Buckeye Dreams

by Jennifer A. Davids

  “May I, Uncle Jonah?”

  “Yes. Let your ma know where you’re going.”

  “Thank you!” He scrambled over the fence and made a beeline for the house.

  Jonah and the reverend looked out over the cattle for a few minutes before the clergyman turned to him. “How have you been doing, Jonah?”

  Jonah had known Reverend Warren all his life. The question wasn’t just polite conversation. “I want to come back to church.”

  “I know, but I also know something’s holding you back. Is it spiritual?”

  “No.” Jonah nodded toward his rifle, which he unfortunately hadn’t failed to grab as he left the house. “I can’t seem to let go of some things.” He paused for a moment, not wanting to voice what he’d been thinking the past several days. “I’m beginning to wonder if I should have been sent down to the asylum in Columbus.”

  Reverend Warren frowned. “I wasn’t going to say anything to Adele or your brother, but a lot of things could have been avoided if they had consulted me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You remember my nephew, Andrew?”

  Jonah nodded. The reverend’s brother lived ten miles west of Ostrander and had visited with his family frequently as Jonah was growing up. Andrew Warren had been a fun-loving young man who wanted to be a minister like his uncle.

  “He was very badly wounded early on in the war,” the reverend continued. “They weren’t sure if he would make it. His ma went down to the hospital in Washington to nurse him. They ended up discharging him from service. Physically, he was all right. But his mind … I visited them several times after they brought him home.”

  He looked Jonah in the eye. “The young man I saw wasn’t Andrew. Not the one I’d once known, at any rate. He was afraid of everything and couldn’t keep still. And he would go off into the woods to be by himself.”

  Jonah looked at Reverend Warren in alarm as his heart began to pound. He had confided in the clergyman several weeks ago about his walks.

  “No, Jonah, not like you,” the reverend reassured him. “He would go off for days, and half the time he didn’t realize what he was doing. His pa would have to go after him and bring him back. He tried to go back to school but couldn’t concentrate on anything. It finally got to be too much for them to handle. My brother eventually sent him to an asylum in Dayton.” The reverend placed a hand on Jonah’s shoulder and squeezed it. “You’ve been angry, and it can’t be denied the war is having its way with you, but you never belonged down in Columbus. I truly doubted the wisdom in Adele’s decision to marry you to keep Daniel from sending you there, but God has worked it out for the best.”

  Jonah thought back to her blunt words that had finally started him down the road to healing. No doctor would have talked to him that way. And no doctor could have related to his crisis of faith as she had. But what had she sacrificed just to help him?

  “How did He work this out for the best? She should have married someone she loved.” Dr. Kelly leaped into his thoughts. When they met in the spring, the man was obviously in love with her, in spite of her marriage to Jonah. Had she returned those feelings? Had she sacrificed happiness with him? Jonah couldn’t imagine Adele being with someone like the doctor.

  Reverend Warren interrupted his thoughts. “I think she did marry someone who loves her very much.”

  Jonah froze.

  The reverend continued. “I’ve known you, Nate, and Adele all your lives. You may have hidden it from her, but I saw from the start how you felt about her. And how you still feel about her.”

  Jonah looked away. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Nate’s gone, Jonah. She’s your wife now.”

  “He loved her. And she still loves him.”

  “Of course she does. She probably always will. I don’t know of any widow who wouldn’t. But Nate’s been gone for years. She’s moved on. What will you do if you wake up one day and discover she’s fallen in love with you?”

  Jonah thought of the way her blue eyes had looked at him last night and this afternoon, and his head swam. He shook it off. “We should get back to the house. Adele was making coffee.”

  The reverend didn’t press the issue, and they didn’t speak the entire way back to the house.

  Adele, Minnie, and little Anne were sitting on the parlor sofa when they came in. Adele looked at him in concern. Something caught in his chest, and he felt his face soften as he gave her a small smile of reassurance. She returned his smile and got them coffee.

