by Etta Foster
Louise noticed a weight had lifted off her shoulders once she was alone. A calmness settled around her as she breathed in and then breathed out. Her hands no longer shook.
She straightened her shoulders as she pulled herself together.
She had overreacted, she decided. While she didn’t deserve to be treated in such a manner, she hadn’t taken into account Richard’s situation. Perhaps she had tried too hard. This was something she could think about after supper was prepared.
Humming, Louise located the corn and buttered it for the table. This kept her focused and busy until Mrs. Pennyworth returned in a rush. The woman straightened her frizzy hair and put Richard’s plate away.
They didn’t talk about it.
There was little conversation during their Christmas Eve supper, let alone for the rest of their evening. Jacob checked on horses and Louise curled up by the fire to read from the library. Luanne hung around the room not quite complaining but not cheerful either.
And then it was Christmas.
They were all in a better mood after getting some good sleep. Louise convinced her sister and Jacob to build snow people. They took the pony out for a stroll and then made popcorn.
It was difficult spending the holiday in a strange place without the rest of her family, but she made the best of the day with what she had.
Part of Louise hoped that Richard would come out to join them. But he didn’t.
Instead, she noticed how he watched them from the window. He would peak his head out as long as she pretended not to look.
Someone, she wasn’t certain how, convinced him to come out of his room for the tail end of supper. But they sat at opposite sides of the room and she did her best to ignore him.
His attitude was still far from charming, but he was a little quieter.
Louise focused on entertaining her sister and Mrs. Pennyworth instead. Luanne could be happy when she desired to be, and it was hard not to be happy on Christmas.
As she lay in bed that evening, Louise glanced at the letters but decided against reading them.
They were from a Richard that wasn’t there at the moment. Maybe it was time to act that way. She thought about her last conversation with Mrs. Pennyworth and tried to convince herself that things would work out well.
Time. Patience. That’s what she needed.
Except there was only so much time. She would need to return to her family soon if nothing came of her visit on the ranch.
All the hopes she’d arrived with had begun to fade. She no longer had any idea of what would happen next.
A few more days, she told herself. A few more days and then she would see about going home with her sister. Luanne would appreciate that.
The idea brought a knot to her stomach, but perhaps it wouldn’t be so terrible going home. Something would work out.
She had to believe that. Whether it came through patience with Richard or somewhere else, something good would come.
Chapter 25
Christmas had been his parents’ favorite holiday. Richard remembered decorating the house with garlands and decorating a large tree with ribbons.
There had been sweet foods to eat, stories to share, and everyone had been in a wonderful mood.
This year was different.
With Richard in his chair, after everything that had just happened, he stayed in his room to stew. His thoughts swayed from one direction to another.
He spent hours staring at his useless legs.
Though Mrs. Pennyworth attempted to bring him out to join them for meals, he didn’t care to enjoy anyone’s company.
After watching everyone else enjoy their Christmas day, Richard didn’t care to be around any of them.
They left him alone in the house and ignored him. No one invited him to play in the snow. Though he knew he couldn’t, it would have been polite for them to ask.
Perhaps that was why he grudgingly acquiesced to the housekeeper when she suggested he join them for supper. He could smell the hot meal from his bedroom and hated the idea of missing out on something so fresh.
When he went to the table, Jacob hurriedly moved a chair out of the way so Richard could roll his chair up. Then he glanced around to see the young ladies who didn’t bother to look at him. Instead, they stared at their plates.
It was as if they couldn’t stand him. Richard bit his tongue and stared at his own plate. Jacob said grace before anyone ate.
The meal was quiet with no one raising their voice to speak. It was somber with a touch of irritation.
That last part might have come straight from Richard. He wasn’t certain. No one would look at him so that he could tell the difference and decide for himself.
Picking up his fork, he fiddled with the roast lamb on his plate, swirling it around into the jam. There were steamed vegetables as well, a rare treat.
Everything looked perfect. But Richard couldn’t find his appetite.
“Richard?”
He blinked before looking across the table at Mrs. Pennyworth who smiled innocently. “What?”
She motioned to his plate. “Is everything all right? I can heat your plate up by the fire if the temperature isn’t right.” Her eyes were wide and innocent.
“No,” he said a moment later. Richard glanced around the table. Luanne and Jacob both turned to him when he spoke.
Louise, who sat the furthest from him, didn’t look up. She fiddled with her fork instead while she played with her food. Her head was down with her curly hair falling into her face. It nearly fell across her plate.
