She stiffened. “Don’t you think this is more important than all that?”
Had anything ever been more important than fighting to him? The one thing he knew he was truly good at? The one aspect in his life that had helped him focus his energy and his anger and determination? The thing that had saved him from a less-than-desirable life?
“Lindsay, I know how you feel about fighting, and I’m not saying you’re wrong. It can be brutal. Injuries can be intense. But fighting was my Turnaround program.”
She turned to look at him again, silent, waiting for him to continue.
“When I was sixteen, I was a mess. With my mom gone and a useless father I couldn’t depend on, I got involved with the wrong crowd. At first it was petty stuff—graffiti, breaking into the school after hours, drinking in the park... Then I stole a car.”
Her eyes widened and brought him back to his sixteen-year-old self when the judge had looked at him with disappointment in her eyes as she’d sentenced him to a year in juvenile detention.
“When I got out of juvie, things were worse, because at least inside I had consistency. Now, I had nothing.”
“Another way the system breaks down,” she said quietly.
He nodded. “Anyway, I saw an ad in the paper. The local boxing club was looking for someone to mop the floors after hours, clean the equipment, that sort of thing. And I didn’t want to go back to school...couldn’t afford to. So I applied for the job and then Coach Harvey taught me to fight. More than that, he taught me to respect myself and others, and taught me a level of discipline I’d never had before.”
She was nodding slowing, but he could tell, she still seemed hesitant to believe any good could come from such an intense, dangerous sport.
“Despite how I feel about fighting, I’m glad you had someone you could trust,” she said finally.
“Me, too. It turned my life around. I even went back for my GED a few years later.”
She sighed. “I guess I get it...sort of.”
He brought her hand to his lips. “I made some mistakes, I bounced back. I’m trying to give these kids the same option. I can’t force them to do the right thing, but I can be there for them if they choose to.”
“Well, at least you have a plan...and it seems to be working. I have no idea what I’m doing with Nathan’s children.”
“I think the first step is to start referring to them as yours,” he said gently.
* * *
“I NEVER WOULD have guessed it,” Lily said, taking a bite of her sandwich. She’d stopped by the clinic that evening with dinner and the two sat at the picnic table out back, where she’d sat with Noah just hours before.
The July sun beat down on the concrete, warming her bare feet and, for the first time in months, Lindsay didn’t feel stressed.
Ben was taking care of the girls after day care and picking the older children up at summer camp.
“Me, either,” she said. “But then, if someone had told me it would happen, I wouldn’t have believed anything that’s happened to me in the past few weeks.”
“So, will you admit you may have misjudged him?”
She sighed. Why did everyone always want to hear they were right? Besides, she still wasn’t convinced she was completely wrong about Noah. “You did hear the part about his time in jail?”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Juvenile detention is hardly jail...besides everyone has skeletons in their closet.”
That was true. She was certainly far from perfect. “Fine. He’s a good guy.”
“Speaking of... How are things with Ben?”
Lindsay groaned. “He’s been a godsend. I have no idea what I would have done with the girls this week without him and he’s even gotten Melissa to start acting like an eight-year-old instead of a hormonal pre-teen.” That was a respite she appreciated for however long they could delay it.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Is there something going on between you two?”
“No,” she answered honestly. “Wouldn’t it be so much easier if there was?” Why couldn’t her heart behave for once and choose the right guy? The guy who had a great job, a great future ahead of him; a guy the children adored.
Instead, it betrayed her at every sight of Noah, every touch from Noah, every thought of Noah.
“What are you going to do? I mean is he going to stick around and be your roommate, take care of the kids while you fall in love with Noah?”
“Do you think he would? Because that would be perfect,” she said with a wry laugh.
“You have to be fair to him, Lindsay. If you’re never going to be interested in something more with him, you have to tell him.”
Her friend was right, but she had no idea what to do once Ben left. And the kids would be devastated. “I know. I will.” She would...soon.
* * *
EVERYTHING WAS QUIET when she arrived home later that evening. The smell of chocolate filled the house and, kicking off her shoes, she followed it to the kitchen, where a tray of brownies sat on the cooling rack above the stove. Her stomach growled as she reached for one, silencing the voice in her mind that said eating pure sugar at ten o’clock at night wasn’t a good idea.
“I hope that’s not the first thing you’ve eaten today,” Ben said, appearing in the kitchen with Abby draped over his shoulder.
Lindsay jumped as she turned, but the sight of the baby girl resting peacefully made the brownie stick in her throat and she coughed. “No...” Cough. “I couldn’t resist. Was she having trouble sleeping?” She nodded toward the little girl.
“A bit.”
“Sorry I’m so late.”
She’d disappeared early that morning with Noah, leaving Ben with the children all day.
“You have to work. It’s okay,” he said.
Putting the brownie on a napkin, she advanced toward him. “Here, let me put her to bed.” The least she could do.
He gently placed the sleeping little girl in her arms.
