by D. M. Turner
“Why were you mad?”
“She doesn’t know me, but she put me in the same category as the jerks she’s known over the years who abused their subordinates. That’s not exactly fair. I haven’t done anything to warrant such slander.”
Brett chuckled.
“What’s funny?”
“You two.” He waved a hand in the air to indicate them, apparently no longer concerned about the she-wolf taking exception to him lifting his hands off the chair. “You’re both running scared. Her, from dominant males. You, from dominant females. Oh, the irony.”
Ian growled softly. “I’m not running from dominant women.”
“Aren’t you?” A brow quirked. “You know as well as I do that you’d never be able to convince yourself to take a less dominant woman as a mate. You wouldn’t want her cowed by me or any of the rest of the pack. You need a mate who can stand up to you, just like Kelly does with me. Like Alison did with you. But you’re determined not to marry again because you’ve lost two women you loved.”
“If you’d been through that, you’d understand why I don’t want another mate.”
Brett’s eyes narrowed. “So, what you’re saying is, if you had it all to do over again, you’d never have gotten involved with Marie or married Alison, rather than go through the pain of losing them.”
“That’s not what I said.” He frowned. No, he wouldn’t get involved with Marie again. That pain had been unproductive, and she’d died before they could be married or see the child she’d carried come into the world. But Alison… without her, he wouldn’t have Colin. He wouldn’t give up his son for anything in the world. Then there was his grandson.
Humor slipped from his friend’s face. “I used to think I avoided so much pain by steering clear of a serious relationship with a woman. Since Kelly came into my life, I’m seeing things differently. If she died today, I couldn’t regret the time we’ve had together. For the first time in my long life, I’ve known a woman’s love and the contentment that comes with it. Avoiding pain also means missing out on the joy.”
Elbow on the arm of his chair, Ian rubbed his forehead with the upraised palm of that hand. “You make the decision sound so easy.”
“Oh, it’s not. I’m not delusional or unrealistic. I know this will be one of the most difficult decisions you’ll ever face because of your history.” Brett leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I just don’t want you to let something precious slip away because of fear.”
Ian’s chest tightened. Was it really that simple? Was he afraid to love again? Probably. He hated to admit fear dictated any part of his life, but—
“Um, Ian?” Brett slowly got out of the chair and moved toward the couch, his eyes on the wolf.
“What?” He leaned forward to follow his friend’s gaze.
The she-wolf writhed, her bones reshaping and reorienting with moist pops. She grunted occasionally, but otherwise remained silent.
Brett grabbed the afghan off a couch cushion and tossed it over her. Then he sat on the edge of the couch.
They waited, barely breathing, for her to complete the Shift, which took only a minute or so.
Sophia panted and stretched under the afghan to help her body readjust to human form. When her eyes opened, she looked from Ian to Brett and back again. Panic filled her eyes, and she clutched the afghan in a white-knuckled grip. “What happened?”
* * *
How did I end up on the floor? The last thing she remembered, she’d been sitting on the couch and closed her eyes to rest while Ian prepared something to eat. Sophia glanced from one man to the other. When had Brett arrived?
Ian rested his upper body weight on his elbows on the arms of the chair. “We hoped you could tell us.”
“I don’t know.” Even her ears heard the hint of hysteria in her voice, and the stench of fear filled her nose. “Did I black out?” She clutched the afghan tight to her naked body. What had she done? Her nostrils flared. No tell-tale scent of blood, so she hadn’t hurt anyone.
A tight frown carved lines in Ian’s handsome face. Then he shook his head, clenching his teeth hard enough to make his jaw muscles jump. “Then what? We undressed you and tossed you on the floor? Really nice assumption.” Green rimmed the pupils of his gray eyes.
Sophia turned her gaze away. “No. I thought I did it and just don’t remember.” She couldn’t keep tremors out of her voice.
A short silence passed, then Brett asked, “You don’t remember Shifting?”
