I felt like a shameless hussy for things I couldn’t even remember. The blush spread further on Aiden’s cheeks, and something molten slipped through my veins.
“We had our clothes on the entire time,” he answered.
My eyebrow rose. I could feel it climbing into an arch as I pictured him in my bed beside me, not keeping his hands off me, yet fully clothed. “And…?”
He groaned. “This would be so much easier if you remembered. I feel like a total fucking pervert right now, Airen. I can’t even look you in the eye and tell you what happened without blushing like a damn virgin. Do you know how hard it was, having the best non-sex of my life and walking away, because I can’t have you? And then when I try to do the right thing, the honorable thing, Robert de Fleur chooses that fucking moment to make his move.”
He growled in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. “I fucked everything up by wanting you. My mistakes can never be set right. And when it’s all said, when you know the truth, you’ll hate me just as much as I hate myself right now.”
I recoiled like he slapped me. “What mistakes, Aiden?”
“I fucking walked out on you not long after I’d rolled over on top of you, rutting like a fucking animal. I just… left. I couldn’t look you in the eye knowing I lied to you since day one about who I am and why I’ve been around.”
He paused to take a breath, scrubbing his hand over his face before adding, “It’s just like you said. I’d leave. I left your aunt’s house with the intention of keeping my distance and watching over you and your family from the outside. You never would have known I was there. It would have been easier. Better for both of us.
“After I left you, I couldn’t bring myself to come right back here without taking a few minutes to sort out my feelings. Nadia has a radar for that shit. She can just look at you and know where your head is at. I needed a few more minutes to relive that moment with you before I locked it away.” He shook his head, anger flushing his cheeks.
I waited to hear the rest, not wanting to interrupt him since everything he said was spewing out of him fast. I could tell he’d given up on schooling his words, purging them as if it would take some of the weight off his shoulders. If only for a little while.
“That’s when Robert jumped me. When I came to, I was inside his trunk. I had no idea where I was. Then a gun went off. Twice. You were crying, refusing to get in the car, so he threatened you with my gun.”
“Bang!” I sucked in a sharp breath, hearing Uncle Robert’s voice over the top of what Aiden was saying. He’d pushed up against me, placing the gun between my thighs as he told me what he’d do, and how he’d make Aiden watch, and then kill him too.
“He had my gun—my fucking gun—because I couldn’t keep my hands off you. I wanted to kill him. I swear to you, Airen, I would have if I could have gotten free from the trunk.”
With a slight shake of his head, he stared off somewhere behind me. His voice was laced with anger as he finished telling me what happened. “I don’t know what he would have done if the police sirens hadn’t rattled him. When he popped the trunk, he forced you to get in, repeating his threat to make sure both of us were afraid enough to do as he said.”
Aiden snorted. Pushing his balled-up knuckles into his leg, he said, “He’s a sick fucking man. The only way I knew we’d survive it was if I could get us out of the trunk, but I couldn’t because he’d tied my feet and hands. You held it together long enough to get the tape off. By then, the trunk was getting hot. Exhaust was leaking in, so I punched out the taillight and bought us a little more time. Not long after that, the car swerved, and we flipped. Grant and Nadia saved our lives, but Robert got away.”
By the time Aiden ran out of words, everything had begun to piece itself back together, but only partially. There was one huge chunk still not fully forming and I was sort of relieved, because it would mean I’d remember the moment he fired the two times Aiden spoke of.
I could see the blood, could almost feel how slippery it was on my hands. The burning hold he had on my hair as he pulled me out of the house, not sure if either Aunt Brenda or Mum were alive.
“I remember,” I said, pushing the words past the nonexistent space of my closing throat.
Aiden didn’t move. He’d become a statue, watching me. Waiting for me to fall apart.
Tears wavered heavily in my eyes before rolling down my face as I went totally and completely numb.
Someone announced their presence with a heavy knock, but I stayed silent. Unmoving. It was the only thing keeping everything held together.
