“I’m gonna lay down with Cecilia,” I replied. “Wake us before the food’s gone?”
“You got it,” he said with a nod. “She’s good for you, you know? Puts you off your game a bit—makes you human.”
“Yeah, I know,” I mumbled as I left him. “See you in a bit.”
I waved at Poet as he came in the front door, but I didn’t slow down as I made my way back to our room. Suddenly, I couldn’t get back there fast enough. I had a feeling that it wouldn’t be long before everyone was ready to eat, and I wasn’t going to get any sleep, but I craved the feeling of being wrapped up under the covers with Cec. If FAM didn’t get back to Wilson by the end of the day, shit was going to get messy tomorrow, and I needed the calm before the storm.
“Hey,” Cecilia whispered groggily as I entered the room, unbuckling my belt. “Is it already time to eat?”
“No,” I whispered back, stripping out of my clothes. “Thought I’d come lay with you for a bit.”
“Oh, okay,” she said with a sleepy smile over her shoulder. “Hopefully, it takes them a while.”
“We have at least half an hour,” I replied as I slid in behind her. “Go back to sleep.”
She relaxed into me as I wrapped around her waist, but stayed awake. Eventually, she sighed.
“I can’t wait for all of this to be over,” she breathed, her voice so low I barely heard her.
“I know,” I replied kissing the back of her head. “Soon, baby.”
“Do you really think Cane was using me to get at the club?” she asked.
I thought about it before I answered. I wasn’t going to lie to her, but I also didn’t want to make the whole situation even worse than it already was. Cecilia carried more guilt than anyone I’d ever met. Half of the shit she felt guilty about had nothing to do with her—I wasn’t going to add to that unnecessarily.
“I think that he saw an opportunity and took it,” I said finally. “I don’t think he was using you to get to the club. Honestly, from what you’ve said about him and how he felt about your friend, I’m guessing that he figured the club was insurance to make sure you didn’t screw them over.”
“I wouldn’t have,” she said thickly. “I wouldn’t have agreed to carry Olive for them if I—” She stopped and swallowed. “I gave up an entire year of my life to help them.”
“I know you did,” I said, tightening my arm around her waist. “But men like that—especially rich ones—see enemies everywhere, even if they look like friends.”
“I wonder if Liv knew.”
“I doubt it,” I replied. I guess I was going to lie. I would’ve bet my left nut that her friend had known exactly what her husband was up to. She’d just been so desperate for a baby that she’d fed into the illusion that they had to have leverage on Cecilia to keep her honest.
“Talked to your dad,” I said, changing the subject. “After breakfast, we’re gonna put the stuff from your condo in his garage. Siah and Eph are coming for breakfast, and we’ll head over after that.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she said, turning carefully so we were face to face. “Let the rest of the guys do it.”
“I don’t mind goin’ over there,” I replied.
“Bullshit,” she shot back. “You don’t like being there any more than I do.”
I huffed as I got comfortable, folding my pillow in half to prop up my head. “It’s not my favorite place in the world, but I’ve been to worse ones,” I conceded. “It’s not like we’ll be there long. Just unloading the truck.”
“I’m going with you,” she said firmly.
“Stay here and rest,” I argued. “Let the ladies watch Olive so you can get some real sleep.”
“I don’t want real sleep—” Her words cut off as she realized how ridiculous she sounded. “I want to go with you,” she said instead. “Plus, I need some of my stuff. Clothes and shoes, at least.”
“Fine,” I said, brushing her hair back from her face. “But I think Olive should stay here.”
“Do you think something’s going to happen at my parent’s house?” she asked, leaning up a little in alarm.
“No,” I replied, running my hand along her back until she settled back in. “But if something did, she’d be safer at the clubhouse.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” she said with a sigh. We lay there quietly for a while, just breathing the same air, and I felt something inside me settle for the first time in years.
“Hey, you have a new scar right here,” she said softly, running her finger under my chin. “I didn’t notice it before now because your beard covers it.”
