by Sarah Price
“You can stay for as long as you want.”
“I’m not sure I can pick up and move on right now.”
“Why? Michael has.”
Tia winces at the comment, “That’s not fair, Abby. This is not his fault.”
“I’m not saying it is but he’s the one dating, not you. Wouldn’t you say he’s moved on?”
It was hard for me to argue her point and so instead I offered, “I can’t expect him to be alone forever.”
“No but at least he could have waited until the body was cold.”
“I’m not going to argue with you on this. I’ve had enough of fighting.”
“Come, Tia. Now’s your chance. Let’s find our way to a local restaurant where they serve mouth-watering empanadas and they tangos all night long. We’ll find you a handsome dancing partner and you can forget you were ever married.”
As much as I appreciated the offer, I couldn’t bring myself to go. I needed to stay home for the sake of my children but more importantly, I needed to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and try to put it back together. I guess I could have spared myself the drama that is Abby by not calling her and instead telling her about Michael in a postcard but I also knew that what I needed more than anything at that moment was to hear her voice on the other end of the line, letting me know everything was going to turn out fine. I just needed to know that she would always be there.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
After Abby drifts back to sleep, Tia leaves her in the care of the nurse and heads back to her room to change for her dinner with Jack. Unlike the night before, she settles on something more casual to wear, choosing a blue tank top, khaki capri pants and black sandals, the clothes matching her mood. As the cab turns into his driveway, she can see the flicker of soft lights from the windows of the house and knows that Jack is waiting inside. Tia is nervous. She hasn’t seen Jack since the night before. Does she act as if nothing has happened? Will it be awkward? What will he expect from me?
When she rings the door, it’s a long minute before he answers but when he does, Tia knows that she has nothing to worry about with Jack. He greets her with a warm smile and a hug, kissing her softly on the lips. He is dressed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. She is happy to see that he also dressed casually, setting a relaxed tone for the night. Right now, she can’t deal with anything more.
“Tia, come in.”
As soon as Tia walks through the door, Jack is right besides her, circling his arms around her waist, pressing her to him. His lips are on hers again. He pulls away and in a whisper says to Tia, “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
Although the words should make Tia happy, thoughts of Abby won’t let her be. Jack senses this and asks with a concerned look, “Is everything OK?”
Tia shakes her head. She can’t break down twice in one day. She just cannot and not in front of Jack. “It’s Abby,” is all Tia can say.
Jack doesn’t need for Tia to say anymore. His arms are now pulling her close to him and he is holding her tightly. He doesn’t say anything. His hands, instead, let her know that he understands as he gently caresses her hair while Tia nuzzles her head on his shoulder.
Finally, after a few minutes, Tia breaks away and rubs her eyes free of any tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, Tia.”
“Abby is not doing so well and I don’t know what to do.”
Jack leads Tia through the living room to the kitchen and has her sit down on one of the barstool chairs on the island. “Sssh, Tia. It’s going to be alright.” He reaches out for her hand and looks into her eyes. His voice calming, “There is nothing you can do except be there for her. That’s why she asked you to come, right?”
“I just feel so helpless and it’s maddening.”
“I know but you can’t change any of it, as much as you want to.” His voice sounds strong and Tia looks into Jack’s eyes, knowing that he is speaking from experience. “Do you want to go back and stay with her?” Of course, he would offer. He knows how important Abby is to her.
“No, she’s sleeping and needs her rest. Besides, she wants me to be here.”
He smiles again and gives her hand a squeeze, “Well then, let’s not disappoint her.” And before she can say anything more, Jack adds, “I’m glad you came. Are you hungry?”
“Yes.” And she is, realizing that she had nothing to eat the entire day, having only a glass of wine for breakfast and skipping over lunch.
“Good because I’ve made us quite a feast. Give me a few minutes and dinner will be served.”
The smell of the food is intoxicating and Jack is clearly at home in the kitchen, mixing and grilling, sautéing and seasoning the food. She sits there, watching him, transfixed, reminded of the days when Jack would make her hamburgers on the grill in the kitchen of the Rioja. She has almost forgotten how good of a chef he really is.
They eat outside in the patio and after dinner and coffee is served, Jack takes Tia by the hand and they walk down to the beach together. They sit down on the sand. Jack positions himself behind Tia, encircling his arms around her shoulders as she leans back into his chest. It feels so natural, almost as if time hasn’t passed by at all between them. It is a cool night and Tia has forgotten to bring a jacket. Jack’s arms, though, is all she needs to keep her warm. Tia can hear his voice by her ear and his breath on her neck as he leans his chin on her shoulder. It sends shivers down her spine.
“Do you want to hear a story?”
Tia simply nods, remembering how good of a storyteller Jack can be and he begins, “It’s an old folklore that my mother used to tell me. I guess you can call it a bedtime story. At the Rioja, my mom and I would take long walks by the beach. It was our time to spend together. Before I tell you the story, I think I should tell you about my mother. I know you’ve met her before.”