“I’ll be right back. We should talk,” she whispered. She couldn’t postpone this discussion any longer. Any hope of developing feelings for Ben was vanishing the more time she spent with Noah. Lily was right: she had to tell him that so he could start thinking about his own next steps and how he wanted to move forward with a relationship with the kids.
At least, she assumed he’d want one.
After settling the little girl in her crib and checking on the other sleeping kids, she changed into a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt and reluctantly made her way back downstairs.
Ben sat at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of him and one across from him for her. “It’s decaf,” he said.
She laughed. “A triple espresso wouldn’t keep me awake, but thank you.” She sat and took a sip. “So, how were the kids today?”
“Great. The boys made pictures for you at summer camp...” He pointed to where they hung on the fridge with alphabet magnets—ones he must have bought because she’d never seen them before now. “And Mel has a new crush.”
“Right. Jon?”
“That was yesterday. Today is Gregory.”
So much for the reduction in hormones. “Great. Thanks for the update.”
The awkward silence between them was so thick she found it suffocating, and the hot coffee made her sweat. She cleared her throat. “Look, Ben, I appreciate your help,” she started.
“We make a good team,” he said.
“I’m not sure I’m pulling my weight, but thank you for saying that.”
“You’re doing fine,” he said, his tone reserved.
“About Noah this morning...” She stopped, hoping he’d fill in the blanks.
What about Noah? She still hadn’t really figured it out herself.
&n
bsp; Silence engulfed them until he finally saved her. “I’m not blind...I see that there’s something between you two. Something that doesn’t exist between us.” He paused and she tensed. “But, I’m hoping that could change. I care about you, Lindsay, and I love these kids... I think Nathan and Rachel knew what they were doing when they chose godparents.”
She winced. She didn’t want to think her brother’s matchmaking efforts went beyond the grave. They’d needed to appoint two people and they’d chosen her and Ben; that’s as far as that went.
“I’m not sure that was the case, but, either way, I don’t want to mislead you. I desperately appreciate your help with the kids, but I don’t want you to stay under false pretenses.”
“I’m a big boy, Lindsay. If I get hurt at the end of this, then that’s a chance I’m willing to take. I told you I’m here to help, and I’m not going to leave you with all of this responsibility.”
She swallowed hard. Why couldn’t she fall for him? Life would be so much simpler. “Ben, that’s sweet, but—”
“Shh. Don’t say it. Give me a chance, Lindsay. Give me a chance to win your heart.”
She sighed.
All right, Lily, any other great ideas?
CHAPTER NINE
AS IT TURNED OUT, Lily did have another idea about how they could share responsibility of the kids without her giving Ben false hope about where things were going between them.
Based on her work schedule, they’d created a timeshare system for the kids and posted it to the fridge with the new alphabet magnets. Everything for the week was divided between them: pick-ups and drop-offs, meals, bedtimes. They’d also warned the three oldest kids that Ben would be going back to Newark. They’d made sure it was understood that this situation was only temporary until school started again and a different routine could be established.
Lindsay wasn’t sure if Ben had completely gotten the message yet, but tonight was his evening for bedtimes, so she enjoyed her rare moment of relaxation. Sort of.
“Ladies, have any of you heard anything I’ve said?” Bailey asked from her mat at the front of the self-defense class at Extreme Athletics.
Lindsay wasn’t sure about the others, but she was certainly having a hard time keeping her eyes from straying across the gym to where Noah and Brandon were training.
In tight-fitting boxers and a T-shirt, the muscles in Noah’s thighs and arms strained as he kicked and punched the heavy bag, attacking the leather with an intensity that was both exciting and also a little intimidating.
She couldn’t tear her eyes away.
He was so focused she doubted he even knew she was in the room.
“Seriously, ladies. Pay attention. What are you going to do if you get attacked?”
“Hope that Noah’s around,” Kayla Dawson replied, sitting on her mat to watch the men across the gym.
An overwhelming sense of jealousy overcame Lindsay. Which was ridiculous. It wasn’t as if they were a couple.
Who was she kidding? She liked him. A lot. Made even more evident by the fact she’d wanted to see him so badly, she’d attended this tough class of Bailey’s.
Bailey sighed as her own gaze drifted across the gym. “He is distracting.”
“Hey, remember me, Bailey? Your new husband?” Ethan said from his attacker position behind her. He’d been volunteering to act as her assistant since she’d started the Thursday-night class.
“Right. Okay. Eyes to the front, ladies,” Bailey said, all business once again.
Lindsay was relieved when Noah winked at her as he packed up and left about twenty minutes later. With him gone, it was definitely easier to learn the defensive techniques. Though what she’d really wanted was to follow him out of the gym.
After the class was over, she lingered.
“Everything okay, Linds?” Bailey asked, sitting on the floor to put on her running shoes.
“Yeah. Hey, Bailey. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. But if it’s something you missed during the class because you were drooling over Noah, then I may refuse to answer.”