She shook her head.
Ian huffed a short sigh. “Has this happened before?” The anger was gone from his voice.
Sophia nodded without looking at him. Might as well fess up. She rolled onto her side, away from both of them, and curled up under the too-thin throw, shivering.
“Brett, grab a blanket off my bed, please.”
“Sure.”
Oh, sure. Him Ian used “please” with. She tried to be annoyed, but no go. The blackout wasn’t a new thing. She shouldn’t be freaking so badly about it. If she’d hurt anyone, they’d have said something.
Ian moved to the floor in front of her, sitting close but not touching. Close enough for his scent to wrap around her. His knees drawn up partway, he rested his forearms on them and loosely joined his fingers. His gray gaze remained on her, even as Brett returned and dropped a blanket over her. The strength of Ian’s scent intensified, bringing a more settled feeling. She was safe.
Sophia sighed and shuddered. “Last May. That was the first time.”
“Go on.” He didn’t so much as glance at Brett as the other man sat beside but slightly behind him. His gaze remained locked on her. More than a little unnerving, despite the fact she knew to her soul that the commanding tone and stare normally would’ve done nothing more than make her mad.
“I was at a cabin in the Cascades that I’d used the year before when I went into heat. One day, I woke up, came to, or whatever you want to call it, and I was naked and covered in blood. Human blood.”
“You don’t remember what happened?”
She shook her head. Tears threatened, and she sniffled. “No.”
Ian rubbed the fingers of one hand across his beard. “Hm. Any other such episodes since then and before today?”
She nodded. “Two. The first was in early September. I was home in the kitchen that Sunday evening. I’d just finished making dinner and sat down to eat. The little TV was on the news, though I was only half paying attention to it.” A violent tremor went through her. She waited for it to pass. “When I came to, I was in bed. I found the kitchen a mess and the TV totally demolished. There were pieces of it everywhere.”
He nodded, his eyes narrowed in thought. “And the second episode?”
“A few weeks later, in the middle of October. I curled up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn to watch a movie on TV. It had to be either Sunday or Monday since it was during one of my days off.” The trembling got worse. “When the blackout passed, I had demolished the TV again, and the living room looked like a tornado had torn through it.”
The pain of the Shift crawled over her.
“Sophia.” A hand touched the side of her face. “Look at me.”
She met Ian’s gaze.
“You need to calm down.” The soothing tone of his voice was probably no accident. “If you get upset, your emotions will trigger the Shift. If the wolf takes over again, we won’t get answers.”
Her gaze locked with his, Sophia forced herself to take deep breaths. Ian’s scent permeated her whole body, decreasing then brushing aside anxiety. “How long was I… out?”
“An hour or so.”
Better than before. That was encouraging. “I didn’t hurt anyone or destroy anything, did I?”
“No.” He chuckled. “You wanted to take Brett’s head off for coming in here irate with Kelly though.”
She fired a glance at the man behind him. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Brett shook his head. “Ian had to pin
you to the floor then hold onto you until he got me calmed down, but you didn’t hurt either of us.”
“I’m sorry.” Tears welled.
“How long have these episodes lasted in the past?” Ian asked.
“The first one, I don’t know. It could’ve been hours or days. Time didn’t mean much up in the mountains, even on my conscious days.” She took a deep, shaky breath. “The other two lasted a few hours. I lost six hours the first time, about four the second.”
“So, they’re getting shorter in duration. Possibly.” Ian’s brow furrowed in thought and concern. “Do you have any idea what set each of them off?”
She shook her head. “None.”
Brett laid a hand on Ian’s shoulder, but his gaze rested on Sophia. “What about today?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ian said you two talked before he went to the kitchen.”
She nodded.
“What happened after he left the living room?”
“Nothing.” She shrugged. “I laid my head back to rest for a bit. Next thing I know I’m waking up on the floor with you two watching me.”
