Oh. Right.
Nathan saw my expression and leaned closer to touch my hand. “It’s a little scary the first time, but then it’s fun. You’ll see.” He smiled at me, enthusiasm dancing in his eyes.
Sounded like a description of sex. I took a bite and discovered a voracious appetite. When I found myself staring in disbelief at my empty plate a few minutes later, Nathan just laughed and offered to refill it.
When the plates were cleared away, the conversational volume rose until Zach stood and waved us all to our feet again. But this time we weren’t going outside for dancing. The guys started to discard clothing. I swallowed hard, but it wasn’t due to the now-familiar sight of nude male flesh. This was it. Time to unleash the beast that prowled eagerly under my skin.
CHAPTER TWENTY
A FINE TENSION TOOK ME AND MADE MY HANDS AWKWARD ON MY ZIPper. I managed to get it stuck, so I gave up and pulled the midriff top off still zipped. Pants next. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I folded the clothes neatly and stacked them on my chair.
The electric hum I’d sensed first when all the wolves were in one room together intensified. My skin itched and I felt a dull ache begin in my muscles.
Everybody else had taken a place on the floor, and I remembered David in a sort of modified runner’s crouch before he’d shown me his other shape. Only yesterday. So much change since then, it felt like a week ago.
I crouched down and concentrated on breathing. I had to stretch, so I did, and I felt an odd ripple go through me, as if I was trying to use muscles this shape didn’t have. Another stretch failed to provide relief. The ache became a burn, like a muscle fatigued beyond its limit continuing to work. Tendons and ligaments in my arms lengthened, while my legs contracted. My spine softened and shifted. Hands and feet shrank and re-formed. I closed my eyes, afraid to see myself midway through the transformation, and felt the change in my nose and jaw. My whole body shuddered as the beast burst out, and then I was on four paws, shaking myself.
Excitement rose up. Free! I opened my eyes and looked for my packmates. A black wolf waited beside me. David. An auburn pelt caught my eye and a playful Jack came to crouch in front of me, shoulders down, nose almost to his front paws, then bouncing back up, body language saying, Isn’t this fun?
I sprang at him to agree, and we tumbled over in a flurry of limbs. Zach padded over and nuzzled me and I sat up, embarrassed that he’d caught us roughhousing inside like a pair of puppies. I let out a soft whine of apology. Zach touched his nose to mine, then stood shoulder to shoulder with me. I felt the readiness in his muscles, and remembered his earlier challenge to race.
Ah. I knew the way out, and I knew this game. I took off and found that my new body cornered with better speed than I expected. Zach kept pace with me easily, then let me take the lead, but I knew the real race would happen outside. I heard running paws behind us, and then we were going through the solarium, over the moon tiles, and out into the night.
The full moon and the glitter of stars made it easy to see obstacles. I also found my night vision sharpened, like I’d gained more shades of gray. It was so pretty, I wanted to sing, so I did, and then we all sang together. Our combined voices sent shivers through me. I felt fierce, exultant, joyful. This was where I belonged.
The song died away. Zach took my right and David my left. They dared me silently with their eyes. I didn’t need any encouragement. My muscles hummed in eagerness to run with them, swift and strong.
I leaped forward. They leaped with me, and we became blurs of speed and grace gilded by moonlight. We reached the woods, and I began to dart between trees, changing the race to a game of catch me if you can. They bounded after me, and I eluded them, all the while laughing inside and knowing sooner or later one of them would leap out at me to tumble me into an undignified heap.
Except before either of them could, a dark shape sleeker than a wolf pounced.
Panther, my mind said. Invader, the wolf snarled. Enemy. Threat. Attack! I struggled to contain the impulse. Wait for Zach or David, see if there are more of them, call the pack. But the panther wanted to fight, and then I had to dance after all.
I felt a weird disconnect when the wolf mind pointed out new strike zones to aim for instead of human weaknesses. My wolf body seemed to have muscle memory that didn’t match the ingrained techniques carried in my human form.
