I shook my head.
“You’ve got a prime opportunity to make things right,” he said seriously. “Don’t fuck it up, boyo.”
“You just gonna leave us standing outside?” Eli asked, jogging up to us. “I see how it is.”
“Shit,” I muttered. I’d totally forgotten that my team was even there, I was so caught up in seeing the old crew and watching out for Cecilia. “Poet, this is Eli.” I looked up to see Forrest and Lu walking up behind him and introduced them, too.
“Welcome,” Poet said, shaking everyone’s hands. “Real grateful you took care of our girl.”
“Glad we were in the right place at the right time,” Forrest replied.
I spent the next twenty minutes saying hello to people I’d known forever, but hadn’t seen in years. It was wild to be in the same place with so many of the kids I’d grown up with and their partners. Hell, even Tommy had settled down, which I’d assumed would never happen. Okay, settled down wasn’t the correct term, I thought as I watched him pretend like he was humping his wife, complete with dramatic ass-slapping as she bent over to pick something up. When his wife realized what he was doing, she shot up straight, and from what I could see from across the room, it looked like she gave him a titty-twister in retaliation.
My gaze automatically strayed to Cecilia. She was still standing with her aunt Callie and Amy, but her mom had joined the group. They were cooing over Olive like they’d never seen a baby before, and the proud look on Cecilia’s face made me smile.
“Know that look,” Grease said as he came up next to me at the bar. “Think I’ve worn it myself once—or four times.”
“What look is that?” I asked, dropping onto a bar stool.
“The Proud Papa look,” he said dryly. He lifted his hand to stop me from replying. “Yeah, yeah, I know she’s not yours, and you and Cecilia haven’t gotten your heads out of your asses yet.”
“Jesus Christ,” I swore. “Does everyone have an opinion on this?”
“Nah,” Grease answered with a laugh. “My daughters-in-law don’t even know you.”
“From what I remember, none of you wanted us together in the first place,” I shot back.
“Shit,” he drawled, shaking his head. “It wasn’t that we didn’t want you two together, dipshit. We could all see Cecilia racin’ toward the edge of a cliff, and her obsession with you was bound to end badly. I always thought you two’d end up together eventually, but that girl needed to get her shit straight first.”
“Maybe if you’d done something to help her,” I ground out, anger boiling in my belly, “she wouldn’t have been racing toward the edge of anything.”
Grease shot me a look. “Before or after I got done buryin’ my youngest son and takin’ care of my wife’s gunshot wound?” he asked. “I get where you’re comin’ from, man, I do, but you’re barkin’ up the wrong tree with that shit. I loved Cecilia and supported her the best I was able at the time.”
“Shit,” I replied, reaching up to press my fingers into my tired eyes. “I apologize.”
“Nothin’ to apologize for,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’da felt the same way if it was Callie. Just be mindful of who you go mowin’ down with righteous anger, yeah? We were all doin’ the best we could back then.”
As he walked away, I turned back to watching Cecilia.
“Got you some coffee,” Lu said, handing me a cup as she sat down beside me. “That old guy Poet is a hoot. He introduced me to literally everyone in the building. Hard to believe he used to be the VP around here.”
“Don’t be fooled,” I murmured. “He’s no angel.”
“Now that’s a life story I’d like to hear,” she mused.
“Don’t ask him,” I warned her. “Where’d the boys go?”
“Bathroom,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Apparently, they needed to go together.”
“Trust most of these men with my life,” I said seriously. “But it goes without saying to watch your six while you’re here. Probably not a bad idea to stick together.”
“Seriously?”
“Do I think you’re gonna be attacked by a member?” I replied. “Doubt it. But I also thought that Cecilia was safe at the club in Sacramento, and look how that turned out. I know the old timers here, but I don’t know the new ones. We gotta work on the assumption that there’s a mole, even if there isn’t.”
“You know I can take care of myself,” she said, stopping when she saw the look on my face. “Yeah, okay, I hear you. I’ll keep my eyes open.”
“Good.”