Ian cocked his head. “Maybe it wasn’t something external. What were you thinking about?”
“That maybe you were okay after all.” Sophia sniffled and looked away. He might not like the rest, but she had to admit the whole thing. She bolstered her courage and met his gaze again. “Then it crossed my mind that you might be… deceiving me.”
“In what way?”
“Trying to lull me into a false sense of security. Make me think you’re one of the good guys when you’re not, to lower my defenses.”
His jaw tightened, and green flashed in his eyes again. Did his wolf have green eyes?
She shook her head to shake loose the wayward thought. “It hit me that I’m trapped here. There’s no way I can get over that fence, and I don’t know the gate codes.” Tremors worsened again. A familiar ache spread through her bones. She bit back a cry.
* * *
Ian lowered his head as Sophia went fully into the Shift. The pungent scent of her terror made him want to sneeze.
“It’s happening when she’s afraid,” Brett murmured.
“Afraid doesn’t cover it. It’s happening when she’s terrified.” Once again, she’d assumed the worst about him. Maybe she hadn’t dismissed his crimes in Germany as readily as she’d said.
After a few more seconds, the she-wolf stood and shook. The blanket and afghan fell away. Her nose twitching, she glared at Brett but didn’t growl. Then her attention moved to Ian. The look in her eyes bore no hint of human intelligence. She closed the short distance between them to head-butt his chin and rub against him.
Brett chuckled almost soundlessly. “Want it or not, you’ve got a new mate, and I think she’s got issues.”
Ian wasn’t sure which problem was worse. One, though, they might be able to do something about. “If she killed a human, someone’s bound to have found something.”
“I’ll get online and check into it. See what I can find.” Brett sighed. “I better get home and talk to Kelly first though. Make peace.”
“Good for you.” Ian chuckled. “Sometimes mates can be very humbling.”
“Yippee.”
The she-wolf tensed when Brett started to rise.
Ian got hold of her and braced, ready to tighten his grip and even pin her to the floor again if he had to.
She eyed Brett as he slowly moved toward the front door, picking up his keys from the table near the foyer on the way.
“I’ll let you know if I find anything.”
“Thanks.” Ian waited until the front door had closed and Brett’s truck started before he released Sophia. “So, you’re probably hungry again after all that Shifting.” He got to his feet, gathered her scattered clothes to drop on the couch, and headed for the kitchen.
Toenails clicked on the tile in his wake.
Chapter 9
“You’ve had enough.” Ian shook his head. He’d given Sophia’s wolf another five pounds of venison muscle meat fortified with liver and heart. She’d scoured the bowl clean with her tongue, and still, her pleading gaze rested on him. “No more. Not until later.”
She whined softly and nosed the edge of the empty counter.
“I know. A few pounds here and there aren’t as satisfying as a full stomach, but we can’t risk making you sick by feeding you too much too soon.”
Another plaintive whimper, and she nosed the stainless steel bowl across the tile floor into his foot.
The clatter and grind sent a shiver through his entire nervous system. He picked up the bowl and set it in the sink.
“Let’s call Jeremy. See what he says.” He headed for his office to grab the satellite phone.
Clicking toenails followed close behind.
Jeremy picked up right away. “Hello?”
“Hi, Jeremy. It’s Ian.”
“Is Sophia alright?”
Good question. He eyed the wolf standing inside the doorway, watching him. “Um. That’s a matter of perspective at the moment, but we can discuss it later. I’m calling to find out how much I can safely feed her.”
“Has her appetite improved?”
“Tremendously. She had about ten pounds an hour ago, another five pounds a few minutes ago, and still wants more. Would it be safe to let her eat her fill?”
“Hm. I’d suggest smaller, more frequent meals until at least tomorrow. See how she’s doing then.” A door clicked closed, and Jeremy lowered his voice. “Too large a meal will pull energy reserves from repairing tissue, and we don’t want to take the chance that her digestive system is damaged.”
