by Etta Foster
He worried that once he accepted this new change in his life, that things would never be the same.
He hesitated. “I’m not sure.”
Jacob took a step through the doorway. “Richard, don’t doubt yourself. We’ll try our best to figure everything out. Just because you’re a cripple doesn’t mean you need to change who you are.”
The insistence in his brother’s voice made Richard reconsider. He wasn’t used to being anxious for very long, and the practice over the last couple of days had been exhausting.
Jacob was right. They would figure it out. And no matter what, everything would work out.
A small spark of hope was born in his chest. “I’ll be there in a minute,” Richard said with a nod. He grinned at Jacob who nodded and left him.
It was hard work that made him feel clumsy as though he wore a new body, but Richard managed to eventually scoot himself to the end of the bed, adjust his legs over the edge, and bring the chair over.
Getting himself into the chair would prove difficult.
But he wasn’t discouraged. He could smell the bacon from the kitchen and was eager to see Louise again.
He hadn’t felt well enough to see her and didn’t want to worry the women. It was time to talk to her again and catch up. Hopefully she had kept herself busy for the last couple of days without him.
“One, two, three,” he muttered as he gathered all his energy and tossed himself into the wheelchair. It was an awkward jump with his upper body, and more awkward with his hands in all the wrong areas.
Richard struggled to twist his body around to sit properly. Then he settled his legs into the footplate.
His heart pounded as he grinned at his success.
Maybe the adjustment wouldn’t be so tough after all. Maybe everything could still work out the way he thought it would. Richard swallowed hard before pushing a grin onto his face. Then he opened the door and slowly wheeled himself out of his bedroom.
It was awkward business, making his way down the hall. The process was also much slower than walking.
He told himself it would take time for it must be like learning to walk again. Only there would be no more walking for him. Just riding in his chair.
“Good morning.”
Halfway through the kitchen door, Richard looked up.
Louise was standing at the counter, an apron tied prettily around her waist, as she turned to him with a small smile. The woman looked as beautiful as she ever had, standing tall.
Except that she wasn’t very tall. No, he realized slowly, it was because he had shrunk much shorter.
The realization hit him slowly and then suddenly. A sinking feeling filled his stomach.
She looked taller than him with him sitting down, so she would be looking down on him.
Awkward tension filled the air between them.
“Good morning.” He cleared his throat.
Though he wanted to say something, make a light remark, Richard couldn’t find his voice. His hands fiddled with the hand bars of his chair as he attempted to speak.
“It’s good to see you up and about,” Louise offered after a heartbeat. “Will you be joining us at the table, then?”
He nodded. “I think it would be good to be moving again. Staying in my room can grow confining.” Then eyeing the doorframe carefully, he tried to figure out how to best get through and make it all the way into the kitchen.
It was a tight fit and he didn’t want to damage the frame. He needed to be able to touch the wheels to make them move. Except there wasn’t enough room to do that comfortably.
Richard put his hands on the doorframe and tried shifting the chair around to fix the angle.
If his feet could go through, why couldn’t he?
“Just a second,” he muttered under his breath. Then he paused, wincing when he jammed his fingers between the door and his chair. As he grew frustrated, he grew clumsier and banged the chair against the door.
Getting into the kitchen had never been so difficult.
Richard didn’t understand how the situation could be so complicated since he had walked through that door easily for as long as he could remember.
It was awkward and slow-going. Only with his ridiculous chair did a problem present itself.
A droplet of sweat dripped down his forehead as he tried again, only to bang his knuckles against the wood.
Louise gasped softly. “Oh dear. Please, let me help.”
She took a step forward.
When he looked up, Richard paused to find a look of pity spread across her sweet, pouting face. Her brow furrowed in concern and suddenly he realized how he must look to her.
A weak thing, no longer a man.
A furious blush spread up his neck in the humiliation that he couldn’t bring himself to get through a door in his own house. It struck him so hard that his voice left him once more.
But he didn’t want to talk.
All of a sudden, he didn’t want to be anywhere anymore. Especially not near her. The shame only grew and he wished to disappear.
Richard jerked his chair back as he shook his head. Making his way back out into the hall proved easier than making it into the kitchen.
“No,” he forced the bitter words out. “It’s fine. I’m actually not… I don’t feel well.”
“But Richard…”
He let the door close between them. His heart pounded. As he prayed that she wouldn’t open it, Richard clumsily tugged his chair back to his room and slammed the door shut.