  Jonah leaned against the mantel while insisting the reverend sit in the high-backed chair near the sofa. The clergyman gave him a quick glance but turned his full attention to Adele and asked after Will, who had not eaten with them.

  “The Williamses invited him over for dinner,” she explained.

  “Ah, I see. I’m glad they seemed to warm up to him.”

  “Well, with the wonderful things he’s done with that old property of yours, I can’t say I’m surprised. And Dr. Kelly never showed much interest in Clara,” Minnie said. “Strange that he seems intent on being a bachelor, don’t you think, Adele?”

  Adele frowned, and Jonah wondered just what she felt for the doctor.

  “I suppose,” she said quickly. “Will showed us the ring he intends to give Miss Williams. It belonged to his grandmother. I am very glad. Clara is such a nice girl. It will be good to have her for a neighbor.”

  “Speaking of neighbors, I hear Ben Carr is just about done settling his uncle’s property,” the reverend said. “He’ll be leaving to go back west after the county fair.”

  Jonah’s conscience pricked him. He needed to speak to Ben before he left. Ironically, the young man was now avoiding him. Over the past few months, Jonah had come to realize how unfairly he treated Ben. He started to say as much, but someone knocked on the front door.

  “That can’t be Jake,” Jonah said as he went to answer it. He frowned when he saw Dr. Kelly standing there.

  “May I come in?” the doctor asked.

  Jonah nodded and stiffly stood aside to allow him to enter. He led him into the parlor and saw that Adele looked at him gravely for a moment before schooling her face to a more neutral expression.

  Anne did as she always did with new people—she inched closer to Adele, who put her arm around the little girl and nodded at the doctor.

  “Dr. Kelly, how nice to see you,” Adele said.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Kirby, but I’m sad to say I’m not here on a social call.” He turned to the reverend. “I’m glad you’re here, Reverend Warren. Henry Porter asked me to come fetch Jonah, and I think you should come along, too.”

  “What is it?” Adele asked. Jonah noticed the guarded look she gave the doctor.

  “Something that concerns your husband in particular,” he replied quietly. She looked away, but Dr. Kelly’s eyes never left her.

  Jonah’s face hardened. “Then let’s see what it is,” Jonah said. He went to the door and picked up his rifle. “If you don’t mind, we’ll follow the doctor in your buggy, Reverend.”

  The three set out and were soon at Henry Porter’s farm. Eliza, Henry’s wife, was standing out in front of the house. Jonah nodded to her, and she gave him a hesitant nod in return. Two of Henry’s sons came and took charge of the horses and buggies.

  The doctor indicated they should follow him. He led them east through the Porters’ fields and north along the property line that met up with Jonah’s.

  Jonah’s brow furrowed. What on earth was going on? Had Henry accidentally killed one of his animals? That was impossible. All his pastures were on the east end of the farm—his property and the Porters’ met on the west side. The only thing on the northwest part of his property was the land that had belonged to Daniel. As they approached Henry, the metallic smell of blood hit Jonah full force. He paused for a moment.

  Dr. Kelly looked back at him. “Are you all right?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

  “I’m fine,” he replied through gr
itted teeth. He took a deep breath and swept past him to where Henry stood. He offered his hand, and the older man shook it firmly.

  “Thanks for coming, Jonah. I’m afraid I’ve got a terrible mess here.”

  “What on earth?” the reverend said as he pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and covered his mouth.

  “It’s blood,” Jonah said quietly and looked at the doctor.

  The man looked at him intently. “Unfortunately, he’s right. The poor animal is this way.”

  Jonah stepped into the brush and saw a deer, completely gutted. As he looked at the creature’s mangled body, he grasped a young tree. He was back at Kennesaw Mountain just before he was captured. Was that one of his men who he’d been sitting with around the campfire the night before? He shook his head. The deer was there again, and he turned to Henry. “Another rabid animal?”

  “Hardly,” Dr. Kelly said. “A rabid animal wouldn’t have left so much edible meat. And there’s evidence that someone used a knife on the poor creature. A human being did this. Look again.”

