by Ann Bryant
Jess looked totally stunned. “Is that true, Grace?”
I nodded and bit my lip. “I couldn’t tell you. You would have made me go to a teacher.”
“But…what if Georgie comes in and sees what I’m doing?”
I was itching to get away. If my plan was to work I had to go right now, as fast as I could, before Felissia signed out and went off to bed. But I felt sorry for Jess. I’d dragged her into the middle of a nasty drama. “Say it’s my fault and I’m sorry but it was all I could do to prove it’s Felissia.”
The lost look on Jess’s face stayed at the front of my mind all the time I was running to Beech House. An older girl was just going out of the big front door and she held it open for me, so I slipped inside and ran along the corridor by the stairs. I knew exactly where the computer room was from when we’d been round all the boarding houses on Chinese New Year’s Day. So far I’d only seen one person and I was nearly there. My plan was working perfectly, apart from my heart thumping too loudly. I was praying that Jess had managed to keep Torpedo Gal talking online, as I gathered together every last drop of courage I possessed and opened the door quietly to see Felissia and Cassie hunched over the first of the computers and Stella on the one next to them. They must have been completely absorbed in what they were doing, because not one of them even seemed to realize anyone had come into the room. I crept forwards on shaky legs until I was close enough to see the words Felissia was typing.
I don’t care what Grace thinks. She’ll never be able to prove anything.
And that was when I spoke, in the hardest voice I could manage. “Oh won’t she?”
I wished that Hannah had been there to see the look of big alarm on Felissia’s face when she swung round and saw me there. Her mouth fell open and the other two went white. For a split second I felt a lovely feeling of power, but then my knees nearly buckled at the sound of an icy voice behind me.
“What’s going on here?” I turned to see Miss Walton, the housemistress of Beech House. Her eyebrows were arching high, and when she saw me they went even higher. “I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are, but I do know you’re not from Beech House and as it’s quarter to nine, you know perfectly well you should be in your own boarding house.”
“Yes, but…” It suddenly seemed like an impossible job to try and explain that I’d had to do something wrong to make something else right.
Miss Walton put her hands on her hips and tipped her head on one side, her eyes never leaving my face. “Well?”
I caught a look of triumph in Felissia’s eyes and just knew that she would have signed out of the chat room by now.
“Felissia’s been posting nasty messages about me in the chat room,” I said, feeling my face flooding with colour as I realized the ridiculousness of what I was saying.
“That’s a total lie, Miss Walton, honestly!” said Felissia in a sugary voice, her face all innocence and shock.
I could have kicked myself for ever imagining that this whole plan was any good. It was utterly stupid, because I hadn’t thought it through properly. My eyes met Felissia’s and the coldness I saw there shocked me, but then a second later she turned to Miss Walton with her innocent expression back in place. “And Grace and her friends have been writing really horrid things.”
Miss Walton fixed me with her icy glare, and I didn’t dare defend myself. I wished I could sit down, my body felt so weak. Her tone was brisk. “Which house are you in?”
“Hazeldean.”
“Right, you’d better get back there straight away. I’ll phone Miss Carol to tell her you’re on your way.”
“But—”
“But nothing. I’m fed up with this silly chat room nonsense. I’ve said right from the word go that it would lead to trouble and, now it has done, perhaps the school might come to its senses and shut it down!”
I didn’t look at Felissia again, just crept out of the room and out of Beech House. Then I jogged back to Hazeldean with leaden legs, working out what on earth I was going to say to Miss Carol. If Jess was in trouble too, I’d never be able to forgive myself for concocting such a terrible plan. Not only had it not worked, but it had made things ten times worse now Miss Walton was talking about shutting down the chat room.
Miss Carol was waiting for me at the front door. “Grace!” she said, looking horrified. “Whatever are you doing out so late? I couldn’t believe it when Miss Walton phoned just now.”