I sighed as I took a sip of my coffee. Damn, I was tired. We’d driven through the night, and now that the sun was beginning to rise, exhaustion was riding me hard. I could go days with no sleep, and I’d had to do that sometimes in the past—my line of work meant you slept when you could, not when you wanted—but being home, in the safety of the clubhouse, was like a warm blanket on a cold day. Instant drowsiness.
“Hey, stranger,” Brenna said as she strode toward us. “Nice of you to stop in and say hi.”
“Hey Brenna,” I said, accepting the hug she offered. The smell of her took me back to being 12 and riding in the car with her to the mall because she’d noticed that my toes were wearing holes in the ends of my shoes. I still remembered every piece of clothing she’d bought me. New sneakers and a pair of flip-flops. One pair of jeans and three pairs of shorts. One hoodie, three t-shirts and two tank tops. All name brands. All things my mother would have never been able to afford.
She must still wear the same perfume.
“You guys must be beat,” she said, reaching out to squeeze my arm. “Why don’t we get you settled in some rooms? We’ve got some open ones.”
“Sounds good,” I said as I stood. I finished off my coffee in three gulps, grimacing as it burned all the way down.
“You could’ve brought it with you,” Brenna said with a laugh.
“It’s habit,” Lu said with a smile. “Finish it up while you can—don’t know when you’ll have another opportunity.”
“I have a feeling you have tons of stories about this one,” Brenna said, pointing at me. “I’ll have to pick your brain later.”
“Hey,” I complained.
“I’ve got some doozies,” Lu agreed.
“Well, if you’d visit more than once a year,” Brenna said as she led us to the hallway, “I wouldn’t have to ask your friends about your life.”
I glanced across the room, checking on Cecilia one more time. She’d handed Olive to her aunt and was standing with her arms crossed over her chest. There was nothing about her posture that indicated how uncomfortable she was, but I could just tell. Something about her stance made me want to pick her up and drag her out of there.
Lu elbowed me in the side.
“I’m right here,” I said to Brenna, paying attention to the conversation again. “Ask anything you want.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” she replied. “So, me and the girls got this bright idea to start remodeling some of the rooms. Just new paint and carpet—no big thing—but it’s taking a lot longer than we expected with everything that’s been happening. That’s why we’ve got a couple empty rooms. I hope you don’t mind the smell of fresh paint?”
“As long as it’s not still wet,” I said as she opened a door.
“Nope. And the smell really isn’t bad—it’s been a few days.”
“It smells like a new apartment,” Lu said with a smile. “Not bad at all.”
“Good,” Brenna replied. “We have three rooms, so however you want to divvy them up is fine.”
“Forrest and Eli can share,” Lu said instantly. “That way me and Chief have our own.”
“Chief?” Brenna asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Just a nickname,” I said, shaking my head.
“That should work,” Brenna said, getting back to the conversation. “I’m sure CeeCee can stay in her pop’s room—”
“She stays with me,” I said,
cutting her off.
Brenna laughed. “Now why did I know you were going to say that?”
Lu snickered.
“I’ll let you two have this room since it’s the biggest—barely,” Brenna told me, smiling. “Come on, Lu, I’ll let you pick between the other two.”
“Your dad wasn’t lying, you really are the best,” Lu said, following her out of the room.
I needed to get back out to the main room to keep my finger on the pulse of what was happening, but I couldn’t resist the lure of the freshly made bed. Brenna had been downplaying the remodel she was trying to achieve in the rooms—I’d definitely never seen a club room with a headboard and a comforter before.
Dropping my ass to the bed with a sigh, I ran my hands through my hair and scrubbed them over my beard. It was so weird being back and knowing that I’d be staying at the club, even for a little while. Anytime I’d visited in the past, I’d spent a few hours saying hi and visiting on the compound, and then almost always had dinner with Poet and Amy before heading to a hotel. It was nice to catch up, but I was usually ready to go back to my life after an afternoon being surrounded by the old crew.
Something was different this time. It didn’t feel like I was back to see some old friends. It felt like I was home for the first time in a long time. It felt natural and comfortable, and beyond the fact that we had some seriously big shit that needed to be dealt with—almost relaxing.