His breathing was labored as he found himself in there alone once more.
Gritting his teeth, he hid his face in his hands. Being on his own for the last couple of days had been trying. Jacob would stop by and Mrs. Pennyworth would bring him his food, but that had been all.
Richard thought he would appreciate the fresh air, and especially being around Louise. He gave up as he sunk in the chair.
Now, more than anything, he hoped no one would ever see him alive again.
Chapter 14
The last couple of days had been quiet for Louise.
Mrs. Pennyworth had started to speak in whispers as though the walls were listening to them. At first, Louise thought it was strange. But then she found herself doing the same thing as though they didn’t want to disturb anything or anyone.
It took all her strength not to walk on her toes around the house.
This wasn’t her house, nor her home. Louise found herself nervous to leave her bedroom, not certain of what to expect.
She didn’t want to bother Richard. But he had been the reason why she traveled so far to meet him.
If he had to take time to heal, she worried that she would only be in the way.
“Nonsense,” Jacob had told her when she voiced her concerns quietly that first night after the accident during their supper without Richard. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.
“We won’t turn you out. Besides, it’s almost Christmas. You must stay. At least until the new year.”
He had spoken so eagerly that Louise didn’t feel that they had an option. She had turned to Luanne who merely shrugged and flipped her hair at Jacob again in the hopes of catching his attention.
Louise had returned to her food and then helped Mrs. Pennyworth clean up afterwards.
During the day, she had done her best to help with cleaning the linens and tidying the house. Jacob traveled to town to purchase feathers, so she had built a few more pillows for everyone. Then the doctor had returned carrying a chair with wheels.
She had only seen one of those once before in her life. It was in the street with a poor beggar boy. A wheel was broken and he couldn’t move.
Though she had crossed the road to talk with him, her mother had grabbed her by the elbow.
“It’s his fault he broke it,” her mother muttered. “We have more important things to worry about. This way, Louise.”
Louise still remembered the way her heart had clenched when she had to turn
her back to the struggling child.
Any hope in her chest had fled upon seeing the chair crawl across the room. But then she told herself she was being dramatic.
The tears that had poured down her cheeks and over Jacob’s shoulders that afternoon had been wiped away; they had not returned.
She had resolved that she would not be miserable or sad. In a situation like this, one had to focus on the light.
Louise listened as Richard’s door opened and closed. Then she paused to say a prayer for strength.
“Dear?” Mrs. Pennyworth glanced in from the kitchen. “I’m preparing some food, but I could use your help. Would you care to join me?”
Louise jumped onto her feet. “Of course,” she nodded as she hastened over, grateful for a distraction.
Though she had decided to find some time to talk to Richard that day, hopefully sooner rather than later, she wasn’t certain what she would say.
Part of her wanted to ask Mrs. Pennyworth for the woman’s opinion. She would surely know Richard better and have an idea of what would be something helpful to say.
But Louise worried that she was making everything more complicated by bringing in a middle person.
It bothered her that she felt so nervous about reaching out to Richard now. The chair didn’t bother her. Everyone lived their lives differently.
She was only concerned how he was feeling and if he was feeling lively enough for some company. There was still so much she wished to talk to him about from their letters.
“Here, if you could keep an eye on the bacon? Don’t burn yourself, dear,” Mrs. Pennyworth added. “I have another apron around here somewhere. Where on earth has it gone?”
Peeking into the pan, Louise turned the sizzling bacon strips over onto their other side. Mrs. Pennyworth was distractedly rummaging around the kitchen, her thoughts clearly all over the place.
Louise could feel the nervous energy from across the room.
“You said you had recently finished some laundry,” she volunteered after thinking for a moment. “Might it be in a basket somewhere nearby?”
The woman tutted as she turned in another circle. “I’m afraid you must be right. Ah, I had best find it. There’s no sense in ruining our clothes for bacon grease. Will you be fine here if I disappear for a minute?”
“Of course,” Louise nodded, absently wondering where her sister was. Luanne had only come out for supper the day before, claiming a headache.
It might have been a real headache or perhaps it was only an excuse not to spend time in the kitchen; Louise wasn’t certain.
She hummed quietly, finding herself alone in the kitchen once Mrs. Pennyworth wandered off.