Even when he stared, she didn’t look over at him.
“It’s fine.” Richard turned back to Mrs. Pennyworth and shrugged. “I’ll eat this.”
Everyone returned to their plates.
The rest of the meal was quiet. But there was an uneasy feeling that settled in that wouldn’t go away. It settled like a hard rock in his stomach.
As he bent over his plate, Richard stiffened as his spine itched as well. The sensation was uncomfortable as well as a little painful.
He just gripped his fork tighter, swallowing his anger and frustration. The moment he was done eating, Richard rolled himself away from the table.
It sounded like Mrs. Pennyworth opened her mouth to call him back, but her words died in her throat as a small grunt.
And he made his way out of the room.
That was clearly what they wanted, after all. No one would look at him or talk to him. They all knew what a cripple he was, how useless he was now.
Richard slammed his door shut before rubbing his hands over his face.
Just moving himself from room to room was exhausting. The anger he carried around grew heavier with every passing minute. It was as cumbersome as his chair.
Nothing felt normal anymore. He didn’t like having to sit constantly. It made his hips ache. Moving around was difficult and felt pointless because there was nothing more he could do but hope people would continue to feed him and keep him from dying.
Like a babe.
He rubbed his face some more, trying to push back the dark thoughts. But they were all he had since everyone had left him behind. Since everyone wanted to ignore him.
Richard spent the rest of his Christmas evening sitting in the middle of his room where he wished he could be anywhere else doing anything else.
Over the next couple of days, nothing changed.
Richard tried to find his optimism again but it was nowhere in the corners of his room or the shadows in his head. Even when he found the strength to leave his room, it didn’t seem to help.
Jacob would try to say a word or two, but Richard wasn’t ready to forget what had happened. His brother couldn’t understand what his carelessness had caused. So Richard left whenever he tried to say something.
Of course Luanne had nothing kind or polite to say. The two of them sat in silence once or twice in the parlor, purposely ignoring each other and everything.
Then Mrs. Pennyworth tried to be c
heerful for him. It only annoyed him. The woman couldn’t understand how much of his life was ruined.
She was only pointing out how trapped he was in the house for the rest of his life.
As for Louise, she still wouldn’t look at him. She wouldn’t talk to him unless he said something to her first. He had to test that out just to be sure.
“You’re in my way,” he had pointed out to her in the kitchen when she was cleaning dishes.
Louise had whirled around, water dropping from her soap-covered hands, to find him there.
“Oh. Sorry,” she said.
Her eyes had glanced at him for only a second before she hurried out of the way. She paused a few steps away.
Then she left the room completely, still clutching a dripping plate.
Four days passed in that infuriating manner.
No matter what happened, everyone decided that he was best to be avoided. Especially Louise. He had more than enough time to stew over her strange, silent attitude. She was acting like a martyr as though she had been injured.
But she hadn’t. She simply refused to talk to him or look at him.
It would have been amusing if it hadn’t been so frustrating. Richard noticed her every time he left his room, wondering what she was doing. The women had yet to leave.
He couldn’t help but wonder if Jacob had seriously considered what he had said and was now trying to court her.
Louise and Jacob. His lips curled.
He wondered what Jacob had told Louise. Did she know everything? Did she want to be with him? If she knew what he had done to Richard, did she still want to be with him?
No matter what Richard did, he couldn’t stop thinking about Louise.
He tossed and turned in his bed at night. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair during the day. Nothing felt normal or right anymore. Whether it was the cold in his fingers or the pain in his spine, Richard couldn’t tell. But he felt deeply unsettled and soon he couldn’t take it anymore.
The next morning, he forced himself to slowly get dressed and join everyone to break their fast. They hadn’t planned on him joining them. Mrs. Pennyworth jumped up upon finding him in the kitchen and hurriedly set him a place to join everyone.
“Did you sleep well?” Mrs. Pennyworth asked him once he had rolled himself up to the table.
His eyes darted around the table. Jacob was gone. Probably still out on the ranch with the cattle.
Luanne sat next to him, her chin in her hand as she picked at her food.
Louise sat across from her on the other side. Though he thought he had seen her using her fork and knife a moment ago, she had set them down to put her hands in her lap and stare down at her plate.
Turning back to Mrs. Pennyworth, he gave a smile that probably looked more like a grimace. “The usual. Shooting pain in the back. Doesn’t appear that I’ll ever sleep again.”
Mrs. Pennyworth paused before nodding slowly. “That’s unfortunate,” she volunteered. “Do you need more pillows?”