Tia nods. She remembers Rosa Rioja well. She had an infectious laugh that could silence a room and make her the center of attention, something that she passed down to her eldest son. She was quick with a story or a joke and her friendliness was legendary in Muros. She remembers also how much she liked her and how much she loved her family.
Jack interrupts her thoughts with his own account of his mother, “She was a woman of extreme passion and she believed in the power of love almost as much as she believed that there was a God in heaven. She would say to me that no other power was as strong as the beating of one’s own heart. We used to sit on the beach often and watch the sun go down. It was a ritual for us. And as the sun set, she would tell me about Pilar and Fernando.”
Jack pauses, waiting for Tia to weave a picture in her mind.
“Pilar and Fernando lived on this beach a long, long time ago. Fernando was a fisherman and Pilar was his beautiful wife. Each night before they went to bed, they would make love on the sand and fall asleep together, with their bodies intertwined, by a warm fire. They were beyond happy. But the sea, who watched the lovers every night, was madly in love with Pilar and very jealous of Fernando because he had her as his own. The sea vowed that someday he would make Pilar his forever and so he waited patiently for the chance.
“One day, when Fernando went off to work on his fishing boat, the sea sought his revenge. Pilar watched Fernando sail away that day, never to return again. The sea, you see, created a fierce storm, which swallowed Fernando’s tiny boat. Fernando valiantly fought the sea but, in the end, he lost the battle for the love of his wife. Pilar, in the meantime, waited for Fernando to return. She waited for months, then years, and in the end, she waited an eternity. And every day that she waited, she cried. The tears she shed made their way back to the sea. It was then that the sea realized that he could never claim Pilar as his own. She would always belong to Fernando.”
Jack pauses again and Tia is so caught up in the images of Pilar and Fernando that she doesn’t even notice that he has stopped talking.
“The locals here say that Pilar slowly turned into a beautiful rock, the one you s
ee right over there.” He points his finger and Tia follows the direction of his arm with her eyes. There she sees a series of rocks, covered in green moss and glistening wet from where the waves have crashed into them.
“They say that, to this day, Pilar patiently waits for her lover and, sometimes, when the sun sets and you sit very still, you can hear her voice crying out in anguish and, when it rains and the water gets rough, you may see Fernando out on his boat, fighting against the sea, trying to make his way back to Pilar.”
“What a sad and beautiful story.”
“I believe in it,” he says.
“You do?”
“Not so much the story but the message in the story.”
“Don’t go out sailing when a storm is about to hit?” Tia replies, trying to steer the conversation to something not quite as serious. Jack won’t allow the moment to pass.
“No, that love is so powerful that even death can’t stop it.” He pauses to allow Tia some time to think and then he asks, “Do you think it’s just a coincidence that Abby came here?
“Well, she heard me talk about Muros so often that I don’t think it was by accident that she came.”
“But out of all the places in the world she could have picked, she chose here. She came here and now you and I are together.”
“You believe in fate?” Tia asks, not sure the practical side of her would agree with the notions of destiny and soul mates.
“I believe everything has its purpose. Don’t you?”
Tia can feel anger rising up in her. How can he be so sure, how can he possibly know? Maybe it is all just random coincidences, “There is no purpose to Abby dying.”
“There is always a purpose for everything.”
The anger builds and like a tidal wave, Tia lets it all go, every feeling that has been locked up inside her all day long, and she directs her anger at Jack, “Really, including your wife? Was there a purpose in her death?” The moment the words leave her mouth, Tia regrets them. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said it. I was way out of bounds.”
“No, you’re being honest.” Jack shakes his head and shifts his body so that he is now facing Tia, “Did I believe at the time that Sarah died for a reason? Of course not! I was angry with everyone and everything for a very long time-mad at God, didn’t even believe in God.”
Tia doesn’t say a word, listening intently. She’s glad Jack is confessing to feelings of rage and uncertainty. It makes him human. Up to this point, she didn’t think anything bothered him. He keeps going, “I pushed my family away and I didn’t want to see my friends or talk to anyone. I locked myself away in this house. And just like Pilar in the story, I would sit on this beach for days, waiting for Sarah to return. But as weeks went by, I realized that she wasn’t coming back. It was my mom who talked me off the ledge.”
Jack looks down at the sand, unable to meet her eyes. Tia sits there patiently, waiting for him to continue, “She told me that I had a choice to make. I could choose to be like Pilar and wait, letting my life pass me by, or I could choose to move on without Sarah. It took a lot of soul searching but I finally chose living. I realized that I didn’t want to be like Pilar, I didn’t want to turn into stone.”
Jack looks up at Tia, his voice shaky, his eyes sad, “And when I made the choice, I began to see that I hadn’t really lost all of Sarah. She’s part of me. I believe that she’s been guiding me through every decision I have made since her death and they’ve all been good ones and now I am hopeful of my life.”
“I wish I felt the same way about Abby, about my divorce,” Tia admits.
“You will,” he replies. “Give it some time.”
“I don’t think I will ever understand why Abby has to die.”
“It brought you here, didn’t it? Back to your past, in front of me.”