Whoever it was stepped close to Aiden, speaking low. “Grant wants you in his office.”
Aiden’s eyes stayed on mine. And I realized it wasn’t just me that had gone numb.
He shrugged off the other guy’s hand without replying.
“Get it together, Aiden. You can’t do this now. We need you. She needs you.”
Aiden exploded out of the chair. His chest bumped into the other guy, forcing him back a few steps. “Don’t tell me what she needs, Ace!”
Ace put his hands up, taking another step back from Aiden. “He’s still out there. None of us are safe until this mission is complete. She can’t move forward until this is over.”
Aiden’s fists balled up at his sides. His chest heaved.
A smirk crossed Ace’s lips. “You wanna hit me, huh?”
“Shut up, Ace,” Aiden growled.
“What pisses you off more, the fact that you’ve fallen for her, or that you feel like you failed her?”
Aiden’s fist shot out, catching Ace’s jaw.
Ace worked his jaw back and forth, watching Aiden as if thinking of another way to set him off. “Feel better?” he asked mockingly, taunting him.
Aiden shoved him hard enough that Ace lost his footing. Ace came up, landing a solid blow into Aiden’s stomach. “Is this how it’s gonna be? ‘Cause I gotta tell ya, bro. I’m down if it makes you wake up and get your head back in the game.”
Aiden’s hands came up, both fists high as he moved from one foot to the other. “Don’t tell me how to feel, asshole.”
“I don’t need to tell you anything. It’s written all over your damn face,” Ace said, ducking as Aiden’s fist shot out, clipping his shoulder.
“You don’t know shit,” Aiden answered, jumping right into Ace’s punch. His head snapped back, and he swiped the side of his mouth with the back of his arm.
“Really? I’m the guy who left his girlfriend and let her think I was dead. Try that on for size and see how it feels,” Ace countered, lowering his fists slightly.
“You know this is different. You didn’t drop your guard. You don’t have to look her in the eye and tell her you failed her.” Aiden’s hands dropped down to his sides. “I’m not doing this with you.”
Ace looked past Aiden to where I sat wide-eyed, unsure what to do, and winked at me. “You think she’ll hate you for this?”
Aiden’s shoulder slammed into Ace as he walked out of the room, sounding heartbreakingly sad when he said, “She doesn’t have to hate me. I hate myself enough for the both of us.”
He was gone after that, leaving me with a total stranger who’d done everything to piss him off.
Ace watched the doorway for a second before strolling over to the vacant chair. “Hello, Airen. It’s nice to meet the girl who stole my best friend’s heart.”
“Are you crazy?” I asked, unable to keep my anger in check. “What the hell did you push him like that for?”
Ace’s eyes twinkled as he took in my disheveled appearance. “I didn’t just do it to him. Both of you looked like zombies. And there’s no time to be that way. I need him, even if he’s angry. Maybe even more so if he’s angry. Robert de Fleur’s days are numbered. I just guaranteed it.”
“By using the guilt he feels against him? What sort of friend does that?” I asked, curling my hands into fists to keep from striking him.
He smiled at me, the bloody bastard. “Th
e kind of friend who would put everything on the line to save him. Even when it’s from himself. Now, let’s set that aside for a minute because I want to know right here and now… Do you blame him for what happened?”
Ace used his words with me like he’d used his fists with Aiden. I sucked in a sharp breath and let it hiss through my teeth before I answered. “Ye’ve a lot of nerve coming in here acting like a complete asshole and then demanding answers from me. In case you don’t remember, let me fill ye in, I lost my aunt and my mum. The only person left of my family is a homicidal bastart who I’d shoot myself if I could. How I feel about Aiden has nothing to do with any of it right now, so you can just get tae fuck.”
He laughed.
My hand shot out, cracking against the side of his face, and he laughed even harder. “I like you, Airen. You’ll be just fine.”
“Get out!” I said, poking my finger into his chest, wincing with each jerky move.