I knew how to fight on two legs. If I tried to direct myself like a human on four legs, this was likely to end badly.
David’s words came back to me. You are the wolf.
Okay, then. Get out of the way; let the wolf fight as a wolf. Instinct came to my rescue, and I let my body move with the speed and agility that came from muscle and reflex instead of conscious decision.
I didn’t want to kill. The panther was a person under the fur, and even if he’d come to kill me, I only wanted to wound or disable. But when my jaws locked on his neck, it was hard to go against the urge to bite down harder. I fought the instinct that had saved me and held him instead. Help couldn’t be far off.
Now that we were frozen in a weird tableau, I heard other sounds of fighting in the night and understood why Zach or David hadn’t already appeared. They were fighting their own battles. The werepanthers must’ve picked tonight to invade in force. Why, I couldn’t imagine. Unless they thought I’d be more vulnerable in my first change, unaccustomed to my new body, and the men would be distracted and tired because of my presence.
And I hadn’t named a new leader yet.
A new thought struck me. Had the werepanther aggression begun after the rogue wolves left the pack? Was there a bastard wolf named Ray behind all this, looking for his chance to seize control?
The idea that he might’ve been waiting years in the grip of some sick obsession creeped me out. I needed to talk to Zach and David about that.
In the meantime, I had to figure out what to do with the cat I’d bagged. I couldn’t hold him forever. If I let him go, he might continue the fight. I didn’t want to become a murderer, but I didn’t want to die, either.
The solution to my dilemma appeared from a blade of grass. I watched him grow this time and thought from my new perspective that I’d never seen anything more wonderful.
The lord of the forest. He looked like one from animal eyes. If I’d been free to move, I think I would have lain on the ground at his feet and rolled over to expose my throat.
“Now I get to rescue you again.” He smiled at me, cheerful as if the prospect entertained him. He turned his attention to the panther, and the beast I had pinned shuddered. “You don’t belong here. These are my woods. My wolves.”
His voice vibrated with power and command. I felt all the fight go out of the cat.
“Go.”
The panther obeyed, almost faster than I could loose him, fleeing into the night.
“This trouble must end.” The Leshii came forward and put his hand on my head. “You’d better let the boys finish it, though. I’ll tell your alpha I’ve sent you home. You shouldn’t be fighting in your condition.”
I turned that one over, puzzled. What condition? First change? Tired from the day’s exertions?
The Leshii rubbed one of my ears. “Ah, I see you didn’t know. My two red wolves have made a red pup.”
I pretty much had instant heart failure. Without four feet to balance me, I might have fallen over from shock. Jack? I was having a baby with Jack? How could I name him as my mate when I knew in my soul I belonged to Zach?
Either the Leshii was a mind reader or furry faces were easy for him to interpret. “You can’t choose Jack. Red wolves are special, gifted. In tribal terms, he’s the pack’s shaman. You can’t make him king. He can’t abandon his gifts or his responsibilities to take on that role.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. Pregnant. Not Zach’s, not even David’s. Can’t marry the father. Can’t marry anybody else, but I’d have to name a king or there’d be trouble. Inside the pack, as well as outside the pack.
I trembled unde
r the joint weight of fatigue and an unsolvable dilemma. Distress made my body falter. I collapsed on the ground, curled in a ball, and sometime later realized I was wearing skin again.
“What am I going to do?” I asked the question out loud, not expecting an answer.
“The right thing,” the Leshii answered, as if that should have been obvious.
“I don’t know what that is.” My voice sounded small and hopeless.
“You will. You’re special, too.”
Special. I wanted to laugh, but it wasn’t funny and the laughter would probably turn to hysteria before it ended in tears. And I couldn’t summon the energy to have a breakdown just now. Maybe later.
Tomorrow, talk to Zach and David. Name a king. Buy a book of baby names. Think of something to tell my parents. Then I could have a nervous breakdown. Except it might be bad for the baby. Hell.
