at her wine before she adds, “Only the contortionist.”
“You are making this up.” The story sounded too crazy even for Abby.
“Maybe I am and maybe I’m not,” she sighs. “Needless to say, he ruined me for all other men that night.” Tia laughs, as Abby stares at the horizon, changing her tone to one of hushed awe, “Look at that sky, so red. It’s going to be a beautiful day tomorrow.”
“Yes, it is.” Tia agrees as she looks at the swirl of beautiful colors in the sky, recalling what her mother had told her as a young girl about predicting the weather just by looking at the color of the clouds.
Changing the subject, Abby asks about Tia’s children. “How are Javi and Jaime?”
Tia focuses her attention back to Abby. “They’re doing great. Javi will be starting his first year at Duke University. He wants to be a doctor.”
“Just like his dear old mom.”
“Yeah, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Tia looks down at her almost empty glass of wine. She doesn’t want any more. “Jaime is planning on working at an advertising agency in the city. She wants to work before she decides whether college is right for her. Tells me she is doing her dad and me a favor, saving us all that money in tuition. Michael says I should just let it go, let her do what she wants but . . .”