by Estelle Ryan
I shook my head once, then couldn’t stop. The panic I heard in the others’ voices fed my own. I couldn’t get my neurodiverse mind to release my body so I could help.
Vinnie was on the far side of the room, jerking at a ventilation grate. “Nothing! Too small. Even for Jen-girl.”
Manny inspected the entire basement through narrowed eyes. Every now and then, he would pause when he noticed something, but moved on with a shake of his head.
Paulo had come from his hidden spot and was walking towards us. Jake was crossing and uncrossing his arms, hopping in one place. The fear on his face increased my panic and it took immense effort to force my eyes away from him.
“Is there another bloody exit?” Manny glared at Paulo.
“No.” Paulo shrugged, pointing at the stairs. “That’s our only way in and out.”
He was lying. Why would he lie about this? Why would he look so unconcerned? Smug?
A strangled keen left me as I felt the heat of the flames against my back. I didn’t want to turn around. By now the boxes closest to the stairs were most likely all on fire. I reached for the beautiful tenor aria Dalla sua pace from the first act in Don Giovanni, but it was out of reach. I couldn’t recall a single Mozart composition.
Inge rushed to Armando, the two of them talking urgently, but quietly. Twice Armando glanced in Paulo’s direction.
I jerked when Vinnie started banging against an outside wall, moving closer to the wall leading to Paulo’s private room. He jumped to the side when a stack of burning boxes collapsed, sending sparks into the air. “Why the fuck aren’t there any fire extinguishers? Any overhead sprinklers?”
Colin’s gentle touch on my forearm never moved. “Jenny. We have to go.”
I wanted to ask him where we could go, but only another keen left my throat. I couldn’t even get my facial muscles to obey so I could look pointedly at Paulo making his way to the private door.
“We’re going to die!” Jake was flapping his arms, turning jerkily in a circle. “I don’t want to die like this. I don’t want to die at all. Oh, God!” He ran to Manny and grabbed him by the arm. “Help me. Do something! Get me out of here! Please!”
His last word ended on a high-pitched scream. Manny tried shaking him off, but Jake wrapped both his arms around one of Manny’s, tears running down his face. Manny looked at Daniel, who was pushing stacks of crates towards each other, creating a larger space without fuel for the fire.
Armando and Inge’s attention was divided between Jake’s hysterics and their own whispered conversation. Colin was gently pulling on my arm. None of them saw Paulo reach his private room, slamming his palm against the panel.
Except Jake.
The young man’s head jerked in that direction the moment the door swung open to allow Paulo in. Jake pushed away from Manny so hard that Manny lost his balance and fell against a stack of crates, causing them to fall over. They landed against a smouldering stack of boxes. Manny jumped up, shook off his coat and stomped on it. I gasped. Manny’s coat had been on fire.
“Let me in!” Jake was pulling on the door, his surprising strength undoubtedly coming from an influx of adrenaline. Paulo was trying to close the door, his face twisted. But Jake’s fear was stronger. “I don’t want to die! Just me! Let me in!”
This was happening too fast for Manny, Vinnie or Daniel to reach them. Another keen left my throat when I saw Paulo’s expression. Colin must have seen it too. He dropped my hand and ran towards Jake, his hands reaching out. “No!”
It felt like time slowed down. Colin ran towards danger as Paulo pulled a handgun from behind his back. He pressed the barrel against Jake’s chest and pulled the trigger. Twice.
My body jerked as each shot echoed through the basement. A loud keen escaped my throat. My heartrate increased. My breathing became more choppy.
Jake’s eyes widened, his mouth still open in a plea. He looked down at the red stain blooming on his chest and looked back up at Paulo.
“Fuck off.” Paulo pushed Jake away from the door and shot him twice more in the chest, a cruel smile lifting the corners of his mouth as Jake fell to the ground. Then he raised his gun towards Colin. “Don’t be a hero.”
Colin dropped to the ground next to Jake, not even looking up as Paulo slammed the reinforced security door. “I’m so sorry, Jake.”
Jake didn’t answer Colin’s tortured apology. He was dead.