I took a deep breath. I could only repeat what I’d just said to Miss Walton, but I desperately hoped that Miss Carol might be more understanding. “Someone’s been sending nasty messages about me in the chat room, and I didn’t know who it was, but I had a strong idea and I just needed to prove it to myself. I couldn’t think of any other way of doing it. I had to actually catch the person out, you see. And…now I have done.”
Miss Carol looked very serious. “And who was it?”
“Felissia Streeter.”
“I see.” She looked down and I could tell she wasn’t sure what to say. “Well, we’ll talk about it tomorrow, and, in the meantime, off you go to bed.” She didn’t exactly smile, but she didn’t look quite so cross either.
The moment I went into the dorm, Jess grabbed me. “Are you okay? What happened?”
The others were all looking at me with big curiosity and I wasn’t sure how much they knew about what had been going on.
“Where have you been?” asked Georgie.
I sighed as I grabbed my washbag. “It’s a long story.”
Jess came with me to the bathroom and I explained in a gabble all that had happened. Then I remembered that I wasn’t the only one in this horrible drama. “And what about you? Did you get discovered?”
She shook her head. “Felissia wrote some pretty horrible things, though,” she said, wrinkling her nose.
“Like what?”
“Carrying on about obsession and stuff…”
“And what did you write back?”
“I just said she was talking rubbish, basically.”
“Thanks, Jess,” I said, giving her a hug. “Goodness knows what’s going to happen now,” I added quietly. “I know I’ve made everything a hundred times worse, but at least I’ve proved to myself that it’s definitely Felissia.” I was drying my face when I suddenly remembered the thing that Felissia had said earlier that had hurt me the most. “Jess?”
She waited.
“Do you think everyone thinks I’m a show-off?”
In a flash, her arm was round my shoulders. “Of course they don’t! No one thinks you’re a show-off, apart from Felissia.” She looked at me carefully in the mirror. “There’s more to it than that, though, isn’t there, Grace?”
I fiddled with my towel and saw that her eyes were full of sympathy.
“Shall we call a friendship meeting so you can tell us all what’s going on?”
I nearly said no, but I then realized there was no need to worry that they’d tell an adult any more, because two adults already knew so it wouldn’t make any difference. And I also realized that I was tired of keeping everything to myself. I couldn’t say anything about Hannah because I’d promised not to, but it would be a big relief to share my own secrets.
“Okay.”
The anxious look left Jess’s face immediately and I knew I’d made a good decision.
Chapter Nine
I usually wake up easily in the mornings, but the morning after our friendship meeting I felt exhausted. After Miss Fosbrook had been in to check our lights were out and we were all quiet, we’d got up and sat on the round rug talking for ages and ages.
I’d told my friends absolutely everything, except the bit about Hannah, and they’d been so kind and sympathetic that I’d felt like bursting into tears quite a few times. Mia said she thought I’d been very brave to keep it all to myself and Naomi said she was sure that everything would be sorted out once I’d had a good talk to Miss Carol. But I wasn’t so sure myself.
Before breakfast Matron told
me in a serious voice that Miss Carol wanted to see me after lunch, so I spent the whole morning worrying about what she’d say. When I went to her flat straight after lunch, I even took my swimming costume with me so I could show her.
“I’ve spoken to Miss Walton properly now and she’s heard Felissia’s side of the story,” began Miss Carol, “so I just need to hear what you’ve got to say, Grace.”
It suddenly seemed very unfair that I hadn’t really done anything wrong except for going out of the boarding house after half past eight, and yet here I was, having to explain my side of the story. I took a deep breath and reminded myself how Naomi had said she was sure it would be fine once I’d explained everything. Then I started talking. I began with the first message Georgie had got, but when I said it out loud, it sounded stupid. The expression on Miss Carol’s face didn’t change as I told her what the other messages had said. She even kept her grave look in place when I showed her the hole in my swimsuit and explained about the messages with the word “hole” in them, and I could feel my hands getting sweaty. I was careful not to mention Hannah at all, so I finished up by saying that I’d had to actually catch Felissia typing a nasty message about me to prove that she was the bully.
“And did you catch her out?” asked Miss Carol in a low voice.