As I stood up from the bed and pulled my hoodie off, I tried to figure out why this trip to Eugene was so different. It wasn’t necessarily because of the circumstances or the fact that I knew I’d be staying a while. Any other time, I still would’ve been itching to leave even if I knew I had to stay.
Then, as Brenna walked by the doorway and gave a little wave, I realized what the difference was.
Cecilia.
It wasn’t because she was in trouble, it was because she was there. Eugene hadn’t felt like home in years because Cecilia hadn’t lived there for years. This was the first time we were both at the club at the same time. God, I was an idiot. Cecilia felt like home, especially in the middle of our family and friends, in the place where we’d fallen in love.
I hurried back to the main room.
Chapter 19
Cecilia
I should’ve put on more makeup. Out of all the things I’d learned from my mother, one of the lessons had always stuck with me – never go to war without your war paint. I’d taken the time to swipe on some lipstick as we’d pulled up the gravel driveway, but as I stepped inside the clubhouse doors, I realized it hadn’t been enough. I felt exposed. Naked.
I recognized the old, artificial holly garland draped across the bar and the biker Santa perched on top of the sound system, but the familiar Christmas decorations that I’d loved as a kid did nothing to calm my nerves. If anything, their worn condition highlighted how long I’d been gone. I couldn’t even enjoy the way the strings of colored lights made the room seem like it was glowing as my gaze scanned the room.
“I’m so glad you’re home,” Aunt Callie said, ushering me into the room. “The men will get everything figured out.”
I smiled, but didn’t reply. I wasn’t sure how they were going to figure anything out, and honestly, I was more concerned at the moment with the sweat that was making my t-shirt stick to my skin. It wasn’t even very warm in the clubhouse. They kept it cool because the temperature always rose a lot when you got a big crowd of people inside one room.
“I know you’re probably overwhelmed,” Amy said to my quietly, as Aunt Callie turned to yell at Will across the room. “But it’s going to be okay, honey. You’re home now, for what that’s worth, and at least you’ll have some time to rest.”
“Thank you for letting us use the beach house,” I replied, tucking Olive closer to my chest. “It was such a relief to have a little time off the grid.”
“Absolutely,” Amy said. “We don’t use it much in the winter anyway.” She waved her hand in dismissal. “My car doesn’t do well in the snow, so we stick close to home.”
“You need to get something with all-wheel drive,” I said as my aunt turned to me, wiggling her fingers in a give me gesture. I handed Olive over, and without the weight of her in my arms, I felt even more uncomfortable. It was pretty pathetic that I was using a baby as my shield, but beggars can’t be choosers, right?
“Honey, I’m old as dirt,” Amy said with a laugh. “I’m not buying a new car when I won’t even have time to enjoy it.”
“Don’t say that,” I yelped. “Ugh. Don’t even think it.”
“We all die, CeeCee,” she replied, patting my arm. “I’ve had a good run.”
“Jesus, I thought you were trying to make me feel better! What the hell?”
“Well, some things never change,” my mom said, choosing that moment to join our conversation.
“She’s talking about dying,” I replied defensively.
“You’re going to live forever and that’s final,” Mom said to Amy, poking her in the chest. She turned to Aunt Callie and started cooing at Olive.
“She is the sweetest baby,” my mom said with a happy sigh. “Seriously. If I’d had one like her, we wouldn’t have stopped at four.”
“Hell,” Amy said. “I was happy with the one. He still keeps me on my toes.”
“Nix is fantastic and you know it,” Aunt Callie argued. “I can’t imagine he ever gave you any problems.”
Amy laughed.
“Oddly enough, Tommy was my easiest baby,” Aunt Callie said as my cousin Tommy shouted something filthy across the room. “And look how that turned out.” She met my eyes, grinning. “Good luck.”
“Oh God,” I mumbled, making all of them laugh.
“Don’t worry,” Amy said, reaching out to rub Olive’s back. “This one’s too sweet to ever shout obscenities across a crowded room.”