  “I’d rather not,” Reverend Warren said. He had never been much of a hunter. “Let’s get back into some fresh air.”

  They stepped out into Henry’s field and walked a few paces south.

  “Mr. Porter has found several animals the past few days,” the doctor said.

  “Deer, most of them, just like this one,” Henry said.

  Jonah let them talk. He was still trying to rid his mind of the horrible sight and gripped his rifle tighter, trying to get his hands to stop shaking. Reverend Warren looked at him, and he nodded, reassuring him.

  “Someone destroying an animal in such a way is certainly not well,” the doctor said, looking at Jonah.

  Jonah stiffened, and he glared back at him. “What are you trying to say?”

  “Did you take a walk this morning?”

  He started toward Dr. Kelly, but Reverend Warren grabbed his arm. “Wait just a minute,” the reverend said. “Just because Henry found these animals so near the property line doesn’t mean Jonah did this.”

  “You carry a pocketknife, don’t you, Mr. Kirby?” the doctor asked.

  “So does every other man in the county,” Henry retorted. “And how does someone with just a pocketknife do something like this? I didn’t ask you to bring him here for you to accuse him.”

  “It’s all right.” Jonah looked the doctor in the eye. “I walked yesterday morning.”

  Dr. Kelly’s eyes darted elsewhere, and he almost looked disappointed.

  Jonah glanced at Mr. Porter. “When did you find this one, Henry?”

  “Just this morning,” Henry replied. “Anyway, I asked you here to warn you. I know you go out early and walk around your property.” Jonah opened his mouth to explain, but Henry stopped him. “I’ve seen you from time to time. Always was an early bird. Anyway, I figured you’re still trying to work out the war and all, and I haven’t told anyone.” He shot a look at the doctor. “Things like that should be kept private-like. I wanted you to know what’s been going on so you could stay safe.”

  “I don’t walk as often as I used to,” Jonah replied. “Only been going out about once a week. But when I do, I’ll keep an eye out.”

  “I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better,” the older farmer said. “With you and me keeping a good watch out, we’ll get this fellow in no time.”

  “Now wait,” Dr. Kelly said. “Whoever is doing this will not stop at simply killing animals.”

  Henry looked at him doubtfully. “What makes you so sure?”

  “I know from experience during my education in Philadelphia.”

  “Well, my experience tells me Jonah’s not doing this. Me and my boys will be keeping a good watch out. If this keeps up, we’ll catch him.”

  “Let’s just hope he doesn’t take to killing a human being first.” Dr. Kelly walked around the others and back toward the Porter farmhouse.

  As Jonah watched him leave, he remembered something Reverend Warren had said about Andrew, that he had gone off in the woods without even realizing it. What if he was doing the same thing?

  “Jonah, you could not be doing this,” Adele said.

  The Warrens had just left, and Jonah sat at the secretary, elbows on his knees, hands clasped, and looking at the floor. He had told her everything that had happened, including the brief moment he thought he’d been back at Kennesaw Mountain.

  “I would know if you left the house and were not yourself.”

  “How do you know? I know you wake up whenever I do, but what if I do this so quietly you don’t hear me?” He leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair.

  Adele frowned at the worried look on his face. She wished she could smooth the lines from his brow and make all his troubles go away. Then a thought came to her. “Jonah, she would hear you.” Adele was sitting on the sofa with Anne curled up beside her. The girl’s head lay in her lap. She gently stroked her hair, and the girl moved slightly and opened groggy eyes. Seeing Jonah, she smiled sleepily and waved before returning to sleep. “She sleeps very lightly,” Adele whispered after a moment or two.

  The little smile he had given Anne faded from his face. “But would she wake you if she heard me?”

  “She wakes me if she hears a tree branch against the window,” Adele said with a gentle smile. Jonah looked doubtful, and she went on. “I know you. You would not do this.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” he said hesitantly.