My mouth felt dry. “Yes, she was writing, I don’t care what Grace thinks. She’ll never be able to prove anything.”
Miss Carol blinked in surprise. “Really! Well that’s most odd, because Felissia says she wasn’t writing anything at all to do with you and that she’s never written anything about you in her life, and she had no idea why you rushed in on her like that.”
I stared at Miss Carol in amazement and was on the point of accusing Felissia of lying when I swallowed my words. I mustn’t say anything to make things worse. “B…but what about this?” I showed her the swimsuit again. “See, it’s definitely been cut.”
“Yes, I agree it does look as though it’s been cut, but I’ll need to look at this carefully, Grace, because I’m afraid it’s a big leap from your swimsuit being cut to assuming it was done by Felissia.”
“But what about the messages…all about holes?”
Miss Carol licked her lips and said, “Hmm,” then tapped her fingers on the table as she looked at the wall. Finally her eyes met mine again. “I’m sorry, Grace, but I think it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other. This is all about two girls who are both very good swimmers and have got themselves carried away with a bit of silly rivalry.”
“A bit of…”
“Silly rivalry,” Miss Carol finished off firmly, giving me a teachery look.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was exactly the reason why I’d not wanted to tell a grown-up. There still wasn’t any proof. Yes, I’d proved it for myself, but that wasn’t good enough. And never would be.
“You’d better go to lessons,” said Miss Carol.
“Will the chat room be shut down?” I asked quietly.
“Miss Walton is in favour of shutting it down, but we’ll have to see what other people think. I’m not stopping you or anyone else from using it at Hazeldean for the time being, but I hope that you and Felissia have both learned a lesson from all this.”
The others were waiting for me outside Miss Carol’s flat and as we walked across to our next lesson I told them what she’d said.
Georgie was furious. “She ought to have seen some of those messages,” she snapped, “then she’d soon realize that’s it’s not six of one and half a dozen of the other, it’s a dozen of one and zippo of the other!”
I couldn’t even raise a smile at Georgie’s wit. In fact, at that moment, I thought I might never smile again, I was so depressed. There didn’t seem any point in anything. When I was little and Mum said I had to go to bed, I often used to stamp my foot and say, “It’s not fair!” But that’s a thing that all kids say. This was different. This really wasn’t fair, because Hannah and I were being bullied and no one was putting a stop to it. Thinking of Mum made me suddenly homesick and that depressed me even more. Everything seemed pointless. Why should I bother to try and get better at swimming? If I won my races, Felissia would take it out on me even more, and if I didn’t win them because I hadn’t tried my hardest, I’d be letting down my house and myself. So I couldn’t win either way.
“I’m not going to swimming squad,” I told Jess on Wednesday after school.
Jess gasped. “You can’t just not go,” she said. “What are you going to tell Mrs. Mellor? It’s the swimming gala tomorrow. This is your last chance to practise!”
“I’ll say I’m not well,” I said flatly.
“But Mrs. Mellor will check it out with Miss Carol.”
I shrugged. I knew I wasn’t being myself but I couldn’t help it. Nothing mattered any more. “I don’t care.”
Jess didn’t seem to know what to do. She hovered around me for a few seconds, then said, “I’d better go to art club… I’ll…see you later.”
I saw Bibi heading towards the pool and asked her to tell Mrs. Mellor that I wasn’t well.
“Oh no!” said Bibi, looking devastated. “What’s the matter with you? Please don’t say you won’t be in the swimming gala either!”
I shrugged, “Dunno,” and started to walk off, but Bibi stopped me.
“What’s the matter?” she asked quite sternly. “Something’s really wrong, I can tell. You’re not acting normal.”