“Holy fucking hell, Frey.” Manny ran towards Colin, but held out his hand towards Vinnie. “Don’t stop looking for another way out. I’ve got this.”
I blinked a few times. What I’d just witnessed would logically lead to an immediate shutdown. But my neurodiverse brain never reacted predictably. Gone was the paralysis and the brain-fog that accompanied stressful stimuli. My mind was clear, my energy fuelled by adrenaline.
I got up, but didn’t join Colin and Manny. I didn’t want to expose my vulnerable mind to watching more blood pooling under Jake.
What little was left of the wooden stairs was inaccessible. Most of the boxes and crates in the first row were on fire. The flames coming from some of the stacks were licking at the ceiling.
Smoke was filling that side of the basement. Some of it was being sucked out by the ventilation system, but it was clear that soon the smoke would overwhelm the system. And us.
Armando was holding Inge’s hand as she wiped tears from her cheeks, both of them staring at Colin sitting by Jake. The smoke was becoming thicker in the room and I narrowed my eyes, trying not to cough. “Do you know an alternative exit?”
Armando pointed at the wall to the far left of Paulo’s secret door. “That used to be a hallway.”
Vinnie and Daniel joined us. Manny squeezed Colin’s shoulder and pulled on his arm. “Nothing to be done here, Frey.”
Colin shook his head and got up. I gasped when I saw the grief and anger etched on his face. Then I coughed. The smoke was making it harder to breathe.
“Are you sure about this?” Daniel asked Armando.
“Of course he is.” Vinnie walked to the far wall and slapped his hand against the crates stacked in front of the wall. “Here?”
“Yes. I got the blueprints of this church the moment Paulo brought us here. He made a lot of changes.” He pointed at the secret door. “Paulo once mentioned that he installed a panic room. I suppose that was when he closed off the entrance to this hallway.”
“Then let’s move these.” Vinnie picked up a crate. “We need to keep the fire as far from here as possible. Move this crap as far from the wall as we can.”
Everyone nodded and the men started working. I turned to Inge. “Do you know the contents of these boxes?”
“Most of them, yes.” She pulled her old, beige scarf higher to breathe through it. “What are you thinking?”
“We need tools the men can use to break through the wall. Hammers, spades, anything.”
“Hmm.” She looked around. Already Daniel had moved quite a few of the boxes and crates. Clearly it didn’t confuse her. She walked to a stack of crates dangerously close to the fire and pushed hard against it.
I pulled up the soprano aria Crudele? Ah! no mio bene! from Don Giovanni’s second act and mentally wrote the first line before I got my legs to move. She didn’t try to be careful. The top crate crashed to the floor as she looked pointedly at the crate in the middle of the stack. “We need this crate.”
I helped her push, forcing myself to ignore the heat against my face. One hard push and the rest of the stack fell over. She pumped her fists in the air when the crate she’d pointed out burst open. She scrambled over the debris and pushed the lid away.
“Will this do?” She held up a crowbar.
I nodded and took it from her. She found another three crowbars, four small hammers, three large hammers and one axe. All the tools were used and it looked suspiciously like the contents of a private person’s garage tool cupboard. Had all these boxes and crates been stolen from a moving company?
“O
h, Jen-girl.” Vinnie’s smile was wide, his cheeks smeared with soot. “This is frigging perfect.” He grabbed the axe as soon as I reached him. “Stand back, y’all.”
Armando chuckled when Vinnie rolled his shoulders, swung the axe back and hit the wall with all his power. The axe cut through the surprisingly thick drywalling, a large piece breaking off as Vinnie pulled the axe back. “We need to get out of here.”
Daniel, Manny and Colin grabbed tools, each of them choosing a piece of the wall and working on it.
My chest was burning. This time it was not a tightness brought on by fear or overstimulation. It was the smoke. I looked at Inge. “Are there cloths, towels or clothes in these crates?”
“Clothes, no.” She frowned and walked to one of the boxes the fire had not yet reached. “But I think I saw car detailing cloths in here.” She pulled the box from the stack and ripped it open. “You know, the special type that dries your car without scratching it.”