  “I know I am,” she declared. “I cannot imagine what Dr. Kelly was thinking.” Her voice faltered on the last words, and she looked down. Of course she knew what he was thinking. Jonah noticed the catch in her voice, and she could feel his eyes on her.

  “What went on between you two before we were married?”

  Adele glanced up and opened her mouth then shut it again. He frowned at her. “Any fool can see he has feelings for you.”

  “Yes, he does.” She bit her lip at the warmth she saw rising in her husband’s eyes. In spite of the fact they had not married for love, she knew Jonah felt the sanctity of their vows should be respected. “Jonah, I never returned those feelings. I have never seen him as anything more than a friend. It has been difficult for him to accept that.”

  She watched with relief as the heat left his face. He didn’t need anything else to worry him now. As he nodded at her and rose, a thought crossed her mind. Gently moving Anne’s little head from her lap to the couch, she walked over to where he stood at the parlor door. “I was thinking. You do not want to walk anymore. I am awake when you are. If you wish, I could come to your room and sit with you.”

  “No!” To her surprise, an almost-panicked look crossed his face.

  “We could talk. We are husband and wife. It would not be improper.”

  “No … I … no.” He went to the door and took his rifle from the corner. “I think I’ll go down to the creek and see how Jake is doing.”

  Adele blinked in surprise. She had never wondered why Jonah had insisted they not share a bed. They were friends, and he needed time to work out his problems. It wouldn’t have been right. But what harm could come for her to sit in his room with him and simply talk?

  Anne wiggled and opened her brown eyes. Adele smiled at her, and she smiled back. “Ma, is Pa okay?” she asked.

  The question startled her. It was the first time she had addressed either one of them in such a way. Ma and Pa? Had she really become so attached to them so quickly? If someone should come for her … but the little girl blinked her large brown eyes and smiled at her.

  Adele’s heart melted along with her questions. “Pa will be all right, little one.” She scooped up the little girl and swung her in a circle.

  Anne laughed and laughed and nestled herself in Adele’s arms as Adele carried her into the kitchen.

  Chapter 10

  The sharp, clear blue of a late September Ohio sky greeted them as Jonah drove the wagon down the creek road toward Delaware to the county fair. A
nne sat between Adele and Jonah while Jacob sat in the wagon bed. Will was escorting Clara Williams, and Cyrus, ever the hermit, stayed home to look after the farm. It was the third and final day of the fair, and Jacob and Adele would find out today how their entries had fared.

  “I bet you’ll get the first-place premium, Ma,” Jake said as they drove through the sleepy little town of Bellepoint. “There wasn’t a quilt there that was better.”

  Adele smiled good-naturedly at her son’s biased remark. “It is only a baby’s quilt, my son. I saw another there, which will probably win.”

  “That one by Mrs. Campbell down in Liberty Township doesn’t hold a candle to yours,” Jonah said, glancing over at her. “The pattern you used is the same one Ma used the year she won.”

  “It’s a good thing you two are not judging. I think I would win every category whether I entered or not,” she replied. Jonah gave her a shy smile before returning his attention to the road, and Adele found her heart pounding with happiness. He was growing more like his old self every day. Well, almost.

  Something in his eyes and manner told her he would never truly be the same man he had been before the war. Scars will always remain even after the wounds are healed, she thought. And his wounds were certainly healing. He had not walked at all this week, and more importantly, he had spent the last two days without his gun.

  When they had arrived on the first day of the fair, Jonah had been asked by a fair official to leave his weapon in the wagon. He’d been surly and nervous at first, but Jacob had diverted his attention by asking to go see the livestock stalls. As he walked, he became more relaxed and, at the end of the day, seemed quite pleased to have realized he hadn’t noticed its absence. And when they returned home, he’d been able to leave it by the front door while he, Will, Jacob, and Cyrus did the evening chores. He still slept with it nearby, and even now the weapon was under the seat of the wagon, but he and Adele both thought they could see the beginning of the end.