“Got a lot of new scars,” I said with a laugh. “That one’s from a fist fight.” I closed my eyes as she ran her fingers down the front of my neck. “Fucker wore a ring the size of Texas.”
“Ew,” she said. “Any man that wears a ring other than his wedding band is afraid that any punch he throws won’t be hard enough to do the job.”
I laughed and opened my eyes. “Where’d you hear that?”
“My mother,” she said with a chuckle. “Probably true, though.”
“I’ve seen the rings your dad wears,” I pointed out.
“He didn’t wear them for a week after she said it,” Cecilia replied, giggling. “Until he realized she was just fucking with him because some woman had hit on him, not noticing his wedding ring.”
“He should’ve known that already,” I said dryly.
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” she said as her laughter faded. “Now that I think about it—he probably did it to needle her back—she loves his rings.”
“That sounds familiar,” I said. “Remember when you gave me shit for wearing basketball shorts to pick you up after school?”
She wrinkled her nose at the memory. “You looked like a fucking snack that day,” she said grumpily. “I didn’t like all the other girls looking at you.”
“So I stopped wearing them,” I said, shrugging.
“Until I asked why you weren’t,” she said, realization dawning as her eyes widened. “You punk!”
I chuckled as she poked me in the chest.
“Hey,” I joked. “Careful, I’m injured.”
Cecilia grimaced. “Does it hurt?” she asked, smoothing her hand gently over the bandage at the top of my shoulder.
“Nah, I’m just teasing you,” I said, pulling her tighter against me. “It’s barely a twinge anymore.”
“You’ve barely even mentioned it,” she said softly. “I’m sorry. With everything else, I just—”
“Hey, stop it,” I ordered. “It’s nothin.’ Promise. Forrest has kept an eye on it, it’s not a big deal.”
“You were shot,” she said flatly.
“Wasn’t the first time,” I replied. “This one’s nothin’ compared to the others.”
I regretted the words immediately when Cecilia flinched.
“Wrong place at the wrong time,” I said softly, leaning forward to kiss the tip of her nose.
“You were there because I’d set you up with a tent and food,” she said, emotionless. “You wouldn’t have been there if I’d told you to go home and deal with your mom.”
“You thought you could boss me back then?” I replied in disbelief. “Cec, if you hadn’t fed me, I’da just grabbed food somewhere else. Still woulda camped out there.”
“Bullshit,” she said with little heat. “You were there because of me.”
“And you couldn’t have convinced me to be anywhere else,” I replied firmly. “Jesus Christ, why do you have to take everything on your shoulders? I thought we’d talked this out years ago.”
“Just because I stopped arguing didn’t mean I agreed with you,” she said. “I just didn’t want to argue about it anymore.”
“None of that shit was your fault,” I said, raising my voice slightly. “Not a single goddamn thing.”
“Well, I remember it differently,” she snapped back.
“Well, your memory is bullshit and you k
now it. When are you gonna let it all go, baby? Fuck.”
“I’m not.”
“Cecilia,” I said, grabbing her chin as she tried to turn away. “It was my decision. Mine. I coulda stayed with Poet and Amy and they woulda smoothed shit over with my mom, and I knew that. I chose to camp out on the back of the property because I didn’t want my mom to know where I was. I was an asshole kid, and I was trying to punish her.”
“I helped you do it.”
“Sometimes back then, sweetheart, seeing you was the only thing I had to look forward to,” I whispered, pressing my forehead against hers. “If you woulda taken that away? No. You didn’t do anything wrong. Not a single fuckin’ thing.”
“Maybe we’re just toxic together,” she said softly, her voice wobbling. “Maybe the universe just keeps telling us to stay away from each other. Look at everything that’s happened up to this point.”
“No,” I argued. “Look at all the shit we’ve survived to this point.”
“I’m terrified,” she whispered tearfully.
“Jesus, me, too,” I replied honestly. “I don’t know what the hell I’d do if somethin’ happened to you or Olive. I’m gonna make sure nothin’ does.”