Tia looks down and is silent for a moment, “Jack, I think that we need to take this slow.”
“This?”
“Yes, this, us. I need for you to be patient with me. It’s all so much all at once.”
Jack pulls her chin up with his hand, “Tia, take as long as you want. I will wait because this time, unlike Fernando, I know you’ll return to me.”
They spend the next few minutes in silence. And because Tia feels her there with them, has felt her all along, a presence, like Jack said, or a ghost like Tia believes, she needs to learn more about Sarah. Not wanting to open up any more painful wounds, Tia starts off cautiously, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Absolutely.”
“It’s personal so if you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to.” Déjà vu, she thinks. Had it only been a few days ago when she had the same conversation with Abby?
“What is it that you want to know?”
“If you had to use one word to describe Sarah, what would it be?” Tia is expecting Jack to turn away or get angry because she knows that would be her own reaction if asked the same question. But instead, Jack frowns and looks at her intently, “One word?”
“Yes.”
He repeats the question back to Tia, “Only one?”
“Yes,” She laughs at Jack’s response, knowing how absurdly silly her question must probably sound to him. But she really wants to know the answer. When he doesn’t say anything, she wonders if it’s still too painful and she’s sorry she asked at all. “You don’t have to do this,” Tia turns away, embarrassed for bringing it up.
“No, no, I want to,”
Jack looks sincere but Tia is not convinced. “No, forget about it. It’s nothing.”
Jack places his hand on Tia’s cheek to turn her head to face him. The feel of his hand is soft. She blushes immediately and hopes he hasn’t noticed the effect he has on her, “I will answer it. I want to . . . just give me a minute to think about it.”
Tia can see the smirk on Jack’s lips as his eyes move upward, deep in thought, “A word to describe Sarah. How do I describe her . . .only one word, no more, right?”
Tia shakes her head, “No more.”
She is in awe with how much at ease Jack is with saying his wife’s name. Tia still finds it very hard to talk about Michael and he is very much a part of her life, living and breathing. In a moment, Tia notices that the smirk has turned into a genuine smile, mischievous, playful. She knows that Jack, in his head, is reliving the memories of his wife, memories that only he understands-as if it is a secret between him and Sarah. It’s the second time that Tia feels jealous of Sarah which she knows is ridiculous since Sarah is gone and she, Tia, is alive and with Jack. Yet she can’t shake off the feeling that the memories still take hold of him, a strong hold that is hard to compete with although Jack has never asked her to try.
“Deliciosa.”
“Deliciosa?” Tia repeats, confused by his choice of words.
“Yes, it sounds exactly like that in English. Delicious.”
“Your wife was delicious? That is your word?” Tia is dumbstruck and can’t understand that, out of all the words in the Spanish language, Jack chooses that one to describe his wife.
As if reading her mind, Jack goes on to say, “It sounds strange, I know, but let me explain.” His eyes light up all at once as he talks excitedly. “Have you ever tasted chocolate?”
“Yes, of course.” She answers, not sure where this is going.
“Have you ever smelled a bouquet of roses?”
“Yes.” Picturing the weekly bouquet of roses that she has on her dining room table back home.
“Have you ever closed your eyes and listened to the sounds of the ocean or felt the touch of skin on skin?”
“Yes,” Tia is beginning to understand, her mind reeling from the last sentence he’s spoken, remembering for a moment the feel of his skin against her own.
“All those things are delicious. That was Sarah. The smell of her, the taste of her, the sight of her were all…” He hesitates, smiling as if thinking of some secret memory. “She was just delicious. I never tired of her.”
“That’
s a pretty high standard to live up to.” As if catching herself, Tia adds nervously, “I mean for anyone in your life to live up to.”
“You would think so but that’s not true. Sarah is Sarah. She can never be replaced but there are different kinds of chocolate, different kinds of flowers and different textures of skin. They are all different but no less, they taste, smell and feel just as wonderful, just as . . .”
“Delicious,” Tia finishes the sentence, finally understanding Jack’s message, which she knows, is directed to her.
“Exactly.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Tia and Jack
It was the last day with Jack before I headed back to the states and to the start of my sophomore year in high school. All summer long we knew this day would come but we never spoke about it. Ignoring it seemed to be the best way for me to deal with the fact that I wouldn’t see Jack’s face everyday or run off to our cave and talk. It was impossible to think about a whole year passing by without being with him. For an adult, a long-distance relationship is hard but for a teenage girl, it is nearly impossible. Jack, ever the optimist, approached it very differently.
“I can’t say goodbye.” I say with tears in my eyes.
“So then we won’t.”
“But Jack, I leave tomorrow.”
“I know that but it’s not goodbye. Goodbyes are permanent and this is only temporary.”
“But it’s a whole year.”
“I can wait. You’re worth waiting for.”
“You say that now.”
“I say that forever.”
“I can’t say it. I won’t say it.”
“Then don’t. If it makes it easier for you, we’ll just say, ‘See you around’”
“See you around?”
“Yes, see you around.”
“That doesn’t make it any easier”
“Then how about, ‘Talk to you soon.’”