I closed my eyes, then opened them slowly, wondering if I could be bothered to tell the whole horrible story again. In the end I sighed and just gave her the bare facts in a flat blah-blah voice, about the messages and how they connected to things which had actually happened. Bibi’s eyes widened when I said the words missing link, and I’m missing you. Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh no, and Hannah’s costume went missing!” she murmured, looking pale. I didn’t say anything to that, but just finished off with how I’d wanted to prove to myself that it was definitely Felissia and then it would all have been sorted. “Only it didn’t exactly work out like that,” I said heavily, “because even though I proved it to myself, it doesn’t actually prove a thing to the teachers, and anyway Felissia is basically saying she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, so that’s the end of that.”
Bibi stayed still as a statue for a few seconds, then suddenly put her hand on my arm and gave me an urgent look. “Did you tell anyone the bit about why you thought Hannah’s costume had gone missing?”
I shook my head. “You told me not to mention it, so I didn’t.”
“Right! See you later!” And with that she was gone, so I turned and trudged slowly back to Hazeldean, wondering if there really was something wrong with me, I had so little energy.
The rest of that day was a bit of a blur. My brain seemed to shut down and my body ached. I went straight to bed, and when Jess got back from art club she got Matron to see me. Then Miss Carol came along too. I had my temperature taken twice and they both asked me lots of questions about what exactly was the matter with me, but I didn’t even have the energy to speak, and I could feel my eyes balancing tears that I knew would drop onto my cheeks if I dared to blink, so I turned away and let them roll onto the pillow.
It was only six o’clock but I was already sliding into sleep, dreaming that I was locked in the swimming pool building and all the teachers were saying that unless I got in the pool and swam sixty lengths straight away I wouldn’t be allowed out. It was a relief to wake up after that nightmare, but in no time at all I found myself in another dream where I was locked out of the swimming pool building, banging on the door and screaming, “Let me in!” But Felissia was behind the door, laughing and pointing at me, saying, “No, Grace! No race!” over and over again.
Sometime later Jess leaned over me and whispered, “Night, Grace.”
I managed to say “Night” back and she told me in her gentlest voice that I didn’t have to worry because Miss Carol was sorting everything out. And then Miss Carol wa
s patting my arm and saying, “Sleep well. You’ll feel better in the morning.” So then I dreamed that Miss Carol was going round the whole school looking for Hannah’s costume, but she never found it.
It was dark when I next woke up. By the light of my little bedside lamp I saw that my watch said six thirty-five. I felt wide awake, and it was no wonder because I’d been asleep for ages. I sat up in bed and thought about everything that had happened the day before. I also remembered with a shock that this was the day of the swimming gala. I was expecting to feel depressed, but in fact I felt fine and couldn’t work out why that was. Then I remembered what Jess had said to me about Miss Carol sorting everything out. I was desperate to wake Jess up and ask what exactly she meant by that, but it would be cruel to cut off her sleep when she had another twenty-five minutes to go.
I got up to go to the loo, noticing that the lead weights seemed to have left my legs and my whole body felt lighter. On the way back I saw Matron coming out of her room. She asked me how I was feeling and I said I thought I was all right, but I couldn’t tell for sure yet. She nodded and said, “Good!” Then her eyes lit up. “We want our best swimmers on fine form today.”
When I got back to the dorm, Naomi and Mia were both sitting up in bed, and Jess woke up a moment later at the sound of Naomi’s voice asking me how I was feeling.
“Guess what!” said Jess as soon as she saw me. Then she tumbled into the fastest gabble I’d ever heard her use. “Bibi told Hannah what you said about Felissia and everything, and Hannah went straight to Mrs. Ansell. We all met up at supper and Bibi told us Mrs. Ansell’s lent Hannah her own swimsuit and Hannah’s over the moon because it’s a really trendy one. And Mrs. Ansell came to see Miss Carol during prep – we saw them saying bye to each other when we came out at the end. So then I asked to see Miss Carol and I went mad and said it wasn’t fair that no one believed you about Felissia and now you were ill because you were so upset. And Miss Carol said I wasn’t to worry any more because it had all been sorted out, and I said that I didn’t care about me worrying, I only cared about you worrying, so that’s why she came to see you last night…” Jess suddenly stopped talking and looked at me carefully. “You do remember her coming in when you were half asleep, don’t you?”