I let the lord of the forest take me home. Nobody else was back yet, and I was relieved. I didn’t want to face any of them. I went up to my suite and took a shower, too tired for the tub. Afterward, I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to see if the change in me was obvious.
My own eyes stared back at me, darker than normal but otherwise the same. My face looked chalky, but redheads are always pale. My body didn’t look any different.
“You’ll do the right thing,” I told my reflection. Sure.
I left the bathroom and spotted my purse in the bedroom on the nightstand. Somebody must’ve brought it up for me. Thoughtful. I opened it and dug out my packet of birth control pills. I could take the rest of the tablets all at once, the college girl’s morning-after solution. I threw them in the trash instead.
Bed drew me like a magnet. I climbed in naked, pulled the covers up to my chin, and longed to pull the pillow over my head for good measure.
When I woke up, I was warm and safe and secure and everything felt right. I wasn’t alone in the big bed. Zach’s body curled around mine from behind, his arm over my rib cage tucking me close.
I rolled over to burrow into him, wrapping my arms around him, sliding one foot over his calf. “Mmm.” I nuzzled the curve of his throat. “Good morning. Or is it still night?”
“Does it matter?” Zach’s voice held a tone I didn’t have to work very hard to interpret. I could feel his penis pressing against my belly, full and thick and eager.
“Not if we don’t have to get up.” I reached down to close my hand around his shaft, exploring the length and breadth of that part of him, all male heat and hardness and silky smooth skin drawn taut.
His hands moved over me, cupping the bare curve of my butt, stroking the swell of my breast. Our mutual search widened. There were so many planes and angles to discover, so many tastes and textures. He liked it when I stroked the back of his neck with fingers so light they barely made contact, and he growled when I raked my nails over his muscular butt.
His lips settled on mine as he slid a hand between my thighs and cupped my mound. His fingers caressed the hidden folds with a light touch. “How does that feel?”
“Like there should be more,” I answered, smiling against his mouth. And then there was. He rolled me onto my back underneath him, covered my body with his, settled his legs between mine. I felt him probe at my soft, slick entry, and gave a low moan of encouragement.
He entered me slowly, pressing home in an unrushed stroke, allowing my sex to stretch and open and accommodate him by degrees until I held all of him.
Not all of him, some corner of me whispered. I shoved the thought away. I had this much of him. I wound myself around Zach, embracing him with arms and legs in addition to the most intimate embrace of flesh that joined us.
The knot swelled, and my breath caught. Zach’s mouth claimed mine again. He began to move inside me, gentle, careful strokes, a leisurely lovemaking to make up for yesterday’s impatient, aggressive lust. The sweetness of it made my throat ache and my eyes burn.
He took me in a rhythm that was easy to match and follow, his body rocking on mine and driving him deep. He took me with kisses that drew me closer and closer to some invisible brink. He took me with thorough attention to detail that left no part of me unclaimed. Flesh to flesh, heart to heart, breath to breath, he took me, and I surrendered myself to him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I DRESSED AND LEFT THE SUITE WHILE ZACH WAS IN THE SHOWER. I HAD an ominous list of people to talk to, but it seemed to me that the first person who ought to know about my little problem should be the one who helped cause it.
This trip down the stairs should’ve been easy compared to yesterday’s, but my feet felt leaden and my heart felt worse. Dread pooled in my stomach. Although at least I knew Jack wouldn’t be angry.
He just might be the only wolf who wasn’t.
My steps dragged as I made my way through the quiet house and into the peace of the solarium, where he stood looking outside through the glass wall. I stopped a couple of feet behind him.
“Jack.” My voice came out hoarse with strain.
He turned, concern darkening the blue of his eyes. “Chandra?” He took in my stiff posture, the defensive way I’d wrapped my arms around myself, and came to me. His hands settled on my upper arms. “What’s wrong?”
So many things. I had no words, so I took one of his hands and placed it low on my abdomen. If he could read a concussion by touching my head and bruising on my cervix by touching my stomach, he could read what lay under his palm now.