“I—I know you are” her voice caught, and she stopped to clear it. “Before, I knew that you were out in the world somewhere, even if you weren’t with me. I can’t imagine a world where you aren’t in it… especially if I’m the reason. I don’t think I could survive that.”
“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” I replied. “I’m good at what I do, baby. You just gotta trust that.”
“I’ll try,” she replied.
“I hate it when you say that,” I said, making her laugh a little. “We’re gonna figure this out and then we’re gonna figure us out, alright? One thing at a time.”
“First thing is breakfast,” she said with a sigh, as the noise outside our room got louder. “Sounds like everyone is here.”
“You ready?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she replied. “Just need to do my makeup.”
I grinned.
Chapter 21
Cecilia
Ignoring the way Mark watched me from the bed, I carefully ran liquid eyeliner across my lash line. Foundation, powder, blush, highlighter, bronzer, brow powder, eyeshadow and liner, mascara and finally, lipstick. I could’ve followed the steps in my sleep, but repeating them as I stared into the small compact mirror centered me.
“You don’t need all that, you know,” he said, reaching out to run his finger down my spine.
“It makes me look like myself,” I said simply as I put the eyeliner away.
A knock interrupted him as he opened his mouth to speak. “Yeah?” he called out quietly.
“Food’s on,” Forrest said as he opened the door. His eyes widened when turned. “Damn, woman,” he said, whistling appreciatively.
“Put your tongue back inside your mouth,” Mark told him dryly.
Forrest grinned and laughed uncomfortably. “Excuse me, ma’am,” he apologized. “You’re always beautiful. Just surprised me is all.”
“Don’t call me ma’am,” I said, turning back to my mirror. “And thank you—there’s only so much I can do when the only clothes I have are sweats.”
“Don’t think the clothes much matter,” he replied.
“Yeah, we get it,” Mark said, chuckling as he sat up in bed.
“Glad I showered,” Forrest said. I glanced at him in the mirror as he gestured toward me. “Didn’t know we were gussying up for brunch.”
Mark lifted his arm and sniffed his pit. “Eh, I’ll do.”
“That’s disgusting,” I said, trying to keep a straight face as I applied mascara.
“What?” Mark asked innocently. He sniffed his armpit again. “I smell fine. Here—”
“I’m not going to smell your pits,” I replied, scrambling across the floor as he leaned toward me. I laughed as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down.
“There’s a lot of people out there,” Forrest said, leaning against the doorjamb. “Kids all over the place.”
The words should have ramped up my anxiety, but they didn’t, and I smiled to myself as I tossed the mascara back in my bag. Mark’s little armpit sniff had done its job distracting me. A quick swipe of red lipstick and I was done.
“I’m going to get Olive dressed and then we’re ready,” I told Forrest.
She was lying quietly on the bed, her eyes unfocused and her binky bouncing a little every time she sucked on it.
“Hey, you,” I said softly. Kneeling next to Mark, I pulled her slowly toward me. “You ready to party?”
“She’s in a good mood,” Mark said.
“Thank God,” I said as I started stripping her down. “All I need is a crying baby to top off the coming-home-with-a-killer-chasing-me shit sundae.”
Forrest choked out a laugh. “They seem like they’re glad you’re here,” he said, the words coming out questioningly.
“The oldies are,” I replied as I worked. “They like all the chicks in the nest, especially if shit’s going down. It’s not them I’m talking about.”
“Family politics?” Forrest asked.
“Something like that.”
“Neither of us were crowd favorites when we left,” Mark said in amusement.
“Oh, please,” I argued as I dressed Olive. “They liked you fine. The only reason they would’ve been pissed was because you left me, and since there’s no love lost there—they didn’t care.”
I paused as Mark’s hand wrapped around the bottom of my jaw, turning my head gently toward him.
“You’re wrong about that,” he said, his thumb smoothing over my skin.
“I guess we’ll see,” I replied with a shrug.