My mind flashed back to her old car outside the church and I thought how unlikely it seemed that she would know about specific cloths needed for car detailing.
“Got it!” Inge threw a plastic-covered item at me.
I caught it and nodded. “How many are there?”
“A whole box full.” She took out more. “How many do you need?”
“One for each of us.” I took the soft cloth out of the plastic bag and rushed to the table where Armando had put bottles of water. Not once had I considered trusting that water, but now it might save our lives.
I opened a bottle and started wetting the cloths. Inge ran to the men and forced them to tie the cloths around their faces. It would not be comfortable to have such a large cloth covering one’s mouth and nose, but breathing through the wet material would limit smoke inhalation.
Inge ran back and pointed at me. “Now you.”
“And you.” I opened another bottle of water, wet a cloth and gave it to Inge. I had feared that I might struggle with this and I wasn’t surprised when my mind balked at covering my mouth and nose with something that had not been washed according to my standards. I tried to remind myself that this could save my life, but still I couldn’t bring the wet material closer than ten centimetres to my face.
A cough shook my body, burning my lungs and throat. I keened loudly, not caring if anyone heard, and pushed the cloth against my face. The tears running down my cheeks could be from the smoke or the coughing. Or it could be from the fear rushing through me.
“Motherfucker!” Vinnie threw the handle of the axe behind him. The axe head was nowhere to be seen. He grabbed a large hammer and continued. They had broken out a section of the wall, large enough for us to fit through. But it looked like there were crossbeams and a second level of drywalling to get through.
The fire was moving closer to us. Inge was rushing around the tables, gathering all our belongings. She had my large handbag and was stuffing tablets and phones into it. I forced my eyes away from the violation of my carefully organised handbag and immediately regretted it.
I should’ve looked at the men and not towards the secret door. Jake’s unmoving body brought back the horror I’d felt watching Paulo kill the terrified young man in cold blood. The fire would soon consume his body as well.
“Hey.” Inge snapped her fingers in front of my nose. When I didn’t respond, she moved to stand toe to toe with me, her face very close to mine. “The guys are almost done. We have to be ready. Look at me. Not... not at him. Here. At me.”
It was the break in her voice that jerked me away from the trauma of witnessing such a heinous crime. I leaned back and studied her. It helped to push back the darkness that had been looming around my peripheral vision.
She didn’t move. Instead, a gentle smile softened her features. The wetness of the cloth around her face had rubbed off her make-up. She was wearing a lot of it. And she wasn’t using it to enhance her features. It was making her look old.
“I see you.” I lifted my hand to point at her face and shuddered at the dirt under my fingernails. I curled my fingers into a fist, but didn’t look away from her. “You’re not soft and naïve. You’re smart. Smarter and stronger than the three men who asked you to join them in this.”
A smile crinkled the corners of her eyes and lifted her cheeks. “And I see you. What I see inspires me. You are so much more, so much stronger than whatever it is you’re fighting at the moment. It makes me want to do better. Be better.”
I didn’t agree with her. I was not stronger than the looming shutdown. No matter how many different techniques I employed to tame my non-neurotypical mind, it never offered a guaranteed outcome. Sometimes writing Mozart’s compositions worked. Sometimes it didn’t. Sometimes a small event would trigger a severe meltdown. Sometimes witnessing a murder would clear my mind and empower me to be useful.
So no. I didn’t feel stronger than the wiring in my brain. And I especially didn’t feel strong enough to prevent the shutdown that was about to take me.
“Take that, you motherfuckers!” Vinnie’s declaration was followed by the rest of the men’s victorious shouts.
“Jenny.” Colin ran to me and it felt like my heart missed a few beats. His hands were bloody, his white shirt dirty. He saw me staring at his hands. “Just blisters, love. Come. We’re through. Let’s get out of here.”
I jerked when he moved to touch me and cringed at the micro-expression of hurt on his face. It was immediately replaced by concern and urgency. “Come, love. Let’s go.”