He drew in a breath. His other hand moved to my waist and urged me closer. I took a half step forward and rested my head on his shoulder.
“I can’t say I’m sorry.” He slid the hand at my waist around to the small of my back to rub lightly back and forth. His hand over my belly cupped as if shielding and cradling the little spark of life.
I closed my eyes and felt my throat swell, thickening my words. “I don’t want you to be sorry.”
“What do you want?”
I took a long shuddering breath. “I don’t know. I can’t choose you. You aren’t my mate, and even if you were, you have a position in the pack nobody else can fill.”
“I might not be your mate, but I’m in this with you.” He rested his cheek against the top of my head, still mussed from sleep and sex. “I’m also your friend. What do you want?”
“I want it.” A whisper of sound, choked with the threat of tears. “I want to keep it, but I don’t know how that’s going to work.”
Jack let go of my abdomen in order to wrap his other arm around me. “I want it, too. We’ll work it out with Zach. I’ll help however you want me to.”
One bridge crossed, I thought, and took a deep, calming breath. The remark from behind us made me blow it out in a rush.
“You look cozy.”
David. I attempted to stiffen my resolve, my knees, and my spine. I had to face him sooner or later. I’d just hoped for later. After I’d had time to wash Zach’s scent off my body, and preferably not while trying to figure out how to deal with a co-parent who wouldn’t be my husband.
“Yep. We’re cozy.” My tone came out more flippant than I’d intended and I winced.
My discomfort communicated itself to Jack. He ignored David and brought his hands up to frame my face, meeting my eyes with his steady gaze. “I mean it. I’m in this with you.”
“I know.” His caring, open response took the edge off my tension. I rose up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek in gratitude. “Thank you.”
Then I turned to David and almost staggered. Jack caught my elbow to steady me. Good thing. The sight of David hit me like a gut punch, driving the air out of my body. I wanted to drink him in with my eyes, as if he were water in the desert and I was dying of thirst.
It hadn’t gone away. So what else hadn’t changed since yesterday? I had to know, and I had to know before I said something irrevocable to Zach.
I stumbled toward him. He didn’t meet me halfway. He made me cover the full distance between us, and then he didn’t reach for me. I heard the
soft sound of Jack’s exit behind me, leaving us alone together.
“David.” I licked dry lips and stared at him, overly aware of the too-rapid rise and fall of my chest and the racing of my heart. He didn’t smile. Just stared at me with his face shuttered and his eyes unreadable, his body language closing me out. The silence dragged on, growing increasingly awkward, but I couldn’t move away. I had to know.
“If you’re waiting for me to give you a kiss and a cuddle like Jack did, you might want to take a bath first. You reek of sex and the alpha.”
My face burned and I longed to slap him. Instead, I shot back, “That didn’t bother you yesterday.”
He didn’t blink. “Yesterday you were a bitch in heat. What’s your excuse today?”
Good question. I didn’t have one. I didn’t know how to proceed. I couldn’t detect any openings in his guard. If I’d left my bra off, maybe I could’ve opened my zipper, flashed bare breasts, and then taken advantage of his momentary distraction.
Probably just as well. He might not even have bothered to look. I could hear his cruel, cold voice in my imagination. Thanks, but I’ve seen the show.
I licked my lips again. “You’re making this very difficult.”
“Really.” He stared me down. “Too fucking bad.”
“Yeah.” I nodded in agreement and resignation. “It really is.” Then I brought my knee up to his groin. He blocked me as easily as I’d expected him to, but since kneeing him wasn’t my goal, I didn’t mind. I moved into him, and where our bodies touched it felt like coming home. I froze, dumbfounded, staring at him with wide eyes.
David froze, too. Then he let out a snarl, caught my arms, turned me, and pinned my back to his chest with my trapped arms crossed in front of me. “You fucked him. Not half an hour ago you had your legs open for him. You fucked him, and now you come to me? Did you think I’d still want you? Did you think you could make me challenge him for you?”
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