Lifting Olive, I got to my feet and ran my hand through my hair, tousling it. “I’m ready.”
“Seriously, woman,” Forrest said, shaking his head. “Damn.”
“Seriously, Forrest,” Mark said. “Shut the fuck up.” He was grinning.
My confidence boosted by Forrest’s words and the look in Mark’s eyes, I scooted past the man in the doorway and led them toward the main room of the clubhouse.
Makeup had never made me feel pretty—or at least not any prettier than I was without it. It was just window dressing, like wearing a dress instead of sweats. Instead, each step of the makeup process made me feel braver. Strong. Prepared. It was armor, and it was fully intact as I stepped into the room full of people sitting at tables and filling their plates with food from the row of platters on the bar top.
“Steady,” Mark murmured in my ear as he threw his arm over my shoulders and kissed the side of my head. “Anybody gives you shit, just remember I’m right behind you… staring at your ass in those pants. Mmm.”
I laughed and elbowed him in the side as he led me across the room.
“CeeCee!” a young voice squealed.
Turning toward the sound, I grinned as my baby sister Charlie threaded through the tables toward me.
“Hey,” I said as she threw her arms around me, careful of Olive as she laid her head on my shoulder. “I missed you, kid.”
“I didn’t know you were coming!” she said, leaning back. “You had a baby?”
“I did,” I said with a chuckle.
“What the fuck?” she asked, her face screwed up in confusion. “Did Mom and Dad know?”
“She’s definitely your sister,” Mark said, trying to hide his laugh with a cough.
“No, they didn’t,” I replied to Charlie. “Surprise.”
“Oh, man,” she said, grimacing. “Is this the dad?”
I rolled my lips inward to keep from giggling. Mark was right, she reminded me a lot of me at her age.
“No, he’s not.”
“But he’s your boyfriend, right?” she asked out of the side of her mouth. “He’s got his hands all over you. He knows he’s not the dad, right?”
“I’m aware,” Mark said dryly. “And if I hadn’t been, the
cat would’ve been out of the bag now.”
Charlie snorted.
“You remember Mark, right?” I said, gesturing to him. “I know he’s been back to visit a few times.”
“We’ve probably met,” she said with a shrug.
“It’s been a few years,” Mark said. “Good to see you, Charlie.”
“Well, he clearly remembers me,” she said, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Mark mumbled. “You look exactly like your sister, so yeah, I could pick you out of a crowd.”
Charlie cocked her head to the side. “Eh, I don’t see it.”
“Stop bein’ a pain in the ass,” my dad said, pulling on Charlie’s ponytail. “You and Cecilia both look just like your mother, and you know it.”
“Hey, Dad,” I greeted.
“Hey, sweetheart. You get some sleep?” he asked, putting his hand gently on Olive’s back.
“A little.”
“Well, bring Olive to me later. She can hang with Papa so you can get a nap.”
“Aren’t you guys going to the house to unload the truck?” I asked, ignoring the sight of my cousin Rose at the corner of my eye. I couldn’t tell if she was looking at me, so I deliberately kept my eyes averted.
“Where we going?” Cam asked as he joined our little huddle.
“CeeCee’s stuff is here,” my dad answered. “We’re gonna put it in the garage at the house.”
“Oh, cool. Let me know when you’re leavin.’” Cam looked down at Charlie. “You seen the boys?”
“Yeah.” She looked at me. “You’re staying for a while right?”
“Yep.”
“Cool, I’ll see you later.” She turned to Cam. “They’re eating outside with Reb and Kara,” Charlie said as they walked away.
“It’s pissin’ rain,” Cam replied.
I didn’t hear what Charlie said back, but it made Cam shake with laughter.
“I thought the youngest would be the easiest,” my dad said, jerking his head toward my brother and sister. “Apparently, it doesn’t work that way.”
“You can’t improve on perfection,” I said with a wide smile and a tiny curtsy.
Dad laughed. “You two go get some food,” he said, shaking his head. “We’re gonna head out in half an hour.”
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