There was the bacon to put onto the dishes, and the eggs to set on the plates. She heard Richard in the hall, but the young man didn’t make it into the room for several minutes.
Not until she heard a door open and something soft thump against the wall.
Louise turned to find Richard there. He sat in his new wheelchair, sitting tall. His hair needed a good brushing, but his eyes were bright.
A smile climbed onto her face. Somehow, she had missed him.
Except the brightness in his eyes didn’t last long. They greeted one another, but Richard turned away as he struggled to get his chair through the door. Louise held her wooden spoon as she took a step forward. She wanted to help in any way that she could.
But he turned her away. His brow furrowed as he backed up and the door separated them.
Louise stood there in confusion, uncertain of what had just happened. Her mouth hung open as she wondered if she had said something.
Of course he was hungry. He had to be. Richard was a grown young man and he needed food.
Louise stared at the door as she tried to think about something she could have said to keep him in the kitchen. There was so much more that she wanted to say. Fiddling with the spoon, she racked her brain for ideas.
A few minutes later, Mrs. Pennyworth came in with the other apron. Louise had worn it two nights ago, a simple checked pattern with three helpful pockets.
The woman offered her a smile. “I passed Jacob in the hall. It sounds like Richard will be joining us this morning.”
“I’m afraid not,” Louise replied faintly. “He changed his mind.”
Mrs. Pennyworth paused. “Oh? He came out here?”
Nodding, Louise tried to find the right words to express what she thought had happened. But she felt that no matter what she might say, everything would turn out wrong. “Yes. He decided to return to bed, I’m afraid.”
“Oh.” The housekeeper glanced at the door with a slight frown before she shrugged it off. “I’m sure he’s still dealing with his aches and pains.
“But don’t you worry, dear, he’ll be up before you know it. Richard likes to keep moving about, he does. Those eggs look delightful, Louise. Well done.”
As the woman bustled about the kitchen, Louise finally pulled herself together.
Letting go of the shock that had caught her off guard with Richard’s sudden dismissal, she was determined not to let him disappear like that.
Louise turned back to the counter and pulled out the tray.
The housekeeper prattled on, but she hardly listened as she found the best of the bacon and eggs, prepared a glass of juice, and made her way out of the kitchen.
There was something on his mind, she decided, and it was time they talked. She wanted to let him know that there was no need for him to be shy.
They already knew each other through the letters they had written to one another.
Since he had guests in his house, he had no excuse to ignore them. Especially her.
It took all of her courage to knock on the door, telling herself that this was the right choice to make. Of course he wanted to talk to her. It was nearly Christmas and they hadn’t had time very much to connect since her arrival.
There was no need to waste time apart, even if he was going to be picky about where he ate.
And he had to be hungry.
“What is it?” Richard called through the door.
Louise opened the door with her elbow and brought the tray into his room.
It was a large room with few decorations inside. There was the large bed in the middle, and a large armoire in the next corner. There was a mirror near the door, a chest at the end of the bed, and a small table with baubles near the bed.
She noticed how the baubles had been pushed in a corner to make room for something larger.
Her eyes glanced down at the tray in her hands before she turned to find Richard on the edge of the bed.
His eyes looked dark when they fell upon her and she wondered if it was because of the dim light in the room. At least, that’s what Louise hoped.
Then he turned away from her.
Richard’s shoulders shook as he pushed the wheeled chair away from the bed.
She found herself lowering her gaze. After some fumbling, he scooped each of his legs onto the mattress. Only then did she lift her eyes again.
“What are you doing?” he asked her in a blunt tone.
It made her hesitate as she still stood in the doorway. Most of her courage had already been used. Louise swallowed as she tried to put on a smile.
“I know you said you weren’t hungry, but I wanted to make sure you had food nearby in case you changed your mind.”
“I’m not interested.” He nearly cut her off.
Louise felt her heart clench and it reminded her of those mornings when her father would catch her reading.
There was always someone around who didn’t want her to do what she thought was right. It bothered her and she tried to work her way around it.
She swallowed again. “I’ll leave it here anyways. Just in case.”
When he didn’t respond, Louise took it as enough of an invitation to step forward and set the tray on the edge of the table.
Though two of the edges hung off, she felt fairly certain it wouldn’t fall
over. Her stomach growled at the scent of the fresh meal.
She only hoped that he felt the same way.
Taking a step back, Louise glanced at the open door. “Richard, I thought we could talk.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.”