“If five pillows aren’t enough, then ten aren’t,” he pointed out to her.
Shaking his head, he picked up his fork and ate his eggs. They didn’t taste like much. He forced himself to chew and stayed even as Mrs. Pennyworth started to clean up.
Luanne and Louise soon stood as well to carry the plates over to the sink. He set his fork down and watched Louise carefully, ready to talk the moment she was free.
As long as she was in his house, she couldn’t keep avoiding him.
He had to bide his time until she took off her apron and stepped out of the kitchen. There was his chance.
Richard’s heart skipped a beat as she disappeared into the hall. Immediately he started after her, ignoring when Luanne muttered under her breath about him rolling over her foot.
The hall was empty.
Wondering where she had gone, Richard headed towards the front door. But that area was empty, along with the study beside it. He was just turning around when he found Louise heading towards him while she fixed a scarf around her neck.
She looked up at last and stopped when she found him blocking her way.
Her eyes widened. “Oh,” she managed in a small voice. “I’m sorry. I…” Then she turned to go as if she hadn’t been intending to go outside all along.
“Still avoiding me, then?” he demanded, scooting himself a little closer.
The woman paused. She licked her lips as she glanced around everywhere but at him.
“No. No, I… I’m only busy. I’m trying to help out around the house. I told Jacob earlier I would check on the pony. That’s all. May I…?”
“So you’ll do everything but talk to me?” He scoffed. “Aren’t I the reason you’re here in the first place?”
Louise hesitated before she shrugged.
He wasn’t certain he could be any more insulted than he already felt. She had grown distant as though he was no longer worth her time or effort. Heat crept up in his cheeks as his hands balled into fists.
“Well?” He pressed her, demanding answers. “Aren’t you going to say anything? Or are you going to ignore me all over again?”
Her mouth opened and closed twice before she found her voice. “No, I only… I wanted to give you some time. And space. I didn’t want to bother you.”
Scoffing, he shook his head. “Bother me? What else am I going to do? I’m trapped here, Louise.”
Louise straightened her shoulders as she finally looked him in the eye. “And what am I to do, Richard? No matter what I do, it’s always wrong. I talk to you, and I’m in your way. I avoid you, and you say I’m ignoring you.
“I offer you kindness and gifts, and you want none of it. I offer you silence, and you can’t stand it. Every time I tried to help, you shoved it back in my face.”
Her eyes softened in a way that gave Richard pause. “I can’t win with you, can I?”
She looked so troubled that he couldn’t find any answer to give her. Instead, a new feeling entered his gut and twisted his insides around.
As Louise had explained herself, he could see the moments she was talking about.
Slowly it made sense what he had done and why none of it made sense. His anger had grown out of control and unreasonable. He was too frustrated to have noticed.
While he didn’t feel that everything he had done about his new situation was completely unreasonable, Richard knew he could have done better.
He could have tried a little bit more.
He also noticed how she didn’t reference Jacob. There was nothing about him or about her desiring to leave just yet. A lump formed in his throat as he searched for an appropriate reply.
His hands balled into fists as he tried to find a kinder response than telling Louise she was foolish.
Because she wasn’t. It had to be him.
In the silence between them, she grew antsy. Richard sat there mulling over her words as she started to inch around him.
“I should see to the pony,” she mumbled. “She likes having company. I - I’ll return inside in just a moment, and perhaps we can talk more then.”
“No.”
She froze as he jerked his head up. Richard saw the apprehension in her gaze and grew mad that it was he who put it there.
He swallowed his pride and frustration as he forced a tight smile onto his face. It was time he made up to her for his recent attitude.
“Perhaps it’s time that we finished that walk after all,” he managed to say. “If you would bring the pony out, I’ll get my coat.”
Louise blinked before she nodded slowly. A small smile slipped over her lips. “That sounds lovely. I’ll return shortly.” Then she slipped out the door before he could say anything more.
His heart pounded in his chest as he swallowed hard. There was a lump in his throat that he tried to ignore as he thought about what had just happened.
A tightness had wrapped around his chest and it made it hard for him to think.
Maybe he misread her, and she d
idn’t care any longer. Maybe she was outside laughing at him. But maybe, he found a spark of hope, she would forgive him for his recent actions.
It had been days since he’d been outside, almost a week.
Richard slowly wheeled himself back to his room to get dressed. Though part of him tried to convince him to stay put and not follow through with his suggestion, the other part reminded him of Louise’s tender gaze.