“How good is he?” She had to know. From what she’d observed of his training, he was quick and on-point...and definitely strong.
“Noah? At fighting, you mean?”
Lindsay nodded, sitting on the corner of Bailey’s mat. Over the past few days, his request for her to attend his fight had played over and over in her mind. One minute she thought she could actually do it then her common sense returned.
What if he got hurt? She didn’t think she could handle witnessing it firsthand. Tending to his previous injuries had been tough enough when she hadn’t seen them occur.
“He’s fantastic. His record is six and oh, and four of them have been from submitting some more advanced fighters.”
“That’s a good thing?”
“Yes. He’s undefeated, and for a guy with a boxing background who only started to train MMA seriously last year, he’s definitely surprising a lot of people.” She paused. “He asked you to go to his fight?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to go?” Bailey stood as Ethan joined them on the mat.
Lindsay stood, as well, feeling her thighs aching already. “I don’t think so. I mean I don’t think I could handle seeing him get hurt,” she said, shaking her head. She cared about him too much to watch him be a punching bag for another fighter.
Ethan looked confused. “Are we talking about Noah?”
“Yes.”
“In that case, I think the question you should be asking yourself is how you will feel watching him hurt someone else.”
She hadn’t even thought of that.
* * *
“UH-OH...” ETHAN SAID next to him behind the front desk of the fire hall the next morning.
“What?” Noah asked to his friend’s disappearing back as the front door opened and Darlene Dawson walked in.
Oh. That uh-oh. He knew why she was here. She’d left three voice mails this week that no one had returned. “Hi, Mrs. D.,” he said, silently cursing Ethan. The captain of the fire squad really should be the one to deal with this.
She smiled, and the effect transformed the older woman’s face. In her sixties, Mrs. Dawson didn’t look a day over forty. Even her light blond, graying hair looked as if it had been dyed that way. Intentional.
“Noah, just the man I was looking for.”
He suspected she’d have said that to anyone sitting there. She was on a mission, in her slim-fitting pantsuit and clutching a briefcase. “What can I help you with?”
“Well, as you know, tomorrow is the Fourth of July and as usual we have the fair in town as well as some fund-raising events happening at the park...and I need more volunteers.”
She always got straight to the point. He liked that about her.
“Well, I’m not sure who’s working that day...” He grinned as he reached for the schedule. “But I’d be happy to give you the names and cell numbers of the guys who aren’t.”
Her face lit up. “That would be great. And I assume I can count on you, as well?”
Saying no to Mrs. Dawson was near impossible. She was sweet, kind and just slightly flirtatious—and it worked. All the time. “Sure. Where do you need me?”
Opening her briefcase, she pulled out the schedule for the day’s events and scanned the list. “I still need a dunkee.”
“A what?”
“A dunkee for the dunk tank. It’s one of our most popular zones.”
“Uh, Mrs. D., do you have anything else I could do?”
He couldn’t swim and water wasn’t really his thing. Brandon was constantly trying to convince him to add swimming to his workout schedule, claiming the light impact on his joints was safer than running for cardio closer to his f
ights to prevent injury. But after a close call at the beach in Beach Haven with his father when he was a kid, water had never looked appealing.
“Look, I’ll be honest with you. I’ve had volunteers for that zone, but no one that will—” she eyed his biceps beneath his uniform shirt “—draw a good crowd.”
Unbelievable. Now he was eye candy?
He laughed as he shook his head, feeling heat creep across his neck. He could get hit on all day by women, but Mrs. Dawson had a special way of embarrassing him with her compliments.
“I need someone who will encourage the women to step up and spend money to try to dunk them.”
“Let me see if some of the other guys can help out. Mark Adams is in great shape and, as an added bonus, he’s dated and ticked off almost every woman in town. What better motivation to draw women in?”
She bit her lip. “Good point. But I’ll still need one more. I can’t expect someone to sit there for ten hours. This zone is so important. It’s for the medical clinic and, unfortunately, they depend on these events for funding.”
He understood perfectly. His own pleas for funding from the town were repeatedly shot down. “Who’s running the medical booth?”
“Lindsay Harper and Melanie Smith.”
He didn’t hesitate. “I’m in.”
The woman eyed him suspiciously. “Thank you...I was expecting more of a fight.”
He shrugged. “The clinic is a great cause.”
“Well, I guess you do use their services more than most,” she said. “And it wouldn’t have anything to do with—”
“Nope, nothing at all.” He handed her the staff list. “Here you go. As promised, the names and cell numbers.”
* * *
LINDSAY SAT ACROSS from Mrs. Dawson at Joey’s Diner later that day. The fifties-style restaurant on Main Street was the go-to place for meetings, family brunch...just about any get-together in the small town.
“Sorry again about having the girls with me. Ben had work to do today.” She wiped ice cream off Abigail’s chin at the same time Mackenzie reached for her coffee cup. “Whoa!” She caught the cup just in time.
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