Capturing my hand in his, he said, “I have a better idea. I want to show you something. Do you think you can stand up?”
“Let go.” I didn’t want to look at him anymore, let alone go anywhere with him.
He put his other hand on his chest, over his heart. “Trust me. If you can get up and out of that bed, you’ll want to come with me.”
“Why, so I can watch ye kick puppies next?”
He rolled his eyes at me. “I know you think I was hard on him. Believe me, I got no joy out of that, but he needed to snap out of it. Do you know what guilt does to you when you allow it to take over? It eats you alive. He doesn’t deserve that. He made a mistake. One he has to live with for the rest of his life, but one that doesn’t define him. It doesn’t make him less of a man.”
I let him pull me slowly to my feet, giving me time to move my stiff body without wanting to double over from the pain.
After he slipped his hand under my elbow, we stepped out into a long hallway. The carpet, cold against the soles of my feet, was at least soft with a thick padding of cushion.
The lighting was minimal, spilling from mounted fixtures spaced too far apart along the wall. The frosted glass held back more than it let through. Ace never moved his hand from my elbow as we walked to the end of the hallway.
“It was touch and go for a little while, which is why you’re just now being brought here. Before you go in, I want you to keep something in mind,” Ace said, bringing us to a halt just before the hallway took a sharp turn to the right.
“The medic has had one hell of a time keeping them stable, and there’s no way of telling if they’ll make a full recovery, or if their bodies will give out on them during the night. But for now, your aunt and mother are alive.”
He didn’t wait for my reaction as he urged me around the corner and pushed open a door. Bright lighting pierced my eyes, making them water. I blinked rapidly and moved further into the room.
Two heart monitors and a ton of wires and tubes surrounded them as they lay no less than five feet from one another, both fighting for their lives.
I moved forward on legs that threatened to buckle with each step. I had to know; I had to see them for myself.
A man in a white lab coat shot a nasty look in Ace’s direction. “You don’t have permission to be in here.”
“She has the right to know what’s happening,” Ace said, feet planted as he steadied me.
“Grant will hear about this,” the medic answered, crossing his arms against his chest as he glared at us.
“I don’t really care. I’ll tell him myself,” Ace answered, helping me move closer to stand in between their beds.
The dam inside me broke. Tears poured down my cheeks as I leaned heavily against Ace. He shifted to keep me upright as my world tilted back into place.
Ace spoke over the top of my head to the medic. “Can you get her a chair?”
Something like an angry sigh sifted through the air, “I’ll get her a chair, but you can only stay for another five minutes. Deal?”
I bobbed my head, not waiting for Ace to answer. The next thing I knew I was sitting in between Mum and Aunt Brenda, sending out every prayer I knew, willing them to live. They had to live. They were all I had left.
The seconds ticked by between the hiss and beeps of the machines around me. Before I knew it, five minutes had passed in what felt like a blink of an eye. I wasn’t ready to leave, didn’t want to walk away from them as they lay still as death.
The medic walked over to Aunt Brenda’s bed. I could see him on the other side of her, adjusting wires, checking readings, and jotting them down. The pen made a scratching sound as he continued to write.
“She’s a strong one,” he said as he stepped away, walking behind where I sat perched on the edge of the chair with only Ace’s hand to keep me steady.
When he got to Mum’s side, he repeated the same process. Instead of having something hopeful to say, he only sighed, making adjustments to the small bottle attached to her IV line. It was there on his face. Mum wasn’t doing well. At all.
Ace cleared his throat. “I’ll take you back to your room now.”
When I didn’t acknowledge what he said, he tucked his arm underneath mine and helped me stand. “I’ll make sure you can come back later to check on them. Okay?”
I fumbled beside him, keeping my head turned, watching them until the door closed behind us with a soft swish. The only thought keeping me going was the fact that they still lived.
Fight. You have to fight! I willed the thoughts through the closed doors, hoping they could hear my silent plea.