“So five to ten pounds every couple of hours is okay?”
“As long as she’s continuing to improve, that should be fine.”
“Are you still coming by after work?”
“Yes. Annie and I thought we’d go for a run after I check on Sophia. If it’s okay with you, of course.”
“No problem. I’d like to see how Sophia responds to Annie.” How would she react to another female in her current state?
A short silence followed then Jeremy asked, “Is everything alright, Ian?”
“It’s… complicated.” He glanced at the wolf who wasn’t Sophia. Boy, is it ever complicated. “We’ll talk when you get here. Maybe you and Annie can help.” Hopefully Brett would find something by then, so they’d have a clue where to start.
“Okay. We’ll see you about seven or so, unless you need us sooner.”
“No. That’s fine. See you then.” Ian hung up the phone and dropped it on the desk, eyeing the she-wolf. “Well, you’re out of luck. Jeremy confirmed I have to restrict your food intake for now.” He stepped past her into the hallway and headed for the other end of the house.
The click of toenails halted.
He glanced back to find her standing by the breakfast bar, her expression pleading again. A distraction. That’s what they both needed. But what? It couldn’t be anything strenuous like a run. She needed all the energy she could store up for the healing work her body was doing. Maybe a walk would be okay though.
“Come on. Let’s go for a walk.”
She didn’t move. Her head cocked one way and then the other.
Ian growled softly. They really needed to figure out how to get the human brain back in charge of the wolf. He patted his thigh and backed toward the back door. “Come.”
The wolf padded toward him.
Once outside, she appeared to forget she’d wanted more food. She hopped off the deck into the grass. Her nose hit the ground, and she slowly zigzagged through the tall grass.
Ian frowned. They needed to mow the grass, keep down the risk of snakes near the house. Not that a rattlesnake bite would hurt an adult wolf. Venom might cause some initial discomfort, but that’d be it. However, he’d rather not find out if Duncan could handle it. Werewolf constitution or not, the effects of venom on a toddler’s body probably wouldn’t be pleasant.
The she-wolf went no more than twenty feet from him before she stopped, glanced back, and then headed his way. Apparently she’d reached the limit of her comfort zone on strange ground.
He jumped the two feet from the deck to the ground, shoved his fingertips into the front pockets of his jeans, and headed for the forest a hundred yards away.
She appeared at his side then wandered back and forth, never straying far. Her comfort zone shrank by half when they reached the trees.
When she stopped to answer nature’s call, he turned away and waited, giving her privacy. Though the wolf wouldn’t care, the human side might. Females were weird that way. Males couldn’t care less if someone saw them eliminate waste or naked as humans. The females got squirrelly about it, even Kelly who had been born a wolf.
With his luck of late, Sophia would rise to the front right about then and think he was staring at her.
Okay, Lord, I know luck has nothing to do with any of this. Luck doesn’t exist. Blessings and curses, rewards and punishment, now those are a different matter. So which is this? A blessing? A curse? A reward? Punishment? Something in between? Why have You brought this woman here? Why now? Why me? I don’t know how to help her. Her problem is beyond my scope of understanding. If Brett and I, with our years, have never seen anything like this, what are we supposed to do? We desperately need wisdom.
A cold, wet nose touched the heel of his palm even as the she-wolf rubbed the side of her head against his hip.
He pulled his fingers out of his pocket and gently caressed one of her ears. “We’ll figure this out. Somehow. Lord willing.”
Amber eyes gazed up at him with total trust.
Lord, I really don’t want to have to kill her. There’s been too much death. Too many innocent lives lost. No more. Please. “Let’s head back to the house.”
He tucked his fingertips back into his pocket and turned toward the house. As he stalked through the trees, the wolf stayed close. In minutes, they stepped into the sunshine of the clearing that surrounded the house. Warmth caressed his face. Any other day, he’d stop and enjoy it. That particular day, his heart wasn’t in it.