My legs felt shaky and I was having trouble filling my lungs with air. Inge was already at the wall, following Armando to the hole. She was carrying my handbag and Armando took it from her as she stepped through. I looked back at Colin, took one breath and nodded.
“At bloody last!” Manny waved us closer and coughed a few times. “Move your arse, Doc.”
I hunched my shoulders and stepped through the hole into a hallway that would feature in my nightmares. Rubble lined the floor, spiderwebs hanging from every wall, a single lightbulb flickering above a door at the far end.
A hand on my back pushed me deeper into the hallway. “Jenny, I know this is hard for you, but we’re almost there. Should I carry you?”
“No.” The word burst from me too loudly and I shook my head. “Sorry.”
“No need, love.” Colin glanced behind us. “Dan and Millard are with us. Let’s go.”
It felt as if my legs were operating separately from me, running down the long hallway towards the door. Armando was pulling at the door, Inge looking nervously behind us. Smoke followed us. If the door in front of us were blocked, it would be catastrophic.
Blackness started taking over my vision, but then the door burst open, sending Armando flying into Inge. Their relief turned into distrust when Thierry and Bianca filled the doorway.
“Dan!”
“All clear, guys.” Daniel stepped forward and nodded at his team members. “Let’s get everyone out.”
Daniel held out his hand to help Inge up. I hadn’t had time to register the extent of Colin’s injuries, but Daniel’s hands looked like the skin had been torn off in places. Vinnie had a cut to his soot-covered cheek and his knuckles were raw.
That was it. My legs folded under me and I sank down on the dirty floor.
I gave myself over to the welcoming darkness.
Chapter SIXTEEN
“ROXY, BABE. I’M FINE.” Vinnie looked at me with wide eyes as I walked out of my bedroom into the living area of our hotel suite. “Here, Jen-girl can tell you I’m okay.”
“No.” I took a step to the side, then continued on towards the small kitchen, leaving Vinnie to placate Roxy over the phone.
“Coffee?” Daniel was leaning against the kitchen counter, a mug in his hand. He was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. Both his hands were wrapped in bandages.
I nodded and watched as he turned to put a capsule in the coffee machine. He seemed to move with comfort despite the bandages covering his left hand and
wrist, his right hand only across his palm. I leaned to the side to study his micro-expressions and exhaled in relief when I didn’t notice any signs of deep discomfort or pain.
Colin and I had walked into the suite forty minutes ago. After I’d collapsed on the dirty hallway floor, Colin had picked me up and carried me to our rented SUV. He’d driven us to the hotel parking area and had waited with me. It had taken me three hours to come out of my shutdown. Colin hadn’t left the vehicle once. When I’d come to, his hands had both been bandaged. Daniel had brought the medical kit to us. Apparently, I hadn’t allowed him to touch me.
I cleared my throat. “Thank you for taking care of Colin in the SUV.”
Daniel took the coffee mug from the machine and handed the steaming beverage to me. “We’re a team. A family. We take care of each other, Genevieve. Always.”
I didn’t know what would be an appropriate neurotypical response, so I took a sip of coffee to give myself a moment. I needed two sips. “I’ve come to realise that this—” I looked around the hotel area at Vinnie now chuckling into his phone, Manny on the sofa next to Vinnie, scowling at his phone, Francine and Pink at the dining room table, working on their computers. “This is not typical. I consider myself fortunate to be surrounded by people who...” I took another sip of coffee to control my emotions. “People who love me.”
“You’re the bestest bestie,” Francine called from her seat.
Pink winked at me and went back to working on his laptop.
“And we’re lucky to have you in our lives.” Daniel leaned towards me. Had he not been the astute person he was, he would’ve hugged me. Had I not just come out of a shutdown and not had a desperate aversion to being touched, I would’ve allowed him to.
Instead, I smiled and walked to the sofas. Daniel joined me and we watched Vinnie as he finished his call to Roxy. “I’ll tell them, doll. Yes, babes. I promise I’ll keep my booboo clean. When I get home, you can kiss it better. Haha. Yeah, sure, babe. You can kiss my—”
“Oh, for the love of Pete.” Manny threw a cushion at Vinnie. “Take it to your room.”