“I wouldn’t count on that,” my mom said with a laugh. “In this family, you haven’t reached adulthood unless you’ve swore like a trucker at someone across a crowded room.”
I grimaced. She wasn’t wrong. My parents hadn’t ever told us that swearing was bad, they’d just taught us to know our audience. We’d known to only curse at each other until we were old enough that it wasn’t seen as disrespectful to other adults. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be quite as progressive with Olive. There was something inherently gross about hearing a four-year-old dropping f-bombs, even if it was funny.
“Hey, I almost forgot—Cam said to tell you he’ll see you in the morning. He went home to see Trix and the boys,” my mom said.
“He couldn’t say goodbye?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder to see if I could catch him.
“He’s been gone for over two weeks,” my mom answered unsympathetically. “He wanted to see his woman and his kids.”
I swallowed back the urge to snap at her as guilt made my stomach churn. I understood, so clearly, what she was insinuating. I was the reason he hadn’t seen Trix or the boys in two weeks. I had no right to get bent out of shape because my brother had left without saying goodbye. I had no right to make any demands at all—not when all of these people would be rearranging their lives to help me.
“I was surprised I didn’t see her here,” Aunt Callie said.
“After all of the stuff with Rose,” my mom replied with a grimace, “she didn’t want to freak the boys out by dragging them to the club in the middle of the night.”
“Where is Rose?” I asked. I’d noticed that she still hadn’t appeared. I’d also noticed that Leo had vanished the moment we got to the clubhouse, and I hadn’t seen Lily. I didn’t ask about her, though. Beyond the fact that my pride wouldn’t allow me to ask, hearing that my sister didn’t care enough to be there when I got home was something I wasn’t up to dealing with at the moment.
“Rose’s home with Mack and Kara,” Aunt Callie replied. “Rebel and Charlie were spending the night, too, so they said they’d see everyone tomorrow.”
“I
hope Molly doesn’t drink tonight,” my mom said. “I’m going to need her help on breakfast.”
“Everyone’s coming for breakfast?” I asked, my stomach knotting. I was having a hard time dealing with the partial crowd that was surrounding us.
It felt like too much information, too many moving parts. After being away for so long, the sheer number of people to keep track of was overwhelming. I knew, of course, who belonged to who, and I could list off every single person in our extended Aces family—but actually being in the center of it was completely different.
“Yep,” my mom replied. “Brunch, really. I’m not waking up before noon.”
“She says that like it’s surprising,” Aunt Callie said to Amy.
“I always get up before noon,” my mom argued.
“Always?” Aunt Callie countered. “That’s a bit of a stretch.”
“Nine times out of ten,” my mom said.
“Two times out of ten,” Aunt Callie said with a laugh.
My mom looked at me. “Hello, a little loyalty here?”
“I haven’t lived here in almost a decade,” I replied with a shrug. “I have no idea when you wake up.”
“How are you my daughter?” my mom asked, looking at the ceiling. “How did I raise such a Benedict Arnold?”
“You need sleep,” Aunt Callie said with a laugh. “You’re getting loopy.”
“That’s fair,” my mom grumbled. She reached over and pulled me into a tight hug, kissing my temple. “Brenna got you set up?”
“Not yet,” I said, scanning the room over her shoulder. I couldn’t see Brenna, but I was sure she’d find me eventually.
“She’s got some rooms ready,” my mom said as she let go. “Sleep good, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Afternoon,” Aunt Callie joked out of the side of her mouth.
“Get some rest,” my mom said, ignoring Aunt Callie. “You’re home safe now.”
After quick hugs with Aunt Callie and Amy, the former including a pinch on the ass that made Aunt Callie yelp, my mom sauntered away. I loved that she always seemed like she fit right in no matter where she was. She was comfortable in her skin like no one else I’d ever met, but I also envied her confidence. Of course, she would feel comfortable in the Aces clubhouse—my grandpa had been the president before he was killed—but her ability to stride into a room and make it her bitch didn’t end at the gates.
Craving Cecilia Page 23