SITTING ACROSS FROM GRANT AS he scrubbed his hands down his face, I knew I was in for the ass chewing of a lifetime. He’d rip me to shreds. And I deserved it.
He dropped his hands to the desk, staring at me with bloodshot eyes. “What happened?”
I couldn’t meet his gaze. “I screwed up. And two innocent women died.”
Grant snorted, shoving himself back in his seat, crossing his arms as he waited for me to say more. But I couldn’t get the words past the boulder shoved inside my throat.
“Aiden, look at me,” Grant said.
I couldn’t.
“Goddamn it, Aiden, look at me!” he snapped.
The force in his words lifted my head, even when the last thing I wanted to do was meet his gaze.
A tear rolled down my cheek. Then another. Until I swiped them away, angry that I couldn’t get my shit together and explain myself like a man would. Like I needed to. I’d fucked up. I needed to face the consequences. Two women—good women—were gunned down all because of me and my selfish needs. I was no better than Robert de Fleur, and Airen didn’t deserve to have someone like me in her life.
“It was her, wasn’t it? I should have known better,” he said, blowing out an angry breath. “I should have pulled you last night, and I have to live with that.”
If he would have pulled me last night, who knows what Robert de Fleur would have done with her?
“Aiden, do you blame yourself for what happened?” he asked.
My heart stuttered, and then went into overdrive. How could he ask me that when he knew damn well that was how I felt? Did he need to hear the words? Hear me own up to my mistake?
“What kind of fucking question is that? Of course I blame myself. He shot them, Grant. He shot them with my fucking gun!”
My heart picked up speed, banging against my chest like it sought escape from the confines of my body. I clutched my hand against it, willing it to slow. Willing the ache to become numb so I could just move forward and… and what? Heal? That would never happen. Not with what I had on my conscious.
Grant’s fingers steepled in front of his face, tapping against his nose. “How did he get your gun?”
There was no getting around telling him about my abrupt leaving after what had happened with Airen. Only I’d give him the abridged version. He didn’t need to know the details. That was a private moment between Airen and me. One I wouldn’t share with anyone but her. Steeling
myself against the disappointment he’d have in me, I forced myself to look at him.
“I left Brenda’s house this morning after something happened with Airen. I was tied in knots, Grant. Knots.” I brought my fist up, bumping it against my chest. “I just… I couldn’t.” I swallowed hard, forcing myself to tell him about my feelings. Feelings I didn’t want to have. “I couldn’t stay any longer. She was getting to me, and I knew I couldn’t stick around. So I got in my car and headed here.” I’d been so damn torn about leaving her. “I parked a few blocks further away from the church than I normally do. I just needed a few more minutes to clear my head. Get my shit together before I faced you. That’s when he jumped me. I came to in his trunk.”
Grant nodded as I forced my lips closed. Gripping the arm of the chair, he pushed himself up and moved around the desk. “I know you’re beating yourself up for all of this, but you need to understand something. Even if you’d have been there, the outcome probably would have been the same. He still had his own gun, Aiden. He just used yours instead, because for as much as he is an asshole, he’s smart too. We’re not dealing with an idiot. We’re dealing with a man who knows how to evade us. Hell, he’s done it a few times now.”
“Then why did you pull Ace and Oliver from the field?”
“Because I need him to go wherever it was he was heading with the two of you before the accident. There could be more than just Mrs. Campbell and Ms. Anderson’s lives on the line.”
I snapped to attention. “Send me in. Tell me where to go, and I’ll do whatever it takes to eliminate Robert de Fleur.”
The corner of Grant’s lips lifted as if he’d smile, but he stopped himself before it could make an appearance. “Before we set out, and yes, I mean we, I’m going with you, there’s something you should know.”
I swallowed hard.
“He didn’t kill them.” He waited for what he said to sink in.
“They aren’t dead? What… how?” I wanted to run out of Grant’s office and share the news with Airen. Give her something good to hold onto in the madness we’d been pulled through.
If Ever I Fall: Book 3 of The Six Series Page 15